Chapter 2
(Sorry it's kind of long, got carried away)
Brendan escaped from his boyfriend's clutches. Nothing agressive, he just needed to somehow deal with the fact that he had just released the biggest secret of his life. It felt like a big weight had been lifted off of his shoulders. He had told nobody about the trauma before. His dad used to abuse him, sexually abuse him.
'Thankyou' Brendan whispered attentively.
Ste didn't even give a response to Brendan's appreciation. How could he? How could he say 'oh thats okay, it's fine?' Nothing was fine anymore, his world had just turned upside down knowing what Brendan had been through and for some reason he felt guilty that he hadn't been told before. Did Brendan not trust him enough? Did he think he would go running onto the street and tell everybody? Tell Cheryl? Oh god. Cheryl...
'Brendan.. was it erm. Just you? I'm sorry I shouldn't have asked that. I don't know what to say. I feel sick to my stomach. We can fight this. We can go the station right n..'
'No! No Steven. Promise me you can't tell the police. Promise me. I don't want that. It will ruin Cheryl's life. She loves him, idolises him. I can't take that away from her. Please don't. Please don't!'
Ste was shocked, he wanted that monster, that disgrace to get away with putting his son through all that? How could he even call himself a dad. Who does that to their children?!
'Okay. If that's what you want'
Steven took Brendan's hand in his and carefully approached the subject. 'If you ever want to talk about it though, I'm not saying you need to, just if you ever want to I'm here okay? I'll always be here, think of me like a priest releasing your worries'
'A priest? You're weird sometimes do you know that? Brendan felt like he was coming back down to earth again; back to his amazing life with his amazing man.
He stood up and reached down to grab the smooth hands of his boy. Taking his waist, he gave him possibly the most affectionate cuddle he had ever given, burying his head in Steven's neck. 'I love you, I love you so much. Thankyou' he mumbled softly.
Later on in bed that night, Brendan felt the right time was now. He wanted to accept Steven's help. He wanted to share the angst and worry with him, share some of the horrible stories and nightmares he had endured over the years and just feel comfort in the fact Ste had believed him. He knew for a fact if he ever told his ma, Cheryl any of his family infact, about his dad that they wouldn't have believed him. Brendan was always seen as the devil child, the one always being the outcast in the Brady bunch. He had been in prison, knocked up his 16 year old girlfriend and then supposedly out of thin air turned gay. Why would they believe him now? All that mattered though was the one person who meant everything to him did.
'It happened on my eighth birthday, you know.'
Ste turned round to face his lover, Brendan had been spooning him moments before. 'Eight?'
'Yeah. I had a really nice party, my friends were there, my family was there. Loved it I did. Then I got into an argument with one of my friends. Don't even know what it was about and got sent to my room. Everybody was made to go. Was just me and him left in the house. I had this amazing cake. It looked like a football stadium you know? Amazing it was, really clever. Can you make cakes Steven?'
Ste gave him a disaproving look 'Me? A proper 3D birthday cake? Don't think so. Easier to buy it init? He knew Brendan was trying to wriggle out of it now. He didn't blame him at all. Who would want to revisit all these horrible memories as a child? Ste had a shit childhood, but looking back now it wasn't half as bad as Brendan's.
'He didn't give me a bit you know. Not straight away. I just remember hearing these footsteps coming up the stairs. I knew it was him, was the boots he wore, always made a noise. Then my door swung open and he placed his cigarette on the shelf. I hated the smell of fags. I'm glad you don't smoke Steven. You've got good lungs...'
Ste couldn't even answer. He had tears streaming down his face already. Brendan was only 3 years older than Leah, 5 years older than Lucas. A child, an innocent child. He hadn't done anything wrong, all children have spats and act up. It's normal, infact you'd be quite an unusual kid if you didn't occasionally have a fight or argument with friends.
'I thought he was gonna hit me at first, he did that a lot, but his eyes looked different this time. He had venom in his eyes, he looked like he wanted to kill me. I tried to get up and run away, but he wouldn't let me. He wouldn't let me Steven. He held me up against the wall and touched me...' Brendan was hysterical now. He couldn't carry on. He tried to be brave, tell Steven everything but when it came to that part, he couldn't. He had tears flowing rapidly down his face.
'It felt like it lasted hours, was probably only twenty minutes..'
'Twenty minutes is long enough Brendan, one seconds bad enough. You don't need to tell me this you know. I love you, I believe you and I'm here for you. Only when you're ready.
'I've been ready 20 years Steven...I remember waking up face down in my pillow. I think I passed out. I looked up at my table and there it was.'
'What?'
'A slice of my cake, he left me a slice of my cake. I got a bit of my cake. I wasn't bad after all, I thought he done it cos I showed him up. Didn't think he'd bring me up a bit of cake'
Brendan seemed to have changed in the last half an hour. Had he just? He had. He had just blamed himself. He thought he deserved to raped. I hate that word. But he was. His dad had raped him, then blamed him.
'BRENDAN! BRENDAN! Listen to me right. This isn't your fault.'
Brendan looked up to the face of Steven. They were both crying into eachother's arms. He knew he would never leave him, this was for keeps and this was the first step into Brendan accepting he needed help and Ste was gonna be there every step of the way for him.