A/N: This was all planned out before any of the Civil War trailers came out, so nothing we saw after Ant-Man will be factored into this.
Even though Clint had retired from Avenging after the whole Ultron deal, he still had an open invitation to the new Avengers facility whenever he felt like showing up. He had taken the kids with him to see their Auntie Nat and give Laura some alone time with little Nate.
He had gotten exhausted just watching his rugrats play with Nat, so, after making them promise to behave, Clint had left them with his friend and gone to visit Pietro.
In the month since he had retired, Clint hadn't gotten much time to visit the speedster because so much of his time was dedicated to the new baby. He didn't have a lot of experience sitting at bedsides - he was usually the one in the hospital bed - but Clint tried to make an effort to be interesting in case Pietro could hear him. After all, who didn't like hearing about the antics of a newborn baby?
He was in the middle of regaling Pietro with the misadventures of Lucky, the family dog, with Nate when two people appeared out of nowhere on the other side of the bed.
Even though he had been assured by Steve, Nat, and his new bird bro that after a dude with shrinking abilities had broken in a few days ago they had upped security, Clint still carried at least three knives and a gun on his person at all times. Nat had no right to judge; she had at least twice that on her on slow days. He had grudgingly left his bow in the other room though, figuring he wouldn't need it with only a comatose person for company.
Two strange women mysteriously appearing in the room had him pulling his gun and wishing he had been paranoid enough to bring in his bow.
"You didn't see that coming?" croaked the previously unconscious young man on the bed. Had he been awake the whole time?
One of the women, a short blonde who looked vaguely familiar, was eyeing his gun warily. The other, a much taller blonde who looked like she was wearing what Clint thought might be Asgardian clothes- what the hell- smiled benignly at him. Oh no. No way in hell was he trusting that. No.
"Would you happen to be one of my son's shield brothers?" the taller woman asked, managing to look regal even though they were in a stark white hospital room.
Clint was pretty sure he knew who the tall woman was, and he did not like his suspicions.
"Depends," he said, not lowering the gun. "Who's your son?"
"Thor. I am Queen Frigga of Asgard."
"Yeah, sure," Clint snorted. "And I'm the Queen of England."
The smaller blonde snorted. "You don't look anything like her."
"Relax," Pietro wheezed from his hospitable bed. "They are friends."
"Okay, so you don't mind if I call for a few reinforcements?" Clint asked, narrowing his eyes.
Officially, none of the hospital rooms had access to Friday - Helen Cho had said something about doctor-patient confidentiality and Stark had sighed dramatically and made it happen - which meant that Clint had to text the other Avengers for back up.
ur bros awake. strange peeps here tho, Clint texted to Wanda.
need u in speedys room. get cap, he sent to Sam.
Rhodes was on a date with Pepper and Tony, so they wouldn't want to be disturbed. Clint wouldn't be surprised if Nat was already aware of the situation.
Wanda burst into the room with the Vision following behind her in a manner reminiscent of a duckling.
"Pietro!" she cried as she leapt for him, smothering him in an enthusiastic hug.
"Ow, ow," he muttered under his breath, gripping his twin back just as tightly.
Meanwhile, the Vision was staring at the shorter blonde with a vaguely perplexed look on his face.
"Pardon me, but you wouldn't happen to be Dr. Janet van Dyne, codename the Wasp, would you?" he asked.
Clint vaguely heard the other woman's response of "Yes, have we met before?", but most of his attention was caught by his phone, which had let out a loud falcon screech, indicating that he had a text from Sam.
We have a situation, it said.
yeah no shit, Clint replied.