New Year, New Me
No copyright infringement intended. Twilight is the property of Stephenie Meyer. I'm just playing with her characters for some fun.
o0o
Chapter 2
There is nothing quite like a good view and fresh air to reset your brain. It's been a tough day at work. I enjoy my work most of the time, but today was spent mostly managing my boss's ego. He is such a dick. I am a manager in a recruitment firm downtown called Puget Recruitment. I am responsible for securing and managing client relationships and manage a team of employees who find, support, and match potential candidates to roles. We deal with a lot of high volume recruitment, as well as niche management roles, so it's fast paced and very target driven.
Apart from the travesty that is my boss, James, I have learned a lot in my time there. Victoria, the CEO, is an admirable woman and the main reason I took the role. She's a talented business woman and has given me the opportunity to take on projects and run with them independently. It's the benefit of a smaller company. James gets in the way now and then, but thankfully rarely. I really don't know how he keeps his job.
I had a really early meeting this morning, and I managed to get out of the office in time to see some daylight, so I am out for a run. I take a breather as I watch the sun set over the Puget Sound, and try to be in the moment. Carkeek Park is just a few blocks from my apartment. I think of it as my park.
When I get home, I get my cell out. It's time to say a bit more about myself on Match. I haven't replied to John and Jay. Alice is right, there's no point if I'm not interested. I've had a few messages, but mostly from fat, old, and balding men. I don't like it. I think of myself as non-judgmental; I have friends of all ages, shapes and backgrounds, but it's different when you're thinking about a man. I want someone I find attractive, and I don't think that's too much to ask for in a partner, but it makes me feel shallow.
I have been chatting to a guy called Kevin. He looks quite attractive, and seems keen to meet, so we have a date tomorrow evening at a place not far from my apartment. He wanted to get a meal, rather than drinks, so I'm already breaking the rules.
I start by looking at the next set of questions. For these there is a text box rather than a drop down, so I should be able to show more personality. I am putting off writing a proper add.
What I do for fun? I agonize for a while and then decide to just go for it.
I love to travel to far-flung countries, but also enjoy visiting other states and have lots on my list. Next is Texas. I like to cook and bake, too. Spending time with friends and family is important to me.
I am sure I sound just like the next carbon copy. At least they will see from my photos that I have normal eyebrows, and don't pout for pics. Surely, that will be in my favor.
My Vacations: Now this, I can do. I have just come back from a trip to Europe. I managed to fit in France, Spain, and the UK. Hard to say what I liked more. London from a city perspective: I liked the hustle and bustle, and the red double-decker buses! The art in Paris – I particularly loved the Louvre. The food in Spain was a winner. I am a tapas girl and don't mind the vino either.
I deliberate some more, wondering if I sound snobby, but I am boring myself with all this second guessing, so go on to the next topic. I whizz through favorite things, favorite book, and job, and try to sound interesting.
o0o
I text Alice: I'll be there in two mins.
It's Friday, and I'm just wrapping up an end of week financial report and send it off. I say goodbye to my team, and head for the door. I can see Alice as I arrive at the reception area. Her brown bob, cut shorter in the back, is as immaculately straight as ever, and she's wearing her signature bright cerise lipstick. She had a work thing last night, so we haven't caught up about my date. I know it's the first thing she'll ask me, and she doesn't disappoint.
We chat on our way to our usual bar. It's a little kitsch place, not far from where I work. It has hardwood flooring, leather chesterfield sofas in various colors, mismatched chairs and candelabras. It has good cocktails and serves snacks, too. Jasper and Jake are joining us later, so we have time to dissect the date, not that there is much to dissect.
"He was nice," I answer. "But as soon as I saw him, I knew I wasn't attracted to him."
"Oh, no." Alice looks sad for me.
"No, it's alright. It was an enjoyable enough evening, some interesting conversation, just no spark. I did have a lovely lamb dish though! We went to this little Persian restaurant. We should go there sometime."
"You're right. It's a definite no when you're more interested in the food," she agrees. "What was it about him you didn't like?"
"It's hard to say, it was just a no. He looked like his photos, but he's quite stern in the photos, and he looks really different when he's animated. I don't know," I dither. "His manner was a bit effeminate, and I guess I don't find that attractive."
