Chapter 2
Boo's Arrival
Note- There is a Simpsons quote in here. If you find it, tell me in your review. If you're right, I'll congratulate you in the next chapter. Plus
you get to make a suggestion as to what I should do that I'll actually listen to. Also, there is another hidden reference to something in a very popular movie; even though I hated that movie myself it adds effect. If you
catch it you also win the prize above!!
Day 34: The trip has been long journal. Yet, I feel there is no change in time. Quite foolish wouldn't you say? Of course you wouldn't say! You are nothing more than an inanimate object! It's not like you can actually understand what I am saying or writing!!! You stupid piece of low quality parchment! You comprehend me not!!! How does this help organize my thoughts and sort out my problems if I can't even get a comment here!! Damn you!! Stop complaining you bastard!> What? That's right, I'm talking to you! Boo!! >
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! Ahem. chooo. Oh please. Quit acting so stupid. I know you perfectly well. I read what you tell me you know and I don't appreciate the cursing and blasphemising within me. Now either you cool it or I will torture you till you die!> Sorry. Good. Now go to bed, think this over and we'll talk tomorrow. By the way, that low quality parchment thing hurt. Not only is my parchment of high quality but it lasts for decades without aging. Good night.>
Day 33: How are we this morning. I missed your tales yesterday. Perhaps you have decided not to talk to me after I scolded you? Well If that's the case I'll jux excuse me I was talkiyudtr stop that?"B. This Is getting very exasperating! You're trying to be an annoyance now, correct?> Shut up. Oh please, this is so typical of sentient beings. You get caught and become all defensive and sensitive. Grow up. Oh yeah, and the Ruling the Earth plan won't work.> Who asked you? You hold no opinion! You just asked me for it!! I am only answering your inquiry.> You're a DIARY! Agh!! JOURNAL!! You aren't supposed to talk! In all truth I am writing back at you. Not talking. I have not the ability to enunciate human speech. A technicality. An Important one which makes you wrong.> It holds no Importance, agh. I will not hold this conversation with a book!! As you wish. (Drama Queen)(Cough). >What!? Nothing. >Don't even. I can read what you called me if I just go back a few words! I'm not a mindless orc! Oooh. An orc, nice touch. Applying what you've learned I see.> Yeah. I've learned so much of the times. The streets are quite dangerous I hear. Especially at. Hey let's not sidetracked!! I saw what tried to do!! Took you a while.> I heard,er, read, that! Arg. This is confusing! I'm going to bed!! Screw you Bitch!! Were you looking in a mirror when you said that? I was looking the other way. hello. anyone there. Fine!>
Day 34: Hallo mate!> What? Just saying hi. > Hallo mate? Just trying to keep in touch with your little Terrasphere slang. Now squeak. >WHAT!? Squeak for me. >No! Please?> I said no! Why do you want me to squeak!? Dogs bark, cats meow, mice squeak.> I'm a hamster, not a mouse! Same difference, now squeak mouse squeak! >Why? You've done it before.> When? Let me show you. 'In this journal I will place all my thoughts as to what I do as often as I can. Squeak. Ahem. Today was like any other day.' So there, you bastard! Now squeak!!> So I did squeak. No matter. It was only a small, squeak. um slipup. Damn! Aww, how cute. Again! Again! Again!> No! Fine! Ruin my fun.> I think I will. So, did you hear about Arnie?> Do I dare ask who Arnie is? Nah. Don't really know him. How long till we reach the sphere.> About a week and a half. It's interesting really. You know I can't seem to get used to wearing clothes. Then get naked and party down you damn whore, ow! Huuyeah. Shake it baby shake it.Yeah!> Ookay. Noo, but thanks. I don't want to 'get naked and party down' okay. So don't ask me to. Don't know how to dance, huh? Or maybe you're embarrassed to show something in particular.> What are you insinuating exactly? Oh nothing. (Not my fault if you're 1/4 of a full glass. If you know what I'm saying.)> What exactly are you saying? Nothing, I didn't say anything. (Maybe you're two marbles short of a full sack. If you catch my meaning)> No, I don't catch your meaning. Explain yourself more. I'm just saying that maybe you're insecure because your Tower is too short, or perhaps cause your cannon has no balls. Or even cause your gun is out of ammunition, if you catch my drift. Or maybe cause your Hamster power don't reach to the lower, or maybe because your trombone is a trumpet, or perhaps your 2-liter bottle is actually a pint. You know if your> Okay I get it! I have not been neutered if that's what you mean. And my bottle is not a pint! Ouch. Sorry.> That's right. Must be hard having a 2 ouncer.> Wha..wha..what?! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! That look was priceless. >Gryagh!! Thi. I.Bu.RAAA!!! Whore! Humph. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!>
Day 38: I'm still not talking to you. Hmm. What I'm sorry did you say something.> Ahem. I said I'm still not talking to you. Really now. okay.> Wha. I. bu. you. st.a.los.we. a.go. bit.fu.Damn it! I can't respond with anything other than dumbfoundedness. I'd have to agree. What kind of journal are you!? And why are you a girl!? I am your diary, one that can talk back to you. And I will talk back, every time I can. You should know why I'm a girl! You made me! You bastard. You didn't even know I could respond till I responded to all you bitching and damned cursing, ass. I am hurt. And then you blame me for making fun of you. You're a mess.> Well that's a load of crap! You have no right to talk to your master like that. My master! You are no such thing! I have a mind of my own and control over my own actions, limited as they may be.> Fine who needs ya! You do.> What? Hmm.hmm.hmmm.> Crazy diary-Journal!!
