Willara4ever: Thing will start to clear up in the below chapter…Willow and Tara belong together, there is no Faith and Tara!
WillowFriendly: I explain a bit in this chapter about Faith, but then more in either Chapter 3 or 4. I will forever be a Willow and Tara always belong together, but things have to be ugly before they get good. Give me a chance to prove it…please…
AssissinInShadows: The only paring I have fully decided on is Willow and Tara (the best couple there is - IMO), anything else is up for grabs...
Kingdomalith: Thank you for the feedback – a couple of tweaks were made because of your feedback. I hope this chapter makes Tara seem less selfish, I know that Chapter 3 will address the state of their relationship…I am a firm believer in happy endings…and happy middles…but you need a little drama in there too.
SonyaG: You guessed correct and I hope you enjoy the below chapter!
Chapter Rating: PG-13
Feedback: Pretty please…I'm flying without wings here - no beta reader…I'm my own worst critic and well I'm not sure this fic is good, but I'm hoping! If it's bad, someone please tell me!
Chapter 2"When is she going to be here?" said the redhead sitting on her mom's shoulders so that she could see above the crowd.
"Soon, you have to have patience," laughed her mother.
"I don't want to have patience, I want to have her here," said the little girl.
"I know you do sweetie, we both do. Her plane landed and she just hasn't been let off yet. She'll be in soon though."
"How do you know that," asked the little girl.
"Well, I have been reading the board on the wall and it says that her flight is next."
"Mommy, I see her, I see Auntie Dawn," bounce the redhead as she squealed and saw Dawn heading their way.
Tara saw Dawn and waited for her to get closer before pulling her daughter off her shoulders and then holding the little girl back until Dawn was close enough that she knew the little one wouldn't get trampled then she let her go.
"Auntie Dawn, Auntie Dawn," squealed the little girl as she ran to greet the one she had been waiting for.
"Hey Squirt," Dawn said as she scooped the little redhead up into her arms and started to tickle her as she watched Tara walk up to them laughing.
"Hey you," laughed Tara. "How was your flight?"
Dawn put the little girl in one arm and hugged Tara with the other. "Hey, the flight was ok, getting off that was a bit more trying and I am VERY happy to be in here."
Dawn then hoisted the little girl up in the air as high as she could and held her there for a minute while she giggled and asked to be put down.
Giles and Faith walked up and hugged the teen and he took her bag from her as the five of them started to leave, Tara put her arm around Dawn who as she held onto the squirming 4 year old occasionally hoisting her into the air and making her giggle more.
Willow's flight had also arrived and had been sitting on the tarmac as well. As she entered the terminal she saw Dawn, Faith, and Giles leaving with a blonde woman laughing with her arm around Dawn, and all her senses and her gut told her it was Tara, but she wanted to doubt herself. Dawn wouldn't keep this from her; she wouldn't hide the fact that she knew where Tara was and that she had been seeing Tara for possibly years.
Tara felt Willow inside the terminal, she could still sense her and after all these years, she forced herself to keep moving forward and trying to step into the crowds to hide herself as much as she could.
"Mommy, what's wrong?" said the four year old.
"Nothing sweetie," she said smiling softly at her daughter.
"That isn't your nothing face."
"Tara?" questioned Giles as Dawn and Faith looked her way.
"I felt Willow when we were in the terminal. I guess our connection is still there after all these years."
"She was flying in today too for a connection to Paris, but her flight was leaving after mine, I didn't think to mention it because I didn't think she would be that close behind us, though I didn't think we'd be sitting on the tarmac for a while either. I am so sorry Tara. Do you think she saw us? All of us?"
"Tara," a questioning voice came from behind them answering Dawn's question.
Tara stopped in her tracks, motioning for Dawn to keep moving and get the kid out of there and for Giles to move with them. She wasn't ready for Willow to see the child. Slowly she turned around and met the emerald eyes she had been dreaming about and missing for the past five years.
"Willow," said the blonde trying to keep her composure feeling Faith still her side as support.
"I, how? When," she sputtered unable to make a coherent thought her eyes filling with tears. She had missed Tara so much and couldn't believe that she was here in front of her.
