Life with Gaara
Chapter 2
"And as you run away reality is getting nearer
And instead of changing you, you try to change the mirror
But what do you do when the mirror falls down?
Breaking apart as it hits the ground
And now you have nothing to hide behind
And now you need the courage you have yet to find
Because fear and sorrow are just emotions that play tricks on your mind"
Gaara woke up to the sensation of a warm body pressed against his side side and the sound of soft, deep breathing. They had stayed up late the previous night. He had wrapped his arms around Hinata and they had laid on the couch in silence for hours.
Gaara hadn't pestered her to say something about the news he had brought. She had only spoke hours after his revelation. She had only said that they should go to bed because she was tired.
He understood that it was difficult for Hinata to process the news. They had spent years fighting in the war. She had lost people she loved. She had once told him that she had done things that made her feel filthy no matter how many times she showered.
She had told him about how she had watched the life draining away from the eyes of people she had cut down .Some of them had been so young and just like her they had summoned all the courage in their hearts and had marched on to the battlefield to fight for their marched into battle willing to lay down their lives for their villages. Sadly none of them had truly been ready to die. She had seen the terrible fear in their eyes as they realised that they were dying and were never to return home.
She once told him that she had avoided killing her adversaries during battle but when she had no choice but to kill she had granted them instantaneous death. She had not been able to bear to listen to the desperate whispers of her victims as they pleaded with death not to take them away with tears in their eyes as they lied forsaken on crimson soil. Despite their pleas they had died anyway.
Gaara could not fathom how someone like Hinata could have endured the brutality of war and come out with her sanity intact. There were men who were much more resilient than her that had lost their minds to the war.
Hinata had witnessed gentle hearted friends turn into hardened killers who showed no remorse for killing.
He knew that her experiences were the reason why she sometimes couldn't sleep at night. She would sometimes wake him in the dead of the night with tears flowing down her face and she would ask him to hold her close.
She had seen young heavily pregnant women laying flowers on the graves of their dead husbands. She knew an old man from Konoha who had lost all three of his sons in one day. The old man had died a few days after being informed about the deaths of his sons. Their deaths did not even have a tiny meaningful effect on the war .The pain had been too much for the old man to bear.
They had lived in such a dark world for so long that in the end they hadn't been able to see any light at the end of the tunnel. There had not been a single dim light amid the despair they had felt. It was hard to accept that all of it was finally over. The war had ended after all the weakly burning flames of hope had been extinguished long ago.
Gaara wondered if she wanted to return to her home. It would make sense if she wanted to return to Konoha. Unlike him she had something to return to. Her friends and her family were in Konoha. She had no reason to stay away any longer. The war was over.
War was the reason why they had become deserters. He had been tired of being used as a weapon and she had wanted to escape the cycle of bloodshed and suffering. They had disappeared , leaving everything behind. They had never thought about what they would do if the war ended. Hinata had not been the only one that was perplexed that the war had ended. When had they started being so hopeless?
The sudden shifting of weight on the bed broke him away from his thoughts. Beautiful lavender eyes stared at him groggily. Hinata s' violet hair had been matted by sleep.
" Morning, " said Hinata.
" Morning to you too, " he replied.
Hinata shifted to check the clock on the bedside table. It was just after seven. She sat up and leaned her head against the headboard imitating Gaara. The faint tapping of glass resounded in the room. A little yellow bird kept tapping its beak on the window.
"Your retarded bird just won't give it a rest won't it ? " Gaara said.
"That's not a nice thing to say Gaara ," replied Hinata with a slight smile on a her face .
"It's a bird, " Gaara said.
"An ugly retarded bird. "
"You're so mean. I happen to think it's cute ," said Hinata in defence of the bird. He threw her a look .
"In an artistic kind of way I guess, " said Hinata.
He gave the bird a thoughtful look as it kept tapping its beak on the glass window. He evaluated the bird in careful consideration. He finally reached the conclusion the bird was indeed ugly.
"I have to get up . Mito and her son are going to be here soon, " said Hinata.
"Do you want to return to Konoha ? " Gaara asked. He had never been one to tiptoe around an issue. He preferred getting to the point.
