Gale
After Darius fails to seduce me into marriage, Mother attempts to set me up with someone I already trust. I shrink back from the door in startled shock when that someone comes in.
The next night, Gale Hawthorne is invited to dinner. Afterwards, we are encouraged to retreat to my bedroom and discuss a possible marriage.
The only comforting thing is that Gale seems to feel just as awkward about this as I am.
"We wouldn't have to do anything differently, Catnip," he tries to tell me. "It could be just like our hunting sessions, except we leave and go home together."
If only it were that easy. Like the night before, my Pros and Cons go to war in my head.
What Gale is trying to say with his no-different comment is that we could be both friends and husband and wife at the same time. We would marry for friendship, dependency, kinship - a marriage I suppose I could get behind, if I am reticent to marry for economic advancement or even marry for love. But it's an impossible and unrealistic expectation. Unfortunately, it is also all too common. Many Seam marriages are based on deep friendship and understanding in lieu of romantic love. Gale would provide for me just as much as I already provide for myself and both our families.
The problem is that Gale would have to continue working in the mines even more than he already does to better care for a wife waiting at home. For that is where I would be. I could not risk losing him to a collapse the way my mother lost my father. In fact, I would refuse to.
Also of concern is that I know Gale's expectations for this marriage would differ from mine. He knows well my vow to never have children. But I know Gale wants to become a parent. He comes from a large family, one that will expect him to continue the Hawthorne line. However, Gale has two younger brothers (one of whom is Prim's age) who could just as easily accomplish this task when they come of age.
Finally, Gale and I could work and hunt all our lives and we would still be poor. And even if we agreed on matters of parenthood, any children of ours would remain in the cycle of poverty. Being a quarter Merchant on my mother's side wouldn't mean anything or get them anywhere. And there is still the constant presence of the arena. The Reaping.
No. Even if there was a way for Gale and I to eventually fall in love after we got married, our differences would still be too great. Our marriage would be doomed from the start.
The verdict makes me feel guilty, to the point that - even though Gale didn't ask me to - I step close to him and press my lips against his in a gentle kiss of apology.
When I break the kiss after a moment, Gale nods sadly, understanding. "I knew you'd kiss me."
I blink. "How?"
"You feel sorry for me."