I wake up in an unfamiliar place, the clean whitewashed walls surrounding me like a cage. "Where am I?" I mutter, irritated. Sitting up, I see Petra and Erwin sitting in chairs surrounding the bed. "Oh, he's awake!" Petra says, hearing me. "You're in the infirmary," she explains, sounding unreasonably happy. "Yeah, just in case. You know, after that little accident you had yesterday," cuts in Erwin, before Petra can say anything else. Upon closer observation of Petra's features, I realize that she's not actually happy; her brows knit together in an effort to maintain a superficial smile that doesn't quite reach her eyes. Behind her mask there lie very different emotions: worry? Concern? Something else I can't identify. Suddenly she looks like she's about to cry. "I'm sorry!" She blurts out, rushing out of the room.
"She thinks it's her fault," explains Erwin, following after a second's pause. I sigh. What a bother. I'm pretty sure this is not necessary; I feel perfectly fine and besides, there are plenty of things I have to do. I'm sure my room is a mess by now.
As I lie drowsing in the infirmary bed, my thoughts drift to Eren. That annoying recruit who thinks he can kill all the titans, the one I'm somehow madly in love with. However, he's too stupid to realize it, way too stupid to notice me checking out his ass, and staring after him during training…
Ah, whatever. It's unrequited love; I can deal with that. Love is stupid too.
Despite, this I can't help feeling disappointed when Eren doesn't come and visit me, but I quickly chastise myself and tell myself it's to be expected.
I start in surprise, snapping awake when suddenly, as if reading my thoughts, Eren bursts into the room. He manages to stumble in his way in and knocks over the chairs. I feel the heat rising up in my cheeks; I know my face is starting to blush. I quickly scream, "You incompetent idiot!" Eren rushes to pick up the chairs and arranges them neatly. "I-I'm sorry heichou! I just came to see if you were fine," He stammers. Then, under his breath, as if he were talking to himself, "Maybe it was a bad idea, you know, I thought heichou would be asleep so I could watch him—" He quickly catches himself and embarrassed, rushes out, much like Petra did.
I immediately regret everything I just said. I didn't mean to make him rush out. Torn between thinking of him as a useless idiot and wanting him to run back and start making out with me, I stumble out of bed and out of the infirmary, seeking some fresh air.
The sun shines brightly, and I am disgusted with it, my eyebrows creasing in disdain. I don't like not being in control of this situation; I want to express my feelings to Eren but I can't, and at the same time I know he doesn't feel the same about me.
A sudden spark of inspiration comes to me. It's not the wisest decision ever, but I'm kind of at a loss of what to do. I rush towards the dormitories where the recruits sleep, and lying in a pile just outside are the freshly laundered uniforms.
I rifle through them and find Eren's. Pulling out a piece of paper and a pen from my jacket pocket, I scribble a note, fold it into four, and carefully tuck it into the inside pocket of his jacket, where he might or might not find it.
Walking away, I bitterly smile to myself, in a way preparing for a love that will never happen. I lean back and remember the day I fell in love with Eren.