The topic had been avoided for far too long. He had given her enough time .They couldn't carry on as if there wasn't a gigantic elephant in the room. He had to settle his distraughted mind. Hinata kept staring at the bird for a while before she looked at him.
"We left that life behind. I thought we agreed to live our own lives. The war ending doesn't change anything, " said Hinata.
"It doesn't ? " Gaara questioned as he searched her lavender coloured eyes.
"It doesn't, " Hinata replied. Silence ensued.
"I have to get up Mito is going to be here soon, " said Hinata as she threw the white sheets off her and slipped out of the bed. His eyes trailed after her form as she walked out of the bedroom.
"Oh Hina-chan I'm so sorry for disturbing you so early in the morning. You know how Kaito fears going to the clinic, " said Mito . "The boy hasn't had a check-up in so long and it's been annoying me to no end because. I kept thinking : what if he catches something and I don't even know then I discover when it's too late? I would be a horrible mother. I kept on postponing and I don't even know why I kept postponing. It's been driving me crazy."
"You know he takes after his father. Did I tell you that when we were young Haru used to have a very very big fear of needles ? I remember this one time when we were young and he crashed into me on the street and almost killed me. I later found out that he was running away from old lady Chiyo who was supposed to give him a shot but then he started panicking and bolted right out of the door. I nearly died by the way, " said Mito .
Mito s' hands kept moving around dramatically and her fine porcelain face had adopted a reddish hue around her cheeks due to talking so much. Mito s' silky brown hair cascaded gently down her slender neck. Her large dark eyes were opened widely as she spoke. Her thin pink lips quickly stretched in this and that direction as she spoke. She was dressed in a simple brown summer dress that contrasted with her skin attractively. Mito was a quite easy on the eyes.
"The time he crashed into me was the first time I noticed him and boy was I not was clumsy, ,scrawny and weak looking. He stuttered a lot when I spoke to him too and he lacked any ambition whatsoever. I later discovered that his stutter seemed to become so much worse when I was around because he liked me. In those days I never would imagine that I would fall in love with him, " said Mito, her voice shifting between different pitches the entire time.
"I feel so guilty about yesterday. We got into a big fight and I ended up saying things that I shouldn't have said, " said Mito as her voice lowered.
"The worst part is that it was all my fault, " Mito continued in a depressed tone .
Mito reminded Hinata of a certain talkative blond haired girl from her past. Mito was five years older than Hinata. She was the most talkative person in the village and coincidentally the biggest village gossip. The irony was that she was an accidental gossip. She just didn't know how to keep her mouth shut so it followed that she unintentionally became the biggest spreader of news in the village. It was ironic that although she shared a little too much about other people s' lives no one had it in them to despise her. It was difficult to hate someone like her.
Mito was as nice as they came unless she got into one of her moods that is . When Mito got into one of her moods she became a heavy-duty explosive that could be triggered by the tiniest of things and when she exploded the person who was on the receiving end of her wrath usually received a verbal lashing of cosmic proportions.
Mito was overly dramatic, extremely talkative and had an occasional mean streak. Despite her flaws Mito was a good person. Also her talkative nature made her good company. She and Hinata had connected and had become very close friends. She had snuck her way right into Hinata s' heart. She was one of the people that Hinata almost considered family.
"Don't worry Mito. I'm sure he knows that you didn't mean what you said, " Hinata tried to assure her friend.
"Do you think I'm a bad wife Hina-chan? " asked Mito with glistening eyes.
"No Mito ,you're not. The fact that you're concerned about not being a good wife to Haru means you want to be good to him. It shows you are considerate of your husband s' feelings" , Hinata reasoned.
"I guess ," said Mito.
"Maybe if he wasn't so infuriating I wouldn't fight with him in the first place. Stupid man, " said Mito as her mood suddenly changed.
"Hey ! Otousan isn't stupid, " said Kaito in defence of his father. Mito did not respond.
Hinata merely smiled. Mito should have been giving Haru more credit than she did. The man put up with her. That was no simple feat. Not every man had the patience to do so.
