Fated Alternative – Chapter 22
The theft of A Life
Anko rushed behind Kiba as the frantic dog moved almost too fast to keep up with, but when he abruptly halted, she could feel the fear shiver up her spine. Akamaru circled an area, huffing so loud that they would likely be caught soon if he didn't calm down.
"What is it, boy?" Kiba hushed out, crouching down and watching the large white dog attack a trail.
Akamaru gave a soft growl near a tree.
"It's him, he says," Kiba acknowledged urgently, but seemed to be stuck fast in his current spot.
"Move!" Anko snapped, checking Kiba out of her way and darting to the tree Akamaru was growling beside. Later she would admit that she was absolutely unprepared for what she would find. A discarded bloody kunai was the first thing she noticed, and as she moved glacially in a wide circle around the tree, Anko could soon after see the pale, half open hand next to it - blood covered, and horribly still.
As she shuffled closer still, unusual tears pricking her eyes, Anko stopped and crouched down to look on the ashen, lifeless face of the man she'd known for more years than she could recall. "Oh no," she choked out, slapping her hands over her open mouth. "Oh, Kakashi…"
"Is he…?" Kiba asked, finally moving closer. He stood behind Anko and gazed at the expired body of the famous Hatake Kakashi. Blood thickly coated his vest and pants, and there were gashes and rips throughout his clothes. His head was turned to the side, mouth slightly parted, and eyes mercifully shut. Gently, Kiba put a hand on Anko's shoulder to find her shaking violently as soft sobs began to whimper from her. It was only perhaps five seconds they stood like that, but it felt like an hour.
Sudden footfalls pulled them from their shock and grief as Neji and Genma arrived, huffing and breathing heavy. Sakura was sure to be right behind.
Anko turned and looked at Genma as the growing early-morning light began to reveal the horror they had stumbled upon. "He's dead, Genma. We were too late," she said with no pretense, tears sliding down her cheeks and dripping from her chin.
"What?!" Genma lurched forward, nudging between Kiba and Anko so that his own eyes could verify the truth. "Kakashi…" he whispered painfully.
It was then that Sakura arrived, choking out heavy breaths and sweating. It'd surprised Genma that she could manage to continue with everything that had happened, but when her feet hit the ground behind them, their stunned and weary faces told her everything.
"Show me!" she shouted. Neji hushed her as there were enemy all around still looking for Kakashi. But she didn't wait for an answer as she barrelled through everyone.
Anko was visibly shaking with Kiba holding her arm tightly, ensuring her weak knees kept her upright. Genma's eyes had filled with wetness and Neji was staring at the ground. But Sakura wasn't willing to let him go as easily as they were. If there was even a minute chance to save him, she would give everything she had left to try.
She moved forward but Genma grabbed her arms. "Sakura, don't..."
"Move," she hissed, pushing Genma hard as she rushed through everyone to kneel at the side of Kakashi's lifeless form. He was lying on his back – kunai and shuriken in his legs and stomach. Blood was everywhere. She hovered her hand over his chest, employing a tiny amount of chakra to check him. A shot of fear ran through her to see that his heart had well and truly stopped. As gently as her medical skills could manage, she began to draw her waning chakra around his heart to pump it rhythmically.
"Neji!" she called urgently as she worked. He rushed forward and she gave him a quick glance. "Please, lend me your chakra. I'm almost out and I'll need as much as you can spare."
The Hyuuga genius acquiesced quickly even though Genma was quietly objecting - mumbling about time wasting, chakra burns, and too much pain. She understood his need to be realistic about the death of his old companion, to reason that it was too late and that anything she did would be futile. Her own heart wasn't there yet.
Neji hovered beside Sakura as the trembling fingers of her other hand trailed over Kakashi's cheek. "He's still warm, Neji."
"He's bled out, Sakura. He died from blood loss," Kiba reasoned. "You can't help him. We have no blood to give him."
"No," Sakura corrected adamantly, focused on keeping his heart beating. With the slow forced beats, Kakashi began to bleed. "It's chakra drain. He used every bit of his chakra and it eventually stopped his heart – just like in his fight with Pain years ago. Neji will give it to me and I'll give it to him, and we'll restart his heart together. There's only one chance at this."
Neji nodded with no consideration of objecting.
Sakura met his pearly Hyuuga eyes with determination. "Ready?"
Again Neji nodded, silently taking every command she was giving him and obeying absolutely.
"Put your hands on my back and force in some chakra. It's going to hurt me and I might make some sounds, but don't stop. This jutsu – I've never tried it on a person. It might hurt all of us."
