A/N: Create things…that's what Elsa and Tadashi do best.
"I think this is our best work," Elsa said proudly, zipping her jacket up a little higher, the sting of winter's air causing her to shiver slightly. It was colder than usual in the middle of November, and the blonde chastised herself for opting to wear just a light jacket instead of a heavy coat. It'll only take a few minutes and it's not like I walked all the way out here. She gripped the car keys inside her jean pocket while taking a few steps forward.
"I know you two haven't met yet, but I promise it'll be worth the wait."
A sigh.
Elsa folded her arms in front of her chest and examined her surroundings. Sky blue orbs with dark circles under them cast their gaze on a weeping willow a few yards away from where she was standing. She squinted her eyes to take a better look when a quick surge of pain speared its way to her frontal lobe. Nowadays, each simple movement resulted to headaches and migraines. Straining her eyelids to have a better view of a tree was one among many.
She has not been sleeping well.
"You know, I'm not very fond of that tree in our backyard," she commented. "But I like your idea of making a tree house out of it. Anna would enjoy that, too." Elsa chuckled humorlessly, swallowing back saliva to moisturize her dry and aching throat.
She has been crying for days.
Disregarding the mud and the dirt that will stain her jeans, Elsa gently and carefully squatted on the ground, not having a single care that it was wet and sticky from the rain. It's not like she has been doing laundry lately anyway. She was always the one to be mortified by dirt and germs, but recently, she didn't mind them so much. She felt brittle leaves crunch under her as a pale and delicate hand seized a patch of grass that sprouted from the fresh heap of earth that she was sitting on.
They were so close to each other and yet so far away.
So, so far away.
Elsa inhaled slowly with her eyes closed before facing him.
Breathe.
There was no face to look at. No voice to hear. No smile to see. Her hand crept up to the carved letterings on the gravestone in front of her. With her index finger, she traced the name engraved on it—slowly, as if touching them could help her make sense of her world and her life.
From one letter to the other, she spelled the name of the man who changed hers.
T-A-D-A-S-H-I
Elsa Arendelle- Hamada rested her forehead against the lifeless stone where her husband laid. If she can only embrace it, she would, but her arms were too frail and her frame too small to wrap herself around what was left of Tadashi. She felt foolish for thinking such thoughts. He has been dead for two weeks and he's not coming back.
He's not here anymore.
Blinking away hot and defeated tears, Elsa pounded a fist on the cold marble, letting the pain linger for a bit to distract her from the unending and excruciating onslaught her heart was suffering from every minute of her existence.
"I miss you so much," she confessed in a weak voice, void of energy and broken from sorrow. "We were supposed to spend the rest of our lives together."
As if mocking her pain, Tadashi's gravestone stood quiet and stark before her, much like the unresponsive and apathetic God who ignored her prayers to revive her husband. She roughly brushed the tears away with the sleeves of her jacket and felt her headache come back with a vengeance.
It was Tadashi who knew how to remedy her migraines with surprise hugs and kisses galore. It was Tadashi who knew how to evaporate her tears and make her breathless from fits of laughter. But remembering all of these made Elsa sink even more because these are all but memories. Intangible, formless, and can only be contained and preserved by her tired and aging mind.
It was getting darker and it was starting to rain again. If it weren't for the news she found out this morning, she would've stayed longer. She would've endured the rain and the cold if it meant more time with Tadashi. But after this morning, after what she discovered, she knew she had to get up and go home. Anna and Hiro were waiting. Aunt Cass cooked dinner to celebrate.
A celebration in the midst of mourning…
She raised herself up from the ground with struggle. She wasn't sure if it was from the exhaustion or the heavy and disfigured heart weighing her down.
"I know you felt bad for not being able to finish building our robot," she sniffled, wiping a stubborn tear away with the bottom of her palm. "I know you wanted to build so many things for me, but it doesn't have to be a robot. You've done so much. We've built so much in our short time together, babe."
Elsa's heart twisted and churned from behind her chest as she fought back the waterfall threatening to stream down her face. "Tadashi," she whispered his name the way she did in the wee hours of the night when they would cuddle under the covers, excitedly talking about their dreams and goals like they had all the time in the world. She was sure the heavens can hear her, and Tadashi was there somewhere listening to everything that she was saying.
"Tadashi, you're going to be a father."
A pause.
In spite of herself, Elsa found herself suddenly smiling. A lop-sided grin graced her worn-out face and she felt something stir within her after saying those words. Something shifted. Thoughts of memories that they will never have consumed her: Tadashi changing their baby's diaper for the first time and making a face while giggling. Tadashi introducing Baymax to their baby. Tadashi teaching the baby how to walk. Tadashi cradling the baby in his arms and humming a tune so he or she can fall asleep.
Tadashi begging her for more babies.
It was what they both wanted the most. A big family.
Elsa snapped her eyes shut for a few minutes and imagined Tadashi wrapping her in an embrace. She let the tears flow this time, allowing them to wash away the anguish and the brokenness even for just a few moments. She had just told the love of her life about the best thing that they have ever created together. She was still one with Tadashi and even death cannot separate them. For two weeks, she thought there was nothing left of him that she can hold onto and love after he departed. Sure, she had his things. The bed they shared. The ring he put on her finger. That silly baseball cap of his. Baymax. But it was not the same.
When she opened her eyes again, the sun had returned from its hiatus as it slowly parted the grey and foreboding clouds away. Darkness had turned to light. Hope surpassed despair. Elsa caressed the belly carrying the product of many, many nights of their love-making with a tender hand before leaning down to kiss the top of his resting place.
For the very last time, Tadashi had given Elsa another gift: something that they made together that is perfect, miraculous and beautiful. Something—someone that will bring joy to her life once more.
Tadashi gave her the gift of life.
Yes, it is still so painful. Yes, she will have many more nights, weeks, and months and even years of crying. Yes, it is ninety-nine percent possible that she will break down and hurt all over again once she gets home. Yes, it will still be hard and unbearable most days. But Elsa walked away from the cemetery with a newfound epiphany: things will get better. Not now, not tomorrow, but they eventually will. She still has Anna along with Hiro— Baymax, Aunt Cass, Olaf, and Kristoff. She still has so much to live for. And she is going to be a mother to a Little Tadashi or a Little Elsa. That is worth fighting for and she is determined to do just that.
Against all logic and reasoning, Elsa was convinced of one thing: he will always live on. Their child will carry his smile, the twinkle in his eyes, and the sound and echo of his laughter. He will always be there for her, through the form of a little growing baby that will always remind her of one thing that was true then and will always be true now:
Tadashi is here.