Disclaimer; I do not own anything sadly. Grey's Anatomy belongs to both ABC and Shonda Rhimes.

NOTE: This update is an emotional one and was really hard to write. I only hope you want to continue to read! Thank you to those who read and commented on the first update!

Secrets Never Shared.

Revelations!

Meredith knew she had Derek's full attention with the shock expression that was written all over his face. There was no going back now. She made sure, as hard as it was, to keep eye contact with Derek. To not look down and fidget with her watch.

"I'm sorry," Derek stuttered out. "What did you just say?" Derek's mind was spinning – This was not happening. This could not be happening. There must be a mistake.

"I don't know if you remember me talking…."

"I'm sorry. Did you just say you have a son?" Derek asked, knowing he wasn't going to be able listen to her ramble.

"I don't know if you remember me talking about Daniel, an ex-boyfriend i met in med school," she started, deciding to ignore Derek's question. "He was a couple of years older than me but that…that didn't seem to bother us. Anyway, we were that…you know, that madly in love couple in college that nobody wanted to be around in case they caught the infectious love bug. I was young, naive and stupidly convinced i was in love. Of course, what sealed the deal was my mother hated him." She laughed bitterly.

Meredith could feel Derek's intense gaze on her and it took all her strength to push through.

"We barely spent any time apart. I loved and trusted him with my whole heart..." Meredith couldn't help notice Derek wincing at these words but she decided to ignore it and continue. She didn't want to hurt him but she couldn't lie.

"...People use to talk about how we were joined at the hip. We were inseparable. We had already been together two years, when I was in my third year and he was in his fifth, i discovered...uh... i was pregnant," she broke off with a wince. This was already becoming impossible and she had a lot more to tell him.

"Meredith," Derek sighed, well and truly confused. "Why didn't you tell me you had a child?"

"Because I don't," Meredith whispered painfully, avoiding eye contact.

"What?" Derek exclaimed. "I don't…I don't understand…"

"Derek," Meredith pleaded sadly. "Please just let me explain."

Derek nodded because he knew if he wanted to know, he'd have to let her tell him in his own time.

"I couldn't quite believe it. I ended up doing nine home pregnancy tests to be sure. All of them...all of them positive. I couldn't believe it. My first reaction was to do a typical Meredith Grey- run and hide. But...i don't know...something inside me stopped me from doing so. I can't even explain it. When i first told Danny, he was...he was… ecstatic, overjoyed. I actually remember thinking that you would have to create a whole new word for the way he felt," she rambled, unable to hide the disdain from her voice.

Derek desperately wanted to reach over and squeeze her hand and try and make her make eye contact with him but he knew if he did then he could ruin it and she would end straight back in her shell.

"And i...and i...i don't know... his happiness, somehow along the way, became infectious, i guess. The next thing i know, my mind was on baby names, nursery colours, birthdays, Christmas'. Somehow, i always knew it was going to be a boy. Call it a good guess or mother's intuition, but i knew. I knew that seven months from then we were going to be parents to a baby boy. Although that was a scary thought, it was a good scary. We were happy. I am pretty sure i don't have to tell you how the Ellis Grey took it. As for Danny's parents...they never approved of our relationship. Seen me as a gold digger," she explained, staring off into the distance. She had to stop and take some deep breaths, otherwise she would end up having a panic attack and that was the last thing she wanted to happen in front of Derek.

Derek took a couple of sips of coffee to see if that would help him digest what Meredith was saying as well as keeping him calm.

"Danny's father owns a chain of restaurants and hotels worth millions of dollars. They thought i was in the relationship for money. Daniel's father never approved of him going into medicine. He wanted him to help run the family businesses. When he refused...well, uh...that put a big strain on the father and son relationship, then there was the disapproval of dating me and then, of course us telling him that i was pregnant was the icing on the cake," she explained.

"That can't have been easy," he whispered sympathetically.

"For both his parents, me being pregnant was like conformation to them that i was a gold digger. That i somehow planned the pregnancy to trap their precious Danny for the money." Meredith rambled. She had to stop due to the unshed tears she could feel in her eyes and the big, fat lump that was stuck in her throat. She looked to Derek, who had a look of shock and uncertainty about him. He just nodded his head to urge her to continue.

"They...uh…they disowned the both of us which just racked me with guilt. I didn't want to be the reason that came between him and his parents. Danny was great though, he said it didn't matter because...i was his family...the baby was his family. We didn't need them." Meredith was now chocking back sobs.