"Its fine," Neji said easily, taking a quick position behind her and crouching on the balls of his feet. "Tell me when you're ready."
"Genma," Sakura called out without turning to him. She didn't wait for him to answer. "If this works, you have to stop his bleeding any way you can. He won't have long if we don't." Then she sucked in a breath and nodded. "Let's go Neji."
The pain was almost immediate as Neji lit his byakugan and rapidly forced chakra directly into her highway, making her feel like someone was pushing hot mercury through her veins. How lucky to have a byakugan user there at that moment as no one else could have done it so efficiently or rapidly. However, it burned and twisted inside her, feeling foreign and wrong. She groaned and gasped softly as it pulsed through to fill her body. It took less than twenty seconds, but when Sakura felt it stinging through her fingers to wrap around Kakashi's heart, she placed both hands together and performed the medical jutsu that Tsunade had made her promise to never use on a person. Death was an absolute and it wasn't right to play with it – but in this case, Sakura would face any consequences.
She molded the chakra heavily and then burst it into his body – every single ounce she had left and everything Neji had given her blew through her fingers and into Kakashi's chest and highway, making his limbs jerk once and hard. She shrieked as it thrust out of her just as Neji was propelled backwards with the force.
And that was the end. Dark spots began to close in around her eyes as her own heart sped up rapidly and then suddenly felt like it stopped, making her collapse on top of Kakashi's unmoving body. She couldn't lift herself off of him, couldn't even open her eyes again.
"Sakura? Hey, you okay?" she heard Genma whisper. Somewhere in the back of her mind she could hear Anko asking Neji the same questions. Genma's warm hands grasped her biceps but let go again when Akamaru growled in warning.
"There's enemy approaching," Kiba said. "They must have heard that."
Sakura was gone. The voices of her compatriots began to sound far away and muddled. She was exhausted beyond reasoning and her body wouldn't move anymore. Pain seared her hands and back, but she didn't care.
As the darkness was coming, consciousness slipping away, she could hear the most perfect, welcome sound she had ever heard. Under her heavy head, her cheek pressed to his chest, Sakura could hear the faint, weak sound of Kakashi's heart beating on its own.
"Genma!" Sakura shouted frantically through her dry throat. She was lying on her back somewhere warm and comfortable, and the familiar scent of old canvas and sterility filled her nose.
"Genma!" she called again, finally opening her tired eyes. The canvas med-tent shook gently with the wind above, but the brightness of the sun behind the trees was casting drifting leafy shadows everywhere to create the feeling that the entire world was swaying. She lay still for a moment getting her bearings and acclimatizing to her new surroundings. Just a moment ago, she was in the forest with Kakashi lying below her.
Upon inspection, she could tell she was dressed in a light hospital gown under a thin standard blanket, and there was an I.V. hooked into her arm. It didn't bode well.
"Genma! Genma!"
"Easy, Sakura," Yumi said quietly, suddenly hovering over her while leaning on the rail of Sakura's hospital bed.
Sakura struggled to lift a heavy hand to her aching forehead only to find it wrapped lightly in bandages. "Help me up," she demanded frantically but Yumi was shaking her head as she pressed a gentle hand to Sakura's shoulder.
"Stay still," Yumi commanded lightly. "Genma is coming. He wanted to see you as soon as you woke up. Just lie here. You're too weak to sit up on your own and you aren't fully healed. You had a concussion. You've got chakra burns on your hands and arms and down your back. You've been asleep while I've been healing them for two days."
"Two days? Kakashi… Where is Kakashi?" Sakura whimpered, her brow tight.
"Oi, Yumi," Genma mumbled suddenly from behind the other medic. "I'll take it from here."
Yumi gave Sakura a sympathetic look before she shuffled away to let Genma take her place.
For a long moment, they stared at each other. Genma looked clean and healthy, his ANBU uniform replaced with a black jounin shirt. Finally he sighed and let the tension leave his stiff shoulders as he took a casual lean on the bedrail.
"You gave us a scare, Sakura. You passed right out after that jutsu. Your colour just drained away. For a minute, I thought you died."
"What happened? Where is he?" Sakura demanded, growing more and more agitated by the second while trying to use her sore hands to pull herself up.
"Stop that," Genma grunted. "I'm going to tell you everything and you're going to relax and listen." When she reluctantly settled back down, he brushed his fingers through Sakura's hair in slow sweeps. "Yumi says that you aren't to get too excited because of your injuries. Okay? So I'll talk and you'll be still."
