Chapter 1. Killing Me Softly

The soft beeping of the heart monitor is the first thing Caroline hears.

Slowly, other noises begin to invade her consciousness. The squeaking of sneakers on the hard floors. The murmur of voices; doctors and nurses in deep discussion. Her own heart beat. As the noises come to her, so do the memories.

The accident. Her friends visiting her. Elena-who-is-not-Elena smothering her, declaring "game on" to the Salvatore brothers, and calling herself Katherine. Caroline's head aches. It is all too much to take in. The pain, then the miraculous recovery. The feeling of being unable to breathe, unable to fight back, as the pillow covered her face.

Caroline died, she knows she did. So how is it that she is still alive? And she knows she is alive, she can't explain how, but she knows it with a certainty that she feels deep in her bones. Caroline opens her eyes and immediately slams them shut again. The world outside is too bright to open them quickly. She tries again, this time opening them slowly, millimetre by millimetre, until they are finally completely open and she can see her surroundings. The sterile white of the hospital room is familiar.

Caroline slowly levers herself up. Just yesterday, she was bruised and sore from the accident. Today, she feels better than… she doesn't think she's ever felt this good. She feels strong, as if she could take on the world and win, and still be ready for another round.

Despite the confusion from her dream of Elena-who-is-not-Elena, Caroline feels strong and confident. She has never felt like this before. Caroline knows herself well. She knows that she's a neurotic, self-conscious mess who has a severe inferiority complex when it comes to Elena Gilbert. It's this fact that has been one of the major road blocks in her relationship with Matt… her relationship with anyone, really.

So why, suddenly, does she feel as if she could laugh in Elena's face? Elena superior to her? Nations have crumbled and fallen at Caroline's merest whim. She is inferior to no one, especially not that silly little dopple-

The thoughts cut off, and Caroline is confused. Cheerleader hopefuls may have crumbled when Caroline gave them the bitch brow, but nations? She knows she can be a bit narcissistic at times, but that is ridiculous, even for her.

Is it?

And the little voice, though speaking in Caroline's voice, is not Caroline. She has never spoken in a purr that low and wicked before. It makes Caroline's seduction voice sound like the lame attempts of a twelve year old with her first crush, and Caroline feels, for just a second, horribly envious of whoever it is that could speak like that.

Then she remembers it was in her head, and decides that freaking out is a way more appropriate reaction than envy. Caroline reaches up with her hand, planning on running them through her hair, but her IV gets caught. With an angry curse, Caroline rips the needle and tape from her arm and flings it away from her.

She feels uncomfortable in her own skin now, as if there's only room for one- her or the voice that is so much more confident- and Caroline fears that if she thinks about it anymore, she'll lose herself to… something. She doesn't know what.

Caroline drags herself out of the bed and tears at the zipper of the duffel that her Mom brought by the night before, so she would have something to change into when she got released. With a loud rip, the zipper tears from the cloth, and Caroline stares down at the mangled bag in her hands in shock. Yes, she had been rougher than usual… but Caroline knows she's not that strong. "Strong" would never be a word used to describe Caroline. She's delicate, feminine… pink.

Red looks better on us.

Caroline's legs give out beneath her, and she sinks to the floor. She can't even gather up a proper panic attack, shock has already taken over her system, leaving her numb. Caroline doesn't know what is happening to her. Just yesterday, she was so very happy. She had been crowned Miss Mystic Falls, beating Elena for basically the first time ever. Things with Matt were going great. Now, today, Caroline feels like a stranger in her own mind. She feels as if she's losing her grip on reality, and there is no one there to help her, to tell her that everything will be fine.

For the first time since she was twelve, Caroline just really wants her mommy.

When Matt comes half an hour later, she is still on the floor, her blue eyes gazing into nothing. She looks so lost and fragile that Matt feels a surprising protectiveness rise in him. He knows Caroline can be insecure, but this goes beyond that. Caroline looks as if her whole world has fallen around her and she has no idea how to get it back.

"Care?" he asks softly. "Are you okay?"

Caroline's gaze goes to him, but it's still vacant, her brow furrows as if in confusion. Matt opens his mouth to speak again, but Caroline's gaze suddenly clears and her face brightens into her usual cheery grin so suddenly that Matt wonders if he hadn't just imagined the lost little girl look from before.

"Matt, hey. Are you here to take me home?"

"Sorry, Care, but you'll have to wait until your Mom is done for that. I brought you this, though." He held up a box of her favorite milk chocolate truffles. "I thought you could probably use something better than hospital food to help you feel better… although you're looking awesome. I guess they thought you were worse than you were."

