DISCLAIMER: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight, and all the characters.
WARNING: Will contain corporal punishment/Disciplinary spanking of adult vampires in other chapters. Please don't read if you find such things offensive.
Hunting with Esme
Thursday, July 07, 2011
Running through the forest at vampire speed is utterly refreshing. We are the wind, so to speak. We slice through the air and force it to gust around our being. It is we who move through it, and the resulting wind-like effect becomes a cleansing experience, as we are the debris in the otherwise unsoiled air. The wind whipped through my hair, and brushed past my skin as if to clear away the sorrows of a troubled mind.
A glance to Esme proved nearly too much. Her delicate caramel-colored hair and clothing whipped around in the wind, as if teasing me with her tantalizing beauty. My wife turned to me and dimpled as she smiled lovingly in my direction knowing only too well my mind. How can a man possibly be expected to concentrate when faced with such temptation? She appraised me, and I could only hope her thoughts were traveling towards the same destination as my own.
We came upon a sizeable waterfall, and slowed to a halt listening to the thundering sounds caused by the river crashing down upon the rocks below. My eyes closed as I stopped to listen to the majestic music created by the rushing water. Arms lovingly wrapped around me in answer to my previous question. Her lips finding my own as I too returned the affection. Cooling mists brushed against our skin allowing me once more to fully appreciate the beauty of the waterfall. I would like to say that my next movements were elegant and slow, but passion overwhelmed me and my lust reached nearly uncontrollable levels. I needed Esme so badly!
Her gentle caresses became much firmer as she too fought to rule her emotions. A thick moss decorated with wild flowers cushioned an otherwise rocky outcropping. We slowly lowered ourselves to the ground; my hands wound around the back of Esme' head as we embraced. Fingernails dug into my back, as my teeth gently nipped at her lower lip. Tender tugging at the hem of my shirt ended with a loud tearing sound as the material tore away from my body. A mischievous sparkle in my wife's honey coloured eyes indicated that it might not have entirely been an accident. A low growl emitted from my chest in approval.
Her fingers played at the waistband of my pants, as if threatening to have them suffer the same fate as my shirt. Tempting though that might have been it was not something either of us wished to explain to our family when we returned. Having been freed from my shirt, I attempted to return the favour by gently tugging at the buttons of her dress with my teeth. I worked on the fastenings of her clothes using nothing but my mouth, teeth and tongue. It may have been more efficient to use my fingers, but not nearly as much fun. My lips gently brushed against her skin as I made my way down her pelvis freeing the last of her buttons.
Urgency fueled my passion as my hands moved down to the waistband of my trousers working the fasteners, and then quickly pushing them down. One glance into my wife's eyes showed her instant approval. She rose into a sitting position, gently pushing at my chest and causing me to fall backwards. I kicked off my shoes with a rapid motion of my feet. My pants followed shortly after, as she tugged them off and tossed them to the side. The light of the moon reflected from her exposed flesh allowed me to fully appreciate her splendor. I stared into her lust filled eyes as a burning passion took over my last resolve. Animalistic fervour overpowered me. With loud growling my wife and I embraced in the celebration of our love.
The feeling of contentment washed over me, as we lay in each other's arms watching the stars above. The love of my existence snuggled tightly at my side allowed me to nearly forget all else. If only life were that simple. Memories of earlier today invaded my mind. Esme must have noticed, as she turned to me with a supportive kiss. "Darling," she called to me softly, "we need to speak about what happened earlier. I know you Carlisle. You need to discuss this, and I can see how conflicted you are."
My breath hitched, as I pinched the bridge of my nose contemplating my wife's words. I exhaled the unneeded air slowly as my thoughts replayed the events of the evening. "Esme, I am at a loss," I confessed with the defeat clearly evident in my voice. My gaze lowered to the ground as I admitted, "I know what must be done, but ..."
"...but you question yourself," she finished for me. "Carlisle, you are the most compassionate man I know." Loving eyes gazed down to me as my Esme attested, "our children love you, and what happened tonight won't change that." My eyes closed, as I felt her fingers gently run through my hair while my thoughts continued to chastise me.
