Author's Note: I stole part of Cell's argument from another fanfic I read, so I apologize for the plagiarism. I give kudos to whoever came up with it first, but I forget who. And for some reason, when I rewrote this chapter, Cell turned out to have ADD, or some variation.

Cell looked up. And up. And up, until his eyes finally reached King Enma's face. It was bizarre. The demi-god was huge, bigger than any being had a right to be. ((He's Ox King on steroids,)) Cell thought absently, then shook his head. It wasn't a thought of his, but memories of the Z fighters cropping up. The most irritating aspect of this was it was Goku's memory with Piccolo's cynical view of things overlaid over the saiyan's personality. He had to wonder if it was normal. It wasn't like he had a precedent to baseline himself against.

"Ah, Cell." The android's attention was drawn back to Enma, who appeared to be ruffling through paperwork, of all things. You'd think the gods would have upgraded to computers by now. That was the problem with older business institutions. They stagnated after they reached a certain size and grew outdated. Though it wasn't like this particular brand had anything in the way of competition.

((Kami, I really have to see a psychiatrist. This isn't a good time for my attention to be wandering.)) The god of otherworld pulled out a huge file, with "CELL" written on the cover. It made the android wonder if he was the only Cell in existence. He found it hard to believe, with the trillions of sentient beings that existed throughout the universe. Of course, if the file drawers were organized according to planet. . .

"I see you have not spent your time alive wisely." Enma sighed, and looked towards an old woman, who was sitting on a crystal ball. She seemed positively minute next to the giant overseer of Otherworld.

((Have I met her? Goku probably knows her or something. . .)) "It looks like another one is destined for Hell, Baba. Such a pity." King Enma's hand reached towards a red button on his desk. Cell's interest was promptly wrenched back to the issue at hand.

"Wait a moment." Enma and. . . Baba, that was it, glanced at him. "I was informed I would get a hearing. Where's my lawyer?" Enma looked surprised.

"This is hardly a trial, Cell. You are being sentenced for your crimes."

"That isn't how the justice system works. All you know are the results of my actions. What about intentions?" Enma was obviously irritated. Cell wondered how such a simple creature had become ruler of the afterlife if he couldn't figure out that arguing with him probably wasn't the smartest course. It wasn't like he had any obligation to hear him.

"How do you plan to justify the murders of thousands? The property damage? The death of one of the greatest heroes the galaxy has ever seen?" Cell glanced around, raising an eyebrow as he focused back on Enma, who obviously felt himself qualified to act as prosecutor, judge, jury, and executioner. All Cell had was his intelligence (not inconsiderable) and ten seconds.

"I don't see any souls."

"What?"

"There aren't any dead people here, besides me. If I have killed so many, where are they?" The demi-god was flustered. Good. That gave him more time to come up with plausible explanations for his actions of late, though in truth, there really weren't any. He regretted listening to Gero and his stupid computer more and more by the second.

"They were wished back to life by the dragonballs."

"Aren't those murders invalid, then? Really, there is no permanent damage done. I'm sure they are all at home now."

"You still killed them, Cell, regardless whether they stayed dead or not, you never intended them to come back."

"Besides considering the regularity of which Goku's friends wish back the Earth's populace, would you say murder is wrong?" Enma looked uneasy. He didn't know where this was going. Baba seemed to be more interested in the wall than the situation warranted, though the smirk playing across her lips was certainly suspect.

"Yes, of course."

"Why? I can understand in the pack context, or course. When a member of the group dies, the pack is less likely to survive. But I am not a human. I am not a member of their 'herd,' so to speak. In fact, I am a solitary predator, and humans were my prey. As proven by my first form, I lived off of humans. They were my food. It is hardly wrong for a cheetah to eat an antelope, despite the fact that the antelope's herd is worse off because of that antelope's death." Enma opened his mouth... and closed it. He had no idea how to respond, and seemed oblivious to the fact the android was ripping off most of this from the memory of a particularly gruesome animal documentary. Baba wasn't nearly so impressed.

