Diana Prince, Secret Identity part two
By Galaxy1001D
High above the earth the Justice League Watchtower stood sentinel over the planet Earth and the human race. Inside were the most powerful heroes ever collected, everyone alert and poised to respond to the first sign of trouble.
Well, not every hero. Some of them were messing around with personal issues.
"Okay let's work on the walk," Superman said. He was back in his superhero suit for he was uncomfortable wearing his civilian clothes at the Watchtower.
Wonder Woman stood at attention like a professional soldier.
"Okay, slump," the Man of Steel instructed. "Slouch. Hunch your shoulders and cower a bit. Let go of your pride." When the amazing amazon complied, Superman continued. "Now walk."
Wonder Woman stood up straight and confidently strode forward like she owned the world.
"No, no, not like that," Superman shook his head. "Keep slouching. You're not Princess Diana of Themyscira, you're nobody!" he scolded as he walked beside her. "You're weak! You're worried! You're frightened! The world is a threatening place and the only thing you can do about it is hide! You're a woman; that makes you a victim!"
To her credit, Wonder Woman valiantly tried to shuffle along like she was a hunchbacked assistant in a Frankenstein film as the Man of Steel continued to berate her.
"You're ashamed of yourself!" Superman shouted. "You're nobody! When challenges come your way you back down! In a crisis, you hit the deck and it's every gal for herself! When you're threatened you call for help! If you see a mouse you get on top of a chair! Don't look at me when I'm talking to you! You're afraid of me, because I'm a man and you're a woman! Never forget that!"
"Yeeargh!" Diana seized the Man of Steel by the arm and hurled him through a wall. Fortunately it was an interior wall or there would have been a hull breach.
"Too much?" Clark Kent's meek voice asked through the Superman-shaped hole.
"Oh, do you think?" Diana replied sarcastically.
Twenty minutes later, Wonder Woman was ready to throw another hero through a wall. She stifled that urge because not all of them were as indestructible as Superman.
"Welcome to the superhero secret identity makeover!" Flash announced with a playful smile.
"I'm going to regret this," Wonder Woman grumbled as she sat on a barstool.
"In the dressing room back there are a number of outfits in your size," the scarlet speedster announced. "Put them on we'll see how it goes. Afterwards I'll do your makeup."
"Wait, what?" Wonder Woman gulped.
"Go on, go!" Flash implored her as he shooed her into the dressing room. "Unless you want me to dress you super-fast," he winked.
Diana's icy blue eyes were even icier. "Don't even think about it," she warned him.
"Little late for that," he teased. When she disappeared into the dressing room he called in after her. "The outfits are arranged into sets! Just put them on one by one and don't worry about mixing and matching until you've tried them all."
When Diana came out of the dressing room Flash addressed an imaginary audience. "Ladies and gentlemen, I am pleased to announce our secret identity collection. Princess Diana is currently modeling a look I call the 'shy librarian'. Note the way the baggy clothing tends to cover her up. Skirt supplied by Witch Hazel. Stockings by Wednesday Addams. Jacket and blouse by my fourth grade teacher, Mrs. Farafowler. Sports bra by the planet Krypton, 'cause it's gonna take something out of this world to contain those two puppies!"
"One more remark about my puppies and your dogs will be barkin'" Diana warned him.
"Sit down and I'll do the finishing touches," the scarlet speedster instructed. When she complied, his hands were too fast for the eye to follow. "Notice the way the hair is pulled back into a severe unflattering bun!" he announced when he was finished less than a second later. "The horn-rimmed glasses brought to you by our friends at the Benjamin Franklin fan club draw the eye and obscure the face. Lipstick too pale for a brunette appears to thin the lips. A darkening of the laugh lines makes you look ten years older and some worry lines have been added for color!" He handed the altered amazon a hand mirror. "Take a look. What do you think?"
From behind the ugly spectacles, Diana's beautiful blue eyes widened in horror. She opened her mouth and let out an ear splitting scream.
