The Last Temptation
Twilight Lament Oct. 2004
Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy VII nor any of its characters.
Chapter 2
Living a LieI cannot tell them. They would try to stop me, to find another way. I know they would because I do the same every day. What was once abstract and distant to me five years ago now looms over me, a dark cloud I want to escape. Two weeks, so little time. I want to think that I am okay with it all. Dying to save the world is a noble thing right? Who would not want their life to have such meaning?
Anyone who is sane, that's who. I love life, its imperfections and idiosyncrasies. My friends, though I have only known them a short while, are the first that I have ever had in my life. Strong, brave Cloud, spunky Tifa, gruff Barrett, and all of the others I have come to know on this journey. With them I have learned to fight, to struggle against implacable off. My magic is stronger. I am stronger.
Now what I once accepted is unacceptable. So I do not tell them and I will not let them suspect, because my conviction wavers enough. One word from them and I would turn my back on gate if only to live a moment longer. Selfish, but I cannot help the feeling. I'll take what I can get though. Soon I will have to them and journey on my own to the place of my ancestors.
I won't ask why, not now.... Oh crap here comes Cloud. I will have to finish this later.
"Aeris," He said in that boyish, uncertain tone. Cloud is uncertain about many things these days. His past. His future. Himself. I both hope and pray his fate will not follow the General's.
You see Cloud was immersed in Mako as well. In fact I think ShinRa, or rather Hojo, meant to kill him an effort to confirm what levels of Mako are poisonous, but the Soldier flunky surprised them all. He survived.
"Yes?" I looked up at him just as I closed my journal, hoping he would not notice, or at least would not ask. His eyes also colored with the unnatural Mako green shifted to my hands and back again.
"Umm, did you still wanna continue our lessons?" The Lessons! I had forgotten. You see when Cloud and I ran into each other a second time; I has asked him to be my bodyguard. He had hesitated, and then agreed. Part of the deal was that he would teach me to be a better fighter. Sure the large staff I carried could prove potent in the hands of one who knew how to use it. But I mostly used it to carry materia, and to scare off the occasional thug when I had lived in the slums.
Cloud, never one for much patience, hadn't liked the idea, but now I think he enjoys the lessons as much as I. It is a simple act in world now hemmed in complications and very real dangers. Teaching me the proper way to club someone over the head was a surmountable task. Unlike trying to figure out how he, the Soldier flunky, would defeat the most renowned and revered warrior of our time.
I tucked my journal underneath my pillow and even though several eyes saw, I know no one would dare. Personal privacy was one thing we all respected, because we all had out secrets. The fire crackled and over the licking flames, Tifa's eye met mine. Jealousy and pain. I saw them clearly. She rose. Tifa always joined our training sessions. She did it to be close to Cloud, to prevent him from drawing closer to me.
You ungrateful bitch! I wanted to scream at her. I'm going to die so you all can live! At least let me have what time will allow! I knew the thoughts were uncharitable. Tifa loved Cloud and had loved him for a long time. They were children together, and because of that there were things about Cloud Tifa would always know that I would not. Besides Tifa doesn't have a clue what I must do, and I suspect that if she did, Tifa would have ceded the field.
I offered her a smile. One she returned with a bit of uncertainty at first. That's right Aeris. I told myself. Smile and enjoy. Smile and do not let them see. Our small group only went far enough away to prevent hitting anyone else.
Beside me Tifa stopped, a staff balanced a little precariously in her hand. Tifa had never touched a weapon beyond metal knuckles until recently. She was an out standing hand-to-hand fighter, but at Cloud bumbling instance she was taking lesions with me. The memory sprang up unbidden, but not unwelcome.
-
"What? Cloud I already know how to fight," Came Tifa's incredulous reply. She was right. Even I was perplexed over Cloud's proclamation that she would train in staff use with me.
"But you're a girl," He stated in his masculinity as if that explained everything. It explained something to Tifa all right. Her eyes narrowed in ire, and her hands closed into dangerous fists as she rose to her feet. I admit, his words angered me as well.
"And just what Mr. Soldier-boy, is that supposed to mean?" Cloud gained immediate insight for once in his life. Both hands came up in front of him, waving in denial.
"No...No... Not... I mean...here." He stuttered out and acted where words failed him. Both his hands locked over Tifa's wrists. I though he was just trying to keep her from knocking the crap out of him. But he pulled her closer, then extended his arms up and out. One arm positioned on either side of her head. "Now, lift your arms up, stretch them as far as you can towards me."
"Oh, I will all right," Tifa muttered, still contemplating knocking him over. But her fingertips did not even reach his chest, no matter how hard she tried.
"See?" He asked and for emphasis he grabbed her shoulders. Understanding dawned on us both. "I can grab you before you get in range of me." With a sudden spurt of motion, Tifa shoved Cloud to the ground. Her fists pressed angrily against her hips.
"If you were fast enough to catch me you arrogant jerk!" Tifa's small fram radiated anger.
"Ow, damnit, Ti. Look, I'm just trying to help." Cloud picked himself up off the ground with an easy grace. A warning sounded in my head, but too late. Cloud, lightening fast, grabbed her. One of his arms trapped both of her against her sides and his free hand gripped her throat. "Not everyone is as fast as me, Tif." His voice strong for the first time in days, and so solemn. "But even I'm not as fast at him." -Him-. Sephiroth. The dark cloud under which we all traveled. His point made, Cloud released and sighed. The serious Soldier gone and replaced by the boy we knew. One hand ran through his spiky blonde hair. "I really didn't mean that the way is sounded. And... I know I can't make you as good as him. But... we all gotta try to be at our best."
I heard the fear in his voice. That dark undercurrent that overshadowed even the glow of Mako in his eyes. Not just for himself, but for us, especially for me. I was no fighter, no challenge at all for the Great Sephiroth. Cloud wanted to change that, give us both a needed edge. Tifa looked away, her ascent nothing more than a short bob of her head.
-
I remember it all well. But most of all I remember Tifa's righteous fury as she bent over a stunned Cloud with one finger wagging in his soft. My soft laugh drew both sets of eyes.
"Aeris?" He asked. I waved one hand.
"Nothing," But I could not help the grin. I wished I could have talked to Tifa's mind and sent her the image. Perhaps even share a private laugh while Cloud began his lecture where the last lesson had left off.
I looked at him and the confident pose. This one was not faked though. Teaching combat put Cloud on familiar ground. A simple task in a not so simple world.
Today he wanted to work on bettering our skills at using materia in combination with our weapons. That suited me just fine. I was far better at that than just using my staff. He worked us with the fervor of a drill sergeant, and even if I stopped wanted the lessons, I know I will keep them up if only to give him a few hours of respite from his confusion.
Later, I sank exhausted into my bedroll. Another good thing about practice, I did not think so much on what was to come, and sleep always comes blessedly fast. I realized something though as I closed my eyes. I loved Cloud. Before I could dwell, sleep took me into dreamless oblivion.
Jaded Echo – Thanks! And here you go!