AN: I do not own Narnia.. (sigh)...

CHAPTER2: IF ONLY

Susan wiped the tears from her eyes. It's been days since her family died on the train wreck. She hadn't known her parents were on the other train until one of the medics told her so. And now is the day they are going to be buried.

She also hadn't got enough sleep since. She just can't get herself to sleep. She was thinking about her family, of what could have happened if she was with them, of what could have happened if she just did what she really wanted to do.

But she couldn't turn back the time, couldn't she? She wiped her tears again. After doing so, she looked around the room.

Alberta and Harold Scrubb is not there, which is not surprising. A few days ago she saw them at the hospital. They went to see Eustace's corpse. She also met Mr and Mrs Pole, Jill's parents who were claiming their daughter's corpse.

Aunt Alberta was shrieking Eustace's name and crying and shaking his body while Uncle Harold was still pale and frozen on his feet caused by the great misfortune that has fallen unto them. Jill's parents were also sad but a lot more quietly weeping over their loss.

Suddenly Uncle Harold regained his composure, and started his way to the weeping Susan. He started wagging his fingers in front of her, followed by Aunt Alberta who was shouting at her face, screaming words that sound like,

"If you had not told our Eustace about that silly Narnian tales, he would have not been dead by now. You and your siblings are the reason he is dead. The only good thing about our son's martyrdom is that none could tell those senseless fictions now that your siblings are dead. I'm glad all of your troublesome family died. And I hope you would soon follow. But that would not be for long, since karma would surely get you!"

Luckily, some nurses stopped the two from harassing her. Eustace body was the first one taken from the hospital and was buried immediately. Ever since they left the hospital, Susan hadn't seen them again.

She felt relieved that her Aunt and Uncle weren't there. She would regret making a ruckus at her family's burial. She saw Jill's parents and went to their seats to comfort them. She knows they are still mourning for Jill nevertheless they were there to comfort her.

The crowd started to lessen. Until the last couple, Jill's parents were saying their goodbyes to Susan. Susan took a last look at her family's graves and let a tear roll down her face before walking home.

Home. When she opened the door, she knows this house isn't home for her anymore, not now that her loved-ones are not with her.

She cooked her meal; suddenly someone was knocking her door. She opened the door and found Joseph, her boyfriend, no more like ex-boyfriend since he broke up with her.

"I heard what happened so I came here as fast I could." Joseph started.

As fast as he could? Hmmpp. He wasn't even present during my mourning neither was he on their burial when he lives just a few blocks away. Susan thought angrily. She wasn't really angry that he wasn't with her the whole week; she was just irritated that he showed up again, disturbing her peaceful wishful thinking.

As if reading her mind he continued, "You see, when you and I broke up, I went to America to forget you but I couldn't so I wanted us back. But you see, my dad and I were dealing with our business there. That is why I wasn't there with you even if I wanted to. I'm sorry for your loss. I know you needed someone so I went here as fast as I could"

"It's fine Joseph, you don't owe me an explanation, as you had said, we are no longer together so you don't need to be concerned anymore." Susan said then started to close the door but Joseph came bolting in.

"And what do you think you are doing? Who told you to come in?" yelled Susan; he is starting to piss her off.

"You need me Susan, I won't leave."

"No, I don't. So now, leave!"

"I'm here as a friend."

"You are not even close to any of them and in case you have forgotten, you are not my friend, I guess not anymore. So please leave!"

"Are you mad because I broke up with you?"

"Mad? Why should I? To tell you the truth, I never did love you. I just did that to push myself away from…" She trailed, she still can't say the word Narnia in front of somebody " UGH! Just leave me alone!" she started pushing him to the door.

"You are really like that, aren't you? Pushing away everyone who loves you. Fine then, I'll leave. And don't expect to see me ever again. I'll leave you here, ALL ALONE and MISERABLE!" she does not need to shut the door because he did it his self.

Susan realized he was right. She was all alone. She walked to her parents' bedroom and reminisced the times they spent there with her.