"Ladies and Gentlemen, may I present the second in our secret identity line up," the Flash announced ten minutes later. When Diana stomped sullenly out he continued. "I call this ensemble 'the blonde bimbo', perfect for that tall Nordic beauty. Note the poofy wig that screams bleached blonde. The corset worn under the low cut top makes the chest jump out and say 'hello' ensuring that no one will remember your face. Fishnet stockings go up to the miniskirt that comes from the red light district. Stiletto heels force the legs and body into a painful position that is guaranteed to alter your walk and make you pleasing to the eye. Our oversized purse ensures that you're never very far away from your super suit or your magic lasso yet is still tacky enough to look cheap! With the right lipstick, mascara and eye shadow, nothing says, 'I'm easy' like 'the blonde bimbo' look."
"I look like Black Canary with a boob job," Diana grumbled. "You got this stuff from her, didn't you? Does she know what you're doing?"
"It will be back before she knows it's missing," Flash assured her.
"No wonder it's so tight," Diana muttered. "You gave me a corset that's two sizes too small. Flash, I am not going out into public dressed like this. I can't breathe for starters."
"Come on, Diana, take a deep breath," the Flash encouraged her. "See how it feels."
Against her better judgment Diana inhaled deeply…
"Eek!" she screamed when the corset split open. She clutched at her exposed chest to keep the fastest man alive from getting more than the fast peep in history. "Flash! I'll get you for this!" she growled as she covered herself with one hand and punched at the scarlet speedster with the other.
"You'll have to catch me first!" he laughed as he dodged her blows. Clobbering the fastest man alive was a real challenge. "I had no idea that would happen! I swear! I guess you really are the most powerful woman on Earth! Ordinary fabric doesn't have a chance against those wonder melons!"
"Darn it!" Diana growled. "There's no way I can get ahold of you fighting with one hand like this! Tell me Flash, how do you survive tripping and falling at your speed? I'm surprised you're not dead by now."
"Oh my body is highly resistant to blunt force trauma," the Flash replied while admiring the embarrassed amazon. "I guess I'm kind of immune to speed. Lethal impacts don't seem to bother me that much and when I do get hurt I seem to heal super-fast. Why do you ask?"
"Just checking," Diana said before she punched him in the chin and sent him rolling head over heels out the door. "I didn't want to maim or kill you."
"Totally worth it," Flash moaned weakly.
Incredibly, the Flash had recovered by the time Diana had changed back into her Wonder Woman outfit. "Hey Diana," he said as he appeared behind her.
"Yee-ahh!" she screamed before she turned around with a roundhouse punch.
"Whoa!" Flash cried as he dodged out of the way. "Easy Diana!"
"Don't startle me like that!" Princess Diana of Themyscira gasped.
"Sorry about that; how should I startle you?" the Flash quipped.
"What?" the embarrassed princess snapped. "What do you want? Haven't I slapped you around enough for one day?"
"I'm still working on your problem," Flash smiled disarmingly. "If you want to be like everybody else you're going to have to get a job."
That stopped Diana cold. "A job? You mean like an occupation?"
"Sure you can't just spend Themyscira's money or give lectures about the ancient world," the Flash informed her. "You're going to have work for a living like the rest of us."
"Superman doesn't have a job," Diana insisted.
"Mild mannered reporter for a major metropolitan newspaper remember?" the Flash reminded her.
"Oh yeah, that's right," Wonder Woman sighed. "So what do you suggest?"
"Well, until we can get your new identity a background, it can't be anything that requires a lot of education," the Flash informed her, "and you also have to be able to disappear for hours at a time without arousing suspicion."
"What kind of jobs work like that?" she wondered.
"Well, you could be a waitress," he suggested.
"Customer service?" Her icy blue eyes became even icier. "Seriously? The best you can come up with is minimum wage? Forget it Flash, I'm leaving." With those words she turned on her heel and strode defiantly out of the changing room.
"Hey!" Flash snapped his fingers. "That's it!"
"What's it?" she asked as she looked behind her.
"We've been going about this all wrong!" the Flash grinned. "I've got an occupation for you that you could master after five minutes of training! One that doesn't require you to seriously alter your appearance. One that can let you well… be you!"
"Like what?"
"Diana, what women are tall, beautiful, and look like superheroes?"
"Amazons?"
"Supermodels," the Flash smiled and shook his head. "Think about it. You've got poise, style, grace and the looks for it."