"It's the Brendon Fraser thing!" she exclaims.
"It is the Brendon Fraser thing," I agree. We have talked about this a few times. Essentially, I am attracted to character rather than just looks, and how someone holds themselves is apparently really integral to whether I'll like them or not. So, for example, I really like Brendon Fraser in The Mummy (after he's gotten cleaned up), and would gladly jump his bones. But, I am absolutely repulsed by him in Bedazzled. I can't even watch that movie.
"I had to coax conversation too; it felt like I was working," I say.
"Then, it's a definite no," Alice agrees. "It should feel natural. I mean, obviously a date is a bit artificial, but you can get past that quickly with the right person."
"Chalk it up to experience. How was last night?"
"Good. Same old, same old – food, speeches, and a free bar." She smiles at that part. "But I had the chance to really talk to this new author we've signed. I think he's got a lot of potential. He was saying how he was stripping back his writing to make the reader work harder, you know; the usual showing rather than telling stuff. But he drew a parallel with his relationship with his girlfriend, how words were cheap and actions speak louder... It's rehashing old ideas, but he made it sound so original, and romantic. I thought to myself, you know emotions, kid. Anyway, I'm rambling."
Alice works in publishing. I'm no expert, but I think she has a great eye. From reading between the lines, I get the sense that she's good at teasing emotion out of authors, and improving their writing as a result. I like hearing her talk about books. That's how we met, at a book club at university.
We chatter about our week for a while until the boys arrive. Jasper has come with a couple of friends from work, so we push two small tables together. Jasper is a psychologist and practices downtown. I imagine it's a tough job, listening to people's problems all day. They like to let off a bit of steam come Friday, and there is plenty of banter. I enjoy myself and feel like I've earned my mojito.
We meet Jake at Bella Italia. Jasper's friends have stayed at the bar. Jokes about my name are abundant, as we settle in to order. It's a nice place with low lighting and a romantic atmosphere that we're cutting right through with our laughter.
I order the carbonara. It's an old favorite of mine, and I'm delighted when it comes with a poached egg on top. Jake has the mushroom ravioli; he's vegetarian. Alice and Jasper are sharing their dishes as always – lobster pizza, and some kind of tomato ragu pasta.
Jake is sitting next to me. We've caught up about the Christmas break already; I spent Christmas with my family in Forks, and he went back to Chicago to see his folks. He is chill, as always, as he tells me about some hiking that he's done at the Olympic National Park. He has some great photos on his cell that he shows me. He has an eye for beauty, does Jake. He appreciates good scenery; it's something we share, though I'm much less inclined to go camping in the freezing cold up a mountain. I think it's nuts.
Alice and Jasper are deep into a debate about a book that they've been reading. Alice always has a strong opinion, given her trade, and Jasper loves to rile her up by playing devil's advocate. It seems a convenient time to tell Jake about dating. At some point in that last few years, it's become clear to me—sometime after it was obvious to everyone else, apparently —that Jake has a soft spot for me. He's never asked me out, or made a move, but it's always there, in the void between us.
"How was your New Year?" he asks.
"Fun, low-key, we had some drinks and lit fireworks in the garden. And you know how good a cook my mom is – the food was yummy."
"Yes! Her veggie lasagna is the best. So what you been up to, besides? Still working too much?" he asks.
"You know I enjoy my work," I answer. "But I've signed up to online dating, so that'll be new."
"Wow, dating. How long have you been doing that?"
"I signed up earlier this week."
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"I am telling you."
"I mean sooner." He is frowning.
"It's no big deal. Alice has been nagging me to do it for years."
"Why now?"
"It just feels like the right time, you know, meet new people, have some fun." I resent that I feel like I am justifying myself.
"Fun," he repeats skeptically.
Please don't think about asking me out, I think to myself. Out loud, I say, "You know, I want to widen my circle a little, meet different people."
Jake scowls. "Have you been on any dates yet?"
"One, last night."
"Already?" He sounds shocked. "How did it go?"
"I wasn't attracted to him," I say, and shrug.
