Disclaimer: Still don't own this wonderful universe. Goes to JK Rowling.
AN: The severe child abuse I mentioned in the previous chapter is happening here. It's not really descriptive, but the warning is there just in case. The poem in this chapter is a song written by Oomph! and was actually released much later than the story takes place (I believe Hermione's first year was 1991?) but we're pretending it's a poem and written by Hermione. The song in its original language will be posted at the bottom. Translation was done by whoever Joshua895 is on youtube.
Professor Snape was sitting on a comfortable, dark coloured armchair in his quarters. Situated on the table between him and the other armchair was Granger's journal. The fireplace in front of the table threw light onto the innocent-looking book while Severus glared at it.
He had a problem. Whenever he picks up a book, he can't help but read it, regardless of how boring or enchanting it is. Unfortunately, it was a trait in every know-it-all. He was currently battling with himself over whether he should read it. Well, no... more of whether he was going to read it. He had successfully been able to avoid it the previous night by placing the evening edition of the Daily Prophet over it, but it failed to help him this morning.
He continued to glare at the offending book.
He and Minerva had continued their observations of the girl but neither of them had been successful. The latter had tried asking the child simple questions, such as what the Sorting Hat told her. In hindsight, that was probably a bit too invasive but she was curious (the hat had taken a very long time on her head) and she thought it was a good way to get the cub to open up to her. Unfortunately, it did not end the way she hoped.
"Can you imagine what she said to me, Severus?" It was obvious he did not know, but apparently she wanted reassurances.
"Do tell, Minerva," he replied sarcastically. This whole Granger thing had been irritating him. Even a Rubix cube was simpler to solve.
"She told me, 'I apologise, Professor, but that was a private conversation.'"
Severus tried, unsuccessfully, to hold back a snort of amusement. At least he wasn't the only one going nowhere with this. He scanned the hall and locked eyes with her. Her eyes... they looked dead. As soon as the thought came she broke contact.
"Merlin help me," Severus muttered to himself as he reached for the book. He flipped to the second page to check the date – it seems she started writing in this a few years ago. That made her, what? Eight? The handwriting was a bit different than the opening warning – she must have put that in at a later date. He skimmed the first line:
Once upon a time there was a King and Queen...
He skipped over that, not wishing to read the made up fairytale of some child. At least not yet. He flipped through the pages, not paying attention, until he came upon a poem of sorts written in an angry scrawl. It seemed to have been written not too long ago, sometime in late September. Curiosity piqued, he paused his shuffling.
At night, when he lays with you
and moves himself onto you,
you wish yourself away
(I believed you long enough)
At night, when he nestles up to you
and your heart twists,
you don't say a word
(You've deprived me long enough)
You were nothing, you are nothing
and you will never be anything
Let me go, you gutless pig
I never want to see you again
At night, when he consumes your ego
and empties himself on you,
you don't feel anything anymore.
(I've defended myself long enough)
At night, when you hurt yourself
and cover yourself with blood,
you feel empty,
(I've defended myself long enough)
And then he opens the door to your room
and the fear of what's to come gets worse,
your soul climbs down into its cellar
and the heart in your chest beats faster.
And then he speaks coldly into your conscience.
Tell mother nothing of this, she's to know nothing.
If you must scream, scream into the pillow goddamn it!
Come and kiss me.
Severus paled. This cannot be true. He hurriedly went to the beginning of the book, ignoring the voice in his head saying Minerva had once mentioned she wets the bed. That would mean they had missed the signs. Only bits and pieces were registering in his head as he continued to read.
...Once upon a time there was a King and Queen. The King wasn't a real King though. The real King died when the Princess was little, and the pretend King took his place. The Queen says its because he's nice and without him, they would end up in the poorhouse. The princess doesn't like him. He hugs her too much and always wants to play games...
….The Queen is sick. The doctors say she has cancer. She doesn't know about the games that the pretend King makes the Princess play...