Sakura felt her heart speeding up, but she nodded and swallowed hard.
"All right then. You probably remember doing your jutsu and then you passed out. You went totally pale and limp. You were out like a light. Unfortunately, that's the moment the enemy came upon us. There weren't many but we had to have a quick skirmish before we could get our asses out of there. Me, Neji and Kiba fought while Anko worked to stop Kakashi's bleeding. We couldn't get it fully stopped but it was enough to move."
"Where is he?"
Genma's lips tightened and he put a finger up. "No talking."
Sakura let out a jagged breath and nodded a quick jerk of her head. The waiting was killing her and she began to wonder if he was preparing her for the worst.
"Kiba and Akamaru carried Kakashi and they went on ahead because they were fresh and could move fast. I carried you and it took a lot longer because I'd taken a kunai to the calf. It was a long fucking limp but luckily other teams had moved close to our position and met us inside the enemy border after hearing the radio exchange with Ibiki earlier. It was really damn lucky. We all needed help."
He brushed his fingers tenderly over Sakura's hair again. "He was in really bad shape, Sakura. You restarted his heart, but he'd lost a lot of blood."
She felt the sting of hot tears begin to fill her eyes. She again nodded in understanding.
"Come here. Let me help you to sit up for a minute," Genma offered, moving a hand behind her neck and stretching his arm over her to slide around her back. Sakura put her bandaged hand around his arm and worked with him to sit up. When she made it all the way up, weak and aching everywhere, she felt Genma's hand move up into her hair to cradle her heavy head while the other stayed wrapped around her back in support. He turned her head to guide her gaze toward the other side of the room and that's when she saw him.
Lying in a hospital bed near the other wall was the pale, sleeping form of Kakashi. He was hooked to an I.V. and a heart monitor beeped softly, checking his pulse and blood pressure. An endotracheal tube was down his throat where the little-used ventilator machine was hooked up to help him breathe. The sight was so welcome and horrifying at the same time. After two days, he still wasn't breathing on his own.
"The squads that found us had two medics. They worked on him right away and got him back here immediately. He's been transfused and all the injuries are doing well. No infections."
There were no words for that moment. Instead, Sakura let a soft sound of pain out as she stared at Kakashi through watery unfocused eyes. Genma's arms tightened around her as her chin fell on his shoulder. Her body hitched with her silent sobs as she watched Kakashi for as long as she could.
"He hasn't woken up and he still needs help to breathe. They have him heavily sedated because he isn't strong enough to take to Konoha and there wasn't anyone here with the skills to help him."
"I'll help him, Genma," she sniffed out. "I'll save him."
Genma laughed softly as he stroked her hair. "I know you will. He's been waiting for you, Sweetheart."
Sakura was out of bed later that day, much to Yumi's objections, but there was no way she could stay still when he was alive and lying ten feet away. Having fully replenished chakra after two days of sleep, Sakura quickly worked to heal her own hands – leaving them imperfect but usable. She spent a lot of energy holding herself up and sat on stools or in her desk chair most of the evening. Her body ached in every joint – from being thrown to the ground or blasting Neji's chakra through her body – she couldn't say.
She spent an hour scanning Kakashi for injury and issues that may have escaped other examinations, finding a few minor things. And then for the next, she leaned on the railing and stared at him, running her fingers through his soft hair and feeling the warmth of his bare chest against her palm. What a nice feeling to have life in his body again. She traced the twisted scar from his shoulder down with shaking fingertips.
"You scared me, Kakashi," she whispered and it sounded loud in the empty med tent – only the mechanical breathing of the machine next to him making any noise. Night was growing outside and the med tent was heavily lit with the humming fluorescent light overhead. Sakura found it harsh because it displayed how pale and close to death Kakashi still looked.
"How is his brain?" Yumi asked quietly, making Sakura jump a little as she hadn't noticed her entrance.
"It's active. I can't know how long it was deprived of oxygen but it has good activity. After Genma radioed him that we were coming back, it took us seven minutes to find him and another few to revive him. It was cold which would have helped. And he was still warm to the touch. It may have taken a number of minutes for him to escape the enemy and then I don't know how long he was lying there –alone… and dying…" she said quietly, voice hitching, and her eyes filling with tears again.
"Don't worry, Sakura," Yumi assured, putting a warm hand on Sakura's back. "He's one of the strongest men I've ever seen. And he's getting care from the best medic."
