She had dozed off for 10 minutes at the most in the middle of the night. She had woken up and turned over, expecting Dante to be lying there next to her, snoring softly like he normally did. When she found the bed empty, the events came rushing back to her.

Lulu was lying on the bed, but she didn't sleep anymore. She didn't think she ever could. Every time she closed her eyes, she saw the gun being pointed at Dante's head and…and she didn't even want to go there.

She looked over at the couch. Maxie was there. She had stayed over, even after Lulu had pitched a fit about not needing anyone's help. Her brothers left, going back to their perfect lives.

She turned over on her side, facing the window. It was bright outside, contradicting her bleak feelings.

She lay on Dante's pillow, inhaling the scent of him. Every time she thought of him, her eyes still filled with tears. It was like she still expected him to come through the door or to be in the kitchen, cooking breakfast.

She stuck her hand in her mouth to keep from crying out or sobbing; she didn't want to wake Maxie up. That's why she didn't want anyone here. She wanted to grieve in her own way, by herself.

On the nightstand beside her, she saw a picture. It was of her and Dante, taken not too long ago. Dante had insisted that they needed a picture of them, so he grabbed the camera and they went to find a spot to take a picture. Once he found the perfect spot, he asked a stranger on the street to take it.

Dante must have developed it without her knowing.

They were both glowing in the picture, smiling and holding on to each other. It was obvious they were in love. And alive. Very much alive.

She clutched the picture to her chest, making the necklaces jingle together.

She would never be the same. Dante was the one for her. She loved him, she loves him so much. She doesn't want him to be gone.

She closed her eyes and thought back to the time they first made love. Oh it had been the most wonderful thing. There was such passion and love that was built up between them. They fit together like they were made for each other.

She opened her eyes. They would never have moments like that again. She would only have the memory.

Her thoughts turned hateful. If she ever saw that mobster, she would kill him herself.

That got her thinking. She didn't know who it was, but when she found out, she could go after him. She wouldn't rest until she killed him.

She shivered as she got a sudden chill.

But that wasn't what Dante would want. He would want her to move on, stay safe. But she would never move on. She wouldn't even try. And what was the point of staying safe anymore?

She had been crying silent tears for a while and she didn't notice until she had soaked the pillow and wet pieces of hair were sticking to her face.

She sighed; this would never get easier.

Dante was lying in the bed next to Lulu, she just didn't know it.

He could clearly hear her thoughts, and was extremely worried when she started talking about going after the mobster who had killed him. The mobster was already in a cell, awaiting trial anyway.

Every time he reached out a hand to comfort her, it passed right through her. He saw her shiver every time he passed through her. It made him so angry that he was so close to her, watching her pain and watching her miss him and he couldn't talk to her or hold her close. It was frustrating.

He would need to talk to Cooper, or someone else who had been an Angel for a long time. He needed to appear to Lulu. She needed him, and he needed her.

He thought hard and focused on his hand, trying to make it materialize so he could just touch her, once. Sweat formed on his brow, and when he reached out to touch her…

It passed through her again.

He sighed loudly, but of course, no one noticed.

He sat up and glanced back to the couch. He was grateful to see Maxie there. He was afraid of what Lulu might do if she was here by herself. She was lucky to have such a great friend.

He gave one last loving glance at Lulu, and then summoned the whiteness around him.

He wanted to wait for Cooper and ask him some questions.

Maxie was stirring on the couch. She sat up and stretched. She glanced at the bed and saw Lulu lying on her side.

"Lulu, are you awake?" she called softly.

Lulu shifted and looked at Maxie with hollow eyes.

She looked awful. Her makeup had dried in streaks down her face and she had huge bags under her eyes. The most awful thing was, she didn't seem to care.

"Did you sleep at all?" Maxie asked, folding up the blanket she had slept with.

Lulu shook her head and sat up. She hugged her knees to her chest. Maxie could see a picture frame on the bed beside her.

Maxie stepped closer to the bed and sat on the end. She saw Lulu flinch. Of course; she was sitting on Dante's side.

"Can I see?" she asked, pointing to the picture.

Lulu handed her the picture reluctantly.

"Aaw, this is cute," she said, smiling at Lulu.

"Every time I close my eyes, I see him getting shot." She said, digging her nails into the side of her face. Physical pain was nothing compared to the emotional pain.

"Stop!" Maxie exclaimed, reaching up and slapping Lulu's hands away. She tried not to look at the little nail marks that were left on the skin. She took a deep breath. She held up the picture for Lulu to see. "This is how you have to remember him, Lu. When you close your eyes, you have to picture all the special memories you had with him. You can't picture his death. It will only make it harder."

"I…I don't know how to go on without him," she said to Maxie. "How did you do it with Cooper?"

Maxie looked down at her hands, folded in her lap. "It was hard. Really hard. I felt like you do now. Hopeless, not wanting to do anything. But I promise it gets easier. It gets easier, but it never fully goes away."

