Chapter 2

After looking it up in my system, it turns out we don't have that book. Great…How is this going to look? I'm a bookstore and I don't have the book he wants. Of course my anxiety probably has more to do with my seemingly incessant need to impress this stranger.

"I really hate to tell you this but we actually don't have that book in right now. However, I can order it for you and have it shipped here within the next few days?"

"It's OK; the first place I went to didn't have it either. But if you could order it, that'd be great! It'd give me an excuse to come back." He winked. He winked at me. If he wasn't flirting before, he definitely was now. Is it normal for your heart to beat this hard and fast? Although…with that wink, all of that blood is starting to take a detour down south.

"You don't ever need an excuse to come back. You say the word and I'll have your Americano ready." By this point I was too far-gone and too out of my mind to continue the flirting. Brutal honesty ended up slipping from my mouth before I could think better of it. The smile on his face warmed me to my toes; it was the grin that was starting to become that signature smile I never wanted to stop seeing. His eyes somehow grew even warmer and they seemed so gentle…so caring. It was as if he was peering into my soul and smiling. Also, was that a blush? Did I make him do that? Adorable.

"If you could just fill out this form here, I can place the order and give you a call whenever the shipment comes in." I wish I were actually getting his number for personal reasons. I had to quickly cease that line of thought because that led to me thinking about dating him, which led to me thinking about kissing him, which led to dangerous, dangerous places.

I tried really hard not to stare at him while he was filling the form out but seriously, who looked that cute when they had a cold? His nose is red from the chilling winds and probably going through boxes of tissues, but all I can think of is how adorable he is. Is this normal? As he was finishing, his phone started ringing, signaling a text. He pulls his phone out and frowns at the text message.

"Well, unfortunately it looks like I'm going to have to go, but I'll be back for my book." He smiled reassuringly. I couldn't decide if I was happy to get a break from the onslaught of feelings or if I was about to tear up because I didn't want him to leave. A few hours later, it turns out my feelings didn't leave with him. They remained and seemed to be slowly expanding like air in a balloon. Who was he? Why do I feel like I already know him? Why am I this involved with a stranger? I wasn't getting anymore answers and it was well past closing time, so I flipped the open sign to closed, packed up my things, cut the light out, and headed upstairs to my apartment.

Living above your workplace had its advantages and disadvantages. It is a small apartment, like really small. It is a one bedroom, one bath, half-kitchen-half-living room, kind of small. For all of its drawbacks, it has something special about it that makes it worth his while, one being the low rent, two being the character and coziness. The door is made of a dark hardwood with more than a few dings in it. Just past the banged up door, is a small hallway leading into….well everything else. Like I said, this place is small. On the opposite wall on the north end of the living room are two huge windows with paint peeling off the windowpanes. The windows overlook Drury Lane, which is surprisingly cute for Ohio, and no the muffin man is not down this lane. Looking out the window, I could still see the snow falling through the glow of the dimly lit street. God I love this time of the year. Perfect weather for tea. The kitchen is cramped, but the tiles are cute and the refrigerator is fairly new, so I shouldn't complain too much.

I've always prided myself on how well I was able to suppress things. Most people say it isn't good to keep things locked away, but I have to disagree. When things are so painful that they start to physically take its toll, it's time to do something. Waiting and talking it out added more pain and it generally did not help. Not to mention I had no one to talk to in the first place.

My mother was gone. My father is too sick to worry. My stepbrother is too clueless. My stepmother, as much as I love her, reminds me too much of the mother I had lost and the mother I would never have back. I had no real friends, just my cat. With a support system like that, how could you blame me for suppressing things? I had to ignore pain just to get through high school. Layers and layers of insults were caked onto me like wallpaper, trying to define who I was. I didn't let it. I buried it. I held my head high and took the blows, physical and verbal. My father's heart problems, my mother's death, my sexuality, my loneliness, and my bitterness are all 10 feet under my hard exterior.

Sometimes I get so good at it, that I even forget it's there. Seeing Blaine today brought some of that back out. While I'm anxious and excited about the prospect of Blaine, it also just reminded me of how much I'm missing in my life. Then there is also my default setting of not getting my hopes up that always puts a damper on anything new in my life. The game plan is to relax, make my tea, take a bath, write a little, and try to pass out so that I stop daydreaming about Blaine and how soft his hair looked.

