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Chapter 2, hope you like it, Birgitta

All rights belong to CW

2. How to Calm a Beast

After an hour of unsuccessful lab work, I begin getting antsy. I know the feeling well. It starts out small with my concentration faltering and my mind drifting. As I continue to work, trying my best to ignore the unease, the sensation grows and spreads. My limbs become tingly and tense as they prepare for movement. I know where they want to go. My whole body wants to get going, track her down, and unsure that she is alright. It's been hours since I've seen her, heard her voice, inhaled her scent, and been close enough to carefully touch her. My interaction with her is always calculated and kept innocent for I couldn't have her know.

Looking down at my hands, I notice that my fingers are trembling just slightly. Working is becoming impossible. When I get this way, there is no other solution then to stop all and just go. Without knowing for sure, without ensuring myself, and seeing with my own eyes, I won't be any good for any task. There is no point to fight it. There is no fighting it. Believe me… I've tried. For months, I have tried but her power over me is absolute.

"JT, I'm going out."

Irritable, JT grumbles something that not even my ears can distinguish. Despite clearly displaying his disapproval, he doesn't even get off the couch or turn away his gaze from the TV screen. He's given up. Just like me, he has come to the realization that it's too late. I am too far gone. She's got me and I would rather get caught by Muirfield than never be with her again.

Once outside, I am able to track her easily, despite being miles apart, and I find her at a crime scene downtown. Catherine is a great detective and she is the first one called when there has been a homicide in the city. I take pride in this fact. Not just because I help her with her cases and because I've saved her life several times, but because I see her as mine. I shouldn't. God knows I shouldn't. Yet, I can't stop my mind from thinking what my heart is feeling.

Staying out of the way so that I won't be seen, I place myself high on top of a building. From here, I can see and hear everything. It is not just Catherine that I survey. I watch and listen for clues that may be valuable to her. Helping her solve crimes, helping her advance in her career, gives me purpose and it has brought me closer to her. I'm a fool, this I am aware of for it can never be. Nonetheless, I like making her happy, in any way I can. This wasn't always the case. In the beginning, when she first found out about me, I resisted her. I played hard to get and pretended that her spontaneous visits displeased me.

'Yeah right, displeased me', I huff on the inside because the reality of my emotions whenever she would show up would be the very opposite of anger. Whenever I sensed her presence, knew that she had come to see me, I would levitate. She had come to see me… me… a Beast… a military experiment gone wrong. She could be anywhere, be with anyone, but she had chosen to come to me. At first, it was because of her mom. Then, it was because of a case she needed my help with. Now… now...

I huff at myself as I catch myself thinking up more wishful and disillusioned foolishness. Catherine has seen me at my worst and it is not a pretty sight. She hasn't run, at least not yet. Still, I am not a vision any woman would have romantic fantasizes about. Especially a Beauty like Catherine who can have…

"Vincent?" It's her voice, wording my name. Emptying my face of all revealing emotions, I turn to watch her as she meets me at the ledge. "I was hoping you would be up here."

"You know me well," I say, stating the truth since, besides JT, she knows me better than anyone. She knows the good, the bad, and the ugly. "I've been waiting for you."

'I'm always waiting for you'.

"So, did you see or hear anything suspicious?"

Her whole focus is on me; her eyes meeting mine and her body rotated against me. She stands so close that I can feel her hot breath brushing against my neck, sensuously caressing and painfully teasing. She is short, shorter than me, and she is petite. I have felt her in my arms several times and my arms have memorized her weight. She is perfect, every part of her, and I want her so bad it is excruciating.

"Vincent?"

There is a frown in between her eyebrows. She does that a lot and often it is caused by me, like now. I am supposed to be answering her and instead, I am daydreaming and carrying on with a monologue in my head.

"Sorry," I grimace at my own idiotism. I give a quick shake, resetting my brain towards the case. "JT wasn't too pleased that I left."

I am not lying, just saving my own ass, and she buys it. "Sorry, I'm always making trouble for you."