Sakura glanced back at her and managed a half-smile. "Thanks." And then she focused back on Kakashi's pale, handsome face. She ran her finger over his scarred eyelid and gently lifted it to see the sharingan burning red underneath. It was a welcome sight to know that he was producing chakra. Neji's strong chakra would have been inside Kakashi's body for a while, but she could tell that he was making his own too.
While she watched him, their last desperate and sad conversation replayed over and over in her head. She recalled Genma's hands pulling her away and Kakashi's back as he disappeared from view. Just the memory of it rippled fear through her stomach.
What if she'd passed out as Genma carried her? What if she'd been brought to the camp and no one had gone back for him? What if they were ten minutes later? Even then, he would not have been saved. Fate had been so cruel to him so many times over his tragic life that maybe it had been their turn to win for once. But seeing his chest lurch up with each unnatural push of air into his lungs by the machine beside him, she started to worry that they had only postponed the inevitable.
"Let's unhook the ventilator and see how it goes," Sakura mumbled to Yumi as she prepared herself for what came next. The early morning sun on the third day since Sakura awoke was making the med tent hot, but the open door flap allowed a cool breeze to keep the air fresh.
Yumi was on the other side of Kakashi, holding the manual hand ventilator. Sakura swallowed hard and unhooked the tube that attached to the one going down Kakashi's throat. The two medics held their breath as they listened intently.
Kakashi shook a little and then his chest rose on its own, the gentle sound of air going in and out of the tube made Sakura weak in the knees. "Thank goodness," she said quietly as she watched his chest steadily and naturally rising and falling with strong breaths.
"Take the tube out?" Yumi asked. And Sakura nodded, doing just that as gently as she ever had.
The blood pressure cuff flared to life, and hissed quietly as it deflated in stages and hums. Sakura glanced at the machine to see that his blood pressure was on the low side, but within a tolerable range.
"He's doing so much better," Yumi said happily. "Vitals are good, wounds are healing. He'll be back to normal in no time."
Sakura nodded as she swept her fingertips through his messy bangs. "Let's reduce the sedation. I think he's ready to wake up. Let's draw it back just enough for him to wake, but let's keep him hazy for a day or two longer so that he doesn't try to do too much."
"Okay." Yumi slowed the drip and glanced at Sakura from time to time, trying to look positive. It was a good sign that Kakashi was breathing on his own, but they had no way to know if he had suffered too much oxygen deprivation in those harrowing minutes between life and his death – and she could admit to herself that he actually had been dead when she found him and that she had stolen him back.
"Now we wait," Sakura sighed.
Kakashi could hear the sound of rustling leaves and the thick heat of a blanket on his bare heavy limbs. For now he couldn't move a single muscle. His eyes remained closed as he tried to make sense of what was happening. Was this death? He could hear Obito and smell Rin a few minutes ago, but now all he could smell was Sakura. Was she dead too? Had it all been for nothing?
"Hey, he's waking," Genma's smooth voice said quietly nearby.
Kakashi managed to turn his head slightly, but his eyes still refused to open. Instead he felt like he should just lie still in the encompassing dull haze in which he found himself. He was utterly exhausted.
"Kakashi?" Sakura's sweet voice called in a whisper. She sounded the same as she did when they were wrapped around each other in bed. It was a brilliant and welcome sound, and he waited for her to call him again to make sure it was real. He decided he wouldn't try to open his eyes until she called him once more.
"Kakashi, squeeze my hand if you can hear me," Sakura said a little louder and he could feel the pleasurable coolness of her fingers pressing into his palm. Almost automatically he closed his fingers around hers and rubbed his thumb over her knuckles twice before losing resolve. She had the loveliest skin. He heard her laugh softly then.
"Damn, Hatake, open your fucking eyes," Genma growled, but Sakura immediately shushed him.
"Give him time. He's still a little sedated."
Sedated? In that second, Kakashi realized quite abruptly that he was definitely no longer lying on the wet ground in enemy territory with weapons protruding from every limb. With great effort, he forced open his right eye just a crack to see the brown of the canvas tent around him, and the fuzzy outlines of two people he knew almost as well as he knew himself.
It took at least two full minutes before he could clearly focus on the woman with the pink hair on his right. Her green eyes were intense and frightened as their gazes locked. He wanted to say her name so badly, but his throat felt dry and tight, like someone had scraped him all the way down his esophagus. The feeling wasn't unfamiliar as he'd woken up like that more than once. And then the question came to his head. "How many days?" he wondered, but couldn't will his body to cough up the words. The same questions every time – how many days; who was left; why wasn't he dead?
