AN: Based on the "Kologarn will stop your raid" meme. All credit for the idea goes to the person who thought that up.

The Woes of Yogg-Saron Part 1

Sometimes it wasn't fun or easy being a crazy, mind-controlling, abomination from beyond the universe. Yogg-Saron was having a very bad day. He was trying to get Ulduar just right, but the idiots he had enslaved just weren't BEHAVING!

He couldn't exactly get up and walk around in his normal form, but he could project the Sara avatar, and that was just what he was doing, watching the progress, or lack of it, from his minions.

Right now, he was examining the piss-poor job those insane dwarves had done on the giant siege engine called 'Flame Leviathan'.

Sara stood in front of one of the dwarves, asking what should have been a very simple question.

"Tell me again, why are there containers of pyrite, something that can badly damage this machine, floating above it?"

The dwarf blinked. "Aye, it adds to the atmosphere, don't it? Looks nice, eh?"

"How is this strategically beneficial to me? What if someone decides to storm my precious city and somehow manages to knock down the pyrite?"

"Ye see, master, er, mistress, uh..."

"...Master is fine...moron." He added the last part in barely a whisper. Still, since he was Yogg-Saron, his whispers were always heard very clearly.

"Eh? No one will get past the siege engines at the front gates! We put dozens of unmanned ones right there, to scare off possible intruders! Clearly they will see the siege engines and think, hey, this place is way too weaponized to ever invade!"

"What? You put unmanned siege engines at the gates of my palace? Just...what? Also, is weaponized even a word? And why can the machine be disabled by some idiot leaping on top of it and pressing a few buttons? You know what, never mind. Whatever happens, you guys deal with it!"

The head dwarf beamed stupidly at his master. There is no way that this can backfire for us at all, he thought.

Sara/Yogg-Saron dematerialized to leave the baffled dwarves to deal with Flame Leviathan.

In the next area of his palace, Ignis, some giant fire thing, was placing the last pieces of armor on a dragon he had creatively dubbed Razorscale. When Ignis saw Sara, he attempted to bow, but almost fell into an inexplicably placed pool of water.

Yogg-Saron didn't even WANT to ask why a giant made of fire would even have water in his quarters.

"..."

"Yes, mistress? I've just finished with Razorscale here. She will go perfectly over there, in the next room!"

"...You mean the room full of giant harpoons?"

"Absolutely, mistress. Trust me, if anyone sees it, they'll think, WOW, metal dragon using harpoons? Amazing testament to the STRENGTH OF IGNIS!"

"Wait, what? So...say again, you're putting a DRAGON, who CAN'T use harpoons, in a room large enough for mortals to safely shoot harpoons at her?"

Ignis looked stumped. "Dragons can't use harpoons?"

Yogg-Saron just shook his head and walked away from the idiot who thought giant pools of water in a furnace and harpoons next to a dragon were a good idea and decided to check up on that one thing. XT-Deconstructor or something. Dwarves were never very good at names.

Almost as soon as he walked into the room, he was assaulted by the giant monstrosity.

"TOYS! NEW TOY! ME WON'T BREAK IT THIS TIME!"

Yogg-Saron suppressed a girly scream and immediately fled, not wanting to even know.

Kologarn...THAT conversation had been just awful. Kologarn was the stupidest thing in Ulduar. He completely bypassed the Shattered Walkway and its one pointless inhabitant. The three known as the Assembly of Iron (once again, named by dwarves) also failed so hard he didn't even want to talk to them. One was a dwarf, so that meant automatic failure if they fought anyone.

Auriaya...something to do with cats. He honestly hadn't seen her once since he'd 'escaped' his prison. Yogg-Saron suppressed a groan when he saw her sauntering happily around the walkway past Kologarn holding a leash with three oddly large cats attached to it.

"Auriaya? Dare I even ask what you're doing?"

"It should be obvious, master. My dear kittens needed a walk. So I'm walking them."

"...Right here? Shouldn't you, I don't know, be waiting in the shadows to ambush and kill anyone who dares come in here?"

"The cats needed to use the litter box."

"I don't HAVE a litter box."

"You mean that room with the green liquid and the huge blob in the middle isn't a litter box?"

Yogg-Saron almost screamed. Auriaya had let her giant cats literally SHIT ON HIM!? Dear Titans, what kind of idiots had he enslaved?