Her hand comes up and cradles my right cheek, the one with the scar, my ugly side. So that I won't give anything away, show her how much I love her touch and attention, I look down over the edge onto the people below. The witness is still down there, so is the body, Catherine's partner, and… him.

"She's hiding something," I say as I feel my heartbeat accelerating.

'Look away,' I urge myself. 'Ignore him. He is no one. He means nothing to her,' I try to convince myself in an effort to calm myself so the Beast won't come forth. But, I am lying for the man below holds a major part of her life and he also does not have to hide in the shadows like I do. He gets to share her life in a way that I will never be able to do. He is an equal. He is worthy.

Catherine's hand is removed and her focus is redirected to the homicide case. "Who? The witness? Did she do it?" She rushes excitedly, completely unaware of my inner struggle to control the anger and hold off the Beast.

I shake my head as I concentrate on controlling my breathing and rate. "No, but she knows more than she is letting on. She is either protecting someone or …"

"…someone is threatening her to stay silent," Catherine finishes.

Below, I catch him say her name and I zoom in on him. I hate his voice. It is as stuck up and arrogant as the man himself. I've heard him putting on air several times, trying to impress Catherine, by using unnecessary medical and scientific terminology. I would never do that. I would never act superior or use my schooling to outdo her. Who does that? What kind of man does that? Not a man who cares for a woman, who will take care of her, who would sacrifice all to be with her. Nevertheless, despite being selfish and self-loving, he is more worthy of her than me.

"Gorgeous, isn't she?... We've been on a date or two…. I have a way with women… She won't be any different… Eventually, they all fall for the…."

With each reference to Catherine, the anger rises and the need for ripping, smashing, and crushing grows more and more acute. The Beast wants to be set free so it can shut up the man. He is speaking of our Catherine; bragging about her as if she is his. What has this man done to deserve her? Has he saved her life? Has he risked his own life to be near her? Would he die for her? What does he know of…

"Vincent? Vincent?"

Warm hands enclose my face and worried brown eyes tries to find mine. Looking down at her, the image of her is blurry and the sound of her outcry is distorted by my loud breathing. I am changing and I had not even been aware. The Beast is taking over and there is only one thing on its mind; the man's destruction. It wants to kill him, eliminate him, and subtract him from the equation.

"Vincent, what's wrong? Tell me what's wrong?"

I pant, violent breaths in and out, and my beat is rushing. Panicky, I try to regain control but it is useless. The Beast wants blood and there is nothing anyone can do to…

Before even the Beast can react, arms come around me and my chin is resting against brown soft hair. I inhale, drawing in the scent of her shampoo, her lotion, her perfume, her apartment, her car, her… all the components that make up her specific aroma. Her scent is as unique and spectacular as her and with it surrounds me from all sides, all other things lose meaning and importance. My arms come up and grab a hold of her and I cling. I need her, the Beast needs her, and in her arms we both find peace. Slowly, I feel my heart beat slowing and the Beast fades back until it is just me.

"What happened?" She asks again and her tone holds such sadness that it twists my heart. "Why, Vincent? Have I done something wrong?"

The knife in my heart twists ever more as she takes on the blame for my misconduct. "Catherine, you could never…" I start to ensure her.

"Catherine, are you up here?"

I leap off the edge, down the side of the building, as I hear her partner approach. On a fire escape, I wait until it is safe to move. Catherine hesitates when leaving, her footing tells me this, and then I hear the distinct sound of pencil scratching. She is writing me a note. Once all is quiet above, I dare to leap up to the top. Tucked under a broken tile, I find a white small piece of paper. With trembling fingers, still reeling from the anger and the embrace, I unfold the note.

Tell me. Please.

She wants to know what brought forth the Beast. There had been no threat, no reason, so of course she is confused. Out of seemingly nowhere, I had begun to change. She needs an explanation, she deserves an explanation, yet, I cannot tell her. What can I say? I overheard him speak of her and I got jealous because he is able to share her life in a way that I never can? I can't tell her this for it would reveal my true feelings for her and that could never be.

