It was Sunday before school started again. Santana and Brittany were sitting in Brittany's living room; Brittany cuddled on Santana's lap.
"You loo' li'e a money, Britty." Courtney, Brittany's four year old sister, said as she went to sit next to Santana on the couch.
Santana furrowed her eyebrows, confused by Courtney calling Brittany 'money'.
"Well, I'm only the bestest monkey there is and San is the best tree to cuddle on." Brittany said, steeling her laughter from noticing the confused look on her girlfriend's face.
She buried her head further into Santana's neck.
"I wanna be a bestest money!" Courtney screamed out, latching herself to Santana's free arm.
An 'oomph' came out of the Latina just as Quinn and Mrs. Pierce walked out of the kitchen into the living room.
They both held back laughter.
"Comfy there, San?" Quinn asked, trying not to laugh as Courtney started climbing further into Santana's body and making a mess of the brunette's hair and clothes, all while Brittany encouraged Courtney to latch onto more secure areas of her girlfriend.
"Perf-..." Santana muffled out as an arm wrapped around her head, preventing her from talking.
Taking this as the perfect cue, "Courtney, leave Santana alone, sweetie. You're going to hurt her," Mrs. Pierce said to a pouting Courtney who released her grab on Santana.
"You can still sit next to me, Court." Santana said as she saw the identical pout that she could never say no to.
"Yay! I lo'e you, Sanny," the smaller version of Brittany said as she gently hugged the Latina's right arm and cuddled it. Santana responded by giving both the blondes attached to her, a kiss on the head.
Discreetly, Quinn took out her iPhone and snapped a picture.
"Send me that later, okay dear?" Mrs. Pierce whispered to Quinn, and Quinn nodded.
Clearing her throat, "alright, are we going to gets this revenge on, or what?" Santana's ghetto side was coming out and everyone knew it was because she was so whipped when it came to the two blondes currently hanging on her body.
"Are you two sure you want to do this? I could just talk to him…" Brittany's voiced was laced with concern. She wasn't worried about Sam; she was worried about her two best friends getting themselves into trouble.
"Look where that got you, Britt. He didn't understand you saying no and blowing him off. What makes you think he's going to understand now?" Quinn was mad, mad at what the boy had caused to the girls in front of her.
"I never blew him…" Brittany said innocently, however, Quinn missed the tiny glint in the other blonde's eyes.
Quinn scrunched her eyebrows in disgust, "ew, Brittany! I didn't mean that!"
"I li'e blow pops!" Courtney yelled with enthusiasm totally missing how Brittany and Quinn were being 'too adult' around little ears.
Santana couldn't hold it in any longer and started giggling. She pulled Courtney closer whispering something in her ear, which caused the little girl's eyes to brighten.
"You mean it, Sanny?" Bright blue eyes glistening with awe stared into mocha brown to detect any lie.
"Yup, kiddo. I mean it." Santana said with a wink.
Courtney sprang to her feet, running into the laundry room where her mother currently was.
"What was that?" Brittany asked.
"Well, since you two were being nasty, I didn't want her listening and learning stuff she shouldn't know for years… if ever." The brunette said with a hint of disgust.
Everyone knew Santana thought of Courtney as her own sister and would do anything to protect her.
"What did you say?" Quinn chimed in.
"Oh, I just promised her I'd watch Tangled with her later and we get to eat one blow pop each," the Latina said nonchalantly.
"You're the best, San. You know that?" Brittany leaned in to kiss her girlfriend, but luckily Quinn had seen the look in Brittany's eyes and knew once the two girls started, it wouldn't end.
"Ouch! What the fuck, Fabray?" Santana screamed, looking at a smug Quinn.
"That wasn't very nice, Quinn," Brittany pouted, while snuggling her head into Santana's neck.
"I saw that look Britt. I knew once you two started you'd never stop. So, I had to take things into my own hands."
"Didn't mean you had to hit us with a pillow. You're lucky it didn't cause no damage. If this," Santana waved her hand over her face, "got ruined, you'd be dead right now."
Quinn rolled her eyes, "come on guys we have to come up with something."
"Maybe we could put unicorn stickers all over his locker!" The blonde dancer mumbled into Santana's neck.
"Brittany, stop. I know what you're trying to do." Quinn said sternly.
"Sheesh, such a party pooper." Brittany got off Santana's lap and took a seat next to her girlfriend, taking the brunette's hand into her own, not wanting to lose any contact.