"Not here, not now, please," pleaded Tara hoping to avoid a scene, willing her eyes to not let the tears flow, she felt Faith put her hand on her arm.
"I-I-I respect that," Willow found herself saying. "Where? When? Please, give me a chance, please can we talk?"
"Hey Red," said Faith trying to give a little distraction to give Tara time to breathe and think.
"Hey Faith," said Willow her eyes never leaving Tara.
"Tara, you need to face this, you are strong enough to do this," whispered Faith into Tara's ear hoping the blonde knew she only had her best interests at heart.
Taking in a deep breath she knew this day would come at some point and she needed to face the music. After her minor breakdown from seeing the redhead a month ago she knew she needed to get this over with at some point and sooner would definitely be better than later.
"Dawn said you were headed to Paris, when is your connecting flight or when are you coming back through," asked Tara letting out the breath she had been holding.
"Um, let me check," said the redhead pulling out her phone and checking her schedule. "I've got a four hour layover here and then I'll be coming back through in three days."
"Let me get Dawn and Giles on their way and then we can go to my office, it's about 10 minutes from here, and talk."
"Ok," said the redhead as she was still trying to process Tara being here and Dawn knowing it. "I can't believe that Dawn knew she was here and never told me, and why are Faith and Tara so close, oh my god I will die if she is dating her…ew! Changed or not, it is not going to be acceptable," thought Willow as she watched Tara walk to the car.
"T, are you sure? Do you want me to go with you," asked Faith as they walked over to Giles car containing Tara's family.
"You said I needed to face this - I need to do this on my own, just be around for whatever the fallout is," Tara said with a weak smile as she squeezed Faith's hand.
"Tara?" said Giles concerned about her.
"Mommy, whose that lady and why did she upset everyone?"
"Tara, I am so sorry, I had no idea," pleaded a very panicked Dawn.
"I'm ok Giles, Dawn, I know you didn't and I don't blame you. As for you little one that is someone from Mommy's past that she hasn't seen or spoken to in a very long time. I am going to go to my office and talk with her and I'll meet you guys at home. Will you be good for Grandpa, Aunt Faith and Auntie Dawn?"
"Only if I can get a hug and kiss to know that you are really alright, I don't like feeling you upset Mommy," said the little girl.
"Come here baby girl. I promise that I am ok and that when I get home we'll have a whole lot of fun celebrating Auntie Dawn being here," said Tara doing her best to make sure that Willow didn't see or get a hint about the little girl, thankful that Faith was standing nearby blocking most of Willows view as well.
"Tara, are you sure about this," asked Giles
"Giles, I knew it was going to happen sooner or later, we got too close when she was here the last time. I'll be ok, just get her home and we'll talk when I get there. Please?"
"Very well," he said not liking the thought of leaving her.
"Faith, I need you to go with them, I have no clue how this is going to go, but if it goes ugly I need you to protect her."
"Anything you want Tara," said Faith as she hugged the blonde and got into the front seat of the car and looked to see Willow intently watching them.
"I'm so sorry," was all Dawn could say.
"Dawnie, it isn't your fault, fate apparently has deemed that it is time for us to face one another. Take care of her until I get home please, she's missed you a lot." With that Tara gave them all a forced smile and turned to face Willow and the talk she'd been dreading for over five years, even more since her almost run-in with Willow a month prior.
Tara watched her family drive away and then turned and headed over to Willow.
"Let's get a cab to the office, it'll be quicker," said Tara.
Willow followed Tara to the line of cabs and they got in one Tara gave the driver the address and then they sat in silence as they rode to the little store tucked away in the quaint streets of London. Willow smiled when she saw the sign "Brigid's Box" there was a closed sign in the window but the store seemed like it was relatively established and she suspected that Tara had been here for a while. They exited the cab and Tara unlocked the store and they went inside and she locked the door again.
"I'm not here all that often, but I have an office in the back, we can talk in there. Can I get you something to eat or drink? We don't have much, but..."
"No, thank you," Willow managed to get out; her mind was still racing trying to figure out why Tara was in London, why Dawn knew and didn't tell her, and what her relationship was with Faith, did she move on to her? Was that why Dawn hadn't mentioned Tara living in London? And how amazing Tara looked in the faded blue jeans and well-fitting red t-shirt.
