Fandom: Getbackers

Summary: This is the only way I know by which we can make this moment forever ours. Sequel to What's Mine Is Mine.

Title: Forever Ours

Author: Hana Rui

Genre: shounen-ai

Pairing: Ban Mido x Ginji Amano

I heard you. I heard you loud and clear, Ban-chan. Even when you weren't saying anything, I knew.

I knew it all along.

But, you see, I had to put up with this show of not knowing because…

Because—

I fear a lot of things, Ban-chan.

And I am not talking about those things which I know you know I fear.

I am not the strongest, spunkiest lot I have often played myself out to be, and I am aware of that.

Compared to you, I can't even measure up to half—not even to a fourth—of your courage.

You are like a God to me, Ban-chan. A deity who fears nothing. A sacred being I can never really match up to, and therefore, I can never really have.

This is exactly why I've so long ago resigned myself to the fact that you'll someday leave me. Leave me to live life all on your own, as what grown men eventually do.

And I'll be… somewhere… Anywhere… trying all my best to be my genki self.

Trying hard not to break apart completely, just as I always do.

Just as I am doing right now, merely thinking of the possibilities—the crippling thoughts of not having you forever.

I may fool myself into believing I am doing okay.

I may fool myself into keeping faith in what I am fighting for. In keeping justice for the people I know… and love.

I may fool myself into believing that I can pull through the toughest ordeal, as long I have you beside me.

I may fool myself into keeping faith in a lot of things, yes.

But I can never fool myself into believing I am—or can ever really be—good enough for you.

It's a fact of life, I guess. When a king and a slave both get fitted in that kind of relationship, the less efficient one would eventually feel haunted by thoughts of not being good enough to please the master. Always wondering his head out on why a man of that stature would even stoop so low to get himself a lower-ranked lover.

It's making me wonder about the same thing now, Ban-chan.

'Coz I really do feel that way for you.

And I've always known you feel this way for me, too.

But the fact remains, you see.

The fact that you're a master and I, a mere slave.

And that this kind of relationship will eventually make me doubt the very idea of true love.

It's very essence.

It's very existence.

Did you really mean it when you said you loved me, Ban-chan?

Will you love me like this forever?

After all, who could tell what tomorrow holds? For me? For you?

For the two of us…?

What are the chances that you wouldn't find someone a lot better than I am—than I can ever be—and finally regret ever confessing to me?

What are the chances that you wouldn't get tired of me, Ban-chan?

I fear… the answer to that.

I fear that if you say no, you just may be lying, trying to seem romantic at the spur of the moment.

It may be what you feel today, but tomorrow… Tomorrow is a whole new different story.

And I fear that if you say, yes… I just might die.

I love you, too, Ban-chan.

But I fear this love will make me lose you for good.

Lose you forever.

So I am keeping up with this act of not knowing it, even after hearing you say it loud and clear.

Because this is the only way I know by which we can make that moment—dream-like and surreal as it may seem—forever ours.

"Ginji…?" I heard you call in the softest whisper.

"Hm…?" I tried to mumble a reply.

"Are you crying?"

It was only at that moment that I became aware of the tears filming my eyes, and the bitter lump of despair lodged in my throat.

Still I said, "No… I am all right, Ban-chan."

"Don't fool me, 'ahou!" you snarled, eyeing me pointedly from the driver's seat. It was already morning, and you have had the windshield fixed with what was left of the money we got from the previous mission.

I shifted uncomfortably in the passenger's seat, trying at once to hide my face and regain a bit of my genki composure, lest you start asking questions.

But thinking about last night… Of the impending future… Of what you would call moronic stuffs… Have all stripped me off my reserve that I suddenly found myself with this pressing need to tell you what was really on my mind.

I couldn't really help it, could I?

After all, you were the one who started it.

"B-Ban-chan, don't say that again, all right?"

"Huh?" You stared dumbly at me.

"What… What you said last night," I replied almost chokingly, keeping the raking sobs reined in as much as I could.

Silence. Then you sighed and mumbled, "Moron. You were awake, weren't you?"

Awkward silence. I could almost feel the heat rising up to your face. Or was that the one that's only rising in mine?

Still more awkward silence, which was only broken by the gas-boy handing you your change.

You smiled a thank you at him, he tipped his cap in a kind of salute. I bit back a sob and felt stupid for being jealous of that simple exchange.

And then we were off on the road again, the previously un-concluded conversation now seemingly forgotten.

You weren't saying anything. I didn't feel like talking about anything, either.

I doubt things would ever be the same between us again.

And it's all because of last night… And those words you said…

And these doubts you have managed to put in my heart.

I quietly wiped my tear-streaked face on my vest, still trying hard to compose myself, pull myself back together.

Maybe I can fool myself into believing I never heard you last night.

Maybe I can fool myself into believing nothing like that happened and we're still as cool as before.

After all, I am really quite good in fooling myself that way.

"'Ahou!" you suddenly cried out.

And I almost flew out of the windshield again when you suddenly stepped on the breaks and stopped the car in the middle of the road.

"B-Ban-chan…" I didn't know if you meant to, but the look you sent my way at that very moment scared the screaming willies out of me.

"Don't tell me—!" you just cried again, your face twisted up in a frown of absolute rage.

"B-Ban-chan…" I was just about ready to push my door open and run for my life.

"Don't tell me—" you kept up with your partial outburst.

I just stared apprehensively at you, wishing with all my heart you'd tell me just what not to tell you already!

"Don't tell me you've been fooling around with that creep Akabane, all along?"

I was stunned. That was absolutely, totally uncalled for.

"Ban-chan…!" It was all I could say, all I have been able to say all this time, actually, as I gaped back at you, my back almost fusing with the passenger door.

You took a deep breath, looking as surprised as I was at what you have just said.

"If that's what you want," you said resignedly, leaning back in your seat.

But, Ban-chan…

"I won't say it again," you added, a little acidly.

But…

"I'll…" You turned to me, frowned and gradually, eventually showed me a smile I cannot quite place at the moment.

'Coz at that moment I was currently caught up in the thought of having you misinterpret my wariness, and lose you after all.

"I'll just let you feel it from now on."

I stared at you for a moment, for a couple of moments…

For a couple more moments…

All those time sorting through my feelings, my thoughts, my doubts.

And eventually finding once again the very thing that made me follow you out into this world...

"Ban-chan…" There were once again tears in my eyes, as I finally realized what I have missed to realize by a hundred miles.

"I mean it, Ginji," you said, eyes looking straight into mine. "I may not mean a lot of things… but you just gotta trust me on this one."

I realize it now…

"I do."

"Huh?" You raised a questioning brow at me.

I realize it now, Ban-chan…

"I do trust you."

With you… there's absolutely nothing I should fear.

"Moron," you mumble, before pulling me in for a kiss.

That I can be the safest…

Strongest…

Bravest that I can ever really be.

We pull apart, still not minding the blaring horns of the stranded traffic behind us.

"No fooling around with Akabane anymore, all right?" you warned teasingly.

I chuckled, a little embarrassed, "Whatever you say, Ban-chan."

-end-

Note: Written for 50_themes livejournal: Theme #12 Forever Ours

Thanks for reading! :)