"Cell, a cheetah is an animal. You are sentient. I can perhaps grant you the deaths of those you consumed in your first form, for, as you claim, they were you food, though whether you truly needed them for sustenance is debatable. What about the android twins?"

"Survival of the fittest. If that doesn't suit your tastes, my chances of survival were increased by their deaths, so they were also food, as well as the path to my evolution."

"What about that army? You destroyed them."

"They were attacking me without provocation." Well, if you didn't count the threat of their imminent extinction as incentive to attempt to kill him.

"It was self-defense." It wasn't like he had to kill them, but the explosions had ruptured his eardrums. It had taken three days before he could hear properly again. His regeneration took longer to figure out how to piece together his more delicate organs.

"As for the property damage, in comparison to what the Z fighters do to the landscape on a regular basis with their training, I'd say my destruction pales in comparison." Baba smiled, no longer trying to conceal her enjoyment in the verbal sparring.

"During the Cell games, at several points you threatened to destroy the Earth, then attempted to do so."

"It never came to pass. In the first instance, there was no doubt in my mind Goku would deflect my Kamehameha wave. It was a tactic to rattle him. In the second instance, I believed it to be the only route to my survival." Baba nodded at this, though her perception was working to put together the obvious; Cell hadn't expected to survive his suicide attempt. He hadn't then known the extent of his regeneration ability.

King Enma was angry. He didn't like being outwitted, especially when it was done by mortal, whom to make matters worse should by all rights be in Hell. "None of that matters! You can be sent to Hell on the murder of Son Goku alone!" He raised his hand to slam the red button and send Cell to eternal damnation. Cell really wanted to prevent this, so he said the first thing that came to mind.

"He killed himself." Enma stopped, his hand less than an inch from the button, blinking in stupefaction.

"What nonsense is this?"

"Goku was very aware of the fact that in using Instant Transmission to teleport me to King Kai's planet, he was dooming himself. It was suicide." Kami, was anyone believing the stuff coming out of his mouth? Suicide, Goku? Could they even be in the same sentence? It should be more like 'heroically sacrificing himself for the planet. . .' or something.

Clapping resounded throughout the checking station of otherworld. Both Cell and Enma looked at Baba, from whom the applause originated. She was smiling even wider then before. "Very good, Cell. In all my long life, I have never seen such an excellent defense. Not even from the lawyers, Supreme Kai knows where most of them end up." Of course, most of what came out of lawyers was also utter bullshit. "I'm willing to bet you even have a backup, if by some chance this case fell flat?" Cell smiled.

"I do, though I admit it has several holes in it." Not like the last argument had any. Nope, no gaps in reasoning at all. . .

"Well, you hardly need it, but would you be so kind as to give it anyway?" Cell ever so slightly inclined his head in her direction.

"Of course." He again turned to face Enma. "Circumventing all that, I was programmed to do so. You might say that Androids Number Seventeen and Eighteen resisted their own programming, but they did not. Gero simply did not do a very good job. Their only objective was to kill Goku, which they attempted whenever possible. They were never programmed to obey Gero. He did a much more thorough job on me. He made sure that I would go to any lengths possible to kill Goku and those who stood in the way of that objective, so therefore, I am not responsible for any of my actions and the sole blame of those murders should be placed on Dr. Gero."

Enma sighed. "In light of this, I can't in good conscience send you to Hell. You'd probably take over in a week and overrun Otherworld. The ogres are overworked as it is. You are obviously not a hero, but you aren't a regular soul, to be cleansed then reincarnated. Baba told me before this hearing that there were certain aspects to you that make it unlikely a soul purging would succeed, and I agree with her. However, I can't just let you wander around, for despite all of your arguments, all three of us know you are not deserving of heaven." The demi-god sighed wearily, rubbing his temples. "What am I to do with you?"