Chapter Two
Harry had been ecstatic to see the last marauder. Even at 25, Harry looked every bit the schoolboy as he and Remus spent the better part of the afternoon sharing butterbeers in the Leaky Cauldron. If he'd noticed Remus was distracted, his thoughts venturing to an oft pink-haired ex-lover and her son, Harry certainly hadn't given any sign of it.
Watching Harry, now older than James had ever been, Remus had to wonder if the sorting hat had debated over what house to put him in all those years ago. Harry was brave, to be sure, but his unflinching loyalty might have earned him a place in Hufflepuff. Remus had missed the young man's wedding, the birth of his son and every other event in his life the past six years. But, Harry treated him as if nothing had changed, as if he'd been there all along.
As they headed toward the fireplace to floo to Tonks' home for the meeting, Remus couldn't help think the others were far less likely to be as understanding.
Most of the Order had already gathered by the time Harry and Remus arrived at Tonks' home. Some of the faces were new, though Remus still recognized more than half the people there. But, whether he knew them or not, all eyes were on him as soon as they'd entered the small flat. All eyes, that is, but Tonks'.
As Ron, Hermione and Ginny greeted him and began to fill him in on everything he'd missed over the years, Remus found his eyes wandering toward the pink-haired witch in the next room again and again. While everyone else seemed to either be talking to him or about him, Tonks had busied herself brewing tea and shooing her son into his room where Molly Weasley appeared to be looking after several children of various Order members.
"Wizards and Witches of the Order," called the crisp, commanding voice of Minerva McGonagall. "I ask you to each take a seat and we shall begin this meeting."
It was, of course, at this precise moment that Remus stepped upon what seemed to be a toy dragon. The miniature Hungarian Horntail let loose a rather imposing, realistic sounding roar and heatless flames spewed from its mouth. And Remus found that, yet again, he had the attention of the room.
"Oh Merlin," Tonks exclaimed, rushing over to grab the wayward toy and acknowledging Remus' presence for the first time that evening.
"If any of you lot give noisy toys to John for his birthday this year, I'm reminding you all of this moment," she swore, her cheeks flushing to match her hair color.
Tonks shot an accusatory glace at the twins who stood chuckling together behind the sofa.
"Don't look at us!" exclaimed George.
"That one was from Charlie," Fred finished.
"Yes, well, I'll thank you to pass along the message to him," said Tonks, shaking the offending toy at the twins. "Not that I expect him to listen."
Tonks glanced at Remus briefly and he could have sworn there was some sort of guilty apology in her eyes before they flickered back to the twins. His gaze fell to the toy still in her hand which let loose a final roar, twitch of the tail and heatless flaming breath before falling dormant once more.
Charlie Weasley. They were the same age, weren't they? She must have known him from Hogwarts.
He winced at the thought of the stocky red-haired man. Try as he might, staring at that stupid toy dragon, he couldn't get the image of the two of them together out of his head – her draped on his arm laughing at something, him snogging her senseless on the couch of their old apartment, her straddling him and grinning wickedly as she traced the dragon tattoo on his left arm. It was all Remus could do not to run and throw-up. Lovely start to an Order meeting that would have been.
"Well, if that's quite taken care of, I should like very much to call this meeting to order," pronounced the headmistress. "Harry, I give you the floor."
It struck Remus that the schoolboy look Harry had been exuding earlier was gone entirely as the raven-haired man stood commandingly at the front of the room. There had been, it appeared, a great deal Remus had missed out on during his absence.
"Thank you, Minerva," said Harry solemnly, looking every bit the leader he was. "As has been suspected for some time, remaining Death Eaters have begun banding together once again."
The murmurs in the room rose to a dull roar until Harry raised a hand, his stern green eyes putting the voices to rest.
"Make no mistake, this is very dangerous to us and we must act to put down this threat before they become too organized," the young man pronounced, his eyes drifting to Remus.
"What has our intelligence told us about their plans?" Asked Kingsley Shackelbolt from his place next to the hearth.
"As of right now, we know of approximately a dozen former Death Eaters who are working together," said Harry. "At this point, their goal is revenge, but I have no doubt that they won't remain satisfied with that for long and their lust for power will rear its ugly head."
"Damn Slytherin gits," Ron muttered earning him a swat on the arm from Hermione and a glare from someone across the room that Remus vaguely remembered as a Slytherin from his time teaching at Hogwarts.
"Revenge is reason enough for us to be concerned," came Tonks' surprisingly cautious voice. "What are we doing to protect ourselves and the children?"
"We're adding extra wards to all our homes. We have spies close to some of the Death Eaters, so hopefully we'll know before they try anything," said Harry calmly. "We're setting up a patronus crisis communication system and we will all be in touch daily. If you still feel you need extra protection, those of you who know the location are welcome to stay at the old headquarters."
