Uncanny Batman

Chapter 2: The Animals Go In Two By Two- Part 1

By

The Uncanny R-Man

Disclaimer- 'Good... bad... I'm the guy with the gun.'- Ash (Army of Darkness)

Gotham Zoo-

It was night time in Gotham City and as usual there was skullduggery afoot. An unmarked grey van had pulled up outside one of the loading bays outside Gotham Zoo.

'Hey, what the hell's going on here?' A curious zookeeper asked as he came up to see what the masked men were up to.

'This ain't got nothin' to do with you, buddy.' One of the masked men growled menacingly. 'Just keep walkin'. We don't want no trouble.'

The keeper the noticed that the masked men were carrying guns.

'I'm gonna call the cops.' The keeper said as he turned around to make a run for it.

'Stop him!' The thug in charge yelled. 'He's gonna blow the whole plan.'

One of the other thugs upholstered his gun and took aim.

BLAM!

The thug shot the zookeeper in the back of the leg, making him tumble to the ground.

'We told ya we didn't want no trouble.' The lead thug tutted as he walked over to the wounded zookeeper. 'Now we gotta make sure that you don't go and blab everything to the cops, or the Bat.'

'Please… Let me go.' The zookeeper begged. 'I won't tell anybody. I swear.'

'That don't guarantee that you're telling the truth.' The lead thug shook his head as he pointed his gun at the zookeeper's head. 'Don't take this personal, it's just business.'

'Please…' The zookeeper begged. 'Don't kill me. I have a wife and kids…'

'Then ya shouldn't a decided to be a hero.' The lead thug scowled as he tightened his grip on his gun.

'Not so fast, Carl.' A raspy voice ordered from the front seat of the van. 'Let's give the man a fair trial.'

A scarred hand appeared from the driver's side window of the van clutching a silver dollar with a head on each side. One side had scratch marks on the face. There was only one man who used such a gimmick like that. Harvey Dent, better known as Two-Face.

Two-Face tossed the silver dollar and then caught it. The scarred criminal opened his hand to see what would happen to the zookeeper. If the coin landed with the unscarred side facing upwards then the zookeeper would go free, but if the coin landed scarred side up, then the zookeeper would die. The dollar had landed scarred side up.

'Kill him.' Two-Face commanded his lackeys.

'Please, no! I beg you…'

BLAM!

The roof of Gotham PD headquarters, the next night-

Batman, Robin, and Diana (in her guise as Batwoman) swung up onto the roof of police headquarters. Somebody had activated the Bat-Signal.

'I don't see any sign of Commissioner Gordon.' The Boy Wonder noted as he looked about to try and see how had summoned them.

'I should think not.' A sultry voice purred from the shadows. 'Hello, Batman. Been a long time.'

'The Bat-Signal isn't a toy, Catwoman.' Batman frowned. 'Now stop wasting our time.'

'Aww, I'm hurt.' The Feline Fatale purred, holding her arms out wide. 'Don't I get a hug for old times' sake?'

'You'll get far more than a hug if you don't tell us why you called us here.' Diana retorted.

'Oh please, Princess.' Catwoman rolled her eyes. 'You're not fooling anybody with that new outfit of yours.'

'Why did you call us here, Catwoman?' Batman sighed. The conversation was starting to get tiring. 'Does it have anything to do with the pair of rare Siberian tigers that were taken from Gotham Zoo last night?'

'Way to cut to the chase.' Catwoman sniffed. 'But yes, that is why I called you here. I didn't expect you to bring the entourage.'

'We're a package deal.' Robin quipped. 'You order Batman, you get the rest of us as well.'

'We're already on the trail of the thieves.' Diana explained. 'We don't need your help.'

'I'm not offering.' Catwoman glowered. 'I'm coming along with you whether you like it or not. I sponsored those two tigers for the zoo's rare animal breeding program. There are only a few hundred Siberian tigers left in the wild. Two-Face is going to pay for what he's done!'

'How do you know that Two-Face is even behind it all?' Robin frowned.

'Oh, please!' Catwoman snorted in derision. 'This has got his scarred fingerprints all over it. Add the Siberian tigers to the other pairs of animals that he's taken over the past few days and you can bet that he's got something nasty planned.'

'Noah.' Batman nodded in understanding. 'In the Bible it was said that God told Noah to gather a pair of every animal.'

'You don't think that Two-Face has found religion, do you?' Robin thought out loud. Unfortunately, the Boy Wonder never got his answer as Harvey Bullock and Renee Montoya came running out onto the roof.

'What the Hell're you bums doing on the roof?' Bullock demanded to know. 'This ain't no old ladies' tea party, ya know! Get outta here, ya menace!'

'It's always a pleasure to know that we're welcome.' Robin sighed as he joined Batman and the others in swinging away.

Elsewhere-

Two-Face was standing in front of cages of captive animals as one of his lackeys filmed him. He was recording a ransom message.

'You're most probably wondering why I decided to kidnap two of every animal from the zoo.' Two-Face spoke to the camera and whoever was watching. The whole message was being seen by the mayor, the police department, and all the necessary members of the press. 'Well, my dear old friend Harvey Dent used to go to Sunday school. One day his teacher told him all about Noah and his ark. When I was toiling away in my cell in Arkham I remembered the story from years ago about the man with his big boat full of animals. Hey, two of every animal. How could I resist? Now, I don't want to hurt these animals if I have to, but if you don't agree to my demands, then I'll have to do something that will undoubtedly upset all of those dear old animal lovers out there. Long story short, if you want to see all these animals again, send twenty-two million dollars to Gotham Dam, or I'll make my own Great Flood. Show them that I mean business, Carl.'

Carl, the thug in charge of the video camera, turned to show the bomb that was primed to blow up Gotham Dam and flood the city.

'You have until two AM in two days' time.' Two-Face concluded. 'I hope you see it in your hearts to save these dear animals.'

TBC…

Next: The Animals Go In Two By Two

Will Batman and his allies be able to save the captured animals, or will Two-Face go through with his threat of making his own Great Flood? Tune in next time to find out…