AU
R&R
Sorry for the long wait!
Thanks to impersonal for beta reading this! love lots!!
BLUE
VI
"I…"
I whispered while looking at the sky above us. The rain was relentlessly beating down on us while we're stuck under a Sakura tree; seeking shelter from its thick braches and its full bloom leaves.
"Because of me, we're stuck here, you're wet, Akane-san will surely get worried and…"
And…what? What am I supposed to say?
Ahhh… she probably hates me now.
Just thinking about that, my heart feels really heavy.
"I'm sorry…" I bowed my head in shame as tears began dripping down my face. Idiot… what am I crying for…
"Can I touch you?" she uttered from nowhere.
Wha-…
"I want to touch you, Haruka-san…" she said softly, her hands stretched upfront. "Haruka…"
"I'm here…" I replied, wiping the tears off from my face.
I reached for her hand and gently held it with my own. She smiled; amiably and tenderly. The brilliance of her smile never wavered and it simply puts me into a state of uncertainty. It was something as precious as this is really true, or if someone like me truly deserved something as precious as this.
Michiru loosened her grip, slowly lifting her hand up and cupping both my cheeks. I panicked at the sudden contact but remained still in my position. Again she smiled as she slowly traced my face with her finger. It was slow and gentle, caring and comforting... the soft touch of her finger; the warmth of her hands; the feeling emanated from her touch was like…
"You're really beautiful, Haruka-san..."
"I'm... not…"
"Iie… You really are..." she said while tracing my face gently and slowly, "and your skin is really smooth and soft too."
"I-…"
She giggled. And while I wanted to say something back, the sound of Michiru's laughter (though this may sound silly) made me utterly speechless and completely happy.
"I like the rain." She leaned her back on the tree branch. "I like everything about the rain. Its scent, its sound and the way it makes you feel."
She continued joyfully, breathing in the air and exhaling out a contented smile. "If you close your eyes and just listen to the sound it makes… somehow, there is comfort in the sound. It's soothing and my heart is always at ease."
I was drifting off into silence as I looked at her smiling face. She was telling me things so randomly. It was unnecessary and yet she still did. To tell me these things; to make me understand that it was okay, that I don't have to be sorry… to calm these anxieties and worries down…
Michiru really is nice.
"Don't you think?" she asked eagerly, waiting for my reply.
"I-…" I stopped as soon as I felt Michiru's hands tracing down my arms.
"Come here…" she invited as her hand finally found its way on mine and pulled me closer to her. "Close your eyes and listen."
I blushed and found myself doing as I was told.
(Cannonball by Damien Rice)
Drip…
Drip…
Drip…
The gentle sound of her voice, the brilliance of her smile, and the warmth of tender hands; the feeling emanated from her touch was like a blanket. A soft and comforting blanket, under this cold and weary rainy night.
And just like the rain, Michiru's hand has its own reassuring comfort.
Under the rainy evening sky, standing beside Michiru, listening to the still sound of the rain… I found ease all over again.
I wonder why…
Why I hoped the rain would keep falling without ever stopping even for just a mere second...
(-stop music-)
VII
I ran across the street with much eagerness and anticipation in me. It's really funny how a simple action of seeing Michiru could make me this overtly excited. Even just a glimpse of her could draw out a smile I never thought I could have. It may sound silly, but Michiru's presence is all I ever need, to know exactly what it means to live a life worth living.
I stopped, and slowly took my steps towards her. I saw her moved sideways and with one welcoming smile, she greeted me.
"Konnichiwa, Haruka-san."
"Konnichiwa, Michiru-san!" I happily replied as I took my sit beside her. I started smiling proudly then began my good news. "I passed my exams!"
"Honto?"
"Hai! English 86, Math 89, History 90 and Science 88."
"Omedetou!"
"Thanks," I sincerely replied.
"I get to see Haruka-san's diploma, right?"
"You'll be the first one to see it."
"Yakusoku?"
"Hai. I promise."
It should be Michiru. Without her encouragement and support, I wouldn't be coming back to school. Without her, I wouldn't be like this. With Michiru by my side, slowly but surely, I was molding into a better person…
"Want to walk around?" I suggested once again.
"See again what we see?"
"Hai. See what we see," I replied.
She giggled in return.
We walked and walked this path all over again. The same concrete pavement of this park was tiring and yet it's not. As we walked onto this road, we shared to each other a part of our life and by that, this strenuous road always seemed to be invigorating and stimulating. It was like a crossroad to her life and mine. And the simple thought of getting to know her even more was all enough for me to keep walking.
As I continued walking eagerly talking about the things around, I never noticed I wasn't beside Michiru anymore until I heard her whimpered.
"Un…"
I quickly turned around and saw her, on her knees, on the ground.
"Are you alright?! Did you get hurt?!" I asked as I ran to help her up.