"Alri-…nice job, B." Quinn nodded in amazement.
Santana looked at her girlfriend who wouldn't look her in the eyes. Squinting one eye, Santana asked Brittany what Quinn was talking about. Brittany just shrugged.
"Quinn, what did she do?" The Latina was starting to panic now.
"You might wanna take a look in the mirror."
Santana eyed both Brittany and Quinn before getting up to look at herself in the bathroom mirror.
Both girls sat in silence, before they heard a loud, "Brittany Susan Pierce!"
Brittany started chuckling as Santana came back into the room covering up her neck.
"How am I going to hide this? How did I not feel you doing this? No puedo tener este aspecto en la parte delantera de su hermana pequeña!*" Santana started ranting.
"Baby, calm down." The dancer gracefully got off the couch and wrapped her arms around her pacing girlfriend, stopping the pacing.
"Briiiiiit…" The smaller girl whined.
"Don't worry. I'll help you cover it up. She won't know a thing. And if she asks, we'll say you fell out of bed again." Brittany said, soothing her girlfriend.
"Okay… hey! That was once. We were naked and she just walked in." Santana tried to explain herself.
"Don't worry, babe." Brittany grabbed Santana's hand and led her back to the couch.
"Since when do you know Spanish" Quinn asked, shocked that Brittany understood Santana.
Brittany looked a little offended. "I've known San since we were three years old. I've been to her house so many times, it just came naturally."
"I didn't mean to offend you," Quinn noticed the defensive way Brittany's shoulders broadened, "I just thought you got a 0.0 grade average. If you know Spanish why didn't you pass at least that class?" She was genuinely curious.
Although Santana hated that her girlfriend failed senior year, she did understand Brittany's reasoning as to why she failed Spanish.
"It's kinda obvious. Just like when Santana proved that Mr. S had no knowledge about Spanish, but he was the Spanish teacher. I was in Glee club and on the Cheerios. Neither Coach nor Mr. S noticed I wasn't doing any work. Mr. S says we are a family, yet he let me fail and didn't even ask if I needed a tutor or if I needed help. He's so wrapped up in himself and the Finchel show and how to get into Ms. Pillsbury-Dough Boys' pants. We even sang that Fix You song that was basically about him wanting to 'fix' her because she wouldn't sleep with him. He involves himself into ours lives, I thought he would have taken notice to someone failing." Brittany finished with a shrug.
"Wow… That's deep. And, so true." Quinn said, digesting Brittany's words.
"Did you know he's also recruited Fetus Face to take over production of Grease that they are putting on? Finnocence had the nerve to call me to play Rizzo. I only accepted because I get to see Britt-Britt. Rachel and Kurt are also coming, but I think it's all a scheme from Finn and Blaine to get their girlfriend/boyfriend back." The Latina said, looking at Brittany nervously.
"You didn't tell me, San." The dancer whispered out.
"I wanted it to be a surprise." She said, lifting Brittany's chin up, so they could look into each other's eyes.
"I'd do anything to see you and be close to you… in person." The brunette said with so much honesty and love.
"Ugh, will you two stop it? You're killing me with your cuteness." Quinn said with a big grin on her face.
Both Santana and Brittany rolled their eyes, gave each other a quick peck, and cuddled into the couch together.
"Alright, let's get this revenge set up already!" Quinn stated with conviction.
Brittany was at her locker, humming a quiet tune.
"Hey…Um, Brittany… Can we talk?"
Brittany slowly closed her locker, putting on her best fake smile.
"Sure, Sam."
Sam seemed to tense less, thinking everything was okay.
"Awesome. Um, the Science room is vacant right now. We could go in there and talk."
The two blondes walked to the Science room in complete silence. Brittany radiating anger and disgust, but Sam was oblivious.
They entered the empty classroom and took a seat at one of the front laboratory desks.
"So, I wanted to see how you were doing? Like, how was your Thanksgiving?" Sam asked shyly.
Brittany crooked an eyebrow up. Are you serious? You're not going to apologize for kissing me?
"It was fun. Spent it with the family." Brittany didn't even bother asking Sam how his holiday went.
"Um, mine was fun. I love spending time with the family." He inched his chair closer to her.
Brittany willed herself to not throw up from Sam's advances when she repeatedly told him she has a girlfriend she's in love with.
"I missed you…" Sam quietly breathed out, placing a hand on Brittany's thigh.