Due to a loss of paperwork (on their end), Blaine's book didn't arrive for five days. And in those five days, I was a nervous wreck. Not only was I a nervous wreck, but also Blaine had ironically given me his cold. Now I was achy and hacking and sneezing. Well that's attractive.

Because my life is so boring and I read too many books, I had conjured up many different storylines concerning Blaine. I had so many that I often wondered if he was even real. Had I made him up due to insanity caused by my tendency to live with my head in the clouds?

My biggest fear so far was what if I had romanticized this idea into something it definitely was not and surely would never be? I am a closeted romantic and yes, I read too many romance novels, but even I know the cold, hard truths of reality. Things like Blaine coming into my life on a dark, snowy night, and gradually and passionately falling in love with me, would never happen. So my fear was basically losing something I never really had in the first place. I was terrified of never seeing him again after he had his book, which is precisely why I held onto The Blind Assassin roughly 3 days before I grew a pair and called Blaine. In equal parts satisfaction and disappointment, I had to leave a voicemail telling him that he was free to pick up his book whenever he'd like. Now we sit and wait.

It's a surprisingly busy Thursday and all of the tables and couches are taken. I guess this is largely due to the lack of snow today yet the gradual fall in temperatures. I have the fireplace pumping out as much heat as I can, so that it isn't as cold when someone opens the door.

My favorite part of owning this place is the customer's eyes when they first walk in-especially when I have the fireplace going. They're eyes widen in amazement and their mouths drop open a little bit. They look around like they're taking in a fairy tale. This is my favorite part because I feel a small sense of pride from accomplishing my goal. I wanted other people to see the world I live in, the cozy one that I fixed up in my head, with books and coffee and warmth.

Since that cold, winter night that I met Blaine, my head-on its own accord-tends to snap up and look at the door when I hear the time Blaine was actually the person who was walking in.

"Blaine! I have your book, give me a second and I'll go get it." He smiled at me and stood patiently by the end of the counter.

"I am so sorry this took so long to get in! I promise you this never happens. There was a screw up on the shipment company's end and some papers got lost so it took a while." I was breathless, and that was embarrassing. Hopefully he thought it was from my digging around in the storage room looking for his book, when in all reality it was from my anxiety.

Having Blaine (the main thing that had taken up 99% of my life since we met 8 days ago) right here in front of me looking even more beautiful than I remembered, was literally taking my breath away.

"Kurt, it's really no big deal, I needed to finish another book I had started anyway. I should know better than to have several going at one time," He chuckled and rubbed the back of his neck. My mouth actually watered a little bit.

"Oh wow, really? Yeah I usually have about 5 going at once. It gets a little hectic but I manage." I laughed, and my laugh was pretty earnest because I was just thinking the other day that 6 was overkill and I needed to stick to one for a while.

"Oh no…I gave you my cold didn't I? I am so sorry about that, I really can't believe it spread that easily! I didn't even shake your hand!" He genuinely looked sorry for infecting me.

"Oh god…I know, I look terrible. When I get sick, I really get sick and it usually lasts for a while. It's ok though, don't worry about it…I could have gotten it from anywhere." I lied about that last part, I'm pretty sure it's his germs. I'm strangely ok with that fact.

His eyes widened and then quickly corrected himself, "No! I didn't mean you looked bad," he stammered, "you look wonderful actually, you always do…. I can just tell you don't feel well."

I think my heart fell out of my chest and onto the counter. My mouth dropped open. He blushed and looked away after he realized what he said. Blaine Anderson thought I looked wonderful. This is too good to be true.

"Hey, if you were planning to stay, there's a secret corner over there where you can start in on your book if you'd like. Americano? On the house, I feel so bad about your book…" I smiled gratefully at his compliment that slipped through and helped him out by changing the subject. I never let customers into my own reading corner, but I have a feeling he's the exception to more than just my reading chair.

He hesitates for a second and nods gratefully. "That sounds lovely actually, but really though, you don't have to do that, I can pay for my coffee…it was no trouble at all, really."

"No way, the coffee is free. I'll let you pay next time. Come on, the corner is over here." My heart fluttered at the thought of there being a "next time."

I pulled back the drapes and placed the curtain on the side of the wall in its little holder. This way he didn't feel weird about being too secluded. And maybe I wanted to be able to look over and see him. "This is my own personal reading nook, but since all the seats are taken, you're welcome to sit here. I'll be back with your coffee in a sec." His eyes grew large and he grinned at the space. I understood the when things slowed down, I could get a second to sit and talk to him.