...The pretend King told the Princess that he loves her and that he wanted to show her how daddies love their daughters, but the Princess isn't his real daughter. He says the Princess has to call him daddy. He put his thing in the Princess' private place and it hurt so much. She doesn't want to be daddy's little princess...
….The pretend King hurt the Princess today when she hugged a boy. The pretend King said he was sorry, that he was only jealous. The little boy saw, but the Princess made him forget what he saw so he won't be hurt, too...
…At night when the princess dreams, the real King comes and holds her while she cries...
...A nice witch visited the Princess. She said she gets to go to a special school. The real King told her that would happen soon and that she'll be safe there...
...The Princess cut herself today. It made her feel better. She got in trouble for marking on her dolls so she hides them, but now no one will know if she does it to herself. She can't get in trouble then. She doesn't want another punishment...
...The Princess prayed again tonight, but God didn't hear her...
Severus turned to the last page – two pages after the poem.
The Princess got a letter today from the pretend King but she doesn't want to read it. She remembered what he said before she left to the special school. The pretend King told her she was getting too old and that he's going to sell her during Christmas...
Unable to do anything else, Severus leaned over the side of the chair and threw up. When his stomach was finally empty he checked the clock. Only half an hour until the train leaves. He vanished the mess on the floor and floo'ed to Minerva's office, not stopping for a hello. He ran out and towards the Gryffindor common room as fast he could with only one thing on his mind. He cannot let her take the train back to that... that... place!
"Severus! What do you think you're doing?" Minerva called from somewhere behind him. He didn't stop to answer her. Instead, he strode into the Gryffindor common room, only now realising he didn't really have a plan.
"Potter!"
"Yes, sir?" the boy answered from in front of the fireplace.
"Where is Miss Granger?" he asked, trying to keep the urgency from his voice.
The boy replied, confused, "Hermione's in her dorm, Professor."
Snape rounded on Minerva who had just arrived behind him. "Get Miss Granger. I do not have time to explain anything. Take her to the hospital wing immediately and I shall meet you there with the Headmaster."
Minerva, having never heard this tone from Severus before, quickly followed his instructions. When she arrived at the designated place with the girl in tow, she happened upon a very grave and furious headmaster who was reading the book she had seen Severus with earlier.
She was startled out of her observation by a small voice had her side, speaking barely above a whisper. "Excuse me, Professor, may I ask why Professor Dumbledore has my diary?"
She looked at the child, and what she saw made her breath catch in her throat. Her eyes – instead of the politely curious yet nervous first year they head shown earlier, they were dead.
Ich will dich nie mehr sehen by Oomph!
Nachts, wenn er sich zu dir legt
und sich auf dir bewegt
wünschst du dich fort
(Ich hab dir lange genug geglaubt)
Nachts, wenn er sich an dich schmiegt
und sich dein Herz verbiegt
sagst du kein Wort
(Du hast mich lange genug beraubt)
Du warst nichts, du bist nichts
und du wirst nie etwas sein
Lass mich los, du feiges Schwein
ich will dich nie wieder sehn
Ich will dich nie mehr sehn
Nachts, wenn er dein Ich verzehrt
und sich auf dir entleert
spürst du nichts mehr
(Ich hab mich lange genug gewehrt)
Nachts, wenn du dich selbst verletzt
und dich mit Blut benetzt
fühlst du dich leer
(Du hast mich lange genug zerstort)
Du warst nichts, du bist nichts
und du wirst nie etwas sein
Lass mich los, du feiges Schwein
ich will dich nie wieder sehn
Ich will dich nie mehr sehn
Und dann öffnet er die Tür zu deinem Zimmer
und die Angst vor dem was kommt wird immer schlimmer
deine Seele steigt hinab in ihren Keller
und das Herz in deiner Brust schlägt schneller
Und dann redet er dir kalt in dein Gewissen
Sage Mutter nichts davon, sie soll nichts wissen
Wenn du schrein musst, schrei verdammt noch mal ins Kissen
Komm und küss mich