I rose to a sitting position, as if to distance myself from the love I no longer felt deserving of. The lust filled passions of earlier now replaced by loathing and guilt. I chanced a glance to my wife, and saw her look of concern. She is a woman of passion, and loves deeply without restraint. How could I have hurt her so? What kind of monster am I? The sensations of guilt and grief washed over me, as I drew my knees to my chest and wrapped my arms around them.
Cold hands reached out, and embraced me tightly as my Esme joined me once more. She pulled me gently to her, allowing for my head to rest easily upon her chest. "Oh Carlisle," she began with a soft sigh, "you are way too hard on yourself. I know of no other man with such restraint and compassion. You created a large coven, and control it without resorting to the violent methods of other coven leaders. You created a family. Every member of our family is loyal to you, and to each of us. They obey you out of respect and love. What other coven leader can ever hope to make that claim? Our love is what keeps us together, and you as our patriarch continue to tame the passions that have destroyed so many others." Esme looked to me while giving me an affectionate hug as a symbol of her support and love.
I heard the words of my wife, and though I knew them to be true I was unwilling to accept them at the moment. "Esme," I began. "I hurt a member of my family. I reacted in anger, and harmed him. How can anyone trust me now," I continued with a slow shake of my head, "how can I ever accept myself." Venom gathered in my throat, and may have choked me if I had need of breath. I wiped at my nose, and buried my head into my arms to hide my disgrace. "Esme, please leave me," I gasped. "I will trouble you and the family no further." My sense of self-loathing grew to such intensity, that her presence began to weigh heavily upon my guilt. I don't deserve her.
"I will do no such thing, Carlisle," she said in rebuke. "Am I not your mate, and do you honestly expect me to walk away from you without a word? How could you even think to do this to me? I will not leave you, and I loathe the very notion." With a sweep of her hand towards our home she continued her admonishment by asking, "What would our family do without you? Do you honestly think we would survive the next argument or explosive emotional confrontation?"
I groaned softly, knowing her words were true and yet not able to accept them. My head slowly shook while still resting in my arms, as I continued to contemplate my thoughts. "I have betrayed you, and my children," I uttered. With great difficulty, I lifted my head and turned my venom covered face toward my dear Esme. A gentle hand cupped my cheek as I felt her finger under my chin giving it a gentle nudge.
"Carlisle, look into my eyes," she admonished with a firm, but compassionate tone. Terror gripped my inner being clenching my stomach into a tight knot, as I slowly raised my gaze to look into her own. My fears at seeing rejection and accusation in her eyes were for naught. In their place I found the warmth and love I so badly needed, but didn't deserve. "Carlisle," Esme repeated to gain my attention, "you have so much compassion for others. Why are you unable to forgive yourself? Show yourself some compassion."
"Emmett is right," I admitted with a pause. "I am a hypocrite." A heavy shroud of silence engulfed us, as my mind raced in silent reflection. A quick glance to Esme informed me she was in a state of quiet contemplation herself.
The rushing of water sounded louder than it had previously, and crickets filled the night air. A wolf howled in the distance. Rodents scurried about, and a snake slithered in a nearby tree seeking eggs from whatever nest it could find. Such activities provided a restful respite for the memories that haunted my mind. Esme's hand rested upon my shoulder as she drew my attention back to her. My onyx coloured eyes stared helplessly into her own.
"You need to hunt," she stated firmly. She rose to her feet with an inhumanely graceful motion, and tugged at my arm for me to do likewise. "Carlisle, you are not yourself. We both know you need to hunt. The stresses of tonight have taken their toll on you, and the darkness of your eyes is evidence of your need to feed. She kneeled before me while picking up my boxers and trousers. Her hands slipped into the waistband of the shorts, and held them out to me as if I were little more than a toddler she intended to dress. No argument made, and my legs did what as required to aid my wife. She did the same with my trousers. My socks and shoes soon followed. I did not know what to make of this, but my sense of helplessness and self loathing allowed her loving administrations which would have been more for a child. Lost in thought I quietly muttered, "I don't deserve you."
