2. "Blackbird singing in the dead of night, take these broken wings and learn to fly."

Taking a deep breath Derek made his way up the path to Addison's house, knocking on the door he shifted nervously on his feet as he waited for her to answer.

"I was starting to get worried," Addison told him as she let him into the house.

"Sorry," Derek apologised.

Leading him into the living room Addison sat down on the couch. "Derek about-"

"I don't want to talk about it," Derek insisted, cutting her off.

"I know you probably don't but drinking yourself to sleep everyday isn't doing any good either," Addison pointed out.

Derek sat down on a large suede beanbag that Addison had brought during a moment of impulsiveness a few weeks back. "I lost my daughter and my wife turned in to a ghost, no amount of talking is going to change that."

"What … what was wrong with Imogen?" Addison asked.

Derek winced at hearing her name said out loud, when she was here with him it used to make him proud to hear people speak her name but now it was like a knife through his heart, it was like someone was taunting him with what he couldn't have. "She had type 2 Gauchers."

"That's rare," Addison whispered, she knew very little about it just that it was an extremely rare inherited condition which meant that the child wouldn't make it past their first birthday.

"That's why it took so long for them to diagnose it," Derek breathed.

Addison closed her eyes. "I bet she was beautiful."

"She was the most beautiful baby ever, everyone said so, she had large green eyes and a tiny little red mouth, she had a cute little button nose, she didn't have any hair but you could tell that it was going to be dark and curly like mine," Derek cried. "And when she smiled …"

"Do you have a picture?" Addison asked, hoping that getting him to talk about Imogen would help him start to deal with losing her.

Derek shook his head. "I did have one in my wallet but I got pick pocketed in a seedy bar a few days ago."

"Oh," Addison said, not knowing what else to say.

"Meredith has all the other pictures," Derek added.

At the mention of her name Addison hoped that perhaps that would mean Derek was ready to talk about her too. "Is Meredith … Is someone with her?"

"She says she doesn't need anyone, that she's alright on her own, but then that's what she always says, I wanted us to get through this together but she pushed me away, I tried not to let her but she wouldn't stop, she just wanted to carry on like it had never happened," Derek explained.

"Maybe that's just her way of dealing," Addison suggested.

Derek shook her head. "That's the thing she's not dealing at the … at her … at the funeral she didn't say anything and then when we got home she bagged up all of her things and then the next day she was a back at work, whenever I tried to talk about her she would change the subject and tell me that she was gone so there was nothing to talk about."

Addison watched as Derek fiddled nervously with the strap of his watch.

"I needed to talk about her but Meredith closed off, it was like I was living with a ghost or a robot, she just went through the motions of living, but she wasn't living, I tried but in the end I didn't have the strength, Meredith moved in with Cristina and I … I started drinking and then the divorce papers came and I lost it, I couldn't take anymore. In the space of 6 months I went from having everything to having nothing," Derek cried.

Listening to the pain in his voice was breaking Addison's heart. "She'll have to start dealing with it sooner or later."

"It took her nearly 30 years to deal with her father walking out on her, I'm not strong enough to wait 30 years for her to start dealing with this. I need my wife back, I need to know that I'm not the only one that's hurting, I need to know that she misses her too," Derek said his voice getting more and more desperate.

"Derek-"

Standing up Derek started to pace back and forth across Addison's living room. "I need to know that I'm not the only that can't go to sleep without dreaming about her that someone else wakes up in a cold sweat hearing her cry and finds their arms physically ache with the need to hold her again."

"Sit down your making me dizzy," Addison asked.

Stopping Derek turned to face her. "I was a good dad."

"I know you were," Addison assured him.

"And I'm a good doctor," Derek said as he began his pacing again.

Following him backwards and forwards with her eyes Addison nodded. "I know."

"Then why couldn't I save her?" Derek asked his eyes full of pain as he stopped pacing and turned to look at her.

"There was nothing you could have done," Addison reminded him.