Derek couldn't stand to see hear like this, so despite how confused he felt, he decided to get up and fetch Meredith a cold glass of water. He returns to the table, handing Meredith the glass and sits in the seat next to her. He places one hand on her back to rub up and down soothingly and the other he uses to take hold of her free hand which is now trembling frantically He gently gives it a squeeze to reassure her that he is there. Despite how angry and confused he felt, he would not allow her to sit in that state in front of him without comforting her.

"It's ok. It's ok. Just slow deep breaths Meredith. Slow. Inhale and Exhale. I'm right here and not going anywhere. Just slow deep breaths." Derek said, pain and worry evident in his voice. He was getting concerned.

Meredith's breathing was rapid. She was literally fighting for air. Derek knew what Meredith had to tell him must be difficult.

Did she have a miscarriage?

Did she end up giving the child up for adoption?

Was she forced to do something that she didn't want to do?

While Derek wandered off in deep thought, Meredith's breathing finally regulated. Derek was brought back from his thoughts when Meredith finally spoke up.

"Thanks." Meredith said, attempting a smile. Derek looked at Meredith's now puffy, red face and tried to remind himself that this was his Meredith. Whatever she had to tell him, they would get through it.

"You are very welcome." Derek whispered, trying to sound charming, also attempting to smile back. He gave her hand another squeeze, in which she reciprocated. "Just take your time. I'm not going anywhere." Derek had now found his voice and was using a strong, firm tone.

"You say that now…" Meredith stated just above a whisper.

"Meredith!" Derek used a warning tone, urging her not to talk like that. He hated that she thought so little of herself. She just couldn't seem to see what he seen in her.

"Ok...ok...Where was i? Gold digger. Right. Well...uh...ok." Meredith inhales deeply, takes a firm grip of Derek's hand. He smiles warmly at her and she continues. "Like i said, the pregnancy was the final straw. Danny was adamant we didn't need them. It was a stressful time. We were juggling medical school with hospital appointments, both of us working two jobs to keep up with the rent and the bills from our two bedroom apartment. Times were hard. But Danny…Danny refused to ask his parents for money and he most certainly didn't want me asking mum." Meredith continued.

"It got to the stage that the only time we spent together was at the hospital appointments because along with school and studying, we had to pick up as many shifts as possible. Mum, as much as she disapproved, sent money. I kept that from Danny though. He would have hit the roof if he had known. He always saw it as hand outs, pity money. I knew mum was sending the money to make sure we were ok but i think she secretly hoped that i would wake up, smell the coffee, leave Danny and terminate the pregnancy. I don't think she really, looked closely to see how happy i was with Danny. Mine and mum's relationship was strained before the pregnancy but unlike Danny and his parents, me and mum were still on speaking terms…" she trailed off when she felt Derek's hand squeeze her tightly, knowing that her mum was an extremely touchy subject.

"Anyway, i was in my four month of pregnancy when i collapsed at work. I remember being rushed to hospital in an ambulance. The manager at the restaurant contacted Danny for me. I was in one of the trauma rooms at Boston General when Danny arrived. Everything was a blur. All i remember is the fear, the fear that i was going to lose my baby. The fear that was in Danny's eyes terrified me. However, once the OB/GYN came in, attached the monitors and we heard the heartbeat, a small sense of relief washed over us. Although, that didn't last long. The doctors said i was suffering from exhaustion and that i had dangerously high blood pressure," she whispered. She tried to compose herself as best she could before she continued.

"That must have been terrifying for you and for…Danny," he whispered, trying to sound sympathetic but all he felt was anger that Meredith really had to shoulder so much on her own. How could anyone consider that fair?

"I was in the hospital for a week and then told to continue bed rest at home for a further fortnight. The stress of it all put a huge strain on my relationship with Danny. He was slipping away from me which in a way doesn't make any sense because he spent every bit of energy he had hovering over hovering. He was so focused on making sure the baby was ok which was understandable. Eventually, we started having big arguments. Because i was on bed rest, he was dealing with his own college work, collecting work for me and doing many shifts at the bar and at the doctor's surgery as he could. There was then the added stress of him due to start placement at the hospital. I was growing really, really worried and...and...He kept saying that he was ok and there was nothing for me…for me to worry about," she whispered, with a pained expression.

"But you knew there was?" Derek questioned, having a horrible feeling of where this was going.

"Yeah," she smiled sadly. "However, i had a huge fear that I couldn't shake off as i felt it right in the pit of my stomach. Ever since i told Danny i was pregnant, he wouldn't touch me, he wouldn't hold me, and we wouldn't cuddle the way we used to. It was as if he was afraid that if he touched me...if he touched me, i would break...break into a million pieces." Meredith rambled trying to fight the bile that was shooting up from her stomach.

