A/N This time the thoughts in the beginning are Emily's. No lyrics throughout the chapter, but it's definitely inspired by The Harder They Come by Paul Oakenfold ft. Nelly Furtado
(I thought love was not for me. I thought lovers dreamed things that I don't dream. I thought I'd never again kiss lips so sweet. I thought never again would I ever feel complete)
"I love you" Emily's words were laden with so many emotions. Passion, happiness, and relief were amongst a few. Honestly she never thought she'd utter those words again.
"I love you too" Could barely be heard from the beautiful blonde beneath her. Tears of joy steamed from brown eyes as they stared into darkening blue. Emily's heart raced because as she looked to the woman all she could see was truth. There was no trepidation, no fear, just unbridled love, lust and the promise of future. And for the first time, in a really long time, Emily felt whole.
The older woman kissed the blonde deeply, her tongue seeking entrance and immediately being let in. No fight for dominance as the women moved together fluidly. Soft hands explored endless amounts of soft supple skin. Emily was almost reluctant to leave the mouth of the writhing blonde, but her lips ached to taste the wetness that was met by her hand. Slowly her lips traveled between beautiful breasts, only veering direction momentarily to give attention to each of the woman's erect nipples. The brunette then resumed her downward journey, enjoying the moans that echoed throughout the bedroom as she lightly bit the skin of a toned abdomen. Both women were eager but Emily still took her time. She strayed from her direct path again to run her tongue and teeth teasingly up her lover's inner thigh, and possessively left a mark on the over sensitive skin. Finally, FINALLY, she ran her tongue from the woman's opening to her aching clit. As the younger woman shuddered Emily couldn't help but feel as if she was home again.
She was lost in the taste of arousal, in the feeling of quivering thighs, and in the sensation of fingers clenching in her hair. It was an overload of physical and emotional bliss that had her in a much missed state of happiness. She wanted to be in this moment forever, and somehow she knew that she'd never be without this again. The blonde was so close, so very very close to the razors edge. Emily had mercy on the woman and sunk two fingers into her wanting center, curling them in that perfect way that would send the woman to her release. The younger woman screamed, and mumbled in unrecognizable words that couldn't be deciphered by Emily's multi-lingual palate. But still she worked the blue eyed angels core, licking up her rewards until she had managed to cause the woman to cum again.
Emily would have been perfectly happy to stay in that perfect haven nestled between heavenly legs, but the younger woman had other ideas. The blonde, with much effort due to her trebling limbs, tugged the brunette upwards in hopes of kissing the lips that just caused fireworks to explode within her.
The younger woman moaned at the taste of herself on Emily's lips and using what little energy she had left, she rolled the woman over so that she could now look down upon the woman who she had so deeply missed.
"I missed you so much when you were gone" The blonde says as she rests her head on the brunette's chest.
Emily wraps her arms around the woman protectively, almost as if she feared the blonde would disappear if she didn't. "I missed you too. I missed this" Emily couldn't hide the emotion in her voice and the younger woman noticed. She could sense that something weighed on the brown eyed woman and she had an idea exactly what that weight was.
"I'm glad you are home. How was your trip?"
Emily stiffened momentarily as she thought about her trip to DC and all that had happened. But then she smiled and placed a kiss on the blonde's head before responding "It was good. It was…. Enlightening"
Emma lifted her head and rose an eyebrow at her girlfriends response, sensing there was more to the story than her trip being 'enlightening' "Care to elaborate on that darling?"
Emily laughed. She knew that her answer wouldn't suffice the feisty woman in her arms. Emma knew her in ways that she'd never thought was possible after what happened with JJ, and she knew she wouldn't get away with the generalized description of her weekend in the U.S.
"Well my mother was the same as always… annoying and disapproving of everything that I had brought to wear. Of course that led to a much despised shopping trip. She brought you something back from her trip to Africa but wants to give it to you personally. She says she can't wait to see you over the holiday."
"Aww how sweet, I really love you mum"
Emily snorts because never in a million years did she think that her mother would approve of her significant other. But for some reason she adored Emma. "I'm sure you do. I actually think she likes you more than she likes me." They both giggle and Emily resumes her details of her trip. "It was good to see my old team again. Garcia and Morgan finally got together. We actually sparred a little on Sunday but I had to go easy on him because Garcia threatened to erase my entire existence if I did any damage to his 'magic stick'. Hotch actually smiles, which I must say is kind of weird. Reid loved the books that I brought for him, and Rossi and Strauss are still doing it." Emily shuddered a little at that last little factoid.
Emma couldn't help but notice that Emily had left out one particular name "And did you see her?"
The older woman looked into blue eyes and for the first time since she started dating Emma she saw a flicker of fear. She thought back to that night, and what had happened after they had left the bar.
'JJ wait. Just wait.' Jennifer paused and turned to look at the woman she had practically dragged out of the door. 'This is not going to happen. I can't… I won't go down this road again.'