As Harry was not and had never been the secret keeper for Grimmauld Place, he could not speak the address. But those Order members who had been told of Grimmauld Place by Dumbledore before his untimely death were quite clear on his meaning all the same.
"Many of you will be pulled aside and asked to take on specific missions to ensure the safety of our members," said Harry slowly. "As you might have guessed, that is why Remus is here with us today."
Again, Remus found himself under the uncomfortable scrutiny of everyone in the room. But, Harry cleared his throat and began handing out assignments, drawing their attention back to The-Boy-Who-Lived. The twins were developing new "prank" toys that masqueraded as candlesticks, but actually served as a kind of eavesdropping device. Kingsley and Tonks were to continue to watch for any suspicious activities reported to the Ministry. Bill was to monitor the accounts of several suspected Death Eaters for any noteworthy transactions.
All-in-all it was so reminiscent of a scene seven or eight years prior that Remus found himself once again openly appraising his former lover, as though no time had passed at all, as though after the meeting they'd be not-so-stealthily sneaking up to his room at Grimmauld Place with no thoughts but him and her and them. But, his observations of her left no doubt at all that things had changed and changed substantially.
He had never seen her quite so focused as she was now. Her lips were pursed, her eyebrows knit together and concern was written across her tiny heart-shaped face as she paid rapt attention to Harry's plans. But, she must have felt his eyes on her because he suddenly found hers staring back at him. He flushed like a lovesick fifth-year who'd been caught ogling the Head Girl, and turned away. If anyone had noticed they said nothing, but a bemused smirk on Harry's face told him he'd been caught none-the-less.
What was he thinking? There were a hundred reasons he couldn't be looking at her like he had been. But, every time he saw her, all of those reasons seemed to melt away. It was dangerous to be near her. It always had been. And he found himself no better prepared to resist her now than he had been so many years ago.
"Remus," said Harry suddenly. "We'll talk tomorrow evening about your mission, after you've had a chance to settle in. I'm assuming you'll be staying at Grimmuald?"
Remus smiled at the young man, grateful for his reprieve. "Yes, I will."
The meeting was clearly over and Remus began collecting everyone's discarded teacups, figuring it was the least he could do to help out Tonks. Mad-Eye clapped him on the back as a sort of goodbye and he'd almost missed the pink-haired witch heading out onto her balcony in the controlled chaos that resulted from the kids being let loose from John's bedroom.
"Mummy!" hollered John as he barreled onto the balcony where Tonks was sitting quietly.
The boy tripped on the edge of the rug and nearly knocked Remus over in the process, but recovered quickly. It was obvious that this was a fairly regular occurrence.
"Hey, little man," Remus heard Tonks murmur to the child as she ruffled his hair affectionately.
"Chris is in trouble!" John announced with a grin. "We were playing Auror and Death Eater. I made him be the Death Eater and he said Ava Kava. Gramma Molly heard him and now he's in big trouble."
"As well he should be," Tonks informed her son. "The Adava Kedavra is an unforgivable curse for a reason. It's nothing to joke about."
"I know that, mummy! He said it. Not me," John said rolling his eyes.
From his vantage point, Remus watched a genuine smile overtake Tonks' face as she pulled her son onto her lap. This was, he knew, a family moment for Tonks and her young son. He was about to turn away and deposit the rest of the dishes in the kitchen when John's young voice halted him suddenly.
"Mummy, why are you sad? Are you thinking about daddy?"
He knew he shouldn't intrude. It was really none of his business. But, Remus found himself wholly unable to move from his spot near the sliding glass door in the dining room. He could see her – he could hear her – for the first time in so long, and his curiosity was overwhelming.
A funny kind of look splashed across Tonks' face and Remus knew she was about to lie through her teeth.
"I've got you. I'm not sad. Whatever gave you that idea?" She asked with a fake laugh.
"Gramma Molly," John informed her solemnly. "She said you miss my daddy. She said he's the love of your life."
Tonks paused thoughtfully before leaning over and kissing her son on the top of his head.
"You're the love of my life, little man. Don't you ever forget that," she murmured.
The boy fidgeted quietly in his mom's lap and looked up at her hesitantly.
"What is it, kiddo?" Tonks asked.
"It's just… it's okay to miss daddy, too," the child said earnestly.
Tonks studied the child sympathetically.
"John, are you wanting your dad? Is that what this is about?"
John looked about ready to cry. His big blue eyes were brimming with tears and his little lower lip was quivering a bit.
"Oh, honey. It's okay," Tonks whispered, pulling the boy close. "I know your daddy would love to see you, too."
"Maybe one day I can meet him when he doesn't have to fight the monsters anymore?" The little boy asked shyly.
Tonks' face screwed into that funny look again, and Remus knew she was about to lie to the boy once more.
"Yeah, maybe," she said.
There was a long quiet moment before either one of them spoke again and Remus was absolutely positive that any second she would turn and see him standing there. Surely his heartbeat was loud of enough to hear.