I heard the man who bumped her grunt. I glared in response and all he did was turn his back on us and walked away, not even a word of apology coming from him. I hissed before turning my attention back to Michiru.
"Hey are you-…" I tried to ask once again but stopped midway, when I found her on the ground carefully searching the pavement something important.
(Cannonball by Damien Rice)
"My walking stick… Where's my walking stick?" she asked to herself as she continuously searched for that wooden stick.
I kneeled in front of her and grabbed the stick. "Michiru-san…"
She looked up, her eyes, surely, was glistening with tears. "Sorry… Just wait for a moment. I'll find my stick and we'll continue walking… I'll find it…" She apologized wholeheartedly.
I moved closer and grabbed her right hand with my left hand.
"I'm sorry…"
"Michiru-san… You don't need your cane anymore." I started.
"Huh?"
"From now on, I'll be by your side holding your hand, so be sure to never let go of me. You got that?"
"Mmm… I won't let go."
The sadness from before was instantly replaced by cheery smile. The smile I'll always nurture, I'll always tend to, so it'll never wither.
Michiru's smile.
As we walked down this narrow road, for me, it felt like a journey to a world of happiness. The sound of Michiru's laughter, the softness of her hands, the sight of her smiling face, the soothing smell of her scent… These feelings just escalate even more. Growing day by day, night by night, my heart is filled with happiness that was stronger than the ruckus of summer breeze.
And yet somehow I feared…
I fear that this happiness I'm feeling at this very moment might be lost forever…
That fear had enveloped me into darkness…
Darkness deeper than the sound of raging sea…
And somehow, a part of me started sensing emptiness…
But…
This only shows how happy I was…
(-stop music-)
VIII
I never felt anything like this before. But it felt great; being with her felt great. Just the simple act of sitting beside her, even if we both do not utter a single word, it was all worthwhile. Days went by fast and all of them were spent being by her side. It was more than enough, honestly. I don't mind spending a lifetime just sitting beside her. It was so easy, simple, natural and relieving. And it felt so surreal… being with her was like going to a place that I had never been before. And for the first time, it felt as if I was actually living…
"Where are we going?" she asked as I gently pulled hand.
I wanted it to be surprise so I opted to keep my mouth shut. I heard her whine and I only had to chuckle in return. I stopped and pulled Michiru to the center. I smiled, smugly as usual, as I looked around the area. It was perfect, just like Michiru wanted it to be.
"Haruka-san?"
I looked back at her and gently pulled her hand once again and led her to the bridge. "You mentioned about liking the color blue…" I began.
She nodded with another smile.
"Well, we're here. The blue sky and the blue ocean." I announced with the same proud smile across my lips that somehow can't seem to fade.
"How does it feel?" I asked.
She breathed deeply the air in and exhaled a smile on her delicate face. "It feels great."
Seeing her smile so sincerely and genuinely like that terribly warms my heart. It made skipping school to come here all the more worth it. It made me want to do this over and over again. I'm not saying skipping school is good but her smile made me feel - it's really presumptuous to say important - but somehow it made me feel needed. And it was simply rewarding.
"The scent of blue."
"Hai. The scent of blue."
"This is my secret spot." I started.
I don't even know why I said that; and all of a sudden no less. She stared at me in a way that would make you feel as though you don't have any choice but continue talking, regardless of whether or not what you're trying to say is boring or unrelated.
And I'm always helpless to that kind of look.
"I always come here when I feel down. My real father always brings me here before he died. This is our special place."
"I'm sorry…"
I chuckled. "Don't be."
"But..." she tried to reason out but I cut her off.
"Nobody knows this place but you… So…"
"So?"
"Only Michiru-san can come here… Promise me that?"
What am I doing saying this things so suddenly? I shook my head vigorously from the stupidity I had just made utter in my mouth and I just hoped Michiru-san would just forget everything I said.
"Hai," she softly voiced out.
I looked up and saw her smiling with her pinky finger inviting me out. I blushed and stood still wondering whether this is just some illusion my mind played or if this is real.
"I promise," She said softly once again but it was clear enough to snap me out of my thoughts.
I blushed and slowly lifted my hand up. I circled my finger around hers. With one simple movement, a promise of forever was made. Evening approached fast and we started heading back to where Akane-san had to pick her up. The walk was unusually long since we walked farther than usual but nonetheless it was still as enjoyable as ever. Being with her made me feel that I wouldn't have to work so hard to be happy, that it could all just happen. As simple and as plain as that… this moment of being with her…
Even if it sounded ridiculous… this one single moment was more precious, far more precious, than the life I've lived for 16 years…
We continued walking while I enjoyed myself with the sound of Michiru's laughter. It was pure inevitable bliss. I was so indulged with her that I didn't even notice the flickering of light in front of us. I heard endless blowing of horns and as I turned to my side, a blinding white light had flashed right before my eyes. The last thing I heard was the screeching of car tires and people screaming.
I sat there, unmoved, as I looked on the woman lying helplessly across me.