She then went to Peter and Edmund's room. Like what she did at her parents' bedroom, she again recalled the moments she had with them. She also pondered the last conversation she had with them.

"Su, you are a great sister. Even though you deny everything about Narnia, and we had drifted apart, I still love you as a sister. And don't be sad, I, we will always be with you, no matter what your choices are, no matter what happens."

"If you have anything that's bothering you , you can tell me. I am your brother after all. Take care Su. I love you. "

She was really crying hard. And when she entered the room she had once shared with Lucy, she cried even harder. Especially when she recollected the last words that escaped her sister's lips.

"I love you, and I forgive you for everything you had done wrong to me. No matter what you had done, I love you and I will always be your sister".

She went to Lucy's bed and snatched the stuffed lion from it before proceeding to her bed and lie there. She clutched the stuffed animal and wept even more .

If only I didn't do such horrible things. If only I did not pretend. If only I was not mean and horrible. If only I acted as a good sister and daughter. If only I said and made them feel that I love them too. If only I could turn back the time , If only..

She then slowly drifted to sleep. The first sleep she had for a week.

When her eyes fluttered she was completely shock for she was in Narnia again. She felt happy but then something tells her this isn't right.

So she travelled through the woods, and saw the crowds bursting everywhere. They didn't seem to know she was there, so she just walked and walked and walked until she reached the middle of the crowd.

She saw Aslan and a young man, and seven familiar faces, but their clothes were different for they wore the finest clothes she had ever seen matched with glistening crowns. They seem to be introducing their selves to the young man. Then she heard,

"If I heard the chronicle aright, there should be another. Has not your Majesties two sisters?" The young man said then continued "Where is Queen Susan?"

She saw Peter stiffened and clenched his fist before answering shortly and gravely, "My sister Susan is no longer a friend of Narnia"

She felt wretched when she heard him speak those words but she knows she deserves it.

"Yes," said Eustace, "and whenever you've tried to get her to come and talk about Narnia or do anything about Narnia, she says, 'What wonderful memories you have! Fancy your still thinking about all those funny games we used to play when we were children.'"

"Oh Susan!" said Jill, "She's interested in nothing nowadays except nylons and lipstick and invitations. She always was a jolly sight too keen on being grown-up."

"Grown-up indeed," said the Lady Polly. "I wish she would grow up. She wasted all her school time to be the age she is now, and she'll waste all the rest of her life trying to stay that age. Her whole idea is to race on to the silliest time of one's life as quick as she can and then stop there as long as she can."

"Well. Don't let's talk about that now," said Peter. "Look! Here are lovely fruit-trees. Let us taste them."

With that Peter walked to the trees, followed by the young man, then the other kings and queens, of Aslan, and the crowd started following them.

Susan was left frozen on her spot when the crowd were rummaging the woods for fruits and food. She was crying because it hurts. Every word they had said stabbed her like knives. However she knew every word was also nothing but truth. She was truly that atrocious. She may look all lovely and sort but she was actually hideous.

They were right she deserves it. She deserves her misery. She deserves to be alone. She was bawling even harder and started to run opposite everyone's location.

She heard Lucy yelled her name but she just went on. She heard Peter and Edmund called her again, but she still sprinted away from them. She heard everyone called her but still onward she goes.

She heard footsteps running behind her, but she doesn't care. All she wanted was to run away from them, away from Narnia. She does not belong there anymore; just like what Peter said, she is not a friend of Narnia anymore. It is not justly for her to step into this land. She has to get away from them before she ruins everything. She had nothing but melancholy to her siblings life back in England and she does not want to do that to them anymore.

"SUSAN! SUSAN! SUSAN!" Lucy, Edmund and Peter called, and then she felt someone grabbed her shoulders.

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AN: Kindly review after reading.. thanks! :)

To my lovely readers, you are all so cool! I love you guys!

I had rewritten this because after reading it again, I realized there were a lot of mistakes.. and Susan's break-up with her boyfriend doesn't quite fit the time set.. so I fixed it.. I hope.. I'm so sorry to all of those who had read this before it is rewritten, my bad.. I hope this one's better..