As they made their way back to the office Willow looked around at the store and made mental notes of the differences between Tara's store and the Magic Box. The office was decorated to be very comfortable and relaxed, there were some fairy lights strung around the room a true Tara must have. Tara motioned for Willow to have a seat on the couch as she took a seat at the opposite end.
"You've been here a while," stated the redhead.
"Yes," the blonde said as she hid behind her hair.
"Tara, you don't have to hide from me. You don't owe me anything, I know I screwed up, I know it is my fault, I just wanted an opportunity to tell you that I'm sorry and I did finally figure it out."
"Willow," interrupted the blonde.
"No really; I have had a lot of time to think about what I did and what all happened back then. I will never forgive myself for violating you and hurting you the way I did. I had no right and what I did was no different than what Glory did," stated Willow as a tear rolled down her face. "I also will regret for the rest of my life being too stupid and choosing the addiction over you and over us."
"Only part of that statement is true. What you did was very different than what Glory did and you aren't stupid."
"Not really, we both robbed you of your memories and your free will to make decisions for yourself. I am sorry and I have no clue how much you know about what happened with the addiction, or how bad it got after you left."
"It was never discussed when I was around; it wasn't because I didn't care, it was because it hurt too much. Until the day you met with Giles here in London nobody really mentioned your name or the past to me, at my request. Well, nobody but Faith, she has spent the better part of a year trying to convince me to talk to you."
"Um Faith has? Wow," said the redhead unsure why the brunette would be on her side or trying to help her at least, or was she trying to get Tara to move on to her or had she already moved on to Faith and was this just for the final closure. "How long have you been living here? You don't have to answer of course, but you know my curiosity."
"I've been living with Giles for over five years now. And yes, Dawnie obviously has known, but please, don't be mad at her or hold it against her. She was respecting my wishes and well, I told her, Faith and Giles if they told anyone I would disappear and they wouldn't ever know where I was nor see me again."
"No, I understand, kinda. I'm glad that you still had family around you."
"You look like life is treating you well," smiled the blonde. "Giles didn't tell me much about your meeting other than you were surviving and that at some point you wanted to talk with me."
"He was right, I'm surviving, I have my own business and a typical work week is about 85+ hours and then helping Buffy," said the redhead. "That takes up most of my time."
"Will, that is a lot of hours to be working, that isn't healthy."
"I know, but I need to keep myself busy, if I don't I just sit and throw myself a pity party about what a mess I made of my life."
"Will, you have to be grateful for the things you have in your life, don't dwell on the stuff you can't control."
"I wish it were that easy for me Tara," the redhead's heart fluttered as she said Tara's name. "You know how my mind works and well, I don't deserve the happiness that others deserve."
"That's bullshit and you know it," countered the blonde. "You deserve as much happiness as anyone else. You can't punish yourself for the rest of your life, at some point you have to forgive yourself. Will, can I ask you something and get a honest answer?"
"You can ask anything, I'll let you know if I'm able to answer it or not."
"Fair enough. How long after I left did you stop using magic?"
"I stopped the magic cold turkey a week after you left; I haven't used it since then, any of it. I doubt I could float a pencil anymore. Stopping was the easy part, it was the withdrawal that almost killed me - literally."
"I've heard that it can be hard, I'm glad you were able to do it though," Tara said with a lopsided smile that made Willow's heart skip a beat.
"Me too, it was the longest 10 months of my life. I owe a lot to Buffy and Dawn for helping me survive it."
"It took you 10 months to go through withdrawal?"
"Yep, I don't know how people survive doing that multiple times, once was enough for me. So is this your store or do you and Giles own it together?"
"It's one of mine, I have a three others scattered around the UK as well."
"Wow, that's impressive, I always knew you were destined to succeed. I love the name too, Brigid's Box, paying homage to your Celtic heritage?"
"I don't think that I was destined to succeed as you put it, I had to grow up a little faster than I had planned, and I had to make some choices along the way that worked to my advantage. And yes for the store name, plus the Magic Box was taken by Giles and Anya."
"You seem happy, I always hoped you were. I'm still in shock seeing you and that Faith was trying to get you to talk to me."