A sharp slap to my thigh instantly gained my attention, as I noticed the accusation in her eyes. She held me firmly in her gaze, and after a few minutes rose slowly and redressed herself. "I will hear no more of this foolishness," she informed me with a sternness I have seldom heard from my loving wife. "We will hunt now, and when you have regained control of your senses this discussion will continue." Esme, sensible as always had easily persuaded me to her point of view.
Silently we travelled with the grace of trained predators, as we stalked animals of the night. We moved along the bank of the river until we came upon a pack of wolves. Loud growls of challenge emitted from my chest, and I approached my prey with venom swelling in my throat from my thirst. They knew me for the predator that I am. The alpha stood his ground to protect the pack, allowing for the rest to flee. The wolf bravely faced me, knowing his death was imminent. Out of respect for this noble creature, I made the kill quickly with the least amount of pain possible. He gained the security for his pack with his noble sacrifice, a price only one worthy of leadership would be willing to pay.
The mighty alpha nourished me with more than just his blood this night. I contemplated my role as head of my coven, and knew I would gladly lay down my life to save those of my family. I drank my fill, draining the beast of its crimson fluid. Long moments passed, before I reverently picked up the body and transported it to a place other than its home. Esme had no need to feed, as she and the girls had hunted earlier today.
I felt the graceful touch of my wife, as she grasped my proffered hand. Once again her beauty came to the forefront of my consciousness. I desired to act upon these urges, but my sense of responsibility took over. I ran a hand through my golden hair, and turned to face my wife as I enquired, "You wish to resume our conversation?" My gaze sought hers, as I awaited an answer.
A subtle nod of her head was given, as she turned to face me. "Carlisle let us sit for a moment. It pleases me to see that you have returned to your sensible self, but we have much to discuss before the night is over." She paused for a minute to study me, as if ensuring my level of attentiveness. We walked towards a tree that had fallen. The scraps of my former shirt came in handy as I brushed off a place for my wife to sit upon the log. She smiled at my chivalrous act, and seated herself waiting for me to do the same before she continued. I knew what to do, but would my Esme be up to it?
It seemed that Esme struggled with her own thoughts, as silence continued while she slowly breathed in and out. We have no need of air, but such actions do aid with stress. How could I have placed this strain on her? I desired to protect my wife, but I was the predator she most feared this night. Guilt once more began to work its way into my mind. My wife reacted to my fallen gaze by asking, " Carlisle, what are you thinking?"
"Esme, you know my thoughts," I admitted with a resigned sigh. "I am struggling with how to best deal with this situation we are now faced, and the guilt for my actions tonight which have only increased the overall tension." At these words my wife's hand gently patted my thigh in a supportive gesture.
"We'll deal with that later," she agreed without openly dismissing my concerns. My gaze returned to hers while I listened as she continued to speak. "Carlisle, I want you to tell me what happened."
With a knowing nod of my head, I began to explain, "Emmett's carelessness caused Alice's injury, and Jasper reacted in anger. I realize our natural tendency is to protect our mate, and his fury was quite reasonable. However, he needs to learn to control it. He worked himself into a fit of rage, and moved to attack Emmett." I could feel my eyes darkening, as my own protective anger began to emerge. Esme sat in silence, and made no move to rush me while she waited. "You flew across the yard, and Jasper's rage radiated from him to affect me as well. I nearly killed Jasper when Emmett tackled and pinned me to the ground. I lost control, and my vampire nature took over. In that state I bit Emmett, and intended to kill him." I continued while looking into her eyes. I shook my head as I admitted, "I have no excuse for having reacted the way I did."
"Let's talk about Jasper for now," Esme mentioned helpfully. "What should we do about him?
I looked to her face quizzically, and wished I had Edward's gift at this moment to determine my wife's thoughts. While pondering on her intention I continued, "I would rather forgive him with a stern lecture, but for many reasons that is not in the best interests of the family. In so doing I would be declaring an acceptance for violence between our members. Others would expect the same results when a similar situation arises in the future. Our family would be torn apart, as has been the case with many large covens before ours."