With great effort, he lifted his hand and gently tapped at the base of his throat.
"I'm sure it hurts. Don't try to speak," Sakura instructed. "I'll get you some water." She darted over to the sink and returned with a paper cup with a protruding bendy straw. She brought it to his dry lips and he took a few sips. It felt like razor blades going down, but it helped him to clear his throat.
He swallowed a few times and then managed in the quietest whisper, "Am I dead?"
Sakura's eyes filled with tears and she laughed with sadness and relief. She ran her knuckles down his cheek. "No, Hatake Kakashi. You are most definitely alive."
"Looks like you're getting out today," Yumi said happily as Kakashi sat up in his hospital bed while she took his blood pressure. "Hm. Still a little low but tolerable. How is your pain level?"
"I'm fine," Kakashi mumbled. "Get me out of this bed."
Yumi gave Kakashi a stern glare as she shook her head. "Always in a rush, Lieutenant. Let's look at the facts. Your heart stopped and you were shocked alive with a monumental taboo jutsu. You were punctured by all manner of weapon and had lost at least half of the volume of blood in your body. You were kept alive on a ventilator for four days and you woke up asking if you were dead. Yes, Lieutenant. You. Were. Dead. Being patient a few more minutes while I complete my work-up should be a no-brainer so zip it and let me finish."
"Testy," Kakashi grumbled. "Fine." He stared at the flap of a door that lead into the back of the med tent to where Sakura resided. "Where's Uchiha?" He was dismayed to see for the second day in a row that she was nowhere to be found. After he'd awoken three days before, she hovered like a mother hen the first day, working on his wounds, checking him and watching him every second she could stay awake. She'd leave a light kiss on his forehead or on his lips if she had to leave his side. And when she couldn't stay awake, she would sit on a high stool and lay her head down on the side of his bed to sleep. The next morning after that, he woke to find her staring at him with tired eyes, and she didn't look happy. Now that he was better, she seemed like she was avoiding him all together.
"Oh," Yumi mumbled nonchalantly. "I think she's doing some rounds in the tents for the men who were injured in the battles but are resting in their own bunks. There were a ton of bad injuries. It's wearing her out. I'm sure she'll show up sooner or later."
"Hm." Kakashi frowned at her.
"Okay, you look good enough for rest in your own tent, I think." She lowered the hydraulics on the bed and dropped the metal rail on the side. Then she swept over to the counter at the back and brought back some clothes for him to get dressed in – standard black pants, shoes, and a black shirt. "You can go after you get dressed. Come back if you have any pain or get lightheaded. Sakura said you are permitted to walk to the mess tent, shower tent, and your own tent. But – and she was scarily adamant about this – absolutely no work. None. You need to be as lazy as possible until she clears you. She said if she catches you near the Shed, you are toast."
"Ah," Kakashi sighed and grabbed up the shirt.
Even though Yumi had released him, Kakashi wasn't prepared for how weak his body actually had become. His steps were slow and measured, and as people happily came to talk to him with relief in their faces, he could only yawn his greetings. At that moment, he wanted nothing more than to be in his own bed but the sudden sight of pink hair ducking into a tent down the row gave him a desire to hold on just a little longer.
He hovered patiently, waiting for Sakura to come back out. He grinned as he listened to her giving orders while speaking so gently to the injured man in the tent. She really was a superior medic…
When she finally emerged, the shock in her wide green eyes was apparent as she caught sight of him standing there.
"Hi," he said calmly.
Sakura looked around at everything but him, the corners of her mouth lowering to a tight line before she reluctantly walked over. "Hi."
"What's going on?"
Sakura glanced at the row of tents beside them, gesturing toward them. "I'm just doing some rounds on the men with injuries. Most are healing well so it's just check-ups." Then she looked at the bag of supplies in her hand.
"That's not what I mean."
"I know…" Her lovely green eyes trailed up his black shirt and stopped at his chin. "I'm just busy right now."
"We should talk." He raised his silver eyebrows up in question.
She nodded absently, her gaze moving to the side of him. "Get some rest, Kakashi. You look so tired."
Kakashi dipped his head to make her meet his eyes. "How would you know?"
She visibly swallowed as her shaking fingers swept the hair from her mouth that the breeze had blown over her face. Her eyes were wide, full of emotion. She reached up timidly and skimmed a hand over his bicep gently before shaking her head. "I'm sorry. I have to go. But… we do need to talk. There are some things that really need to be said."