(Broken by Lifehouse)
My tears started flowing uncontrollably as I gazed at her blood stained body. Slowly I tried to get up and took my steps towards her. My ankle was broken, my arm is hurting but the pain in my chest is unrelenting. I kneeled beside her and wrapped my hands around her.
"Help us… help us. Help!" I cried out, my tears staining her bruised face.
I heard people shouting and saw most of them in a hurried state. But everything seemed vague, their faces or the words they were trying to tell me. All I could hear was the incessant plea my heart kept shouting.
Please wake up…
Michiru-san,
Please…
don't die…
I can't do anything. I was as helpless as I could ever be. Looking at her lifeless body, the feeling that emanated from behind me was like the early morning mist; like the freezing ocean, that feeling of blue... Silent and icy cold, it felt like the wave of painful sorrow...
The darkness I solely feared of was slowly and quietly engulfing me.
IX
How long was it?
I don't remember the last time I talked to her, walked with her, I saw her smile, held her hand or just simply sat beside her. But I guess it's been long enough for me to not remember it.
It's so quiet...
I miss her. I miss the sound of her laughter; the way she smiles warmly, the way she held my hand for reassurance, the way she talks; the way she tucks her hair behind her ears; the way she looks when she's happy, sad or excited; I missed the way she makes me feel when I'm with her. Her presence was more heart-warming to me than anyone else's, and maybe, that's the reason why I keep coming back and back to this place.
Waiting… waiting for someone that may never come yet I sit here at the same bench hoping... Because right now, what I needed was to believe that hope existed somewhere…
I leaned my back and gaze at the clear blue sky above me.
Blue…
If I close my eyes, would I see you?
--x0x--
"How does it feel?" Haruka asked refraining from saying anything direct about her condition.
"To be blind?" Michiru pressed further. She smiled and continued. "Close your eyes."
"What do you see?"
"Nothing."
Michiru giggled again. "Try to feel the things around you... So what do you see now?"
"Still nothing," Haruka bluntly replied.
"Not everything could be seen with your eyes. It takes a lot from a person to see something beyond that... to see something with their heart."
"I think it's pointless if you can't see it with your own eyes."
"Eyes are pointless if you can't see the beauty of what you're looking at."
--x0x--
I smiled to myself with my eyes still closed. I still don't get what she meant by that… But-…
Rustle…
Rustle…
Rustle…
I quickly opened my eyes as soon as I felt someone sitting beside me. And for the longest time, a smile finally crawled its way out of my lips… The same smile I always have when I look at her…
(Smile by Damien Rice from 3:27-4:35)
Ahhh… It's you… Michiru…
She leaned hear back comfortably and like always had her eyes closed. And just as I first saw her, she had her smile up as she breathed in the scent of nature around her.
--x0x--
I stood there and watched as Michiru's bleeding body being pushed through the corridors of the hospital. It all seemed so surreal to me, like a nightmare I couldn't wake up from. Everything happened so fast; one moment ago she was smiling so brightly as ever and now… I couldn't see the same radiance she used to have.
This isn't supposed to happen. It was supposed to be me. I was supposed to be in there not her. The car was supposed to hit me not Michiru.
It was supposed to be me…
As the car approached us, I just stood there awaiting for my death to come… I stood there helplessly not even daring to run or move away. My feet froze and all I could think was the nearing of my death. And yet she, unaware of what was happening, made a difference.
She pushed me, and had her life taken instead of mine.
I kept telling myself not to cry. I felt that if cried even the tiniest hope would crumble to pieces…
So I stood there in the corner, my body trembling as I hold back my tears.
"Michiru's operation was successful but due to how hard she had hit her head, a part of her memory was lost. The only thing she could remember was everything from her past. Everything that happened to her in the present time is nothing but a vague memory…"
--x0x--
Sitting beside her as always…
'Michiru… Did you know I finally graduated?' I started, whispering the words carefully out of my mouth. 'Here... My diploma, as promised… I'll wait for you to remember… I'll wait for those same smile and that encouraging words. I'll wait, Michiru, so better hurry and remember me.'
Looking at that serene face… her tender smile… long eyelashes… slender and soft hands… I'm just happy that she's alive. Even if she doesn't remember, I'll always remember the moment we shared together. I'll remember the sound of your laughter, the warm touch of your hands, the sound of falling rain, the comforting sound of your voice and the sweet smell of your scent... just like the scent of the sea, like the scent of the sky... Michiru's scent was like the scent of blue...
As long as I could see that smile once again, it's all enough…
For now…
The end!
Thanks to impersonal beta-reading this! love lots!
I promised two diff ending but.. the other ending was Michiru ending up being dead and I can't simply do it.. hahahaha I'm a softie as ipersonal would put it
I tried to be dramatic but hahaha I suck at it... but hopefully it did get to you...
Thanks for reading and hope you guys liked it!