Derek shook his head. "What if she had been diagnosed earlier, I mean we're doctors we should have been able to figure it out, in the end it was an intern that suggested Gauchers, we were her family we should have known."

"Being a doctor doesn't mean you can save everyone," Addison told him. "You did what any parents could do, you fought for her and then when the diagnosis was made you made her last days as peaceful as possible," Addison told him remembering what he had told her about how they had taken Imogen home.

"They thought it was neurological to start with and I know it sounds wrong but I wish it had been, I wish it had been something that I could treat or that anyone could treat, no one wants their child to be sick but if they are sick you want it to be something that you can make better," Derek cried as he sat down on the floor hugging his knees to his chest.

Not knowing what to say Addison watched as he sat down, his leg shaking with the adrenaline that was rushing through him as he tried to make it through another day without his daughter.

"Meredith looked even more beautiful when she was pregnant," Derek whispered. "The extra weight looked good on her and she couldn't stop smiling, even though she was terrified most of the time she sailed through the pregnancy and the labour and the first 8 weeks were perfect but then she started to get sick, little things at first like not putting on weight and being sick all the time, the paediatrician diagnosed reflux but then she started having cyanotic episodes and seizures, every test they did came back negative until the bone marrow aspiration they did to check for Gauchers."

Addison sat down on the floor opposite him. "I don't know what to say."

"She had a craving for southern fried chicken, some days it was all she would eat I used to have to practically force feed her fruit and vegetables and the other essential food groups," Derek smiled as he thought back to Meredith's pregnancy, his train of thought jumping from one thing to the other.

"How much did she weigh?" Addison asked.

"8 pounds," Derek smiled, "Can you believe that something so big came out of my tiny little Meredith. She was in labour for 44 hours, she was amazing even if she did curse me to hell a number of times, by the end of it I was certain our daughter's first words would be stupid boy penis," Derek laughed his laugh quickly turning into a sob as he realised that he would never get to hear her first word.

Addison reached out and rested her hand on his shoulder, her reluctance of the night before forgotten.

"Meredith and I both carry the gene," Derek whispered. "We didn't know, it wasn't until they discovered what was wrong with Imogen that they tested us, if we stayed together and if we ever felt strong enough to have children again there is a 1 in 4 chance of having a baby without Gauchers, a I in 4 chance of having a baby with Gauchers and a 2 in 4 chance in having a baby that carries that gene so we'd be living with a dark cloud over our future, how could we even contemplate putting another child through what our little girl had to endure."

Slowly Addison took a deep breath. "That doesn't mean that giving up in the easiest option."

"Before she died she went through so much, she was in and out of PICU, she arrested 3 times had seizures, respiratory distress she had test after test and she even had surgery, they were going to give her a tracheotomy but then the results came back and we couldn't put her through that when it wouldn't do anything to help her anyway," Derek breathed.

"You did everything you could," Addison reassured.

Derek's eyes were dark with a pain that only Meredith would understand. "We watched our little girl die and there was nothing we could do, we were falling apart while she was so brave, right up until hours before she died she still managed to smile but me … I was falling apart, my 7-month-old daughter showed more bravery in her short life than people 100 times her age do,"

Addison watched as Derek leaned his head in his hands and sobbed, he cried for the daughter he would never again hold and for the wife who he was losing too, he cried for himself and the pain he felt at losing his daughter but more than anything he cried for Imogen and the things she would never get to do.

Unable to cry anymore he looked up at Addison, his eyes swollen and red. "Is it alright if I stay here a little while?"

"Of course," Addison replied.

Standing up Derek made his way to the bottom of the stairs, he was just about to make his way up to bed when he turned to face her. "Thank you."

"For what?" Addison asked.

"For letting me talk about her, everyone else finds an excuse to change the subject but you didn't, I think I needed that," he told her.

Addison watched as he made his way slowly up the stairs. "I'm here whenever you feel like you need to talk some more," she promised him.