Derek gave her hand a tight squeeze. He took a close look at her pale skin, the puffy, red, swollen bags under her eyes. She looked scared and exhausted. This worried him more. "Are you ok?" he asked sincerely. Meredith simply nodded and took a few sips of water to try and keep the bile down. She wanted this over with. She wanted everything out in the open. Derek spoke up again "If you don't want or can't..."

"No." Meredith interrupted him, looking straight into his eyes. He was being so kind and sincere but she couldn't help but wonder is he going to be the same once he knows the whole truth. She needed to get this over with- whatever the outcome.

Looking into his eyes, she continued. "Anyway, the week before i was due to go back to the hospital; Danny was at college when the phone rang, so i answered. It was Danny's boss from Costco. He asked for Danny, i told him he wasn't in and then he told me to tell him that he was sorry that things didn't work out. I wondered what the hell he was talking about. He, unknown to me, was referring to the fact Danny had been fired three weeks ago," Meredith explained, clearly angry.

"And he didn't tell you?" He asked quietly.

"No," she laughed bitterly, before sipping on her coffee, trying to stop herself from being sick. "Apparently, for the previous four months he had only being shown up for the odd shift here and there and even at that his temper was very short with people resulting in him punching a customer. I actually remember laughing when he said this because i couldn't believe Danny would do that, not my Danny."

"That wasn't fair of him to do that to you," Derek told her. "Irresponsible."

"His boss wished me all the luck in the world for when the baby was born. When I came off the phone, my concerns and suspicions grew. Why would Danny punch a customer? Why didn't he tell me he lost his job? Where had he been over the past three weeks when he said he was working at Costco? How were we managing to pay the bills when i wasn't working and he was only working one job? I hunted the apartment, looking for some sort of sign and that's when i came across them. Letters from the landlord to say we were two months behind in the rent. We were behind with all the bill payments," she muttered with anger. "Then i found the almighty letter saying that if we didn't have the rent money we owed the landlord then we were to be out by Friday. I couldn't control my anger. Why would he keep something like that from me?"

"Of course you were angry," he sympathised, not knowing what else to say.

"So...uh...forgetting all about the bed rest. I got dressed, jumped on the bus and headed for campus. When i got there, i ...uh...knew something was wrong. I knew something funny was going on. I knew what i was about to find out, i wasn't going to like. I ran into Jessie, who was a close friend to Danny; they were in a lot of the same classes together. She was friendly. However, when i ran into her, something was off. She was being odd .She was asking how me and the baby were. When i mentioned Danny, she flinched. She told me she was leaving the class early because she had an appointment. I knew she was lying. She said Danny was still in class and i should go home and wait for him there. Then Rory came running up. He let slip how the class was cancelled as the lecturer was still off sick. Jessie's face went as red as a beetroot. I asked him if he had seen Danny and he said that he had just seen him heading for Julie's office to discuss some paper. Jessie's face said it all. I knew when i went to Julie's office. I knew what I was going to see. I will...eh...spare you the gory details of what i seen but it all came out that he had being seeing her for over a year," she laughed bitterly.

"I'm so sorry Meredith," Derek exclaimed, pulling her in for a light hug but it wasn't long before Meredith was pulling out of it.

"You get it," she stated with a shrug.

"Yeah," he smiled sadly, still keeping his arm around her shoulder. "Yeah, I get it."

"I felt...i felt...and looked so stupid. I was so embarrassed. I got a cab home and once, i got there, i packed all the stuff i could carry and i left. He tried to stop of me of course, telling me how sorry he was and how we could get passed this. We just needed to focus on each other. But i couldn't...i couldn't look at him, never mind sit and listen to his excuses. Anyway, i left and never looked back. I managed to get myself a two bedroom flat, i returned to work and was back at college. I still had the money mum sent me to use for emergencies and that helped a lot. The baby was doing great. My blood pressure was still a little high so i was at my OB/GYN once a fortnight. I called and left messages for Danny about the hospital appointments. As much as i hated his guts, i would never stop him from seeing his child. I left messages on his mobile about three different appointments and for those three appointments, he never showed."

"Bastard," Derek muttered under his breath.

