Look, Marshall actually has a cameo this chapter! (Why is nobody cheering?)

Wind whistles through abundant trees, and leaves skitter across the pavement. The sky is a pale, watery blue, no clouds of which to speak of. There's a brushstroke of white hot sun hanging above people milling off to work or simply enjoying this kind of day.

... too bad it's just not in New York.

Lily Aldrin squeals as she shakes off her umbrella in the refuge of MacLaren's. She dances around for a little bit, making sure she's (mostly) dry before walking over to her friends at their booth.

"Hey, guys," she says, running her hands through her damp twirls of hair. Her eyes land upon someone new rolling a beer bottle around on the table. "Oh look, it's Robin!"

Barney looks up at her and grins. "Yeah, we all kind of noticed."

Lily swallows and shakes her head. "I mean—hey, Robin. I'm so casual right now."

Robin just laughs and tips her bottle in greeting. "Hey."

Lily scrunches her nose and shoves Barney over so she can sit down. "So, what are we all doing holed up in here?"

Ted cocks his head and stares at her. "You just brought an umbrella in here. Robin's hair is soaking wet—"

Lily interjects. "Which implies that you and Barney have been here for over an hour. You do get how sad that is, right?"

("Like you didn't hang around here till last call on Saturday." Barney mutters.)

Ted glares at her and Robin holds up a finger. "I get how sad it is, don't worry." She says, then smiles at Ted. She doesn't even look at Barney, who huffs and crosses his arms, indignant.

Ted shakes his head. "Anyway, as I was saying, it's raining."

"Just a really boring ass way of saying it, right?" Lily says, raising her eyebrows in contest. "That's, like, Ted's way of life."

Barney yelps out, "Someone gets it! Thank you, Lil!"

(Ted glares.)

She laughs. "I meant Robin anyways. What is Robin doing holed up in here?"

Robin shrugs. "Ted called, and I happened to be off work. But seriously, universe—" she turns her head to the roof of the bar and yells, "—why the hell is my day off the same day it's raining? That's messed up."

Lily snorts. "So you talk to the universe? You and Ted should bond."

Robin raises her eyebrows in surprise and glances sideways at Ted. "You talk to the universe?"

"Lily." Ted hisses.

"Yes, sweetie?"

Barney laughs. "Why yes, he does talk to the universe. Signs and crap like that. Oh! Oh!" he says, and looks at Lily. "Please can I tell her?"

He doesn't wait for Lily to respond. "Ted's looking for his the One. How lame is that?"

Robin narrows her eyes at Barney. "Well. It occurs to me the only reason I'd say it isn't lame is because I don't want to agree with you on anything ever, but I guess it's not good form to lie to a bunch of people I just met." She says. She shrugs. "Sorry, Ted. It is kind of lame."

Ted sighs. "Well you're just Ms Skepticism, aren't you?" he teases.

"Kind of, yeah."

Barney cackles and Lily says, "I really need to tell my boyfriend about you. You're kinda sorta amazing."

"Well thank you." Robin says, and leans over the table as Lily brings out her phone. "So, who is this boyfriend of yours?"

Lily snaps the phone shut, her eyes lighting with excited fire. "Oh, he's great. He was Ted's roommate in college; they're best friends."

Barney whines. "Dammit, Lily. You can't just go around telling lies like that, you know. People might start to believe it."

Lily snorts as she jerks a thumb back at Barney. "Sorry, this guy has serious relationship issues. And... everything else issues."

"Not true."

"So true."

"Not true."

"We can do this all day. So true!" She gets out before turning back to Robin and hurrying on, "So, he's studying law and he's going to be a great lawyer someday. His name's Marshall. He's great."

Barney mumbles with a sour look, "I think you said that already."

Robin grins at Barney's unhappiness and she asks, "But what do you guys do?"

"I'm a kindergarten teacher." Lily says with a nod. She frowns. "It's not as great as it sounds."

She raises her eyebrows and tries not to smile, and she turns to Ted. "I'm going to be a very successful architect someday." He says.

("Lame, bro. Lame. You're basically doodling." Robin's pretty sure Lily kicks him in the shin for that particular comment.)

Robin finally turns to Barney, her lips stiffening into an uncomfortable smile. "And what do you do, dumbass?"

"Pfft. Please, newbie. You don't deserve to know." He says. "And the name's—"

"Jesus Christ, I don't care."

Lily swivels to face a now even more sour looking Barney. "Wait. What do you do, anyway?"

"Pfft. Please."

Ted nudges Robin, shrugging. "Don't worry, none of us actually know."

"That's okay, I didn't really care to begin with."

They all pause as another sheet of rain slams up against the windows. "Damn," Robin mutters.