"How much longer aunt Hinata ? " whined Kaito as Hinata ran her glowing hands over his chest.
"Stop your whining Kaito, " said Mito.
"Only a minute longer okay, " Hinata said softly to Kaito with a smile .
The boy developed a smile of his own. Kaito had a gap in his smile from the loose tooth that had fallen off a week ago. The boy had turned six a month ago. He had inherited his mother s' hair but his jaw and his tan complexion had been inherited from his father.
"Okay, " the boy replied with a wide grin.
"You're too soft on the boy Hina-chan, " said Mito.
"Let him be a kid Mito," replied Hinata.
"I can't believe how much you sound like Haru right now, "said Mito. Hinata continued running her glowing hands over Kaito s' body.
"You know what Hina-chan. We should take a vacation to fire country now that the war is over, " said Mito.
Hinata 's glowing hand trembled , the chakra it emitted flickered momentarily and Kaito gave her a quizzical look.
"You know there's a resort a short distance from Konoha that was known for having the best Hot springs before the war started, " said Mito.
"I would have loved to go there for my honeymoon but traveling to Konoha wasn't really an option with the war going on ."
Hinata and Gaara had not told the villagers that they were deserters of the war. They knew that they were shinobi but they didn't know that Hinata was from Konoha. Not only did they not know that Gaara from Suna but they also did not know that he was the Kazekage s' younger brother. Though Hinata doubted that they were even aware of who the Kazekage was. As far as the villagers knew Gaara and Hinata had escaped their village because their clans had been against their love and so they had decided to run away so that they could be with each other. They were just two young lovers who had eloped.
"Wouldn't that be nice Hina-chan ?" , asked Mito.
"That would be nice, " replied Hinata after a moment of silence.
She flashed Mito a smile as the glowing chakra on her hands dissipated. She hoped her smile seemed authentic. Mito s' smile faltered and an indescribable emotion flashed in her eyes. Hinata shifted her eyes back to Kaito.
"You are in perfect health Kaito-kun, " ,said Hinata.
"I thought so. Nothing can take me down ! I'm as tough as nails, just like Otousan !", exclaimed Kaito. He stood up from the wooden stool.
"Are we done aunt Hinata ? " asked Kaito.
"We're through ", replied Hinata.
"Put your shirt on and wait for me outside, " said Mito.
"Bye aunt Hinata !" said Kaito as he ran out of the cottage.
"What have I told you about running inside the house ? " , shouted Mito.
"He's really growing up fast ", said Hinata with a smile.
"I know. I still can't get over the fact that my baby is now turning into a little man", said Mito.
"Listen Hinata. You know I love you right? " , Mito began.
"I know." , Hinata replied in a her usual mellow voice .
"You know that if there's anything that's bothering you can always talk to me right? ", stated Mito.
"I know how to keep a secret when it counts " , Mito continued.
"Thanks Mito but I'm okay. Everything is fine. I promise ", said Hinata.
"It doesn't seem like everything is okay to me girl" , said Mito. Hinata did not reply.
"Is it Gaara ? Did something happen between you two ?" , Mito whispered so that she wouldn't be overhead.
"No, we're fine Mito " , said Hinata .
Mito watched her with a thoughtful look. Hinata had to hide the trembling of her hands by curling them into fists. Mito stood up to leave.
"I'll be ready to listen when you're ready. Say hi to Gaara for me. Tell him I said it's rude not to come out when you have guests in your home ."
And with those words Mito regally walked out of their home. Sometimes it was hard to comprehend that Mito was not royalty with the way she carried herself.
Hinata stared down at her trembling hands in contemplation. She had to put a lot of effort to hold back her tears from flowing. Even still, she couldn't hold back the single tear that slided down her cheek.
Gaara walked with Hinata down the dusty main village street. He had waited for her at the clinic like he occasionally did so that he could walk home with her. A group of young children flew down the streets in an excited rush. The sun was getting low. The sun was starting to set earlier and earlier each day and the nights were starting to drag on for longer. Winter was approaching and unlike in the land of fire the winters here were almost unbearably cold. The winters here reminded him of Suna.
