Have You Been to Grade School?
To the last I grapple with thee.
From Hell's heart, I stab thee.
For hate's sake I spit my last breath at thee.
And still, I don't own Percy Jackson.
once upon a time, in a land far, far away… wait! sorry, wrong story. LOLZ0
hermes was bored Dare it is written in black an white.1
Again Hermes was BORED. Hed noting to do sense that anoiing excuse for a child2 took over his job. At fist he thought hed enjoyit! no responsibilities, no sqedule, no job. He could just lye around all day doin W/E he wanted.
Of course, dis plan had asumed he wuld have some1 to be free with. No 1 else was free. Day all had jobs. Zues had his royal deities to atend to, like yeling at people & throwing tantrus when day no do what he wanted. atena had to all da time give out advice and avoid Grand Scale Olympus Failure Enen apolo had 2 drive da chariot round da woorld.
And so, Herms was left all alon, with only his ruber dook to keep he Co.
Dan, he got an idea. A wonderful, awful idea! He would go c da partay Ponies!
With this thot in mind, he started to get redi. He painted hisself green, went to da pet store (and receeved a much stern/woried look from da owner upon dripping gren paint on shes rug), bot a dog, and retured. He was just about to ty his newly bot dog to a sleigh when he remembered a crucil ingredent! Antlers!
Well, dare was only 1 person that could get him antlers. Artemis!
Hermes was just contempalatin calling her when she flashd in his door, carrying Zeus's favorite eagle, Fufu.
"She was geting sick, flying around da wold like that. zus really should took better care of his animl." Artemis said.3
"Wonderful! You're just da person I wanted to c!" said Hermes, all too pleased at not having to go out searching for da goddess
"Oh?" she said4, "And why, MAy I ask, wood u want to c me?"
"Er, well, u c…" He began not really knowing how to put it, "I, er, wanted to c if u might possibly lend me some amtlers"
Upon hearing this, Artemis gave Hermes a very strang loook inded. Why on earth could he need a pear of antlers? When she voiced this qeustion, he responded with an overly entosiastic "To go c da party Ponies!"
Da mere thought of Hermes mixing with da Party Ponies made da goddess shudder (End of da World by Water Balloon)5, so she absolutely declined him da antlers and left Olimpos to rejoin her hunters and posibly not be forced to take part in da newly brewing plan for global destruction
Once rtemis had left hermes decided he would have to make antlers, because it just wouldn't be rite to show up at a partay onies Party without dem. He put Fufu in da built-in bird hospital next to zeus thrown, and set about mixing papier-mâché He had gotten all da way to worrying about da mold when he remembered he was a god. Dan he just made a good size pair of antlers appears out of thin air. Now he just had to find that dog.
As it turned out, da dog, which he had re-named Mr. and Mrs. Bullytwinkle,aname hed cn on a letter that he had delivered earlier that week, was not hard to find. He was hiding under da dog food. Once he found da dog, hermes proceeded to tie a big horn to da top of his head. "And now" grinned da Grinch, er, I mean Hermes, of course6, "I know just what to do. I'll go crash a party!"
So Hermes attached his new reindeer/dog to a sleigh and flashed to Bullfrog, North Dakota. Dare, he found da huge cave entrance labeled secret Head quarters of de partay Ponies" in flashing neon lights. He took a deep breath and, knowing full well he was in for an interesting time, let da breath out againHe took what reassurance he could from da familiar sign stating da rules:
RULES
1. All visitors must be dressed as Da Grinch.
2. No frowning.
3. Must not be sober.
4. Must cause mayhem.
41/2.If possible, bring plunger or boxing glove.
5. Pay no attention to rules otter then these
an stepped in
0oOo0oOo0oOo0oOo0oOo0
Okay, do you call that a story? Didn't think so.
I could talk to you all day about how horrible this chapter is written, but first I would like to introduce my Beta, Fayecee623! *Crowd cheers* *crowd chants "Fayecee! Fayecee! Fayecee!"* Thank you so much Fayecee623! Without you, this story would probably have gone nowhere. Everyone remember to send a thank you note to Fayecee.
And now, back to the chapter.
For starters, spelling. Sqedule, anoiing, dis, da, hed, der, amtlers, ect. are NOT spelled that way. Schedule, annoying, this, he'd, their or there, and antlers are the correct ways to spell those words. And these are only a few of a vast amount of spelling mistakes. Common mistakes are: Confusing their (possessive pronoun), there (preposition) and they're (they are); accept (receive with approval) or except (excluding); except or expect (await); throne or thrown; your (possessive pronoun) or you're (you are; rite (ritual), write (to form letters or words on a surface, such as paper) or right (correct, or a direction), wear (to have on one's person) or where (location).
Second on the list, capitalization. You always capitalize nouns, the first word in a sentence and all the words in a title, with the exception of a, an, the, of, etc. All proper nouns are capitalized. That means Hermes, Athena, Artemis, Bob, The Pentagon, English, Prussia, Google, and How Not to Write Fanfiction should be capitalized.
Footnotes:
0: Text Speak- Don't use it. That means write "laugh" instead of LOL and "amazed" instead of OMG. This is supposed to be a story, not a message to your friends.
1: Unnecessary Sentence- This sentence doesn't have a use. Nor does it contribute anything to the story. Omit it.
2: Here is just says "that annoying excuse for a child" and doesn't explain. What child? Is there a story behind this? It's best to avoid these, unless you put it there for a specific reason.
3: Um… that was a bit random. Where did that come from?
4: That's the third time 'said' was used to describe a person's actions! Vary it. For example, use said, asked, replied, questioned, interrogated, exclaimed, stated, announced among others.
5: Again, no explanation. You must explain most things that aren't obvious. What is obvious to you may not be so clear to your readers.
6: This is supposed to be in 3rd person. Don't use 'I'.
I am ashamed to admit that a lot of these pointers are things Fayecee had to point out to me. So, thanks again!
Remember people: grammar and spelling. Most of you have gone to grade school. There is a reason for classes, you know; in them, you learn how to read and write.
Thanks for reading! Review!