SPOV

On John's last morning at home, neither of us wanted to leave our bed. We had lay tangled together for close to an hour savoring each other's presence, trying to get as much of each other's scent as we could. John had kept a hand pressed to my belly, hungry for every movement our child made. Eventually, Hamish had found his way downstairs and joined us, curling up in our arms.

Now we were getting out of the cab that had taken us to Kings Cross station, where John would have to leave us. John had his pack slung over his shoulder and an arm around my waist, his other hand holding one of Hamish's as we walked through the station.

We reached John's platform ten minutes before his train left, the platform dotted with a handful of other military families. John nodded at a few of them then dropped his hold on Hamish and me, letting his bag fall to the ground. He kneeled down in front of Hamish and gripped his shoulders gently, his eyes already shining with tears.

"You're going to be a good boy for Papa, right, Hamish? You'll do whatever he asks you to? Do your homework and help him with the baby?" he asked.

"Yes, Daddy." Hamish's voice waivered, and my heart broke.

"You're going to be the only Alpha in the house, Hamish. I need you to be a big boy and protect your Papa and the baby, all right? Make sure they're safe," John told him.

"Please don't go, Daddy!" Hamish cried throwing his arms around John's neck and John hugged him tight, tears falling down his cheeks. "I don't want you to go."

"I know, Hai, I know. I don't want to go either, but I have to. It's my job. And your job is to protect your Papa and the baby. It's a very important job, Hai, and I'd only trust you to do it for me. Promise me?"

"I promise."

"Good boy. I love you, Hamish. So very much," John said, hugging Hamish tighter and kissing the side of his head.

"I love you, too, Daddy," Hamish whimpered. John released him with one last kiss on his forehead and turned to me, Hamish gluing himself to John's side. John placed his hands on either side of my belly and leaned his forehead just above my navel.

"You be good for your Papa, too, little one. Don't give him any trouble, let him get some sleep every now and then, yeah?" The baby shifted position and John kissed the spot, a sad smile on his lips. I finally felt the tears that had been building all morning fall, and I ran my fingers through his hair.

"Now I won't be there when you're born, and I am very sorry about that. But I love you so much already. So very, very much, little one." He kissed my stomach again with another sad smile, then stood up and cupped my face in his hands.

"You are such an amazing man, Sherlock Watson-Holmes. I love you so, so much," he said. He brought our lips together then pressed his forehead against mine, his hands moving to my waist.

"I love you, too, John," I said. I wrapped my arms around him and leaned into his touch.

"You're going to take care of yourself after the baby is born, Sherlock? You'll remember to sleep and eat? You won't go running around after criminals by yourself?"

"I'll try my best," I promised, a weak smile on my lips. We looked into each other's eyes, so many unspoken promises and reassurances being made between us.

We kissed again, and this time we didn't break apart until the conductor called for the final boarding.

"I love you," I said again, my voice breaking as John picked up his bag.

"I love you, too, Sherlock." He pecked my lips one last time then dropped another kiss each on my belly and Hamish's head.

"Love you, too, Hai." He gently pried Hamish off of his leg and slipped his little hand into mine.

"I love you, too, Daddy."

John waved as he climbed onto the train, tears still streaking his cheeks. Hamish had buried his face in my coat and I cupped the back of his head, holding him close.

A few moments later John stuck his head out of a window a short way down the train and looked back in our direction.

"Wave goodbye to Daddy, Hamish," I said, giving him a little nudge. We waved and John waved back, swiping his tears away with the back of his hand at the same time. We waved all the way up until the train had completely left the station and John was long gone.

"Well," I said, wiping the tears from my cheeks and looking down at Hamish. I held his chin and tilted his face up, brushing his tears away as well. His lip was still trembling but I could tell that he was trying to put on a brave face.

"I think in situations like this it is appropriate to go home and cuddle on the couch with a nice cup of hot chocolate. What do you think, Hai?" I asked him, smoothing his hair back. He nodded slowly, sniffling once and slipping his hand into mine.

When we got back to the flat I settled Hamish on the couch with the telly while I went to the kitchen to make our hot chocolate. Actually making the hot chocolate was made more difficult than it should have been when I almost burst into tears at the sight of John's favorite mug, a bit of tea still in it from this morning. I cursed my hormones and tried to move on, but the idea that John might never drink out of that mug again stuck in my mind and refused to be deleted.

Once the hot chocolate was finally made I brought the mugs into the sitting room and sat down on the couch with Hamish. I handed him his mug and pulled a blanket over us.

I wrapped my arm around him and rubbed my stomach, grounding myself in the here and now and not distant what if's of the future.