"I phoned Rory who eventually told me that he was in the Caribbean with Julie and her daughter. I literally felt the knife being jammed right into my back. I couldn't believe he was so callous. After that, i decided there would be no contact unless he initiated it. I got on with life, socialising with my friends, working at college, working shifts in the bar and the restaurant. The baby was doing great. I was seven months pregnant when i decided to come and visit mum, here in Seattle. We had just finished for summer. She was surprisingly nice, encouraging me to put my feet up which i gladly followed her advice as i was the size of a swollen, hump back Whale. We were weirdly having a fantastic time. She was so supportive. She wanted to feel the baby move and to go baby shopping. She was genuinely excited about becoming a grandmother. I have never seen her as happy as she was in that week. She even took a week off of surgery to spend time with me...me! Everything was surreal. One day...one day, mum got paged to the hospital; i decided to go to the grocery store to get things for dinner. I was standing in the tinned food aisle when i began to feel really funny. Dizziness came on out of know where. I then looked down and that's when i saw...i saw ...i saw my blood over the floor of the supermarket. I remember hearing screams but then...then everything went black..." Meredith had fresh tears pouring down her face. Derek tried to wipe them away with his free hand, as well as trying to hold back his own tears, but it was no use as the tears kept flowing. "...and i...i...i…" Meredith was now uncontrollably sobbing.

"Just slow down, calm down, deep breaths. I am right here." Derek was saying as he pulled Meredith into a tight hug, having one arm firmly around the front of her waist and the other he was gently rubbing up and down her back trying to soothe her and reassure her that he was right there with her. "Inhale and exhale. I've got you. I've got you." Meredith continued to sob into his chest for a further five minutes.

Slowly, her breathing regulated back to normal again. Derek helped place her back in her chair as her body was overtaken with trembling. It was like she had lost control of her body. Derek continued to use a hand to rub up and down her back while whispering reassuring words in her ear.

Eventually, Meredith was able to look Derek back in the eye again. His face showed concern and sincerity. "Meredith..."he tried to convince her to maybe stop this conversation for a while but was interrupted.

"No. I can do this. I...I can do this...uh...I know you must be wondering what the hell happened..." Derek nodded and smiled as she continued..."and now that i have started i need to finish. I have to finish."

Meredith paused for a second and then continued. "Ok…ok...like i said, everything went black. The next think i know i am waking up when i am being wheeled into the OR for a C-Section. I don't really remember much after that. When i woke up, i felt numb and i knew something was wrong. Mum was in my room waiting for me in my room to wake up. I took one look at her and knew by her body language that what i was going to be told...well...it was not going to be good. Mum was distant, cold and i couldn't make sense of it. She stayed in the corner of the room, refusing to make eye contact with me. I kept asking and asking her where my baby was."

"All she kept saying was that the doctor would be in to talk to me. When she said that, i remember a shiver going right down my spine. My hands wouldn't stop shaking yet i still felt numb and now i know why. My body was preparing me for what i was going to be told. The doctor came in and told me that i had a placental abruption; they couldn't get control of the bleeding and had to do an emergency C-Section. I was told that i delivered a baby boy, weighing a small 3lbs 2ounces. He was born with multiple problems. His kidneys weren't functioning properly, he was bleeding into the brain and to top it all, he had...he had a whole in is heart," she explained as the tears streamed down her face.

"The surgeons told me at best, he probably only had twenty four hours left. Once i was told that, i was adamant that i had to see him and be with him. I couldn't, not be. I couldn't have him die alone. I needed to be with him despite the fear of losing him. I knew he needed me. I remember mum mumbling something about having a surgery and sliding out the door as the nurses helped me into a wheelchair. Nurse Finster wheeled me up to the NICU. She wheeled me into the room where my son was and all i remember is the distinct smell of the alcohol wipes. It was extremely overpowering. My eyes landed on an incubator at the back of the room with this tiny, pale baby. My son. My son. He was small, weak but beautiful. The nurse left me alone with him but before she left, i asked if she would call Danny. I was lost in him. I couldn't bring myself to take my eyes off of him. He was amazing. I was told my son would be lucky to survive twenty four hours. The next thing i know forty eight hours have gone by, seventy two hours, a fortnight had gone by," she explained with a smile, despite the tears that were still streaming down her face.

"He was getting stronger," he murmured, coming to the conclusion Meredith must have decided to give him up for adoption.

"Each day, he was getting a little stronger, a little better, bit by bit, day by day. Danny and his parents were left hundreds of messages. I even resorted to calling the school and his work to pass on the message but he never got back. Max...i...uh called him Max...Max Grey. He was three weeks old when the neurosurgeon came into tell me that the bleeding in his brain had stopped. I thought i was going to have a seizure right there and then from the happiness. I was so proud of Max. I was the proudest mother alive. Max was beginning to put on weight. His kidney function was improving. He was getting stronger. I couldn't believe it," she smiled sadly.