Ted shoots a worried glance around the table. "You think it's a storm?"

Robin scoffs just as Lily's about to answer. "Puh-lease. This is like... this is like barbecuing weather. Jumping off the pier in a bikini weather. Please."

Barney makes mm, mm noises. "I'm just imagining you in a bikini. Maybe it comes off a little..."

Robin wails in despair, shaking her head and pouting. (Half of Barney is still in la-la-threeway land, but the other half of him is smiling at her pain.) "No! God. Why did I use that example?"

Lily laughs and punches Barney in the shoulder. (He only winces a little bit, but hey, she's strong.) She looks at Robin and raises an eyebrow in question. "Where are you from, anyway?"

Robin takes a sip from her drink. "Canada."

Barney spews his drink all over Ted's face. He staggers up from the booth and makes nyah, nyah noises.

Robin frowns and gestures at him stumbling away. "What's up with him?"

Lily smiles. "Oh, that's a premium example of a patriotic all-American douchebag right there."

Robin's face crumples with fleeting concern. "You guys aren't going to freak out on me too, right?"

Ted has a disgusted expression on as he wipes the remainder of Barney's drink and saliva off his face. When he's done, he looks at Robin and says, "Don't worry. It's only a problem for him," he pauses. "Might I venture some advice?" Robin nods, and he smirks, "Use it to torture him."

"Sounds like a plan." Robin says, grinning back.

Barney slams back down next to Lily. He puts his head in his hands and says, "How in the hell did I ever hit on a Canadian? It must be a head cold. I usually have radar for these sorts of things!"

"You really are a dumbass, dumbass."

"My name is not—!"

Ted nudges her and whispers, "Or, you know, you could just torture him with that."

She laughs. "Oh, don't you worry your pretty little head about it. Ever since I decided on giving you guys a second date, I've been compiling an entire list of ways to torture him."

Barney's face lights up. "Could I see that list?" he stops, his face screwing up, "Wait, no, Canadian, Canadian... I'd still like to see that list."

She just tilts her head, smiles at him, and doesn't say anything. Then she shakes her head and mutters at him, "You really are a piece of work." She stops as he opens his mouth, "And no, I don't mean that in a remotely sexual way. At all. Whatsoever."

He pouts; she grins.

Lily exchanges glances at both of them. She blinks, and shakes her head, smiling. "Oh my God, I just have to call Marshall. Right now." She proclaims, and pulls her phone out. "Hey, baby? Look, I know you're probably mega busy right now, but guess who just gave us a second date!" She squeals and holds the phone out to Robin.

"Wait, what? There was a first date? Who? Who is it?"

Robin shrugs off her look of surprise and leans into the phone. "Hey. Marshall, right? I think it's me she's talking about."

"Huh? Wait a second—wait a second—Lily, who is this? Take me off speaker."

Lily pulls a face and puts the phone back to her ear. "Baby, this is Robin. She's amazing. She's a reporter."

("A sort of reporter," Robin mumbles. No one takes any notice.)

A long pause while Marshall talks. Lily pulls an even worse face. "Well, you know..." she pulls at the cuffs of her jacket. "I may have stalked her. Just a little bit." Another pause. "Well, sure, it's not exactly the most traditional way to get to know someone, but she's here, isn't she? And... well, yes, okay, but I've just been a little... unoccupied... since you've been gone. Yeah, whatever. You're in environmental law, Marshall, not criminal. You could never charge me with that!"

Robin huffs, swallows slow sips, and clears her throat all in an effort not to start laughing.

"So, Robin, when did you—" Ted starts, but Robin immediately punches him in the shoulder, to which he responds with a small yelp of pain.

"Shut it, hungover Ted Mosby," she hisses. "I so want to hear this."

Ted rolls his eyes and rubs at the sore spot on his arm. "Oh, and hey, Marshall?" he calls. "She's an eavesdropper too!"

Robin glares at him, and Barney laughs. Then she glares at Barney, who promptly stops laughing.

"Look, baby, I know you've been having a hard time over there—" she pauses, her eyebrows drawing down in confusion. "What do you mean? We so include you in stuff! What? Well, I didn't meet her just to spite you... and look, I'm trying to include you by calling you, aren't I? Wait... what? Tuxedo night? They invite you to tuxedo night! Wait a second..." she presses her palm against the phone and glares at Ted and Barney. "You little bitches! Why don't you invite my boyfriend to tuxedo night?! Damn you to hell!"

Now all efforts come to nothing, Robin nearly starts choking.

"Okay, well, now she's laughing at our expense. That's great. Just great. Goddammit Marshall, stop being so humorous!" Lily stops, and sighs. "Yes, I do know that's your default setting... yeah, yeah, mm-hm. I know all that. Wait, what?! Oh my God—a tree just crashed into the bar—oh God—oh God—gotta call you back later bye!"