Caroline's smile never wavers as she replies, "They must have. I feel great today. Just give me a second to go put on some real clothes and we can have a chat before you have to head back to school."

Matt sits on the hard chair next to the bed while Caroline grabs her duffel and breezes into the washroom. Matt notices that there is a long tear in the fabric next to the zipper and frowns. The bag had been fine when sheriff Forbes had brought it in, he was positive. Besides, Caroline wouldn't be caught dead with a duffel bag that was less than perfect. It's just Caroline – meticulous until the very end.

Matt pushes his worries aside when Caroline comes out of the washroom, dressed in jeans and a lacy, girly pink camisole and smiling her smile that could light up the world. Most of the time, Matt is pretty sure that he is still in love with Elena, but then Caroline smiles at him and it becomes Elena who? He knows that it's not entirely fair to Caroline, that he should be in love with her all the time, but Matt, despite being a nice guy, does have his selfish moments. And he's not willing to give up his golden girl, not yet. He hopes, given time, that those moments of Elena-who? will overtake the moments when he still pines for the dark haired girl who got away. Since they've started dating, he's pretty sure Caroline will be the one to make this happen, if anyone can.

Caroline sits cross-legged in the middle of the bed and grins at him, and Matt can't help but think of how ridiculous it is that she has to stay here until her mom comes to get her out. Caroline looks completely healthy, and if there is still a bit of the lost girl hidden in the depths of her eyes, it's hidden well by the cheery look she's pasted over it. She should be allowed to leave, allowed to enjoy the beautiful day outside.

"I wish I could leave," Caroline says longingly, as if she had heard Matt's thoughts (she hadn't, but Matt is surprisingly easy to read when she isn't worried about whether or not he wishes she was Elena).

"Maybe we could call your mom, get her to come and get you out."

"She's working." Caroline bites her lip, the dutiful daughter who doesn't want to interrupt her mom warring with the spoiled teenager who just wants to go do something.

Matt rolls his eyes and grabs her cellphone, miraculously unharmed in the crash, from the bedside table and dials the sheriff's office, effectively concluding Caroline's internal battle for her. Within five minutes, Sheriff Forbes has been contacted and is on her way to sign her daughter out of the hospital.

"How's Tyler?" Caroline asks, once the call has been made and the two await her mother's arrival.

"He's okay. Feels really guilty about what happened."

Caroline thinks to herself that he should. Tyler had been behind the wheel, and it was his fault that she was in the hospital for Elena-who-was-not-Elena to kill… and no. She made the decision in the washroom to forget that. It was a weird dream, and the voice was just a leftover from it. She didn't die. She isn't hearing voices that are overly violent and seductive… she is Caroline Forbes. She is Miss Mystic Falls, girlfriend to Matt Donovan, best friend to Elena Gilbert and Bonnie Bennett, and HBIC of Forks High School. Whatever weirdness happened last night was the result of the crash and whatever it jumbled up in her head. This morning was the result of some residual trauma. Now, she is fine. Now she is simply Caroline. Caroline who was hurt in an accident, but still Caroline.

Still, speaking of weirdness…

"What exactly did happen, Matt?" she asks. "One minute everything was fine and the next… bam! Tyler is freaking out and we're crashing."

"No one really knows," Matt replies. "Tyler was going on about some sort of sound he was hearing… but it's kind of been pushed to the back burner now that the Mayor has died. No one wants to push at Tyler in case he does something stupid."

Caroline bites her lip and avoids looking at Matt. She feels for Tyler, she really does. Yes, both her parents are still alive, but with her father living so far away and her mother being married to her job it sometimes feels like she's all alone. Still… whatever happened to Tyler was the catalyst to everything that's happened to Caro-

No. She had decided that none of that happened. The biggest issue Caroline has to deal with is wondering where the money for her hospital bill will come from, and that will be up to her mother to deal with anyway. So Caroline is carefree and sunny, just like always. She has not died and come back. She does not hear voices.

Wrong, Little Girl.

And once more, Caroline looks like the lost little girl, and Matt catches her as she falls into his arms, sobbing.

AN: For those who follow me on tumblr ( . , you'll recognize this as the chapter I posted there already. I will be updating chapters weekly, and the update day will be Sundays. This week, you will get two chapters. This one and the one I'll post on Sunday. I'm hoping that I've written enough to be able to maintain this schedule without falling behind. Let me know what you think!