You Can't Teach An Old Nation New Tricks

by M4R1N4 R4CU

The world is changing, aru. I must face it - but it's so hard to adapt to, aru! After living 4OOO years it is rather hard to completely change my view of the world. Nothing is as it used to be, aru. I am Wang Yao, the representative of the People's Republic Of China. Here is a story about how the younger formerly communist nations taught me a lesson on this subject - have fun!

2. Shadow Of Trouble

Shadow of Trouble

Alright, so I hurried over to the little cafe where Hong Kong had told me to meet him, aru. (Not in my bedclothes, though, I hope that is remotely obvious.) Hong Kong was already there, aru, he is always so punctual! My little baby.

So I said Ni Hao and he said the same, and then I said "你吃了你的食物" and everyone in the cafe looked at me strangely, aru, and I was so uncomfortable. So Hong Kong smiled patronizingly at me and said, "Uh, gramps, no one says

Shadow of Trouble

Alright, so I hurried over to the little cafe where Hong Kong had told me to meet him, aru. (Not in my bedclothes, though, I hope that is remotely obvious.) Hong Kong was already there, aru, he is always so punctual! My little baby.

So I said Ni Hao and he said the same, and then I said "你吃了你的食物" and everyone in the cafe looked at me strangely, aru, and I was so uncomfortable. So Hong Kong smiled patronizingly at me and said, "Uh, gramps, no one says 你吃了你的食物 anymore."

"Oh, what does everyone say then, aru?"

"Yo."

"What the - "

"No swearing, gramps."

"I AM NOT YOUR GRANDFATHER, ARU, I AM YOUR BROTHER!"

Well, aru, I sort of scream - whispered because I didn't want to embarrass myself more than I already had. So no one heard me but Hong Kong, and he just made a little motion as if he was about to slip his blasted head phones on again. Then he must have realised that we were here to chat and not to annoy each other, and seeing as I was getting pretty darn annoyed he smiled and let his hands down, aru.

"Hong Kong," I whispered, "I need your help."

"What with, gram - I mean, bro?"

I tried to keep my cool, aru. "I've been invited to some little party by Hungary and she told me to meet her on Book - Face to talk about the details - "

"It's called Facebook."

"I smacked my head. Yeah, whatever, aru. I just wanted to ask you - " at this I blushed fifty shades of red - "What is facebook, aru?"

Hong Kong smiled again, this time sympathetically, thus significantly increasing the difficulty I was having in not raging completely, aru.

"You DO have a phone, I assume, don't you, Yao?"

"Yes," I said with some relief.

"Wow," Hong Kong said. "Well, switch it on and I'll show you."

So I did as I he asked, completely ignorant of the embarrassing but I must admit, rather humorous path it was about to lead me down.

你吃了你的食物 - this is an old traditional Chinese greeting which literally translates to "have you eaten your food".