She slams the phone down and then looks around at the rest of them. "What? Dr Phil said lying to your partner every so often is what makes a healthy relationship."

Ted raises an eyebrow. "Actually, I think he said the opposite—"

"Don't make me remind everyone you watch Dr Phil, Ted!"

"I... okay..." he mutters. "Robin, I'm scared."

"Poor baby," she murmurs, a smile tipping her lips upward, "I'll protect you, don't worry."

"Thanks for the offer."

She laughs and presses her shoulder into his for a moment, then leans away. She clears her throat. "What the hell is he doing?"

Eyes move over to Barney, who's glaring at a piece of paper in his hands and scribbling away furiously.

Lily peers over. And proceeds to punch him in the side. ("Okay, that hurt." He mutters at her.) "Hey, stupid. You're not allowed to do that. We're trying not to sleaze out poor Robin here, remember? I said stop. Stop writing." She cuts off, grabs the piece of paper, screws it up and throws it into the crowd.

"Lily, no!" Barney screeches, "That's premium high grade literature on there!"

He fidgets out of his seat, ("Lil, get up,") but Lily just fixes him with a glare. "Remember what happens if you break the deal," she warns, but he's still trying to get up, "Thanksgiving, 2002!"

He immediately stops.

Sits back down. "... okay," he mumbles. He scowls and looks over at Ted. "Hey, Ted, remind me never to lose a bet to an Aldrin again, okay?"

(Lily blows him a kiss; he catches it and squashes it like a bug. She grins.)

Ted nods. "Noted."

Robin arches a brow. "Okay," she says with a laugh, "Raising more questions than you're answering."

Lily laughs, a chirpy sound. "The deal in question is he's not allowed to sleaze you into leaving."

Robin stares and bites down on her lip looking like she's trying hard not to laugh again. "Did I hear that right?"

Ted grins and spreads his hands. "Yeah, when it comes to him... sleaze is kind of a verb."

Robin stares ahead for a second, face void of emotion. All eyes turn to her; an anxious note comes into the air, everyone waiting to see how she'll react.

"That is awesome."

Barney laughs. "See? I knew you'd find something you like about me."

She laughs. "Mm, yeah, no. You're still totally lame and the biggest dumbass I've ever met, but repossessing nouns is kind of awesome."

Ted gapes and clutches at his chest. "Oh my God, did she just devote a complete sentence to the artistry of grammar?" he says. "You are a keeper. You are definitely a keeper, Robin Scherbatsky."

"Oh, I'm so flattered."

Ted squints at her. "Are you being sarcastic?"

Robin pulls a face. "You know what, I have absolutely no idea."

Barney snorts at them, and this time, Robin doesn't glare. (She rolls her eyes, and Ted glares.)

"So, Robin," Barney says, sipping at his scotch. She eyes him carefully. "When did you move here?"

Lily looks over at him in surprise. "You're actually interested in that? Did move become some euphemism for bang or something without me being informed?"

Barney clucks his tongue. "You have such a narrow opinion of me, Lily Aldrin. I mean, I'm flattered, but still." He pauses. "And you'd be the last one to know about a new euphemism."

("Yeah, right. I create the new euphemisms, bitch." She says. He smiles, a little.)

Robin stares Barney up and down, eyes sizing him up, looking at him like it's a challenge. "Nineteen. Why?"

He just meets her with an even gaze. "That's young."

"You're right."

"It's great."

"You could think that."

"And what if I do?"

She breaks off, laughing. "You really are a piece of work, aren't you?" She says, and then quickly waves a finger in the air, "Rhetorical."

And so he only grins at her from behind his glass.

Ted clears his throat. "I'm wondering, Robin, what does a woman like you do in her spare time?"

She doesn't even blink. "Shooting range."

Ted coughs. "Like, uh... like paintball, right?"

She arches a brow, looking at him with a slightly amused look on her face. "No, like real shooting. Like bullets and legitimate guns that could make a fully grown man wet himself. Actually, that did happen once." She stops, shakes her head, and laughs, "Paintball. Like I'd ever do paintball."

Ted shoots a glance at Lily. "Is that disturbing?"

She stares. "I don't know."

Robin just scoffs under her breath, "Babies."

Barney grins at her, wide-eyed.

("Okay," Robin says. "That's definitely disturbing.")

He still stares on at her. "You are the most capable and attractive woman I have ever wanted to have sex with."

She bites down on her lip to avoid smiling. "I'll... I guess I'll take that as a compliment." She says, "A very creepy compliment, but a compliment."

He lifts his eyebrows. "Well, that's how it's intended." He leans over to Lily and whispers, "How can she think most attractive woman I've ever wanted to bang isn't a compliment?"