I paused briefly with a glance to Esme, and continued as she nodded to me in understanding. "We cannot allow his behavior to go without an appropriate punishment. Doing so would be destructive both to the health of our family, and to him," I continued. "Jasper is a very sensitive young man. His guilt could destroy him, and it is unfair of me to keep him waiting. He needs the forgiveness from paying the right price for his transgressions." I pinched the bridge of my nose as I considered the situation I now faced. I turned to my wife with a helpless expression as she nodded her head appreciatively.
"I understand the problem Carlisle. We do need to discuss Jasper's transgressions, but in doing so we place you in an uncomfortable position," Esme admitted as she studied my expression. "Emmett called you a hypocrite, and others in the family have expressed similar views. Carlisle," she mentioned with adoration clear in her voice, "you are the best man I have ever known, and our children adore you. I can understand your fears of losing their respect, but I honestly don't see that happening. You too can make mistakes now and then," Esme offered with a teasing smirk as she continued, "even if you don't agree."
I had to laugh at her expression, and considered her words carefully when Esme began speaking once more, "we should discuss Jasper's punishment. Carlisle, what are you considering?"
Now it was my turn to speak, and I had to think carefully on my words. "Esme, I know you disagree with physical punishment of any kind, but our family is not typical. A coven is difficult to control, as discipline is an essential part of that. Most coven leaders would have made an example of Jasper, and had him killed. They rule in fear, and frighten their members into being loyal. We are fortunate to have a family and not a coven, but discipline is still essential if we don't wish ourselves torn apart by vicious natures and out of control emotions." I sighed quietly before continuing, "Spanking has proven in the past to carry out this need. It is most unpleasant when being administered, and yet causes no real harm while providing the incentive needed to avoid a future reoccurrence."
Esme's breath hitched at the mention of a spanking, but reluctantly accepted my methods. "Is this all that you plan to do Carlisle," she asked uncertainly while explaining," it seems little more than any other misbehaviour deemed worthy of such a chastisement."
I began to understand the concerns of my dear Esme, and without hesitation I continued, "That is the main punishment. He needs to reflect on what he might have lost, and to spend time with the family. With this in mind, I intend to ground him for a month. He is to stay on our property, and may hunt as needed. He will be given a list of chores to work on to keep his idle hands busy. If he finds a summer job, then he would have permission to work. He will lose his driving privileges for a month. This will encourage him to work with his siblings, and to rely less on himself. They can drive him should he need to go anywhere. I looked to my wife's eyes, seeking approval in her gaze.
A slow nod of understanding was given, as Esme whistled appreciatively to my words. "Carlisle, you are a good man. You are a loving and compassionate father, and a dotting grandfather." Esme emphasized the word father while giving me a wolfish grin as she no doubt considered other assets of which she opted against mentioning at this moment. With a new firmness in her voice, my wife alleged " Carlisle, you know what to do. Why then are you so hesitant?"
"Hypocrite," I muttered almost under my breath, as if despising my admittance. My eyes fell to the ground knowing what we needed, but I had no idea how to make the request. Butterflies fluttered in my stomach. I glanced to my dear Esme, and wondered how I could ever ask such a thing of her. I shook my head in frustration, and raised my eyes to the moon as I struggled in silence.
"Carlisle," she called to me with an unmistakable gentleness. "You are responsible for our coven, and if something should happen it is you who must take accountability. The Volturi wouldn't hesitate to punish you for something any of us did. What more incentive could you possibly need to avoid repeating the mistakes of tonight?" A supportive hug was quickly given me, as Esme looked lovingly into my eyes.
I took in a deep breath and slowly shook my head. "Esme, my dear Esme. You move me with your passionate love, and yet I find myself unconvinced by your words. I know what you say is true. Despite this I am unable to forgive myself, or to consider me as anything less than a hypocrite." I took in a deep breath and returned my gaze to meet her own as I pleaded desperately, "Esme, I need a favour to ask of you." It felt as if my stomach clenched into a tight little ball as I awaited her response.
"Carlisle," Esme began, and then paused as she tried to maul over what it was that I had said. Her voice sounded unsure as she asked quietly in a whisper even I had a hard time hearing, "... are you asking me to s... um... to discipline you?"