"Hey," Tonks said, shouldering her son lightly. "I bet I can do a better pig snout than you!"
"No way!" John giggled. "Mine's the best!"
For several minutes the two of them had a small morphing contest. First, it was pig snouts. Then it was cat's eyes. Finally they resorted to Tonks' old mainstay of neon hair colors.
"Ooooh, you got me," Tonks said, tickling her son with a wide grin as his hair displayed every single color of the rainbow. "I think you're better than me. Whatever will I do?"
John laughed. "Don't be silly, mummy."
"Silly, my friend, is my middle name… Nymphadora Silly Tonks."
"Better than my middle name," John said scrunching his nose in distaste.
It was then that Remus dropped a teacup, which promptly shattered on the floor earning him a rather surprised look from Tonks.
"Everyone has to hate at least one of their names, little man. It's a rule," she told her son, her eyes still glued to Remus. "Why don't you go see if Gramma Molly is still giving Chris a hard time? If she's still at it, remind her that he's barely five-years-old and wouldn't have enough hatred in his whole body to pull off a bat-boogey hex, much less an unforgivable."
John leapt off her lap, kissed her on the cheek and scampered inside, waving to Remus as he did so.
Tonks sighed heavily and chewed on her tongue lightly, an old nervous habit she'd apparently never lost, before getting up from her seat and leaning on the railing of the balcony. Remus found he was completely unsure of what he should do.
Did she want him to join her on the deck? Even if she did, should he? Certainly they'd be working together. They should be able to carry on a decent conversation, if nothing else, but it was a lovely evening and the light from the three-quarter moon reflected off her in a stunningly alluring fashion.
"Chris is Harry and Ginny's son," said Tonks suddenly and Remus found himself passing through the doorway. "He just turned five last month."
"I, um… I suppose he'll be well prepared for Defense Against the Dark Arts by the time he gets to Hogwarts if he's already familiar with the unforgivables," Remus replied lamely.
Tonks snorted indelicately and passed a sidelong glance to Remus as he continued his hesitant approach.
"He's Harry's son. The child of The-Man-Who-Conquered," Tonks reminded him, rolling her eyes in dramatic fashion.
"Ah, right," Remus muttered. "Are they friends, then? John and Chris?"
"Inseparable," she replied.
As he leaned against the railing next to her, purely on instinct, he found his hand on the small of her back, his fingers lightly stroking the skin between the bottom of her shirt and the waist of her pants. She tensed suddenly. Her breath caught in her throat and he withdrew his hand quickly.
"I'm sorry," he whispered. "I, ah, that is to say… old habit. My apologies."
He expected her to wave it off as nothing, or perhaps even to lean in and suggestively tell him that it was fine. She did neither and he found it a stunning reminder that six years had passed and she was not the same woman he'd left at St. Mungo's all those years ago.
"I won't do this with you again, Remus," she said deadly, looking him square in the eye. "I can't."
"I'm sorry. I didn't intend to suggest…" his voice trailed off as he momentarily wondered exactly what it was he had been subconsciously attempting to suggest. "Old habit, Tonks. I had no intention to presume anything. Please forgive me."
She laughed wryly and shook her head. "You really haven't changed at all, have you?"
He was unsure whether this was meant as a compliment or a criticism, as they had been together for the better part of three years, but in the end he'd left her. Either way it was intended, though, he supposed it was true.
"Can't teach an old dog new tricks," he replied sardonically.
"Yes, I realized that six years ago," she muttered.
He winced and she bowed her head slightly apologetically. "I have no right to say that. I'm sorry."
"You have every right, Tonks," he said soberly. "I was the one who ran away… again."
"Can we not talk about this?" she huffed.
"What would you like to talk about?"
"Something else."
"Is John's dad really off fighting monsters?"
She looked at him as though perhaps he'd just announced that he'd been secretly studying divination and was going to run off to join the muggle circus as a fortune teller. Slowly, the look of incredulity bled from her face and was replaced with sheer ire.
"No, Remus. He left me before I even had John, but that hardly makes for a decent bedtime story, now does it?" She spat.
Remus shied away meekly under her glare. Some Gryffindor he was.
"I'm sorry, Tonks," he sighed, running his fingers through his mostly gray hair. "I had no right to ask that."
"Bloody right, you didn't," she growled at him.
"He must have been daft to leave you and that beautiful little boy," Remus said quietly.
"I rather think so," she said, laughing cynically.
The silence settled heavily between them as the waxing moon inched across the sky. It was unnerving to him that he could no longer hold a normal conversation with this woman whom he once could talk with so easily for hours on end.
"I did miss you, Tonks," he said quietly. "I still do."
"Why are you here, Remus?" She asked.
He wasn't sure if she meant here as in London or here as in on the balcony with her, but he supposed the answer was the same either way.
"It's where I need to be," he said.