It was nearing two a.m. when Harvey pushed his glass away. His tie was gone, discarded somewhere at some point, his dress shirt was gone, leaving only his undershirt, and his hair was a mess from running his hands through it so many times. The man looked exhausted. I didn't say anything though. No way was I going to break the silence that had been protecting me since I got here. It was probably the only thing that kept my face intact.
"I'm gonna put a movie on." He muttered, walking away. Was I supposed to follow? Probably, why would he have said anything if he didn't want me to? He could have gone and locked himself up in his bedroom. I took that as encouragement.
I sat quietly at one end of the couch while he adjusted the channels on the TV to play the disc. Rocky. This guy was giving me some serious whiplash. That was our movie.
When he returned and the movie started, he went right along quoting like he usually did – although he wasn't half as into it as usual. He looked over to me when I didn't say the words along with him, and I gave him a tight smile, reassuring. I can fake a smile.
The movie played on and the alcohol came out again. It seemed to at least have taken the edge off. Normally I wouldn't have approved of this kind of therapy, but I was just happy to see him with some life back in his eyes. Eventually we were shouting Adrian as loudly as we could. Maybe he just needed to yell, or maybe he was just getting back to himself. I just wanted to keep this new light he seemed to have going. He chuckled. I can force a laugh. So I did.
He left when the credits came on and for some reason I couldn't take my eyes away from the screen to follow him. I just watched the names fly by, memorizing them all against my will. Sometimes it sucked not being able to forget things. Especially when you've got the face of a burning man etched into your mind every time you close your eyes. That's how Harvey had looked today. A burning man. Drowning in his own fears and anger and sadness. I shook my head to get rid of the painful image. I wasn't highly successful.
I was almost surprised that he returned after such short a time. He grinned at me where I was sitting on the couch and held up the baggy, shaking it slightly as his grin broadened. Oh right. I regretted bringing that. I really did. But I'd underestimated the damage. I bought that thinking he just needed some fun to take him mind off of things.
"Why won't you tell me anything?"
"Because we can't fight this, Mike! I'm not going to drag you down with me!"
"It's you and me, Harvey. If you're going down, I'm going down with you."
"Mike-"
"Oh, and for the record, I'm not letting you go down at all. So you can just forget it."
It was a big deal then, but everything was a big deal with Harvey. He played it so cool all the time, but it wasn't difficult to see how everything affected him. That's what happens when you try to bottle everything up all the time.
We split the first joint. Eventually we each took a second. I'm not sure if I was too concentrated on everything to feel the effects of the high, but he certainly felt it. He was suddenly dragging me to my feet, putting a hand on my waist and grabbing my hand, dancing around the room with a stupid grin on his face. Anything to make him feel better... even though it was killing me. It killed me because I wanted this. And he was unknowingly dangling my deepest most intense desires right before me, just out of reach. But I can dance and play the part, if that's what you want. And so that's what we did. We danced around, and I smiled as best I could, and he sang music from his favorite Spinners album. I was dying. I was hiding it – well apparently. But he was looking so much better. And so I gave in. I'd give him whatever he needed. I'll give you all I am.
I was both relieved and disappointed when he pulled away from me and went to put in another movie. The Matrix. For a second I wondered if he had put Rocky on for me, or if he was just in the mood for a movie that just happened to be both of our favorites. I let the question go though, I wouldn't find out anyways. "I'm gonna order a pizza," I told him, pulling out my phone. "What do you want?"