Chapter 1! Yay.

No, I don't own Bleach or Naruto.

A 6 year old boy sat on top of the 3rd Hokage's desk, and was currently arguing passionately.

"Hokage-jiji!"

"I'm sorry Naruto. We tested you for any signs of chakra. Although your Chakra pathways are very large, it appears that they are empty for some reason. You can't do any jutsu without any chakra, and you can't enter the Academy if you can't do any jutsu."

"But I'll… learn how to do jutsu! I will become the most badass and epic shinobi ever!"

*sigh* "Naruto, I'll talk to the doctors. For now, though, I want you to go to your apartment."

The downtrodden looking boy walked out of the office, his face the image of dejection."

"Hmmmm…" thought the Hokage. "This really is a very strange case. Medical jutsu has proved that it is impossible for humans to survive without any chakra at all. All civilians have chakra to a certain extent- only enough to survive, however. Young Naruto has no chakra at all- how is it that he is still alive? Is this due to the Kyuubi being sealed in him? No, that can't be. Kushina was an excellent shinobi, with incredible chakra reserves. What is this then? It makes no sense. Ah well. I'll apply him for the Academy, and if he still shows no signs of developing chakra, then I'll pull him out before it begins."

(Else ware)

"God dammit! Why can't I do any jutsu?" thought Naruto. "Hokage-jiji couldn't have lied to me when he said that my dad was the fourth Hokage, could he? All hokages had tons of chakra. How am I going to prove to the villagers that I am a person worthy of respect?"

As he walked down the street to his apartment, he noticed the people giving him a wide berth.

"At least they don't actively hate me," he muttered under his breath.

He dropped onto his bed and contemplated his life with maturity not seen in children. Naruto began to dream of faceless people cheering him on, as he attacked a huge black dragon with fire jutsu's, but then his jutsu faded away, as his chakra was removed, and the faceless people receded, and he found himself in front of a large hole, the bottom of which could not be seen. Naruto felt himself walk forwards, and fall through the hole.

He landed into a misty forest. Voices called out to him- all whispering the same thing.

"Asauchi."

"Stop it," said Naruto.

"Asauchi."

"Shut up!" Naruto yelled.

"Summon us."

"Asauchi!"

Naruto woke up, fully aware that he had just yelled out a random word out during the middle of the night as loudly as he could.

He felt a strange weight in his hand, but as he turned his head, he found himself being drawn into a smoky abyss. He caught a flash of green as he fell into a dreamless sleep.

*The next day*

"Wah!"

Naruto snapped up so quickly that a green and black blur that was in his hand flew forward, through his door, and into his bathroom.

"Aw, shit."

Naruto could have sworn that he heard a whispered, "Language!" in the air.

He hurried forward, eager to see what he had mysteriously obtained, but as soon as he removed the remains of the door whatever it was dissipated in black and green wisps, which then vanished entirely.

"What the hell?" Naruto said, scratching his head.

As he sat, eating his cereal, he pondered what had just happened to him. His muscles all felt a lot more… tensile. They were clearly defined on his scrawny body, and were so large that they looked faintly ridiculous on a 6 year old. Then there was the matter of the strange… thing… that he had thrown and had disappeared into wisps.

"Wait! Maybe I have to summon it? Kinda like the ol' pervert I always see in the hot springs and his frogs…"

Unfortunately for Naruto, he had completely forgotten what he had shouted out last night to summon the blasted thing. Pushing the matter aside, he concentrated on the power that he definitely felt coursing through his body. One thing he was certain of- it was definitely not chakra. He had read, in his desperate search for shinobi awesomeness, that you could tell if you had chakra by focusing the energy that you felt into your hand, it should glow with a light blue hue. He tried focusing a little, and it had resulted in a large dark green explosion that had completely ruined his room.

"Damn... I should probably tell jiji about this…"

*In the Hokage Tower*

"Jiji, something's wrong."

"Naruto! What's happened?" cried the Hokage, voice full of concern.

"I had some weird dreams last night-"

"I'm not going to have to give him the talk, am I?" Thought the elderly Kage.

"-And when I woke up, I found out that I could do this…"

Having said this, he held his hand out face up, and posed a look of concentration on his face.

The Hokage gasped, "He's not going to do the Rasengan, is he?!"

He leaned in closer…

And flew backwards through his desk as a blast of green-black energy smashed him in the face. Paperwork was scattered everywhere. Sarutobi Hiruzen held onto his face and lamented the loss of his neatly ordered paperwork as it flew about the office… and then smiled as he realised that he didn't have to do it.

Immediately after his explosion, Naruto heard a voice.

"Don't go to the Academy- they cannot train us. Refuse the Academy, and I will train you in the ways of the Shinigami…"

Shinigami! Thought Naruto. That's… I'm… a God of Death?

"Yes…"

"Old man, screw the academy! Sorry about this sudden change of mind, but I suddenly don't want to go to the Academy. I don't have any chakra anyway! See ya!"

He ran out of the office, leaving the Hokage to wander about his sanity.

Whoosh! 1000 and a bit words!

Next up- Naruto returns to the Academy after 6 years of self training… what will he be like?