"Max was three and a half weeks old and had many visitors from my friend's college to members of staff who i got to know growing up as most of my time was spent between school and the hospital. They all came to see him, apart from the two people who really mattered, his father and grandmother- Danny and my mum. I argued and argued with her to go and see him but the excuse was the same as always- i am due in the OR, I have back to back surgeries. She didn't want to go see him. At that point, i knew she had slipped back into the old, Ellis Grey, the one who constantly keeps her distance from those around her. But i couldn't waste my time worrying about her, Max needed her. He was getting stronger each day. The cardiologists were talking about operating once he had gained a little more weight. I could not waste time worrying about my mother slipping back into her old ways. I needed to focus on Max. At four weeks old, I was allowed to hold him for short periods of time. I was actually allowed to cuddle my own baby. That was the most amazing feeling in the world. It even trumps the excited feeling being in the OR. There is one better feeling than that, and that's when you have your child in your arms, who happens to have their eye's wide open and a firm grasp on your finger. Nothing beats that feeling. Nothing." Meredith was smiling at Derek and he was smiling back. This was one of the very few happy memories she had of her time with Max.

"I mean things were hard. It was difficult. But...oh... Derek, if you had met him, If you had seen Max, you would know that no matter how difficult things were, just being near him made you forget everyone and everything else in the world. Don't get me wrong, i was petrified, terrified. I had lived in the NICU since i first saw him. I never left his side for more than half an hour and even at that, i felt i was leaving him too long. I hated being away from him." Meredith had to pause before she continued. Derek still had a firm hold of one hand.

"I was holding Max, overjoyed that the day before he had his first nappy change. He was getting bigger and stronger. He was doing really well at five weeks old. On this particular day, i was cradling Max in my arms when i looked up and who was watching us through the window was Danny's parents. I didn't quite know what to think but what i did know was that they weren't here to see or show any concern about Max. The nurse helped me put Max back in his incubator. When i went into the hallway, you could literally cut the atmosphere with a knife. It was horrible. His mum hid behind her husband the way she always did. Never allowed to voice her opinion or react to anything, she wasn't allowed to move or breath without his permission. His father told me that he, his wife and especially Danny wanted nothing to do with 'this situation'. They wanted nothing to do with 'that in there'. At that point, he was pointing to Max's incubator through the glass window. I couldn't contain my anger anymore. How dare he refer to my son as 'that'? I knew yelling and shouting was not going to help but somehow i couldn't help it. They made me so mad. Danny made me so mad that he sent his father to be his messenger as he was too much of a coward. I started yelling then and there that we wanted nothing to do with any of them, that we did not need them. It was then that he threw a cheque for $20,000 for me to use as i wish, whether i use it to put him up for adoption and start my life over or to put in a trust fund for him," she rambled off, feeling more hurt than angry. Hurt for what they had done to Max.

"That is beyond…" Derek trailed off unable to find the words to explain how disgusting that was.

"I threw the cheque back in his face and asked the nurses to escort them off the premises. I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe that they could show no compassion for an innocent little baby. I may have been in the wrong but Max had done nothing wrong. He didn't deserve any of that. It wasn't fair." Meredith hap to gulp back the water to try and keep the bile from travelling up from her stomach. The thought of Danny's parents knocked her for sick. She has never met people so heartless.

"I loved my son. I was the proudest mother alive which is why i couldn't comprehend why people could be so callous when it came to him." Meredith started to breathe deeply, trying to control herself before she started hyperventilating again. This didn't go unnoticed by Derek.

She had a son. Meredith was a mum. How can a man just walk away from Meredith, his Meredith? How can he leave her alone with a sick child? What about Ellis? Derek was deep in thought as Meredith paused to regain her strength. Meredith could see this and decided to snap him back out of it before he started hitting her with questions.

"Max was six weeks old and was strong enough to go into the OR to repair the hole in his heart. I was anxious, scared, and nervous but i tried to see at as a good sign as he was getting stronger. I started to think about taking him home to Boston, him being in his nursery, taking him home to the park, his first word, his first steps. All these thoughts were in my mind as soon as he came out of the OR. The surgery was a success. I was so happy. Twenty four hours later, i nipped down to the canteen to get a cup of coffee...and...and that's when it happened. I got a dreaded page '911 NICU' I took the stairs, two at a time to the fifth floor. I bolted into the room. My mum was screaming orders at the nurses and cardiologist. He turned and looked at me and i knew what he was going to tell me. I watched them shock my son with the defibrillator but it was no use. Max Grey was pronounced dead at ...at 9.02am. "Meredith's body started to shake violently as the sobbing once again took over. Once again Derek took her in his arms, the difference being that now he was crying to.

I really need to know what you think of this.

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