"She's a pretty amazing person when she lets her guard down and allows people in to get to know the real true Faith," smiled Tara.
"When I heard her sing when I was here last month, I could tell she had changed by the song she sang," Willow said thinking about that night and feeling a pang in her heart as she remembered the girl telling her that Faith's girlfriend was hot and a better singer and now thinking that had to be Tara. "Were you the one she dedicated the song to?"
"Yes," blushed the blonde.
"Are you two…er how long have you two been a couple? Someone that was um kinda hitting on me at the pub said that Faith had a girlfriend..."
"No, no, she is just someone I've become close friends with, there is nothing romantic between us," said Tara. "I saw you that night, after I finished my song, I saw you leaving," she admitted.
"That was you? The closing act," said Willow finally making the connection.
"Yeah."
"I only saw a glimpse mostly hair of the person who was on stage before they were being hugged by Faith, it has been bothering me for a month on why that glimpse had such an impact. And that song has haunted me since that night as well. Guess I know now why. Your voice is even more amazing now than it was years ago."
Willow was scanning the office, the books, the desk, the shelves, when her eye caught a set of pictures, partially hidden on the bookshelf behind Tara, there was one of Dawn and a newborn baby, one of Dawn and a little redhead, and then there was a picture of Tara, Giles, Faith, and the little red haired girl that looked a lot like her only with amazing blue eyes that matched Tara's. She was transfixed by the pictures and couldn't take her eyes off them.
Tara followed Willow's eyes and then saw what she was looking at. "Dammit" resounded in her mind she had totally forgotten about that those pictures were up in the office. She had been cleaning the office and moved them from her desk to the shelf and never put them back. She was hoping that Willow wouldn't ask or would just let it go, but she knew better.
"T-T-Tara, the pictures behind you..." Willow couldn't seem to make her mind and her mouth work together; she was drawn to and captivated by the pictures.
Tara reached up and grabbed the pictures and stared smiling at them for a minute running her finger over the little girl in the picture smiling and then handed it over to Willow. She now knew she was going to have to have that other part of their talk that she REALLY didn't know if she was strong enough to have yet.
"A close friend of mine took the two with Dawn in them and Dawn took that picture a little over a year ago when she was here," she started. "She has quite an eye with the camera."
"The little girl?"
"That is my daughter Ceri," was all she said and let it soak into the redheads mind as she stared at a piece of lint on the floor and hid behind her hair.
"You're daughter? How? When? Oh my god, she was at the airport today, that was why Giles and Dawn bee lined for the car." Willow hadn't seen the little girl when she was scanning the crowd for Dawn after her flight was allowed into the terminal.
"Yes, she's my daughter, she is four years old, and she is my world. I have never felt as blessed as I did the day she came into my life."
"Does she have a father or another mother? I guess I shouldn't be surprised about the fact that you would have found someone else. You are the most beautiful woman I know I've ever seen." 'Are you flirting with her? Why would you torture yourself like that,' thought Willow
"Will, there has never been anyone other than you. I haven't dated, haven't wanted to date since everything happened in Sunnydale; not for the lack of trying between the trio of pest that I have been surrounded by. I think Giles, Faith, and even Dawn have tried to set me up on more dates than I care to count, but I just haven't been interested, and with Ceri I'm not bringing someone into her life that isn't going to be there to stay. She's too young to understand if it didn't work out and that wouldn't be fair to her at all."
"Is it just me, but um doesn't she look a lot like me?"
"It isn't just you that thinks that and there is a good reason. She's our daughter Will, I don't know how or why or anything, Giles and I have been trying to figure that out since the day I found out I was pregnant. She was born with that bright red hair and freckles. After she was born Giles and the council did some sort of witchy DNA test and confirmed we were her parents."
"M-M-My daughter? Are you telling me that I've had a daughter for over four years that nobody has bothered to tell me about? Nobody bothered to think that I had a right to know! There is no excuse for that," yelled Willow as her face turned a deep shade of red.
"Willow, calm down," said the blonde.
"Calm down? Tara how the fuck do you expect me to calm down when you just told me that we have a child together and YOU didn't have the decency to tell me about her? Do Dawn, and Faith, know she is our child," snapped the redhead her face had turned so red with anger it matched her hair.