Luckily, Alice has tuned into our conversation, and she asks Jake about his trip to change the topic. I feel a little deflated. My single mojito buzz has long fled; I have been on soft drinks all night as I'm driving home. We finish up with a shared dessert, and the sugar rush and lighter conversation raises my spirits by the time we're leaving. Jake insists on walking me back to the office parking lot, to his credit, but it feels awkward. I find myself thinking about him and our non-relationship on the drive home.
I've thought about it over the years—whether Jake might be right for me—and the answer is no. He's a nice guy, one of my best friends, and has a big heart, but we just don't fit as a couple. The bottom line is that I'm not attracted to him, and he's too passive, too much of a tumbleweed blowing in the wind, to excite me. I haven't exactly made a huge success of my life, but I need direction. I'm attracted to ambition, and I think I need someone who can challenge me. Jake just doesn't do that. I don't want to lose him as a friend, so I try to walk this fine balance. But sometimes I fear that I'll stumble and hurt him. I wonder if I hurt him anyway, just by being me, and it makes me sad.
I check my cell when I get in and see that I have some notifications on Match.
Mike has sent you a message: How on earth are you still single?
It makes me smile. I look at his profile: he lives in Bellevue – not too far out of the city, he likes to run and takes his job seriously. He has posted a photo of him on top of a mountain somewhere, and he's not bad looking.
Haven't you read the part about me being stubborn? I type out. I am in need of some banter.
He replies: Haha! That might explain it. How are you? Your profile looks interesting. Would like to hear more about you. Why haven't you done an add?
I reply, Yes, must get around to that! It's harder than it seems. I'm good thanks. You? Just got in from dinner with my friends.
His reply is instant: I know what you mean. What was it about mine that got you to reply?
To be honest, I just couldn't resist the opportunity to be snarky. But I like the look of your profile, I can tell you put some thought into it and tried to show what you're about, I reply.
I work on my add for a while. I keep tweaking but finally end up with:
A little bit about me – I'm independent and strong-willed, but also respectful. I am open-minded and positive in my outlook. I get a buzz out of traveling, trying new things and spending time with interesting people. I have a busy work life so like to balance my adventures with time to relax, and I'm happy in my own company, too.
My perfect man would spend time to get to know me, know how to make me smile and also be a partner in crime when the mood calls for it.
If I intrigue you send me a message, you never know what could happen.
Bella xx
I'm trying to sound flirty, but I'm not at all sure that I can pull it off. I upload it anyway.
Mike has sent you a message: How about we play a game, tell me five random things about you.
I am up to that challenge. I reply: I'm in.
1. I swam with sea lions in Spain.
2. I make a mean mojito.
3. I run to keep fit.
4. I bake.
5. I like few things more than the sun setting over the Puget Sound.
Your turn!
His reply doesn't take long: I run too, I like to run two half marathons a year. I like my car more than I should. I was shortlisted for a business award last year. I love, LOVE Nutella. I recently went go-karting on sand dunes in Dubai.
I like this game. I reply: That's cool. This is fun. I have an important question – how do you eat Nutella?
With everything, any way it comes, as long as it's Nutella. On toast, on pancakes, with a spoon…
I reply laughing: OMG! I can't believe it. I have a friend that mocks me mercilessly for eating Nutella with a spoon. Glad I'm not the only one!
He replies: SNAP! Can I ask, does it bother you that I'm 25?
Shit! I quickly scroll back to his profile. He's 25. How did I miss that? It's only 4 years, but I had always thought I'd be suited to a man older than me.
Age is just a number, I reply. I'm having fun after all. Wasn't this what I wanted?
Just thought I'd check that it didn't bother you. I like to date older women. I don't really connect with women my own age.
This is interesting. I want to explore this a bit more but it's late and I'm tired.
I'm heading to bed, but how about we chat soon? B x
Would love to. Speak soon. Night x
Author's Note
Thank you for reading. I would love to hear what you think. Rest assured there will be an Edward, but it's a slow burn. I will be posting weekly.
Thanks again to Songster for betaing, I don't know that I would do without you! (See what I did there? LOL). Thanks to Rhona for pre-reading.
Rhian
xx