"Ah," he breathed out. The exchange was too exhausting to continue so he waited for her to begin moving before he turned and continued on to his own tent. In all that had happened, something had upset her to the point that she really was avoiding him. All he could think about for two days was finally putting his arms around her and sleeping against her warm body. Now it seemed that little desire was lost.
He dragged the rest of the way through the rows and rows of tents until he came to his own small home. Genma was sitting on a wooden stool outside his own, enjoying a coffee with his shirt off.
"Aren't you cold?" Kakashi asked as he passed lethargically.
"Hey, you bastard. They let you out, hm?" Genma set his mug on the grass and quickly got up to wander over and stand toe to toe with Kakashi, effectively blocking him from entering his tent. He put his strong hand firmly on Kakashi's shoulder. "Now I'm going to say something. And it's going to be weird and uncomfortable for us both, but it has to happen. So just let it happen."
Kakashi felt the corner of his mouth rising a little with the coming smirk. Even after the entire ordeal of the last week or so, Genma would always be Genma.
"I'm prepared," Kakashi mumbled with a hint of amusement.
"Are you sure you're ready to receive this?"
Kakashi nodded, fighting a grin as he opened both eyes to look at his friend. "Get on with it so I can go lie down."
Genma put his other hand on Kakashi's other shoulder and locked his eyes with him. "Okay. I just want you to know…"
Kakashi's eyebrows rose.
"…that Sakura shouted for me first when she woke up. Sorry, buddy."
With a scoff, Kakashi brushed Genma's hand away, squashing down the laugh because it would probably hurt. He wandered into his tent, sensing the tall jounin following behind him to stop at the doorway. With more effort than he would have liked, Kakashi sat down and then swung his body onto the low cot and closed his eyes.
"You okay?" Genma asked from the crouch he took in the doorway.
"Hm. Sakura's upset. I just ran into her and she couldn't get away fast enough. I almost died and I'm beyond exhausted and she's giving me emotional bullshit at a time like this. I don't have the energy for it right now," Kakashi mumbled, pulling his blanket up over his shoulder.
"Women…" Genma huffed exaggeratedly, but then got up and came closer to sit beside Kakashi's cot, stretching his arms over his bent knees as he stared at the tents across the way through the open doorflap. "Although…"
Kakashi opened his eyes, turned his head, and creased his brow.
Genma fitted Kakashi a sheepish look. "You know, you did tell her you wanted to die."
"I never said I wanted to die."
"Not in so many words. I do recall something about being content to die though. Now that you're out of danger, she probably started to focus on what happened. She already lost one husband, Kakashi. She doesn't need another who has a death wish. I'm sure she's just sorting it all out in her head and needs some space. Sakura is an emotional creature"
Kakashi wanted to close his heavy eyes again as he stared at the dark ceiling of his own tent. "I'm not her husband."
Genma shrugged. "Don't you want to be?"
Did he want to be? Kakashi glanced sideways briefly at Genma, finding that statement held more concern than he had ever considered that it would. Did he want to be a husband? Really, he wasn't used to ever thinking about the future or making plans. In the last few years, he had lived day to day, expecting that soon enough it would end abruptly. Did he want to be her husband? Could he be?
In what he thought were his last moments, he knew he wanted to spend his life making her happy. If that entailed marriage, could he be that man?
"Well, my work here is done," Genma laughed out and then pushed himself up. "Kakashi," he said meaningfully, making the tired jounin's eyes look at him one last time. "I'm thankful you didn't die, my friend. I would have missed you."
Kakashi nodded and finally settled in for sleep. "Yeah, me too."
Dearest Naruto,
I'm not sure if you've had the updates, but there was a major offensive here a number of days ago. There were so many injuries but luckily very few deaths. Not sure if you know this yet but Kakashi killed The Hawk. I remember seeing the stats in the bingo book a few years ago. I think we talked about his tracking ability and how scary it was. It's a long story and I hope one day soon I can tell you all of it over a coffee face to face.
There's been a lot going on over at the Shed so I think there is a major retaliation coming. I don't know how negotiations are as I haven't bothered to try to find out. I've just been on autopilot lately and it's working for me at the moment. I've been so tired. And I haven't been feeling very well. I have a headache I can't seem to get rid of. I'm an emotional basket case.