This was the last straw.
"Alright…Sam, "she removed his hand, "what are you doing? Do you not understand that I have a girlfriend? One that you know? One that I'm madly in love with?" Brittany got up from her chair.
"But we've been spending time together. I…I really like you, Brittany. Why can't you give me a chance? Santana's not even here. She's in Kentucky, not even with enough time to Skype you. You were a mess before, and I helped pick up those pieces. I thought I was your knight in shining armor." Sam started to get up from his seat and close the distance between himself and Brittany.
"Okay, that was all an act. You even picked up on that. We're just friends, Sam. Just friends." She emphasized the word 'friends'.
"But, I could be more…" He leaned in to kiss Brittany. Fortunately, she saw it coming this time and dodged her body so Sam had to take a step forward to prevent himself from falling.
"Seriously, dude. Stop! I. Do. Not. Like. You. At all, for that matter. You're just like all the other guys I've dated. Only into me because of my body and good looks. If you really cared about me, you'd leave me alone and stop trying to get me to cheat on Santana. I like being your friend, but now, I don't even think I can do that. Goodbye, Sam." Brittany stormed off into the hallways, into the girls' bathroom.
She took out her phone, scrolling down for Santana's number. She wanted to add something to this revenge plot that was to take place after school.
"Okay, guys. Do you understand?" Quinn said as she started to get up from her chair that was facing the New Directions.
Everyone nodded.
"I still can't believe Sam would try and break up Brittana." Sugar whined.
Santana did a double take and mouthed the word 'Brittana'.
The group heard the door open and saw it was Sam coming in. Everyone stood up and faced the blonde teenager.
"Uh… What's going on?" He saw Santana and Quinn and his eyes bulged.
Santana took a step forward and folded her arms against her chest.
"You see, Trouty Mouth… You be messing with my girl Britt. Not only did she tell you she only wanted to be friends, you kiss her as I walked in. You also tried to kiss her again this morning. I'm not sure if it's all the Bieber hair swinging you do with that head of hair, that's giving you brain damage, but you seem to not be understanding that Brittany's taken and not interested." The brunette said calmly.
Sam saw that everyone was against him and he started to get angry.
"I'm not the one that leaves Brittany waiting on Skype to talk, I'm not the one miles away, I'm not the one that let her fail all her classes!" Sam seethed.
"So you try and steal someone else's girlfriend?" Quinn yelled.
"Santana's just a coward that had to be forced out of the closet to finally stop hiding Brittany!"
"You've got it all wrong, Big Lips. I took Brittany out on dates, yeah our first one I hid our hands under a stupid napkin, but after awhile, I started to not care. Especially after the video, and the slap – which I got blackmailed into rejoining the New Directions might I add – I learned to accept who I was. I took Britts out on Friday date nights wherever she wanted, regardless of how embarrassed I'd get. Brittany is my life, and I'd do anything for her. I never 'hid' her. She knew what I could handle and let me come out at my own pace."
"Doesn't change the fact that you've probably cheated on her. I mean, you did date Puckerman, and then me right away. You sure liked fucking me!" Sam knew he took it too far, but he didn't like being ganged up on. He just wanted to be with Brittany. Why couldn't anyone understand?
"That's enough!"
Everyone turned to the door, where a seething and red-faced Brittany stood holding a bag.
"Don't you dare call Santana a slut! And from what I hear, you aren't packing much." She smirked as everyone gasped.
Sam looked down ashamed to have made Brittany mad. But, he wasn't going to let his manhood be made fun of.
"She's just some dyke who wouldn't know a good dick when she saw one." He muttered quietly, but since the room was already silent, everyone heard.
Quinn saw Santana lean forward and grabbed her waist as she lunged for Sam, screaming in Spanish. Sugar and Tina also grabbed hold of the flailing Santana.
"Oh, really?" Brittany leaned forward and grabbed Sam's junk. Squeezing hard, causing Sam to let out a high pitched sound.
"Nope, she was right. Plus, San and I know a good dick when we see one. It's called a dildo. We don't need guys, like, ever. And guys really don't know how to use their dick. They just jackhammer. Santana probably knows how to use a dick better than you. No, I'm pretty sure she does." Brittany smirked and gave Sam's manhood one last squeeze before letting go.
Sam fell to the floor, curled up, holding his crotch.
