Author's Note:
Hi Guys! :) I know that I posted this as a one-shot story but because someone wants to have another chapter, and gives me that courage to write one more chapter. If you guys want me to continue the story, please review and let me know. I want to have a song in every chapter that i will make ( in case you want me to continue with this). I recommend that you listen to the song in each chapter as you read them. :) Thank you so much! Please review :)
My head is still heavy. I'm not sure what time did I slept. It is the first time that Ana is not around and I did not have any nightmare. My mini Charlie Tango does the magic I guess. I promised myself to give Ana time, but I need to do some moves today. I am missing my Ana. I need to see her. I need to know if she had her breakfast, did she sleep just fine. Okay Grey! Put your back off the bed and get into the shower.
Yes, I have issues with eating but this morning, I just can't take anything into my mouth. All I want to do is to see Ana, my Ana. I walked past the kitchen and goes directly into the elevator. I know Taylor is behind me. I turned and shake my head. He's been with me for a long time. He knows my actions and by shaking my head, he will let me do what I want. And that means, I don't want him to go with me.
I climb into my car. Put my Ipod on and let the music fill my car. It is my comfort zone, in a place all by myself and music surrounding me. I don't know what song is playing; I just need to know that there is someone singing while I'm driving. All I know is I need to see Ana.
I parked outside the apartment where she and Kate used to live. I stay inside my car. I don't want her to be frightened because I'm there. I just need to see her. I need the assurance that she's doing just fine. But how? Okay Grey, patience! I will wait for an hour. But what if no Ana will come out after an hour? Okay, that's the only time I will go inside. I have to wait for one hour! Nobody makes me wait that long. In my office I won't allow that! Oh Grey, calm down. Ana is not part of any mergers and acquisitions that you used to handle. She's far different from that. Remember last night? You told yourself that you will meet her half way. So do it for her. You're the reason why she left.
It's been half an hour but still, no Ana came out. Okay, I have last 30 minutes. My eyes are fixed in the doorway. Many people came in and out of the place already. I need to think how to approach her. Do I need to knock first? What about try to call her first and tell her that I'm outside of the apartment?
I am in the middle of planning what's the best way to do once I go to her apartment door, when a song caught me off guard. I still have 15 minutes to wait. I focus myself with the song. I closed my eyes and every lyric struck me. It's not a shock to me to find comfort with music. The melody, the words, the way it was sung…
I can't win, I can't reign
I will never win this game
Without you, without you
I am lost, I am vain,
I will never be the same
Without you, without you
I won't run, I won't fly
I will never make it by
Without you, without you
I can't rest, I can't fight
All I need is you and I,
Without you, without you
I feel a tear in my cheek…oh my! I'm Christian Grey, I never cry with the music I'm listening to! I don't know but it feels fine.. I keep my eyes closed, tilting my head and allowing the words to go into my ears until my heart receives the message. I did not imagine that a woman will make me feel this way. Grey, don't forget that Ana is not like any other girl. She's something special. I remember the day she fell in my office. Her blue eyes staring on the painting in my office wall. Raising ordinary to extraordinary… I can still hear her saying those words. Yes baby, you're right. Raising something ordinary to extraordinary. I need control but I am losing it with Ana. The memory of what happened in the Red Room is now flashing back and it's haunting me. I can't stop the tears from flowing down my face. Oh Ana, baby I am really sorry. I can't forget her face when the elevator closed. She's crying her heart out and I did it to her! I caused the pain!
Can't erase, so I'll take blame
But I can't accept that we're estranged
Without you, without you
I can't quit now, this can't be right
I can't take one more sleepless night
Without you, without you
I won't soar, I won't climb
If you're not here, I'm paralyzed
Without you, without you
I can't look, I'm so blind
I lost my heart, I lost my mind
Without you, without you
I am now coming out of my mind without my Ana. Grey calm down. Inhale..exhale.. I am counting now to 10 and decided to open my eyes as the song comes to an end. I can still see the doorway, but this time it is blurred because of the tears in my eyes. I checked my watch. I have waited an hour, I need to go inside and checked if Ana's okay.
I am about to get off my car when I saw Ana coming out. Oh God, did she eat anything last night?! She looks like she hadn't sleep. She looks so weak and anytime, the wind can blow her tiny body. New tears are now starting to fall. I tightened my grip in my car door. I did it to her. Look Grey! Look what you have done! I can't move. I can't think. I am devastated with what Ana looks now. Where are those blue eyes that used to be happy? Where is her smart mouth? Where is the carefree Ana that I met? Grey, you caused her to be like that. All the courage that I have to see her is now gone. She said that she's not good enough for me but it is the other way around. I am not good enough for Ana. I am not the man for her.
I can't hear what song is now playing in my Ipod. I just found myself driving without any destination. I have been driving around for few hours now. I decided to head back to Escala. I get off my car, ride the elevator leading to my floor, go straight to my room until I reached my bed. I know Gail greeted me as I entered the foyer but I have no energy to look at anyone, to speak with anyone. I feel so lost. I feel like I'm floating but I don't know why. I can't think straight. I want to run but I can't. I want to just disappear but there is still a part of me that wants to keep going…for Ana. But how? I will destroy her if I come near her, but I can't let her go like that. I just can't. I need my Ana. I am nothing without her. I feel so lost. I'm torn. I don't know what is the best thing to do.
I hear a knock on my door and saw Taylor standing. He asked me if I'm okay. I don't want to answer. I am his boss. It's not my responsibility to answer any questions from him. I just look at him blankly. When he felt that theirs is no answer that he can get from me, he starting to turn his back but I call him.
"Taylor…"
"yes, Mr. Grey?"
"Can you please keep an eye with Ms. Steele. I need to know if she's taking care of herself. If she's eating on time or if she's going out of their apartment."
"Yes, sir. I will give you a report at the end of the day and I will put a security on her apartment as well to have a close look at her."
"Thank you. You can go now."
And once the door in my room closed, I put my head on my hands and I started to sob. I still need control. And the only thing that I can do now is to put someone near Ana, so I still know what she is doing without her seeing me around…and at the same time without me seeing what I have done to her. It broke my heart earlier when I see how pale she is now.
My mind is now tired of thinking but my eyes are still open. I need something to connect myself with my Ana. I go and get my mini Charlie Tango. I just look at it. And I can't help myself but to miss Ana. A single tear escape my eye and I found myself holding my Blackberry, typing a text to Ana.
I MISS YOU, MS. STEELE…
Thank you for reading :) This chapter is written as Donna requested for it. So many thanks to Donna. :) This story is for all you guys too. :) In hope you will like it. You can suggest any songs that you might think would be a suitable one for the next chapters. Reviews keep me going so please leave some :) Thanks!