Sakura stared at the letter lying under the golden light of her desk lamp, tapping the pen next to it. She couldn't send that to Naruto. He didn't need to listen to her whine about feeling like crap. She'd been overworking lately as had all the medics so fatigue and becoming run down was part and parcel. Two medics had been given a week off to take a vacation after the intense healing and so there was a little slack to pick up. Sakura felt obliged to let the spent medics leave for a few days to refresh – everyone needed it at one time or another.
She scowled at the useless letter when a sudden wave of nausea came upon her. It was completely unexpected and she had to grab her garbage can before she puked all over the floor. She'd been feeling sick for a few days, but this was the first time she'd actually vomited. When the emesis mercifully ended, she breathed through the last dry heaves and then sat back to press a shaking hand against her forehead.
Pressing a hand to her forehead, she mumbled, "What the hell was that?"
There was no fever, which was a relief. There was too much to do to get sick now with everything going on. Perhaps something from the kitchens had upset her stomach so she molded chakra and pressed her fingers to her stomach, probing for food poisoning or bacteria that would cause the need to throw up.
Strangely there was nothing in her stomach or organs that she could find. It didn't make sense… It had to be one or the other…
For the longest time she sat there hovering her fingers over her abdomen, feeling the sudden tingle of anticipation ghosting across her skin with the very real excitement that something in her world was maybe about to change.
Very gently, she set her hands below her belly button and allowed the chakra to ease inside.
"Oh my god," she whispered, tears filling her eyes as she laughed and cried at the same time - soft sobs making her shoulders shake as she grinned so wide it hurt. She felt like an insane person but it had been too long since anything had made her so happy. A baby. A child. Kakashi's child.
By what she could feel with her chakra, and from what she knew of her body, it had likely happened in Yasuragi on that quiet few days of serenity. They'd made love so many times and perhaps she'd been so impassioned or excited that she'd let her chakra tie slip. As a medic, she'd never had to use conventional birth control – just a minute amount of chakra that she barely even had to think about…
For a moment, she wondered if she had actually done it on purpose – maybe given in to fate just a little.
Again she pushed her chakra into her abdomen, scanning the tiny little life there and getting butterflies.
Desperate desire to share the excitement with Kakashi burst in her chest but was immediately dampened by the same thoughts that had been keeping her up at night. He'd been so ready to die – so much more than to live. But this – perhaps it was the thing to bring him back to life, bring him back to the man she knew he was and to who she really needed him to be.
After a brush of her teeth, Sakura set off in a rush into the camp to find him.
The first place she thought to look was his tent. She walked abnormally fast, pushing aside the concern that he had said he was content to die. She loved him so much and not having him near her for the last couple of days had been hard – but she'd wanted to punish him for making her so upset, for saying that fighting it out to live with her wasn't enough for him. He'd chosen death so easily.
As the thoughts rolled around her active brain, she slowed as she reached the tent. Genma was sitting in his tent next door with his light on, playing cards on the grass with some random girl Sakura didn't know. Genma was in just his pants and the girl was down to her bra – typical Genma.
"Genma, where's Kakashi?" she called out from the door of Kakashi's dark tent.
"Hey, Sakura. Want to play poker?"
"Genma! Focus! Where is Kakashi?" She stuck her head in Genma's doorway.
The jounin forced himself up from the grass, giving his pretty companion a quick gesture of patience as he moved to his own doorway and struck a comfortable pose against the structure. "What's it to you?"
"What?! I need to find him." Sakura shook her head at what she guessed was him being playful.
But Genma's usual happy countenance had darkened. She'd never seen him look so perturbed. "As far as I see, it's none of your business. He's been lying in that tent for two days, uncomfortable and in pain, dragging his ass to the mess tent and back again exhausted, and you couldn't be bothered to come and see him even once. After what he was going to give up for you…"
"I – I know. I was being silly... I just wanted to punish him… for wanting to die. I was so upset. Has he been in a lot of pain?"
Genma scowled at her, crossing his arms. "Yup."
"Damn it," she huffed out, guilt-ridden. Why had she not come to see him? She craved him like a drug and yet she found her stubborn anger overtaking her desire to feel his arms around her. Sometimes her anger could be so counter intuitive. "Please, Genma. Where is he? It's so important that I see him."
With a diffident shrug, Genma turned back around, pulling his tent flap closed behind him.
"That was mean," his companion said quietly.
"Yeah, but she needed to hear it."
He was right. She did need to hear it. She had been cruel and after he was going to give up his own life to save her. What a fool she'd been. If it took the rest of her life, she'd make it up to him.
Drawing chakra to her feet, she darted to the shower tent and then the Shed on the off chance he was brave enough to defy her order of "no work." But he wasn't there. There was only one place left and so she moved to the mess tent.