The blonde looked hurt and confused. She almost couldn't believe what Emily was saying. Not after the dance they just shared. Not after the way they just kissed. Jennifer thought that this was her chance to get back everything that she had lost… No, everything she had thrown away. But the look in Emily's eyes told her that she had the wrong idea 'What do you mean? I thought that this is what you wanted! I'm right here Emily, I'm ready to give you what you want. I'm ready to give you what you had given me'
Emily's heart clenched at the blonde's words. Had this been a year ago, hell maybe even six months ago, she would have taken the woman in her arms and into her bed and back into her heart without a single question. But that was then, and this is now. And now Emily had found someone who had pieced back together her broken pieces. 'I did want this JJ. I wanted you. But you didn't want me. You wanted easy, you wanted safe, you wanted the image of a life that didn't include me'
Tears flowed freely from blue eyes. The word "wanted" reverberated in her head. She hated that it was past tense. She hated that she was foolish enough to let this woman get away. She hated that deep down she knew she had no chance of getting this woman back. Still she tried; she wouldn't back down without a fight 'What about that kiss Emily? That kiss didn't tell me that this is over'
The brunette sighed. She knew she shouldn't have let the kiss continue as soon as it had started. But she needed to be sure herself that she had moved on. She had no intentions of leading the woman on, but she wasn't the one who initiated it. 'I'm sorry that I gave you the wrong impression Jennifer, but that kiss wasn't a new begging for us, it was the end.' She pauses as the words and feelings not only sink in for the blonde, but for herself. She never thought that she'd get over this woman that had her heart and broke it. She never thought that love would give her a second chance. 'I wanted you so badly JJ. I wanted you so badly that I let you crush me. And even after you ripped me apart I waited. I waited and waited hoping that one day you would realize that you wanted me more than you wanted… easy. I made the wrong choice for so long JJ. I let myself get lost waiting for the day that you would find me. Then you married him and I knew that I couldn't sit around anymore and pretend to be your friend, pretend to be ok, pretend like I wasn't fading. I had to get away, and it was so hard to get you out of my system. For far too long everything was about you, until one day someone found me. '
JJ felt a though she was dying. Every word Emily spoke was truth, and she didn't know if the fact that she had destroyed this woman, or the fact that she had moved on, hurt her more. She wanted to run away from this conversation, but she knew that Emily deserved the chance to tell her how much she hurt her. And she deserved the pain that came with hearing Emily found someone else.
'You taught me how to love JJ, and I will forever be grateful for that. But I've found someone who taught me that real love is given back. Not in secret, and not until something easier comes along. I shouldn't have let you kiss me… I shouldn't have kissed you back. But it helped me realize that it's not you holding my heart anymore JJ. I'm in love with someone else, and she truly loves me '
'So that's it. You are going to leave again, and I'll never get a second chance?'
'I gave you several chances JJ and you never tried. I'm not going to pass on mine. I found love again JJ, and because of her I can finally say goodbye'
"I'm sorry that I kissed her" Emily says as she wipes tears from Emma's eyes
"Is it weird if I say that I'm not?" the beautiful woman kind of chuckles at Emily's questioning expression as she tries to stop crying long enough to explain why "Don't get me wrong, I despise that someone else had their lips on you, however, I'm happy that you got closure. It scared me that you had never even spoken to her again. I always feared that I was on borrowed time. I couldn't help but think that one day you two would find your way back to each other. It may seem selfish but I often thanked the heavens that she had yet to try." Emma leaned down and placed a gentle kiss on the brunette's lips. Once again she rested her head on the older woman's chest as she let the sense of happiness and relief wash over her. She had spent each night the woman was away clinging to her pillow absorbing the lingering remnants of the woman's scent. She knew that Emily loved her, but she feared that she loved JJ more. She wondered if the woman would return to her. The realization that Emily was now truly and completely hers made her absolutely giddy, and she smiled happily at the fact that JJ had been an idiot.
Emily smiled as the woman settled on top her; tears streamed down her own cheeks as she finally felt free. She couldn't believe that she had chosen to stay broken for so long. She couldn't believe that love had given her the chance to be whole again. And she couldn't believe that this beautiful blue eyed woman feared that she would turn from her if JJ ever tried again. Jennifer had truly taught Emily how to love, and Emily had learned that love doesn't always take the easy path. Fortunately for her, that path led her to Emma.
A/N I know that was cruel but to be fair I only promised angst and smut…. I didn't promise that it would be with JJ. So I guess you figured out that the summary was about Emily's choice and second chance, not JJ's (I was trying to be sneaky and clever ) for the record I am a one hundred and fifty percent Jemily shipper. However, if Emily were to every be with anyone else, In my mind it would be January Jones' version of Emma Frost. And I guess Emily will always have a thing for blonde hair, blue eyed hotties!