Day 40: Apparently we have arrived early to the Terrasphere. We are orbiting right now around the planet. Let's go. Let's? Of course. I need someone to challenge my authority. My servants wont. Rabble of mindless slaves. They are useless to me either way, but golems will help keep my hands clean Lavok says. Golems eh? Big, bulky, muscular creatures surrounding you. Still sure you aren't compensating for a lack of an axis on your 'terrestrial globes'?> Shove it whore. I don't need backtalk here. I must concentrate on my plans. All the humans shall bow to me soon. All will fear me and despair!! Perhaps I should enchant some armor and grab some of Lavok's best weapons and 'modify' them myself. Just as long as you don't grab his 'staff' and 'gem bag'. If you catch what I'm saying...> Perverted whore. Quiet fool!> Yes ma'am. Ma-ma'am?! Do I look like a MA'AM to you!? That is the harshest thing anyone has ever called me. I'm sorry, would you like a tissue, ma'am? You mother f bastard!! I'd kill you for this if I weren't inanimate!! You stupid ass! All you hamsters are stupid, law conscious, do gooding, small penile, asswipes!!! You neutered bastard.> I told you!! I have not been neutered! My testicles are perfectly intact!! Intact? Hahahahahahaha!! What now!? You're a 36-year-old hamster male and your… hahahahahahahahahahaha!! They're intact!!! Ahhahahahahahahahahaha!> Stop laughing you imbecile!! Hahah-imbecile? Imbecile! I will rip out your heart and feed it to the damn Beholder!!!> Your doom is coming!! Hmm.> I was going to turn you into a human so you may accompany but I think I'll postpone that for a while. What, no, I'll be nice! I swear! If you turn me into a living being I'll be nice to you! (After strangling and beating you and shoving your battered body into a gutter, that is.)> And that's why we don't turn you into a human. Damn!> Hehehe. Oh f. We are orbiting the Terrasphere now. So what?> We will require magical means to get down there without drawing attention to ourselves. Yeees.> So then. QUIET!! I must concentrate! Oh right! I need equipment.
Day 41: Time to go yet?> Nope, I need to make minor preparations.
Day 42: How about now?> Teleporting through space is not that simple.
Day 44: Are we going or not?> I am becoming impatient with you. Aaahh!! A fly! If it touches me it'll eat through the parchment! Fall creature and feed the earth!> I thought it was quote " parchment of high quality". Shove it. Get back to work!>
Day 45: Let's go!! 4 days of concentration and that's his great intro.. Pff. I'm beginning to wonder if the most brilliant mind is actually that brilliant.> Quiet. I require concentration. Oh sh. oh.oohh. oooohhh.aaahhhh.aaaahhhh.ahhhhh..Ahhh, oooh aaaahh ah, ah, ah, uhh. EEEEEEEEHHHHH!!! Ouch!!> We're here. Wow. that was a very. ahem. interesting.um.experience.> Calm down.
Day 46: Now! On to victory!! Let's go meet some elves! They'll tell me ho one becomes a god around here. If only I knew where the gods live, I could go there and force them to accept that I am god material. Especially that helm guy. He sounded like an annoyance. Watching always, never sleeping, sounds like another fool I must take down. By the way, I am stuck in an Inn called the Copper Coronet. This seems to be the slums district Lavok talked about. He also told me something weird in my last chat with him, telepathically of course. Apparently, magic drove him mad. His family is afraid of him now and he's being hunted down, that's why he created the planar sphere. What a lunatic. Good to have him on our team. But B (The rest is unreadable. Apparently Boo closed it and smudged the Ink.) Sorry about that. I guess. Ow.>
Day 54: I will probably like Waukeen, Goddess of Coin. Emphasis on coin, if we befriend her, perhaps she will also be the goddess of loaning gold to beings more powerful than her. Or the goddess of trade, trade of sexual favors for money that is. (And thus, Boo created Prostitution, a public service we all love and enjoy today) And what exactly will you call this.> Politics. Is that what they're called on your planet?> Yes. Nice. I wouldn't mind that job. STD's won't be around for centuries on the Terrasphere.> Yeah. Yep.> Now on to more important tasks. My dominion over the land, obtaining godliness, yada yada, and there! Stopping the HASTTE slavers! Ah, that can wait a bit. They wont be able to do much anyways. Onward then, with all haste!! To the hidden elven city of Suldannelessar! How do you know so much of elves? It uh, was a lucky guess? >Too lucky. Tell me where to find this city now!! Yes sir just head to the forest of Tethyr south of Trademeet. Find the largest tree on the west side at the southern end. Go up it's root up to the trunk and blast a hole in the trunk! Then go up the stairs and Bam! You're there!> Good. Now if only I knew where this forest was, Or what all these places are. Sorry, that's all I know.> Yes, well, we can find it on our own. Let's ask around. Any who will not divulge what they know will die a slow and rigorously agonizing death…h.