No luck. Had he just disappeared?
Dejected, Sakura dragged slowly back to the med tent, her mind going eighteen different ways as she absently put her warm hand on her abdomen, excited about the tiny gift that she wanted to give to the man she loved.
When she climbed the two steps into the empty med tent, the sudden presence of another person made her jump.
Looking tired and weak, but definitely better, Kakashi was leaning on the side of the counter at the back, his feet leisurely crossed. He was dressed in the regular jounin wear of his black shirt and pants, but no vest. His silver headband was pulled over the precious sharingan, and his skin was still paler than she liked, but his colour was better. He looked so thin – just like he had when he'd arrived almost a year before.
"Kakashi," she whispered happily, overcome with finally seeing him.
"I said we should talk," he mumbled. "I'm up for it now so let's get this out of the way."
Obviously he would be mad. At that moment she didn't blame him in the least because she'd been foolish and pushed him away. "Yes, I want that. I have some things I want to tell you too. I've been looking for you everywhere."
Kakashi stood up, his face stern and even as he approached her. "I don't want to die, Sakura. I know this is why you're upset with me. I'm getting tired of having to reiterate this. You've avoided me for days. I'm not built to deal with that."
She nodded as she came toward him as well. "I'm so sorry, Kakashi. I was thinking about what happened a lot and it scared me. You were in such a bad state when you got here to the camp a year ago. I thought in time you would forget the thoughts of dying, but what you said to save me… You said you were content to die. It hurt me that I wasn't enough to make you want to try to live. Are you still content with that idea?"
"No. No, of course I'm not. I think it might be quite the opposite these days." His anger was dissolving.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I didn't come to you. I was so scared you gave up. It would kill me to lose you again. I'm so frightened that you still think about it."
He touched her face, all perturbation gone because she was sad instead of mad like he'd expected. "At this moment, it's the furthest thing from my mind."
They were toe to toe and she could see he was so tired still. "I missed you so much these last couple of days. I regret it more than I can tell you. I wanted to be with you every second… Will you stay?" She was already lacing her fingers into his to tug him back into her quarters and he wasn't objecting at all. "I don't want you out of my sight ever again."
He didn't need to answer. His complete submission told her everything.
When they reached the futon, she began to help him with his clothes, easing his shirt over his head and slipping his headband off. "I've missed this with you so much. I want you in my bed every night from now on."
He laughed softly, all the fear and discomfort forgotten. "I want you badly too, Sakura, but I don't think I can yet."
"Of course. We'll wait. There's more to say anyway."
Sakura stripped off her own clothes, leaving just her panties and appreciating the way he watched her hungrily even though it was too soon for sex. They lay down on the futon and she kissed him for a long time, enjoying the feel of his cool fingers stroking her spine and his leg pushed between hers. He had always craved her warmth and it was so comfortable again being beneath her duvet together.
"I love you so much," she breathed out.
"I love you too," he whispered onto her collarbone, his eyes closed as he began to drift off to sleep.
"Marry me, Kakashi."
Kakashi's head jerked up. "What?"
Even though he looked utterly dismayed, Sakura smiled. "I want to marry you. I want to leave this place and start a life together."
Kakashi grinned a little in disbelief as he propped his head on his hand to look down at her. "Isn't it supposed to be me asking you that?"
She rolled onto her back and shuffled closer to snuggle beneath him. "You were taking too long and now that I'm pregnant I want to move this relationship in the right direction. Why should I wait for everything I want? It's all right here with me right now."
"You're what?!" he choked out, his mouth dropping open with her second surprise. He scanned her face as her eyes became hot, tears forming in the corners. She was biting her lip and smiling expectantly. It was so much for him to take in so fast – marriage and a baby – that she understood his stunned silence.
But then understanding seemed to sink in and Kakashi's face softened as a smile tugged at his mouth.
He traced her face slowly, his eyes going from her lips to her hair to her eyes. A gentle, pleased look crossed his face and then he whispered in tender anticipation, "You're what?"
"Those perfect days in Yasuragi. I didn't know until today." She put her hand over his and led it to her lower abdomen, pressing his palm open against her warm skin. "It's a boy."
"After all the pain and injury and everything you went through…"
She nodded. "He's strong. He made it through everything with us."
Kakashi laughed softly and then lowered down to kiss her long and sweet. And then, still smiling widely with his warm hand on her stomach, he laid down and whispered into her ear, "Marry me, Sakura."