MD-MD-MD

Once Addison was certain Derek was asleep she made her way outside, sitting down she poured herself a glass of wine before opening her cell phone and dialling Mark's number.

"At least you're calling at a more reasonable hour this time," Mark said as soon as he picked up the phone.

Taking a sip of wine Addison couldn't help but smile, as she put the glass of wine down her expression turned to one of sorrow. "Derek told me about Imogen."

"Right," Mark breathed.

"You should have told me," Addison berated. "I didn't even know Meredith was pregnant let alone the that they had a daughter and that she had died."

Mark sat down on his black leather sofa. "It wasn't my tragedy to tell."

"A bit of a warning might have helped," Addison sighed.

"How is he?" Mark asked.

Addison took a large gulp of the dark red liquid. "He's a mess. How's Meredith?"

"Acting like nothing ever happened, the woman's a robot she's turned into some super human surgeon who eats, sleeps and breaths work," Mark told her.

"It's probably less painful than the alternative," Addison reasoned.

Mark nodded in agreement even though he knew Addison couldn't see him. "But sooner or later it's going to hit her and when it does Derek needs to be sober."

"He's only just about coping with the weight of his own grief you can't expect him to carry hers too," Addison told him.

"I don't but they need to deal with this together, I was there Addison I watched everything they went through, we all did and we say how much they loved each other and how they lived and breathed that little girl. We say how with the strength they pulled from each other they managed to find the strength to know that letting go was the last act of love they could show her and how that with each other they will learn to live again, first they just need to realise it," Mark explained.

Addison frowned pleased that he couldn't see her. "When did you become so insightful?"

"I didn't, I just have a good memory," Mark told her.

"So whose words of wisdom did you just regurgitate?" Addison asked.

Mark couldn't help but smile. "Izzie Stevens."

"Sounds about right," Addison said as she recalled the perky blondes penchant for inspirational speeches.

"She might be a nut job most of the time but the girl makes sense," Mark said. "Meredith and Derek need each other and they need to figure it out before next Friday."

Taking another sip of wine Addison held the wine glass in her hand watching as the liquid splashed gently inside the glass. "Why what's next Friday?"

"Imogen's first birthday," Derek said his voice stronger than he felt as he sat down next to Addison.

Addison turned to face him. "I thought you were asleep."

"Obviously," Derek smiled, a small ghost of a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes.

"I have to go," Addison said before hanging up the phone. Turning to Derek she watched as he eyed the nearly full bottle of wine. "You won't find the answer at the bottom."

Derek nodded. "I know."

"You need to go back to Seattle," Addison told him.

"Says who?" Derek asked.

"Me," Addison replied as she finished the wine that was left in her glass.

Derek watched as she moved the bottle away from him. "I mean who was on the phone. Izzie? Richard? George? Callie? Lexie? Cristina?"

"Actually it was Mark," Addison admitted.

"Wouldn't have been my first guess," Derek sighed as he listened to the sound of the ocean.

Addison leaned back against the chair. "Wasn't even in your top 6. Doesn't mean what he says isn't right."

"You mean what Isobel Stevens said," Derek smiled.

"How did you know?" Addison asked confused, there's no way he could have heard or he would have known it was Mark on the phone.

Derek leaned back against the chair almost mimicking her position. "Let's just say everyone's favourite plastic surgeon and everyone's favourite resident perky blonde have a little something going on."

"Never," Addison breathed, stunned by the little revelation.

"For at least a year now," Derek told her.

Addison sat forward bringing her mind back on track. "You need to go home Derek you and Meredith need to remember the day together. You're the only 2 people that matter."

"What I need is to watch my daughter put her face in her birthday cake but that's not going to happen and as Meredith is still happily living in denial I'm going to stay where I am and I am going to get very very drunk and hope that the pain doesn't kill me," Derek told her as he stood up and headed towards the beach, there was something about the sound of the ocean and feel of the water on his skin that for a few seconds made him forget.