Turning my gaze to the side, I dared not look her way. My stomach flipped, or at least felt as if it did while insecurity racked me. There are no words to describe my feelings, as I sat there awaiting my wife's reaction. I felt like a small child, and a voracious old man making an illicit request of a woman he had no business speaking to. My humiliation took on new heights, as the silence seemed unending. I squeezed my eyes in anticipation of what my wife may say.
Esme's reaction to the request remained a mystery to me, as I hadn't the courage to look her way. I felt her hand upon my own causing me to stiffen in anticipation. Gently she began to stroke my arm lovingly. In a quiet whisper she commanded, "Carlisle, look at me."
With all the strength I could manage, my eyes opened and I turned to gaze into my wife's golden orbs. I dreaded the disappointment that I would see, but found only love and maybe a bit of pride. Nervous energy coursed through my veins, as I awaited my wife's answer.
A small hand cupped my chin, and held me lovingly while Esme nodded her agreement. "I will do this for you Carlisle. I do not fully understand why you ask it of me, but I am well aware that you feel this is the best possible solution." She leaned into me and brushed her lips against my own as she added, "But, I'm not too comfortable about this."
My eyes shot open wide, as I stared to her in utter disbelief. Was this actually happening? It by no means is something I ever fantasized about, but now that it was becoming a reality my mind began to reel. My insides began to twist themselves into knots as I contemplated what awaited me. Glancing around the area I asked her hesitantly, "would you like me to cut a switch, or maybe remove my belt?" If I could blush, my cheeks would be crimson! Our hands were much harder than anything else that could be used, and yet I have no idea why those were the first words to pop from my mouth. It was not my wish to try to get off easy.
Despite how serious this situation was, Esme chuckled lightly as she placed a hand upon my own and chided me, "Carlisle, easy there. Not just yet, as we need to take care of Jasper First. This waiting cannot be any easier on him."
I considered my wife's comment, and had to concede that she was right. It felt good knowing we were in agreement, and I smiled easily to my adorable wife. Turning to her I confessed, "There is no need to send the children out while you dispense with what we discussed." For some reason I found myself completely unable to say the word now that it had become a reality. With great difficulty I continued by way of explanation, "They need to know that we are all held accountable to the rules. I am not above them, as these regulations are for the safety of our family. They deserve to know. I lead by example," I admitted as a shy smile graced my face while I continued, "I prefer being a good role model. In this particular instance my punishment will be the example."
Esme shook her head to me as she mentioned with a slight panic in her voice, "Carlisle, I will not carry this out before the children. If that is what you suggest, then you can forget it! I will not have them watching, as it will be difficult enough to do. I don't know if I would have the resolve to carry it through."
"No, that is not what I mean, Egad no! Never like that!" My nerves were running high, and my sense of shame blossomed from deep within. "Esme," I began in a calm voice meant to reassure her, "I meant not to send the children away while it was happening." Thoughts raced through my mind, including some very unpleasant memories in my childhood bedroom during similar instances. With a shake of my head I turned back to my wife and requested, "I have no right to ask this of you, but please let us have this particular discussion in my study. I do not relish having memories of that in our bedroom." My brow twitched mischievously as I added, "bedrooms are better used for other activities."
Laughter actually greeted my ears, as Esme looked rather amused by my predicament. With mirth filled eyes she confirmed, "This is absurd, but if it is your wish Carlisle, then I will do so. It is not an easy task you have asked of me." I turned to begin our journey home when my ears detected the sound of her cell as she punched a few buttons. Upon hearing the voice of my daughter, I knew what my wife meant to say. She informed Alice to send everyone but Jasper out, and to stay within ten minutes of the home. She understood without further explanation. With a roll of my eyes I realized how much I did not wish to know what my daughter already saw through her visions of my discussion with Esme. Suddenly I was no longer quite so eager for our return.
A sense of relief washed over me with the realization that Alice would not have shared her visions with the others in the family. It pleases me that of all my children she is the one with the gift, and accepts the responsibility that comes with it. She uses it often to help the family while keeping our privacy in mind by not gossiping about what she sees.