Lily humours him, for about a second. "I don't know, sweetie. I don't know. Maybe she's met real people before?"

He just scoffs. "I'm way better than 'real' people, Lily. I would have thought you know that by now."

She blows out her cheeks, turns her glass over. "I guess so."

"You guess?"

"Okay, I know so. Shut up."

Barney smiles. "Victory."

Lily flicks him in the shoulder and turns back to Robin. "So, do you have a boyfriend?"

"Oh my God," Barney shouts out, slamming his palm against the table. "That explains it, then. Having a boyfriend is the only logical explanation for you not wanting a taste of—" he gestures to himself with a cocked eyebrow, smirking, "—this."

Robin shakes her head and takes a swig from her drink. "Nope. Not the reason." She says, "And no, no boyfriend. Life's too busy for stuff like that."

Lily stares at her. "Really?"

Robin nods. "Really."

Barney, not having followed the conversation this far, scowls. "Then what is the reason?"

Robin smiles. "You're a complete and total dumbass with what I can only assume is a behaviour disorder who has the glorified delusion that he's God's gift to women."

He pouts. He looks over at Lily, who's trying not to smile. "I'm not sure I like her."

Lily clears her throat to cover a giggle. "You poor thing."

Barney smirks, happy with himself, until Ted leans over and whispers at him, "You know, I'm pretty sure she was being sarcastic."

He gasps. "I always thought you were too good for sarcasm, Lily."

She deadpans. "Turns out you were wrong."

"You were more fun when Marshall was here."

"You're about to make some stupid comment about funbags, aren't you?"

He pouts. "Maybe." He takes a swig from his glass, his jaw setting. "You were way more fun when you were getting some."

Lily sighs. "Yeah, I know."

Robin spreads her hands and clears her throat, "Well, this has been... enlightening... but I should probably go."

Lily turns on Barney and karate-chops him in the shoulder about three times. "I told you not to sleaze her into leaving!"

Robin laughs as Barney whines in pain. "No, it wasn't him. I just need to leave. I'm reading up on current stories for work, trying to get them to give me something a little more substantial to run with."

Barney pulls a face. "Studying. Oh, fun."

Robin arches a brow. "That's far from what I do for fun, dumbass." She shrugs on her jacket and gives him a look. "Trust me, if I was having real fun, you wouldn't be able to handle it."

He gapes.

She grins, showing off white teeth. She flutters a wave at them. "Bye." She gives Ted a pointed look. "You have my number. Call me again sometime. This was..." she breaks off for a second, searching for the right word. She laughs again, "... this was an experience."

Lily fidgets in excitement. "We're here all the time, you know," she offers. "Like, every single night."

"Oh really?" she says, her grin fading into a softer smile, "I'll make sure to come back around, then."

"You do that!" Lily hollers after her as she turns and exits.

"Way to seem casual and not desperate, Lily, not at all." Ted says with a laugh.

"Shut up."

Ted gets up to buy them all some more drinks—("Nuh-uh, Ted. You lost the bet. You know the deal." She says, smirking as he pouts and slides out of his seat. "Never lose a bet to an Aldrin, remember?")—and Lily turns back to Barney, poking a finger at him.

"So," he says, and Lily's gaze snaps up to his, "What do you think?"

Barney blinks. "What do I think of what?"

"Of Robin."

Barney grins. "Oh, I have many thoughts about Robin."

Lily glares. "You really are a dumbass."

"Should I launch into detail—?"

"No!" She shrieks, smacking his arm, "No. God no."

Barney shrugs. "Your loss."

"But seriously," Lily starts again, "Thoughts?" she stops. "Non-pornographic thoughts, thank you."

"I don't know, Lilypad," Barney says, winking at her, "Marshall's been gone an awful long time..."

"Oh my God, can you not be disgusting for one second?" she says, and shakes her head, "And to think I had faith in you."

He pouts at her.

"I only want your input, Barney," she says. Her face falls. "Jesus Christ, did I just say input? Oh my God!"

"You really can't stop, can you?"

She hangs her head. "Doesn't seem like it."

He pats her shoulder, smiling. "Don't worry, Lil. This is just your sexual frustration desperate to get out. It's the usual reaction to not getting any lovin' for so long."

"I think I've been spending too much time with you, because that actually makes sense."

She then laughs, her head perking back up. "Seriously, though. Thoughts."

He laughs. "Thoughts?" he says. He starts to grin, a slow grin, a Barney grin. "Barney Stinson always gets the yes."

I'm currently resenting my computer for throwing ads of Gracepoint at me. I'm sorry (yeah not really) but David Tennant with an American accent is unnatural. It's disturbing as hell.