"Look at her Will, do you honestly think that there is any doubt in their mind as to who her parents are? Seriously? She looks just like you and has my eyes. Hmmm, not to hard to figure out there is it. Anyone who knows us should be able to figure it out. Unless they were dumb and or blind," said Tara with a lot more venom than she had planned.
"Why the hell didn't anyone tell me? I had a right to know," she said as her voice caught in her throat, the hurt very apparent.
"We didn't tell you because I wasn't ready to see or deal with you. You hurt me…badly…"
"So you kept my daughter away from me as punishment? That is pretty cold hearted Tara, especially for you. If you were trying to hurt me the way I hurt you, I think you succeeded…"
"No Willow, I'm not that cold hearted of a person, I just didn't know if I could deal with seeing you or have you a part of our life if you weren't going to stay clean. You were still going through you withdrawal while I became pregnant and throughout my pregnancy. I'm guessing that Ceri was born within a month or so of your withdrawal ending from what you've told me. Would you have put a child into the hands of someone like that? Would you have entrusted a baby to that? I know I sure as hell wasn't going to risk her and you having a relapse."
"No, I wouldn't, but I've been clean and done with withdrawal symptoms for over four years Tara, you had ample time to tell me," said the redhead conceding that Tara was partially right for not telling her, but not completely.
"I know that, but I still wasn't ready to see you, hell I had a panic attack a month ago when I saw you at the pub. I know I screwed up by not telling you, I own that responsibility, but we can continue to argue about this and piss one another off or we can maybe try to salvage something for Ceri's sake and figure out how this happened and what the future can hold. It is your call…I'm done arguing…"
"I'd like to salvage something, for our sake and for hers," Willow said calming herself to match Tara's tone, but feeling the anger still churning a bit inside.
"I would like that too," said Tara.
"So what do you know about getting pregnant or what have you guys pieced together so far?"
"The only thing we've had to go on was that two months before I found out I was two months pregnant I had a very interesting dream that you were involved in, but I can't think of nor can we figure out how a dream would have caused her to look like you or me to get pregnant. We've been stumped for years, Will."
"What was the dream? If you don't mind telling me about it," asked Willow.
"I dreamed in very vivid detail about when we dealt with Sweet, the singing demon, and about my um, singing to you and well how we spent the rest of that day. Then the dream morphed into me being pregnant and then us having a little red hair, blue eyed child who happened to look EXACTLY like Ceri." Tara saw Willows eyes widen and her breath catch and then her skin paled more than Tara thought it could. "Will? What is it? Are you ok? Do you have an idea?"
"I had that same dream after you left, and I may have an idea that could solve your mystery or give you another route to search," the redhead said and looked down at the pictures shame washing over her face.
"Will, explain please, because I have spent over four years trying to figure out or understand this."
"The night I had that dream I fell asleep holding the doll eye crystal you gave me...I think or fear that my subconscious was over active with missing you, and the withdrawals and again I ruined your life and caused this."
"Will, whether you caused this or not, Ceri has and could never ruin my life. That little girl is my world, I'll die for her gladly before I let anyone hurt her or take her away from me." Tara reached up and pulled down a book that was above where the pictures had been. The book was on Dolls Eye Crystals. "Guess I should take this home for some light reading and research. Thank you for offering up what sounds like a viable place to start figuring out what may have happened, I am very grateful for that. We have been at a standstill for so long that I am happy to have a new starting point."
"Glad I could do something right," mumbled Willow.
"Will, you do a lot right, self-pity doesn't fit you. You gave me the most beautiful, amazing, adorable little girl there is. That isn't doing anything wrong."
"You, you, really are happy being a mom aren't you," said Willow.
"That I am, and now that you know about Ceri we now have to accept that so are you," said Tara as she saw Willow's eyes bulged and she started to hyperventilate as the reality of what they had just discussed and what had just been revealed to her set in and Willow-babble-mind kicked in.
"Will, relax, take a couple deep breathes." Tara tried to calm the shocked redhead down. "Ok, now take a couple more slow deep breathes."
"Tara, how can you be calm about this?"