A glance towards my wife was a most rewarding sight. Caramel-coloured locks seductively danced about her head in a distracting way. Its perpetual movement worked as a beacon whipping around in the wind and drawing attention to her adorable heart-shaped face. A dimpled smile graced her luscious features at the detection of my wandering gaze, and we began to slow our pace with her promise filled look. A wolfish smile is given as my eyes hungrily explore her sensuous assets. Women have so little idea the power they hold over a man at a time like this. With a growl of appreciation my body slammed gently into that of my wife, causing us both to stumble towards the forest floor. It would seem she too had her own dance in mind; her hands pawed at my exposed chest before moving to my back where she seductively scratched in a manner guaranteed to drive a man wild. I was no exception.
Esme rolled atop me pressing her lips tightly against my own, and without warning pulled upwards while placing a finger upon my lips. "Carlisle, we have something we need to take care of before we can continue," she explained while taking note of our current location. "How would you like to proceed," she enquired, as if believing my mind could plan anything over the screaming of my hormones.
"I love you so much," I whispered in a voice betraying my desires.
A sudden shout broke through the forest interrupting us, and causing chuckles to erupt from multiple sources, "Eww, Dad! Gross!"
"Edward, stay out of my mind," I scolded my son. With a mischievous glance to my wife, as a wicked grin crossed my face at the words I soon uttered, "Unless you want to see everything I have planned with your mother."
A horrified shout of, "Dad!" was my reward.
Esme's laughter filled the air, and my mind did as promised. Edward's lack of response assured me that he had indeed opted to grant my thoughts the privacy they were due, and my gaze landed upon the beautiful face of my wife. I had to curb my desires and focus on what responsibility required of me. With this in mind I advised, "Esme, you need to hunt."
She gazed to me with questioning eyes, as if wondering why I would suggest such a thing when knowing all too well that she already had done so. In explanation I offered, "You will need it later. I know well the strain placed on you with my earlier request. You will appreciate having fed."
She seemed to ponder the idea for a moment. Gracefully she rose from the ground and brushed herself off without turning to me. "Carlisle, I don't want to do this," she began speaking about matters other than the hunt. Slowly she turned in my direction. Locks of caramel-coloured hair threatened to hide her eyes as she admitted, "I cannot bear to hurt you. Your grief spoke of intense pain, and if I can help you with that I will. Carlisle," she repeated my name as to draw my attention to her next words, "is this what you really want?"
I knew tonight's activities would take their toll on us both, and feared for my wife. It would indeed be much harder on her than me. I rose to my feet and lovingly ran a hand through Esme's hair in a slow motion meant to give comfort. With a hand resting on her shoulder I gazed into her eyes and apologized by admitting, "I will design another plan, Esme. You do not need to do this."
She considered my words carefully. Once more I wished for Edward's gift, and then realized he might already know her thoughts. A crimson glow would dominate the colouring of my skin if it were at all possible for us to blush. I smiled to her reassuringly, and hoped to comfort her in whatever choice she made. My stomach knotted in anxiety, as I awaited my wife's decision.
"No, I am unable to do that to you," Esme spoke with a deepening sadness in her voice. It wrenched at my heart to hear the level of pain I had caused my dear wife. I took her into my arms and hugged her compassionately with all that was in me to give. "Do not let this trouble you further," I whispered softly for her alone to hear.
"Carlisle," she gently chided, "you did not let me finish." The smile she gave me now was one of sadness while she glanced into my eyes. "The grief you bear weighs too heavily upon you. I cannot allow you to continue suffering when it is within my power to offer you comfort." A determined gaze met my own as she said with resolve, "I will do as you have requested."
My stomach fell to my groin, as I didn't honestly expect her to agree. My voice resounded with the reverence I felt towards my wife as I said, "I love you Esme." Venom swirled in my throat causing me to swallow before adding, "We will tell the children at the family meeting, after my discussion with Jasper. Go now and hunt."
The retreating form of my wife into the forest became the sole focus of my gaze, until I could no longer see her. My attention turned to Jasper, and with determination I made my way back home.