Brittany looked up at the group. Quinn, Tina, and Sugar were pinning a distraught Santana against the wall. She walked towards them and told them to get off. They looked a little skeptical, but trusted Brittany.
Santana charged again towards the boy still on the floor, but was stopped by Brittany engulfing her into a hug.
"San, stop. He isn't worth it. I already told his parents what he was up to, and while I was there I got something." She slowly let go of her girlfriend to show her the contents in the bag. She lifted up a limited edition action figure still in its box.
Santana looked confused.
Brittany laughed.
"I also got another surprise." Brittany took out her phone sending a quick text.
A few seconds later, an angry Mercedes entered the room.
Sam had just calmed himself enough to stand up. When he was stood tall, he saw Mercedes there and was speechless.
"So I hear you're telling people we broke up? We spent Thanksgiving with both our families. Also, you're trying to get with my home girl's girlfriend? That ain't cool. Britt, here, also filled me in on you kissing her and trying to kiss her again today. I also heard you saying Santana doesn't know dick. Well, let me tell you, she's right. Guess the saying is right, 'once you go black, you never go back,' because boy, you're definitely lacking in that department. I'm pretty sure both Britt and Satan know how to use their mouths better, too, and you've got dem lips." Mercedes slowly walked towards a cowering Sam, whose head was down and red.
Once she got in front of Sam, she kicked him in the nuts and he fell down again, cradling his man goods… or not goods based on the girls' assessment.
Brittany walked towards the blonde on the ground, fingers entwined with Santana's. She let go of Santana's hand, already missing the warm.
"You're out of the New Directions and you have to deal with your parents when you get home. I took this from your room," she showed him his most prized possession, "you like messing with me, so why not mess with you?" She took the figurine out of the packaging and Sam let out another high-pitched sound.
"Whoops, guess it's not worth so much anymore. And have fun finding it, I'm throwing it in the dumpsters behind the school." Brittany got up, took Santana's hand again and left the choir room.
Mercedes and Quinn looked at one another and then started chasing after the girls.
Everyone started to form out of the choir room, looking at Sam with disappointment.
"Not cool, dude. Not cool…" Artie said, shaking his head.
"No one, and I mean no one can break up Brittana. And you played with my Mercedes' heart." Sugar said as she proceeded to kick Sam in the gut.
She looked around innocently, "sometimes my legs get Tourette."
Being used to Sugar's antics, everyone just continued to leave.
Back at Santana's house, Brittany, Quinn, and Mercedes were sprawled across Santana's basement couch, in front of the huge flat screen T.V. watching Catfish the T.V. Show.
It was a commercial break.
"Who knew Satan wore off on Britt?" Mercedes said with some amusement.
"That wasn't me. You just haven't seen Britts mad. And you quite frankly don't want to. She even scares me a little bit." Santana said as she made her way down the stairs.
"I don't like being mean either. But, he deserved it. Maybe now, he got everything through his head. Maybe the blonde dye doesn't help." Brittany shrugged.
"Maybe. I just can't believe he did that to you guys." Quinn was shocked sweet innocent, used to be poor, Sam would do that.
"I don't care. As long as he stays away from my girlfriend, all will be okay." The Latina cuddled into her girlfriend, after setting down the popcorn.
A few minutes pass and two heads turn towards the couple. They hear moaning sounds and aren't sure which one was moaning.
"Guys, stop! Do that later, when we're gone!" Quinn begged.
"I'm done anyways, Q." Santana got off her girlfriends lap and started to ascend the stairs.
"Done?" Brittany said quizzically.
Mercedes and Quinn took a closer look at Brittany and saw what Santana was talking about.
"Girl, you might wanna check your neck." Mercedes snickered.
"Why wou-…" Santana took the time that Brittany was thinking to bolt out of the basement.
"Payback's a bitch, ain't it?" The two remaining girls heard before the tall blonde jumped off the couch chasing after the Latina.
"Santana, get back here!"
"You think they're coming back down here?" Mercedes asked Quinn.
"I give them an hour. Let's continue watching this, then when the girls are done, we can go out to Breadstix."
The girls resumed watching their show.
*I cannot look like this in front of your little sister! - I used Babylon translator
For the choir room scene, I took the picture of the New Directions in their sectionals outfits, except it's not Finn next to Santana, it's Quinn. Also, they aren't in their sectional outfits, but their normal ones.
And, the face Santana gives Sugar after the Brittana comment is the same one she gave Brittany when Brittany said the gay sharks comment.