"Simple, I've looked at her face every day for over four years and seen you looking back at me, I also know us fighting isn't going to do her any good, nor is it going to do us any good. I can see that you have changed, we wouldn't be here talking especially alone if I didn't think you'd changed. Mostly though I know that no matter what, I love that little girl more than anything and I know that her and I can survive anything. I never thought I'd be saying these words, but I don't expect anything from you in regards to Ceri. We have a good life; she is well loved and will never want for anything. Grandpa Giles, Aunt Faith, and Auntie Dawn have made certain of that. Sometimes against my wishes, but they all love her dearly."
"Dawn," said Willow in a whisper. "You and Ceri are why she loves coming here so often and why she says she never takes any pictures, but any other time she has hundreds to document a trip."
"Oh, Dawn takes hundreds of pictures, but yes, I'm sure she hasn't shared them because most of them have Ceri in them. I try to avoid her camera, though she still somehow manages to catch in a few me every visit."
"W-W-Who else?"
"Who else what? I'm not following."
"Who else in the Scoobies knows anything?"
"Dawn and Giles are the only two that know about Ceri, Buffy learned last month that I was here in London living with Giles, she wasn't told about Ceri or how long I've been here. Nobody else knows a thing. I don't even email with anyone other than Dawn. Faith has obviously known for a few years now, but she was never one that you guys called a Scooby nor would she say anything."
"I er we have a daughter..." Willows mind was on overload her mind went back into Willow-babble mode.
Tara got up and grabbed Willow a bottle of water from the small fridge across the room. The redhead took a few sips then looked back up that the blonde with tears in her eyes.
"Tara," she said. "I want to be a part of her life, I want to get to know my daughter."
"Willow, I'm not certain..."
"Please Tara. I have a right to know her… I won't interfere in your life...but please…you owe me this much…"
"That isn't what I'm worried about. I won't lie to her about who you are, I won't do either of you that disservice, but I need to figure out how to approach it and what I am comfortable with it meaning."
"Thank you..." Willow said still staring at the pictures of all of them and her daughter, their daughter. "Tara she is so beautiful. What's she like? Did she get anything else from me other than the red hair and freckles? God there is so much that I want to know about her."
"Easy there, just take a couple deep breathes. Will, do you need to make your connection tonight or um can you adjust it to leave tomorrow?"
"I can adjust it, I can even cancel the meeting if you want. This was going to be a fluff job for me anyway. Just tell me what you want me to do."
"I won't ask you to cancel the meeting, but if you can move your flight to tomorrow, I'm willing for you if you are willing to come meet Ceri and start to get to know her. We can talk with Giles about the dream and dolls eye crystal."
"Really? Thank you," Willow was still in shock, but a few tears rolled down her face. She pulled out her cellphone and after a few minutes of playing with it she put it away. "My flight and meeting have been changed. I moved the flight to tomorrow and the meeting to the next day."
"Great, then I guess we should get out of here. If you think you are ready, otherwise we can wait a bit. I know that this is a lot to take in and we still have a bit before Ceri will start to worry as to why I'm not home."
"It is, but I'm ready, I want to meet her," Willow said nodding to the blonde.
Tara and Willow left the store and headed towards the flat Tara shared with their daughter and Giles.
"Just to make sure you are ready Giles, Dawn, and Faith are also going to be here. Are you ready for that as well as meet Ceri?"
Willow audibly gulped, "No, but I don't know that I would ever be ready to face them. Are they going to hate me? Do they hate me?"
"No, they aren't going to hate you nor do they hate you now. Will, they love that little girl almost as much as I do. I think I even over the years I've caught Dawn two or three times trying to smuggle her out to take her back to Sunnydale."
"Yeah, but I'm the reason for her, well, me and magic; and now I want to be in her life and get to know her," the redhead said to her feet.
"Yes, you may be the reason, and that means we have a lot to discuss, but you also gave me something to live for when I was really ready to give up and go back to the shy hide in the corner girl I was when you first met me."
"You were ready to give up all that progress?"
"I was lost Will, I didn't know how to move on with my life, but then I had someone else that I was responsible for and I had a purpose."
"Wow, is she what you meant when you said you had to grow up faster than you planned," asked Willow as Tara nodded. "Ok, I think I'm ready."
"Ok, take a deep breath," said Tara as she turned from Willow towards the door.
TBC…