Making this into a Three parter! The last part will be posted tomorrow :) Enjoy xx
Life Diaries – Part 2
Joey had my camera for over 2 hours now; I hadn't seen him since he left with it in the park. I hadn't gone looking for him though; instead I was now sat at the allotments thinking. Not long ago I was sitting in this same spot with Patrick, confessing everything I was feeling to him, poor man.
What I couldn't grasp was why I was finding it so hard to be around anyone. Mum had asked me to go home and have lunch with her and the family, I refused. The thought of sitting round a table, all eyes on me, wondering when I was going to have another break down, or whether I would show up completely obliterated. To be honest I didn't really fancy a drink, it would only be proving everyone right, that I was a waste of space. I wanted to be more than that; I wanted to be Lauren Branning, the girl who achieves her dreams.
Leaving the allotments I headed to find Joey, I needed my camera so I could continue with my project. Why did he even need it? It wasn't like he knew me anymore, so what could he possibly be filming. As I was walking down the market I spotted him leaving Lucy's, my heart dropped as he held my camera in his hands. Why on earth would he be at hers with my camera for my project, fuming.
"Can I have my camera?" I called, his face looking a little shocked as I spotted where he was.
"I'm not done yet" he replied, looking a little guilty.
"Well you are now, I need that for my project, it might not be important to you but it's for my exam so hand it over" I was being a little rude, but that was just the anger and upset of where I had seen him leave pulsing through my veins.
He didn't reply, just passing me the camera as I pushed past him, I needed to be in the comfort of my own home.
"It wasn't what It looked like" his voice close behind me, clearly following me back to number 5. Why couldn't the just leave me alone?
"I don't care Joey, I just need to get on with my project" I replied, my feet taking me a little faster.
"You do care otherwise you wouldn't of snatched the camera away from me so soon" he chuckled, urging me to stop and face him.
"Fine I do care, but it doesn't matter you can do what you like when you like, I just don't want her on my film" I snapped, opening up the camera, I pressed record; maybe I could get some footage whilst we argued.
"You said it's about your life, she was part of your life" he commented, as I held the camera in my hands, he didn't realise it was recording.
"Unlucky for me" I hissed, watching as he smirked, rolling his eyes at me.
"You were once best friends, surely that counts for something?" he asked a little hesitantly.
"Were being the key word, just like you were my boyfriend and now you not" I snapped nastily, I was getting irritated with him trying to force Lucy in my face. I didn't want to know; too much had happened for us to ever go back.
"Don't Lauren" he muttered, rubbing the crease on his forehead, my comment had stung, good.
"Only speaking the truth, now if you don't mind I have a project to finish" I sighed, pressing pause on the camera.
"Actually I do mind, I wasn't finished so-" taking the camera from my hands, he began walking away from me and back to his house.
"I want that back in an hour Joey, I can't afford to fail at something else" I called, little bit of guilt tripping never hurt anyone.
One more I was sat waiting for the camera I stupidly let him take again. Why was Joey such a weakness for me? I have never been so affected by someone in my whole life. If he said to me let's get back together I would within a heartbeat, even though the deep hurt I was feeling for him breaking up with me and believing Lucy would still be there. I knew and I think he knew we were each other's halves. The person most people spend their life searching for, the one that completes them. I guess it was just a matter of time, that's if Lucy can just butt out.
As if on cue the doorbell rang, Joey standing the other side of the door with my camera, finally.
"I'm done with it, good luck with the project" he smiled, though his eyes looked blotchy and red, passing me the camera, he gave me one more small smile before leaving.
"Thanks Joey" I called, as he turned and flashed me another smile.
The rest of the afternoon I spent filming my family, secretly leaving the camera on for a little bit, I also caught a few moments with Fatboy and Poppy. When I got home I loaded the clips onto my laptop to begin editing. I couldn't help but laugh for the first time in a while at Fatboy trying to beat box, I could always count on him to put a smile on my face. It didn't take me too long to edit the surrounding clips I had taken which would be the first clips on the film.
As I moved onto the clips Joey had taken, I watched them one by one. The first clip was of Whitney and Tyler, who I hadn't spoken to in weeks ever since I kissed Tyler. Pressing play I felt extremely nervous on what they would say, especially Whitney.
"Lauren is beautiful-" she smiled, sighing as she looked down the camera. "Lauren is a beautiful mess, she doesn't realise how beautiful she is on the inside and the obvious outside. She has a huge heart, but so much is consumed with pain and suffering" Whitney sighed glancing at Tyler. "Lauren doesn't know her value, how much people care for her, she doesn't think she's worthy of love, she couldn't be more wrong". The clip ended and I took a moment to adjust. I didn't understand, we weren't friends, Whitney hated me, yet here she was saying these things about me.
Wiping my teary eyes I pressed play onto the next clip. In surprise Abi and Jay appeared on the screen at The Archers, Joey had clearly caught them on a break.
"Lauren is annoying-" Abi stated, making me laugh. "She's stubborn and sarcastic; she doesn't have that function between what's in your head to what comes out of your mouth. But she is also strong, she's a survivor." Abi paused, looking at Jay who was nodding. "Lauren is her sibling's protector, she shields them the best she can" he smiled, nudging Abi who was agreeing, before the clip ended.
"Lauren is a bitch" of course Lucy was up next. I laughed at her, she looked less than impressed, and to be honest I was a bitch. "But then so am I. Lauren cares, she doesn't like to show that she cares, but she does. She brought my dad back to me, even though I claimed I didn't need him, I'm so grateful. Lauren has a good punch, she still has the fight left in her" Lucy smiled, the clip ending after that. I sighed; I hadn't expected this in anyway, let alone for Lucy to be on this, saying what she said after everything we had been through.
I sighed; my emotions were all over the place, pressing play on the last clip in the file. Joey's face appeared, he was in his room, I could tell by the décor. He was sitting on his bed, looking down the camera as if he could see me, as if he was talking directly at me.
"Lauren –" he sighed a small smile creeping at his lips.
"You're a mess" he stated, making me role my eyes, I know I'm a mess. "But you're my mess. Your head strong and stubborn, even worse than me. You love hard, I felt how much you loved me every day, but you also let me love you. You're emotionally scarred, damaged by the hurt you have felt over the years. You cry about your brother more than you let on, you love your dad more than you liked to admit even after all he has done, and you worry about your mum even though you pretend not to. You love art but, too afraid to show anyone your talent. You couldn't ever describe yourself as beautiful because you don't see yourself as that, but to me and everyone else you're the most beautiful person, maybe one day you will believe us." He sighed "I love you" and with that he reached forward clicking off the camera as I stared in disbelief at the laptop.