"Not quite the Space Needle, is it?" I ask, revealing my presence. I knew I would find Max up here, she needed to get away from all the stress. I had snuck away, hoping that we would have a chance to talk. With everything that had happened, I needed to reassure myself she was okay.
"Works just as well," she said, not raising her eyes. Fine, if she's going to be difficult, I will too. I sit, hoping to surprise her. Or we could be alone in our misery together at least.
~*~*~
It's
amazing
how you make your face just like a wall
how you take your heart and turn it off
how I turn my head and lose it all
~*~*~
"You're doing a good job Max." I offer, trying to break the silence.
"Whatever. In case you're blind as well as stupid, we have 300 soldiers, some of them 6 years old, in a toxic waste dump with limited resources. There's no chance of getting out of the situation alive, because everyone in the free world wants us dead. Now that they know we exist, sweeping us aside won't work anymore." She's copping an attitude again, as if her playing the invincible tough ass makes her one. I see right through it, the way I always have.
"Not everyone." There's another pause. "So if you're going to end up dead anyways, why don't you tell me the truth?"
"About what?" .
"You and Alec."
"Hey, you're the one that saw us. Get a clue. Alec gets me, you don't. How could you, you can't even walk." Trying to exploit my weakness. How wonderfully predictable.
"I thought that didn't matter to you?"
~*~*~
It's
unnerving
how just one move puts me by myself
there you go just trusting someone else
now I know I put us both through hell
~*~*~
"Have you given any thought to the meaning of the runes?"
"Yeah, I'm the Holy Grail."
"Glad to see you can still be a bitch."
"Thanks." She stands, and somehow I know that if I let her get away with it one more time there will never be any hope. There's a time to stop running, and she needs to get there. An illogical thought runs through my head.
"Stay." Not meant as a command, but it has the same effect.
"Woof, woof. Feline DNA, remember?"
"My bad."
~*~*~
I'm not saying
there wasn't nothing wrong
I just didn't think you'd ever get tired of me
I'm not saying
we ever had the right to hold on
I just didn't wanna let it get away from me
~*~*~
The mask that she had so carefully erected has a flaw. Not fatal, but observable if you know her as well as I do. Despite a tough chick exterior, her eyes give her away. And when she asks me how I could turn off emotions so easily, I almost laugh. She's an expert at hiding hers, yet she can not tell when someone else is concealing their emotions. But it looks like my ridiculous idea may have merit.
~*~*~
But
if that's how it's gonna leave
straight out from underneath
then we'll see who's sorry now
If that's how it's gonna stand, when
you know you've been depending on
the one you're leaving now
the one you're leaving out
~*~*~
"How could I turn off emotions that easily?" I scoff, disbelieving that I was going to do this. I love her so much, and the mere thought of me doing this to her, to prey on her pain the way she had preyed on mine, disgusted me. But I had no choice. The words were out of my mouth before reason could set in. "It's not all that hard if there isn't an emotion to turn off. Because when all was said and done, I took an evaluation, and realized that I never loved you. C'mon Max, I just wanted to lay ya…don't look so shocked. You're hot, and that's about all you have going for you. You're a heartless bitch, and I actually let It hurt me. You know that? I, Logan Cale, was actually hurt by you. Because I was convinced I loved you. The Cales don't try and get women to sleep with them. They'd rather pay for the service. But I wanted to see if I could do it. You think I cooked dinner for you because I felt something for you? Get real. Emotions are a weakness. Why should I care who you sleep with? And don't tell me it's over, because there never was anything to be over. Have a nice life."
~*~*~
It's aggravating
how you threw me on
and you tore me out
how your good intentions turn to doubt
the way you needed time to sort it out
~*~*~
I stand up, willing to do anything if I could take those words back. But hot headed pride just shattered the one thing that had given me joy when I was depressed. Tears sting my eyes, so I hurry. I've come too far to let my façade be ruined now.
~*~*~
Tell me is that how it's going to end
when you know you've been depending on
the one you're leaving now
and the one you're leaving out