Lulu reached out her hand, and grasped Maxie's with hers. They were going to need each other through this.

So they sat, hand in hand, feeding off of each other's strength.

Maxie broke off first. "Alright, so do you want to take a shower first or should I?" She stood up, grabbing her overnight bag from behind the couch.

"I don't want to get up," Lulu complained. "If I go in there, I'm going to have to see the things he used every day. Like his toothbrush, and then I'll think that he won't ever be able to use those things again."

"So keep thinking about those memories. Think about what he looked like, what you liked about him, when he told you he loved you. Those kinds of things. It will overpower the bad. Trust me," Maxie said. She grabbed Lulu by the arm and dragged her to the bathroom. "You're going to take a shower first. You can do this."

Lulu closed the door behind her.

She did just what Maxie told her to do. It still hurt, but it wasn't as bad as seeing the bad things that could have happened to him.

When she emerged from the bathroom, wrapped in a fluffy towel, she felt a little better. Plus she was clean and fresh.

Maxie was looking through the cabinets, probably for something to eat.

"We didn't go food shopping yet. We were planning on going tomorrow I think," Lulu choked on the end of it.

Maxie pretended not to notice. Sometimes, you needed to work things out yourself. She knew that better than anyone.

"Well, that's okay. I'll go take my shower now." She grabbed her bag and went into the bathroom.

Lulu was grateful for the silence. She loved Maxie and appreciated what she was doing, but she needed to be alone for a little while.

She looked through her drawers for something to wear. It was mostly designer clothes that she had from working with Kate.

But Lulu didn't feel like dressing up today. There was no one left to impress.

She looked out the window; it was still sunny, but looks could be deceiving. Sure enough, when she opened the window, she was met with a blast of cold air.

She returned to the bureau and pulled out some comfortable dark jeans and a pale long sleeved shirt.

She grabbed her brush and stood in front of the mirror, brushing her hair out slowly. Since her hair was so long, she liked to make sure she got out all the tangles. The necklaces glinted from the sun that came through the window.

She closed her eyes remembering one day with Dante…

...

"What are you looking at?" Lulu giggled. She was brushing her hair out in front of the mirror, like she usually did. She was still wrapped in her towel and Dante was sitting on the bed behind her. She was watching him watching her through the mirror.

"You're just very beautiful," he replied, a dreamy look in his eyes.

"Yeah, really beautiful while I brush out my mop of hair," she rolled her eyes.

She heard the bed creak and he was behind her.

He wrapped his hand around hers that was clutching the brush. Her fingers loosened and he put the brush down.

He put his head down beside hers. He looked at the mirror, showing their reflections, side by side. "We're perfect for each other," he said simply. "I mean look at us." He smiled when she laughed.

He pulled back and kissed her bare shoulder. She threw her head back, showering him with water droplets on his bare back.

"Just perfect." She smiled back and pressed her lips to his.

...

She opened her eyes, and looked at herself in the mirror. There was such a difference in her appearance from that day to this one.

She quickly finished her hair, lest she be reminded of any more unexpected memories. She pulled her hair into a long, sleek ponytail.

She was still cold, chilled down to her bone.

She went to get one of her sweatshirts, but then switched directions and yanked open one of Dante's drawers.

She sifted through them for only a moment before finding what she needed.

It was a heavy sweatshirt, a navy blue color. She wasn't sure where he got it, but it was comfortable and warm and she had always loved him in it when he wore it.

She tugged it on, leaving it unzipped. It smelled just like him. She sighed, pleased.

Maxie came out of the bathroom, dressed like a supermodel. Lulu could tell it was taking all her self control to not to strip off her bummy outfit.

"So, if you're hungry, we can head out. Go to Kelly's maybe or wherever you want," Maxie said, taking control.

"Don't you have to go to work? And I don't really want to go anywhere," Lulu said.

"I called Kate and explained what was going on. She's not completely heartless. She granted us both a leave of absence. And you have to eat Lulu. You can't hole yourself up in here forever," said Maxie. She went around gathering some of her things and putting them in her bag.

"Maybe not forever, but I can for now," she said stubbornly.

Maxie thought for a moment. "I know where we are going. Let's go," she demanded, grabbing her purse and heading to the elevator.

She pulled it open and stepped inside. "Come on!" she huffed.

Lulu didn't move. She wasn't ready for this.

Maxie stormed off the elevator and grabbed Lulu by the arm, half dragging her to the elevator. She closed the doors sharply.

Lulu stayed, staring straight ahead, trying to block out everything. She wanted to crawl inside herself and not come out.

"You will appreciate this, don't worry," Maxie was saying.

Lulu didn't answer.

Thanks for reading. Don't forget to comment. Good or bad, so I know what you guys might like to see in the future. :D

xoxo
Janelle.