There were various merchant stalls flanking the sides of the street. There was a dusty path in between the stalls that stretched from the northern village gates to the southern village gates. It was the one area in the village that was always full of life. The merchants were found on that street. Travellers walked down that street. All the streets and intersections in the village were connected to that street.
As Gaara and Hinata walked the voices of the merchants sharply bounced across the air along the main merchants were hoping to make a few more sales before the sun called it a day and shut its curtains, leaving them in the company of the moon and the twinkling stars.
When Gaara had first set foot in this village he noticed that this village was quite smaller than Suna. It was such a small village - the type of village where everyone knew each other by name. He wondered how this village compared to Konoha in terms of size . He had never been to Konoha but he was aware that Konoha was larger than Suna. Despite its smaller geographical size Suna s' population was just as large as Konoha s' population.
The village they currently lived in was by no means a prosperous village but it wasn't a poverty stricken village either. It wasn't a notable village and that made it ideal for keeping a low profile.
Gaara had almost been certain that they would never come across shinobi from their villages in a place that was so far away from Fire Country and Wind Country especially while there was a war going on between the two nations. Mostly only peacetime missions brought a shinobi to these kinds of areas and all missions that were classified as peacetime missions had been promptly put on hold when the war had started escalating. Shinobi had no time to be glorified babysitters or to perform petty errands in distant lands while there was a war to be won.
"Hey Gaara ! Don't you want to buy a couple of extremely fresh cabbages? They're the best in the village I tell ya!", ,shouted a merchant .
The merchant was built like a horse and had a wide grin on his face that was meant to lure customers into buying from him. The merchant s' smile was the bait that he used to lure his prey.
"How about it ? I'll even throw in one for free ", said the heavy merchant as he stroked his unruly beard.
Gaara did not spare the merchant a glance. He loathed cabbage. He kept on walking with his arms folded across his chest. Usually when people crossed their arms over their chest it gave an impression of insecurity but with Gaara the action bespoke of power. Gaara had the appearance of a man of authority and great influence even though he had none. The way he carried himself made people to drop all they were doing and listen when he spoke. Hinata once told him that he could have been a great leader if their lives had played out differently.
People greeted them as they walked down the street. They waved to Hinata with bright smiles on their faces. Hinata did the same in return. She was well loved by the villagers.
Some villagers called out his name in greeting while some men nodded at him before waving at Hinata. He nodded at them in return. Life was ironic. The villagers treated him as if he was one of their own. These people smiled at him. These people spoke to eyes held no hatred or contempt for him and their lips did not utter his name in fear. These people did not wish an unbearably painful death or eternal suffering in the flames of hell upon him. Life was ironic indeed.
A brown haired girl with tanned skin and dark gray eyes walked past them. She flashed him a coy smile and winked at him, ignoring Hinata. He gave her a nod and the girl s' cheeks became a shade darker. He felt Hinata s' chakra spike and shifted his gaze to her. She gave him a unimpressed look and then sharply looked away. He tried to think of what he had done wrong by returning the brown haired girl s' greeting. Hinata constantly reminded him to be polite and yet she now seemed to be bothered by his politeness.
They took a turn along an intersection that led to their home. The area they were entering was made up of a few streets of cubicle-like wooden homes. Some of the homes were large while others were small. Some of the homes, like their own, had a single story while others were double story houses. Green patches of lawn contrasted with the earthy tone of the dusty streets.
Some of the homes were painted in light tones, others were painted in bold colours while others had not been painted but retained the deep earthy colour of wood. This was the residential area of the western district of the village. Roughly a quarter of the village residents lived in this area.
They remained in a comfortable silence as they reached their home at the end of the street.
It had been a long time since Gaara had considered anywhere as home. He had considered the place he lived in with his deceased uncle as his home until his uncle betrayed him and paid the ultimate price. The place he shared with his brother and sister back in Suna was little more than a shelter. A house without love was not a home, it was merely just a house. A home was so much more than just a house. Living with Hinata had reacquainted him with the concept of a true home after a long time and for that he would eternally be greatful to her.
And so the sun finally called it a day and moon and the tiny twinkling stars got their chance to shine without being eclipsed by the ever bright sun.
