The next day was horrible. Everything passed by at an agonizingly slow pace. Breakfast, school, and then the drive home. People spoke to me but words never left my lips. I was in deep thought and nothing was able to pull me out of it.

After school instead of driving to the Cullen's home like I had told Jasper I would, I went home. The only thing that I had been able to make sense of was the realization that I couldn't, wouldn't continue this relationship with Jasper.

I would never be able to hurt Alice like that. She would see everything before it happened and I knew it would kill her. I was surprised she hadn't seen us almost kiss. Or maybe she had and was at this moment thinking about how much she hates me and how horrible of a friend I am.

Also, entering into a relationship with him would be suicide for my fragile state. I don't mean physically. Edward's mark still ran deep in me and I knew just how in love Jasper was with Alice and anything with me would never last. He'd soon enough realize that I was a pathetic human and run back to the love of his existence.

At home I threw a casserole in the oven and then went upstairs to attempt some homework. But, who was I kidding? I couldn't concentrate and ended up staring out the window deep in thought. My mind was so far away it startled me when I saw an angel on my front lawn. I jumped slightly before becoming inexplicably happy. Which then turned to sadness at the words I knew I had to speak.

In his eyes I saw him silently asking to be allowed up. I nodded my head to him and a small smile spread over his face.

He was in my room in a flash, leaning against the window. I couldn't help but think about how beautiful he looked in his dark grey button-up shirt with rolled sleeves and dark blue jean pants. I tore my eyes away and concentrated on my twiddling fingers.

He broke the silence first. "You didn't come to my house. I was worried, darlin'."

My eyes bore into my hands. "I'm sorry for worrying you." I said in a small voice. I sneaked a peek at him and was again stunned by his beauty. Strong muscular arms that would never hold me with all the love they could offer, perfect smooth lips that would never meet mine, sweet smoldering eyes that would never hold the affection for me that they would for another. I tormented myself with these revelations and held back a sob.

He was kneeling next to me in an instant with both hands on my shoulders. "Bella, what's wrong?"

My emotions pooled out of me in a shameful manner. I decided then that I had to tell him everything I was feeling and then send him back to Alice.

I finally met his gaze when I spoke. "Jasper, I feel things for you that I only ever felt for one person. And it kills me when I feel those same emotions coming off of you. Because I know that no matter how much I want to keep you as my own, I can't. I know you'll always love Alice and I can't let myself come in the way of that. And even if I wanted to I'm not sure I could let you in."

His face was torn and shrouded with pain. "Bella, I have to disagree with you. Nothing could stop me from wanting to be with you. Not Alice or anyone else. You're the own I'm supposed to be with so there's nothing for you to get in the way of, darlin'." His eyes were pleading with me to believe him. "And please don't make me pay for my brother's mistakes." I had to drop my eyes at the mention of him. "Bella, I won't lie to you . . . he loved you so much but thought by leaving you he was protecting you. But, darlin', I love you so much that I could never leave you. . ." He lifted my chin so I would meet his gaze. "Please, let me show you how much I love you."

I stared into his eyes which were smoldering with emotions. I could see that he loved me. In those gorgeous, golden eyes I saw a life filled with love and happiness that had been torn away from me and I wanted it very, very badly.

But I couldn't be the one to tear it away from someone else. "Go back to Alice, you belong with her."

His hand fell from my face and he stepped away from me. But, his eyes were boring into mine with a fierce intensity. His next words were spoken softly but with an undeniable ferocity. "I belong with you."

He turned from me and walked to window but paused. "Will you go somewhere with me? Tomorrow?"

Though the better half of me wanted to tell him no, the stronger side of me felt that I should. Maybe I could get some closer. "Yes." I could only manage a whisper.

"Can I pick you up at eight?" he asked.

I thought it over for a brief second. Tomorrow was Saturday. Charlie was going fishing with Billy and Harry. "Ok." I whispered and then he disappeared out my window.

With unsure feet I scrambled to the bathroom and splashed cold water on my flushed face. My heart beat was fanatic in my chest and I took several deep breathes to calm myself. Then I remembered that I had promised my best friend Jake I would hang out with him tomorrow.

I ran downstairs to the phone and dialed Jake's number. It rang for a moment and then his husky voice came through the line. "Hello."

"Hey, Jake."

His voice perked up perceptibly. "Hey, Bells, what's up?"

I took a deep breath and made up a quick lie. I'd been getting a little better at this. I told him that weeks ago I told Angela that I would hang out with her. Jake was sad but understanding and I promised that Sunday I'd go to La Push.

One stray thought ran through me head. Should I let someone know who I'm with, just in case? As soon as I had thought it I rebuked it. I could see that Jasper had grown a lot and could now say with confidence that he wouldn't hurt me. Deep, deep down I believed that Jasper Cullen was in love with me the same way I was in with him.