For the next days, I stay hidden and concealed. I don't show myself to her for I still have not decided what to say. I am hoping that time will lessen her need for an explanation. It's wishful and useless hoping for she is a detective. Details and information is an obsession of hers, particularly when it concerns me. From the very beginning, from the very moment she found out about me, I have been a fascinating project. Whether she could admit or not, to her I'm a case to study and solve. So, she won't let it go. No matter how many days pass, she will want an answer to why I began to change. She'll want to know what set me off.

But no matter the reasoning and the logic, it is hard to stay distant. I hate having to stay back, hide, and avoid her. She needs me. I can tell by the way she searches for me. Watching from above, 12 stories up, I notice how her head sweeps side to side and up. I want to acknowledge my presence. Let her know that I am here. Let her know that she is not alone. But, I can't. I shouldn't. It's not wise… then again, not much I've done lately has been wise.

She is with her partner. They have figured who are behind the threatening of the witness and ultimately the homicide. I've helped some, passing notes like a child, but the real credit belongs to Catherine and her partner. They make a good team…. Yeah, I guess I'm a bit jealous of her too.

She passes by me, tearing through the narrow passage, as I am sitting in the darkened part of a balcony. The suspects have taken flight and Catherine is in pursuit. Catherine is fast and capable, faster than her partner who is still inside the apartment, yet I can't resist. I can't sit idle when there is a possibility that something might go wrong. If she was to get hurt, die, and I could have prevented it… No! I can't have that!

I leap from balcony to balcony, past a sprinting Catherine, catching up to the killers. Just as they take a corner, I jump down in front of them and knock one of them out instantly. Instinctually, the other one draws his gun and points it at me. A shot goes off and it brushes past my left shoulder, cutting through fabric and flesh. It stings and the Beast roars in anger. I can feel the fury bubbling and rising. It won't be long now. My fist flings out and the shooter falls to the ground unconscious. His gun flies out of his hand and skids along the asphalt.

'They had a gun. They could have shot her…'

"Vincent!"

'They could have killed her. She would have been dead. I would have been left alone…'

"Vincent! Calm yourself. They'll see. It's ok. It's over…"

She's talking to me, trying to reason with me, trying to get me to calm down, trying to get the Beast to calm down, but it's too late. The anger over these men, who might have killed her and taken her away from me, is too great. I want to rip them apart and ensure myself that they will never try to harm her again. I want to slash, smash, break, crush, kill… kill… ki…

Lips on mine. Soft warm lips enclosing mine, the Beasts. Petite enticing body pressed close as fingers works their way into my hair. The Beasts relaxes and let's go. Fully satisfied and taken, I submerge myself in her and her kiss. Just like with her embrace, I feel my body stilling and calmness sets in. The Beauty of her not only surrounds me, it sinks into me like I am breathing her in. Pulling away, her eyes seek mine and she finds them. The Beast has been appeased without smashing or hurting or killing. A simple kiss did it… from her.

"Go," she urges but my feet won't obey. She smiles, ensuring me. "Go!"

The sound of her partner approaching has my feet finally responding but I don't go far. I stay back to watch her, study every movement, every look, and every word for clues. Catherine kissed me and not just me. She kissed the Beast. Why? Was it just to save me from exposure? Was it so that the Beast would not kill those men? Or… do I dare to hope for another reason?

'I cannot be,' I argue, refusing to let myself dream so high and so hopelessly.

The thoughts continue to spin, around and around, without me ever reaching a conclusion. Asking her would be the sensible thing to do. Just come out and ask her.

'NO!' I shout in my head, anxiety and fear preventing me to seek the logical way out of my dilemma. I'd rather suffer in silence and drive myself mad. I'd rather lay down in bed, undressed under my sheets, and recall the kiss. I'd rather relive the event in my head, over and over again, when for a brief perfect moment her body and lips were pressed against me and all was perfect.

Chapter 2 – what do you think? I won't know unless you review.

Chapter 3 is Catherine's POV. Let me know what you think is going on in her head.
Thanks, Birgitta