I never used to understand what love was, until I met Junior. He loved me, and I knew it was true. Every time he told me that he loved me, every time he held me, I knew he meant it. Junior's a great guy, and I miss him dearly. He respects his sister and me. He never tried to hurt me, emotionally or physically. He was always sincere to me, he cared for me and he didn't want to let me go. I know we both still have that spark, even when I was with Kerry. I do believe that spark will remain there forever. You can't just, forget about your first love. He'll stay in your memory forever. You'll think about him now and then for the rest of your life. That's what I think of Junior, my first love. I've never been in love before, and if it was love that I felt with Junior, then I want that feeling back. He brought out a part of me I didn't know I had. He made me feel like I could do anything, like I was on top of the world. Nothing else mattered in my life after I broke up with him, well except racing.
After Kerry crashed his plane, I had my chance to get that feeling back. But I blew it, I sent him away again, I don't know why I keep sending away someone who will make me happy. I guess, well I'm just scared, scared of getting hurt. So I tried saving myself, but obviously it didn't work. It never seems to work. Every time I meet someone that I think I could love, I push them away. I pushed Junior away, and I knew I loved him, and I still do. I feel like, if I push him far enough, he won't try coming back. And that scares me; I want him to come back. I want to cuddle in his arms; I want things back the way they were. Every other guy I've been with was only trying to get in my pants. At first, that's what I thought of Junior, the rich kid that gets everything he wants and just tries to get in girls pants. But once I got to know him, I saw a different side of him. He was sweet, caring, considerate, funny, respectful, and sincerely cared about me.
He knew my mother hurt me, I don't know how, but he could just tell. He seems to know everything I'm feeling by just looking at me, I didn't know he knew me that well, but I guess he did. I remember all the things we used to do together, all the passionate kisses that we shared. Everything, I remember everything that happened with Junior. I can't forget everything he's done for me, he's done more than I can ever imagine. He's always there when I need him. And that's surprising for me. I've never had someone that was always there for me like Junior is. Junior and I act different around each other now, and I hate that. I want things to change between us. I want thins the way they were. But I can't change that, it's too late. But if it weren't, I would make everything right. I would tell Junior my true feelings, I would tell him I love him.
Sorry for the delay! Had some problems, but all is good now!