It was deep into the night when Hinata woke him up with tears pooling in her lavender eyes.
"Gaara ", she whispered. He did not budge.
"Gaara " , she whispered in a louder tone. Still he did not budge.
For most of his life Gaara had not been able to sleep because of the demon trapped within him. Sleeping would often result in his prisoner gaining control over his body and embarking on a bloody rampage.
Sometimes the beast would choose not to go on a bloody rampage but to torture his mind so viciously to the point where would it nearly be torn had always secretly despised people for taking sleep for granted.
From a young age sleeping had never been an option for him but one day the sick voice in his head had gone this day he still did not have the slightest idea about what had silenced the demon. Once the demon grew silent Gaara discovered that he could sleep. After years of not being able to sleep Gaara could finally sleep.
The strange part was that he never dreamt. Never.
"Gaara. "
The unending abyss that Gaara floated in while he slept shattered like glass. His eyes snapped open as he recognised the desperation and pain in Hinata s' voice. His eyes shifted to Hinata. He saw her lying on her side facing his direction with her outstretched arm touching his shoulder. He noticed the flood of emotions in her lavender eyes and the tears streaming down her face.
He took her in his arms and wrapped himself around her . She nestled her head into the crook of his neck , clinging desperately onto his chest. He felt the wetness of her warm tears on his neck. He felt the shuddering of her body and the fast beating of her heart and tightened his grip even more .
" I'm here Hinata " , he whispered.
" I'm here. "
Gaara woke up to find Hinata not as his side. The sunlight that shone through the window having woken him. The little yellow bird outside performed its usual routine by repeatedly tapping its beak against the glass window.
He rose from the bed and stretched his arms above his head. He scratched an itch that had developed on his scalp as he walked over to the closet . He pulled the pair of black pants that he had worn the day before from the hanger and put them on. As he turned to leave he decided to put on a sweater instead of walking around shirtless as he felt the cold breeze embrace his skin.
He found Hinata frying eggs in the kitchen. She was dressed in his brown hooded sweater and orange sleeping shorts. His brown sweater looked too large on her petite frame. Her long violet hair nearly touched her shoulder blades. Civilian life allowed her to grow out her hair. She looked up from the frying pan as he leaned over the kitchen countertop.
"Hey " , she greeted him with a smile.
"Morning " , he replied impassively.
"The eggs are almost ready. Can you please dish out the rest of the food ", she asked.
Gaara rarely found within himself the strength to refuse her when she gave him the look she was giving him.
"Are you okay ? ", asked Gaara as he reached for the plates from the cupboard.
"I'm fine Gaara ", she assured him.
"Last night I was just ..." , she said.
She turned off the stove and dished the eggs. She went on to open the fridge and retrieve a tall silver bottle filled with orange juice and placed it on the table. As she turned around she found Gaara s' chest blocking her path. She avoided looking into his eyes and stepped to the side. Gaara followed suit, blocking her path.
"You cannot keep on carrying on like this", he said. She pointedly stared at the floor.
He tipped her chin upwards with his thumb and index finger, forcing her to look at him.
"Gaara I told you I'm alright. ", she said, her soft voice becoming firm.
"Stop lying to yourself Hinata" , said Gaara .
Veins appeared all over the sides of Hinata s' upper face and her eyes became a shade lighter as her Byakugan activated. A deadly fire appeared in her eyes. Her livid expression and her strange pale eyes made her look like a mythical goddess of war.
"Why is it so hard for you to believe that there's nothing bothering me ? ", Hinata shouted .
"Because it's a lie " , replied Gaara.
"You're drowning in the past. "
"Not a day goes by where you don't revisit the past. You don't always tell me about it but I can always see it in your eyes. " , continued Gaara.
"So I'm supposed to just forget about everything that happened ? ", Hinata shouted. There were tears starting to appear in her eyes.
"You're not supposed to forget. But you have to come to terms with it." , he replied as his voice thickened. Hinata remained silent.
Hinata pushed past him, went into the bedroom and slammed the door. He was left alone standing next to the dinner table with two untouched plates of breakfast. It was the first time Gaara saw her react so intensely.