"Most of those walking coat hangers are a lot skinnier than me," she said.
"You're perfect!" Flash smiled. "You walk like a supermodel anyway! That job requires a lot of costume changes. It would be perfect training for changing out of your civilian clothes into your Wonder Woman outfit during an emergency! All you have to do is walk down the runway and get your picture taken. Come on, I could train you for it in less than five minutes."
"You could train me to be a supermodel," Diana put her hands on her hips and raised a doubtful eyebrow. "Right. Okay Flash. I've got five minutes. What do I have to do?"
"Okay," he said with as serious a face as he could muster, "clear your head. We're going to do a little memory exercise. Do you remember back when you a young teenager and you first saw your boobs?"
"What is this obsession you men have with my boobs?" Diana snarled.
"I'm serious Diana!" Flash insisted. "Let go of your present self and take yourself back. Stop being the adult you and remember. What was your reaction when you first saw your boobs?"
Diana looked down and pulled the top of her swimsuit style outfit open to glance down at her chest. She looked back at the Flash with an embarrassed and worried look on her face.
"Okay," Flash nodded. "Now take yourself back to the first time you found out how much fun they could be."
Diana examined her chest again before looking at the Flash and smiling mischievously.
"Good!" Flash made a framing gesture. "But don't smile! The photographers don't like it when you smile! Now keep that feeling of how fun your boobs are but don't smile."
Diana glanced down at her chest and then stared at Flash with an intense look of restrained emotion.
"Perfect!" Flash cheered. "Okay, the next thing you gotta know about supermodels is that in the magazines they always seem sleepy and paranoid." The scarlet speedster demonstrated by squinting and tiptoeing in an exaggerated manner while painfully arching his back. He turned his back on Diana before pivoting his torso to look at her. "They're always lounging around like they don't have any energy and they're always looking behind them!"
Diana squinted and did her best to walk like an exhausted ninja.
"Great! Keep doing that," the Flash instructed. "Okay, picture this: You're in the jungle, and you're all alone. You've been walking for hours, but you can't let your guard down for a moment!"
Diana squinted, tiptoed around, and listened intently to the imaginary jungle sounds.
"Good, that's very Catwoman!" Flash smiled. "And speaking of Catwoman, you think you hear something!"
Diana put her hand to her ear and pivoted her torso without moving her legs the way Flash did earlier.
"It's a tiger!" Flash gasped. "What do you do?"
Diana assumed an alert fighting stance and swung her magic lasso.
"No-no!" Flash scolded. "You're an ordinary woman remember? You don't have the strength of an indestructible amazon! You see a tiger! What do you do?"
Diana put her hands out in a halting gesture while pursing her pouty lips and widening her eyes in fear.
"Good! Now run away!" Flash ordered. "Only you can't run 'cause you're wearing high heels! You'll have to run like this: In a really girly run!" The scarlet speedster demonstrated by prancing around like Captain Jack Sparrow. "Girly run! Girly run Diana!" he commanded as Wonder Woman pranced around with her hands flailing helplessly.
"Okay, the tiger's got you cornered!" Flash continued as Diana stared at the imaginary tiger with pouty lips and bulging eyes. "It looks like it's curtains, and that's when you look down, and see… your boobs!"
Diana examined herself and stared at the imaginary tiger with a huge breathless smile.
"Bravo, Diana!" the Flash applauded. "You're a natural! You'll probably be on the cover of every magazine by Christmas!"
"Wait a second," Diana frowned. "I'm already on the cover of every magazine! That's why Batman won't go out with me, because I'm too famous!"
Flash's smile vanished. "What? Oh! Oh yeah…"
"People are bound to notice that the super model looks just like Wonder Woman no matter how I change my name or how many wigs I wear," Diana grumbled.
"Yeah, right," Flash stammered. "I just thought that if you were standing in a group of super models, you wouldn't stand out."
"And I wouldn't stand out," Diana shook her head sadly, "at least not until my picture was taken and put into a calendar. Then everybody would have an entire month to notice how much I look like Wonder Woman. Sorry Flash. It was a good idea, but it's just not going to work."
"Oh um yeah," Flash stroked his chin. "I guess we'll have to think of something else."