For the next few minutes he paced around in the kitchen. The wooden floor was cool against his bare feet and the smell of their unattended breakfast wafted in the air but he paid it no mind. He kept glancing to the narrow corridor that led to their bedroom as he paced. He walked towards the corridor and then stopped. After a while he turned around and walked back to the kitchen and continued pacing.
A few minutes passed before he went back to the corridor and headed to the bedroom. He paused after placing his hand on the cold, circular doorknob. A moment later he turned the doorknob, swung open the door and walked into the room.
He found Hinata lying on the bed on her side and facing the wall. Her back was facing his direction. Gaara stood there in silence for a while .
"When the war ended I was scared ", began Gaara.
"I feared that you would run back to your family back in Konoha and leave me" , said Gaara.
"I was relieved when you told me that the ending of the war didn't change anything and that we could keep on
living like we did the past two years."
" I never wanted to go back ",he said.
"For the past five months I've been fooling myself into believing that you are coping with everything when truthfully you've been coping less ever since the war ended"
Hinata remained silent. She did not turn to look at him.
"You haven't dealt with what happened in the past. I see it now Hinata... I've always seen it. I wasn't brave enough to acknowledge it " , continued Gaara.
"You cannot keep pretending as if everything is okay. You've ran from what happened for far too long. We all have to face our demons at some point. " , he said.
"You have to stop running . You need to go back so- ", he said before Hinata cut him off.
"We can never go back Gaara . " , Hinata cut him off. She was now sitting up and facing his direction.
"How can I face them knowing that I abandoned them. Every single day I wonder maybe if I had not abandoned Konoha then maybe there would be someone who would have not died if I had been there. ", said Hinata.
"I ran away Gaara. I've been living this nice peaceful life while they've been living in hell and losing people they love. What kind of person does that make me? What kind of friend does that make me? ", said Hinata as tears started flowing down her face.
Gaara moved closer and sat down on the corner of the bed.
"What if someone I loved died and I don't even know about it ? I can't face them Gaara. I cannot do it." , said Hinata as the tears kept flowing.
Gaara embraced her and she sobbed into his chest .
"It's time you stopped only way to face your demons is to return to Konoha. I see it clearly now" , said Gaara as he rubbed her back.
"We can't go back " , cried Hinata.
"Hinata ."
A long moment passed as he held her as she cried.
"What if we lose each Gaara? They won't be accepting of our relationship. Konoha still hasn't forgotten what you did. ", whispered Hinata after she had calmed down.
"We'll cross that bridge when we get to it. And they won't take you away from me that easily ." , he replied.
They remained locked in embrace . Gaara had shifted Hinata into his lap and was playing with her hair as she leaned against his chest. After a long while Hinata reluctantly admitted that she needed to return to Konoha.
"Hinata you won't be alone. " , said Gaara.
Hinata looked at him uncertainly. He used to his thumbs to wipe the tears from her eyes. He captured her lips with his own and engaged her lips in a passionate dance that made his core burn with desire. He hoped that she understood what he was trying to say through the kiss. They separated after a while.
Hinata leaned her head against his chest and breathed in his scent. She started tracing his palm with her index finger.
"And here I thought you were the one that needed fixing ", said Hinata softly.
"I like the life we have here. I can't abandon the clinc - they need me", Hinata said after a while.
"Think of it as nothing more than a visit ", he replied.
"Alright ? , he asked her.
"Alright." , she replied after a while.
It was on that Autumn morning that Gaara vowed to himself to help Hinata to overcome her inner turmoil. Even if it meant setting foot on lands he had promised himself never again to return to he would do it. Consequences be damned , for Hinata s' sake , he would do it.
The golden leaves that were falling off the tree in their back yard caught his eye through the glass window .Winter was near.
They were in no rush to return. It would be an unnecessary pain to travel during Winter. They would wait for Winter to pass, only then would they return to everything they had left behind.
A.N
Thank you so much for reading . Please review. I would really appreciate your views. I apologise for any spelling/gramatical errors I might have made.
Hopefully I'll update soon.
{ The Immortal Sage}