I met Caden Stryker when I was in the second grade. All I remember is him bringing a knife to school and showing the teacher how well he could throw it. He used to be my next-door neighbor, and we used to hang out all the time. I doubt he remembers it, though. I don't believe he could remember the little blonde girl he used to play with. I mean, I remember him. Maybe because I had an enormous crush on him. But no matter what happens, I can't seem to forget the little redhead boy who was throwing knives in class.
I was tossing and turning all night. What am I? I can't be loyal to anyone? When I was trying to sleep, Caden flooded my mind. Not because I liked him, but because I remember his older sister Aubrey transferring maybe two years ago, to Abnegation. I wonder if Caden will transfer. Probably. It's not like I care, it's just that Caden is...was...one of my only friends.
I wake up at three o'clock in the morning, and I dress quietly in black jeans, a black tank top, and a black jacket. I slip on my combat boots. I go silently into the kitchen and grab a handful of sharp knives. I head outside, making sure the door doesn't slam, and I begin my target practice.
I throw one knife and manage to hit the bull's eye. I quickly fling the second and lob it in the dummy's brain. Maybe I deserve to be Dauntless. Once I finish launching the knives, I sit and cry.
I can't do this. I can't make such a big decision without any help, without even the help of the aptitude test. I just can't do it.

I sit with the rest of the Dauntless, and next to my family. Erica snuggles close to me.
"Please don't leave me, Tessy," she whispers.
I don't respond. Here, at Choosing Day, is pure torture for me. I look around the room. All the factions have gathered together, and today I'm expected to choose.
"You can't be loyal to anyone." Hailie's words haunt me. I glance around the Dauntless sector and find Caden's bright red head. He's sitting three rows down from us.
"Tess, listen. No matter where you decide to go, we will always love you." My dad hugs me.
"Completely. It's always going to be blood before faction for us." My mom tells me. Andrew sticks his finger down his throat, mimicking vomiting, and I stick my tongue out at him and shove him. He laughs.
"Welcome," Tori declares. She's the city representative. "Welcome to the Choosing Ceremony. Here, I will call out the names of the choosing, and they shall decide where their loyalty lay. Where they shall stay to keep out town in peace. Though we have joined together since the last war, we are still separate where we belong. Now, we shall begin with Julian Asher."
A boy dressed in a white dress shirt and black pants from Candor steps down to the center of the room. He picks up the knife laying on the tabletop and cuts a slit in his hand. Many others will do the same. I've always thought it was unsanitary. He sticks his palm out over the bowl with soil and lets his blood drip. The audience claps. As simple as that, this Candor boy is now Amity.
"Sophie Agreste." A blonde girl with bright red clothing skips down to the bowls. She cuts her hand and her blood drops into the Abnegation bowl. More clapping.
Lots of people go, with last names that start with B, C, and D. And then E.
"Tessa Eaton."
I try to walk as slowly as I possibly can. When I eventually reach the middle, I pick up the smeared knife, and carefully make an incision. As the blood pools in my palm, I look over the bowls. Where do I belong? I flip my hand over and let the blood drip down my hand. I move my palm over the Erudite bowl. Then, in the moments before my blood drops, I put my hand back over the Dauntless coals. The Dauntless cheer, and I smile halfheartedly. Erica jumps from her seat and shrieks with delight. Andrew rolls his eyes sarcastically, and my dad smiles, but my mom looks almost disappointed in me, like she knew what I wanted and I didn't go for it. I sit silently until the letter S.
"Caden Stryker."
I watch his fiery red hair as he bounds down to the bowls. He cuts his hand easily without flinching and sets his hand slowly and somewhat hesitantly over the Candor bowl. I draw in my breath, and watch as he does what I did. He places his palm back over Dauntless. And I swear, as he sits back down, he looks me directly in the eyes.

I approach Caden after the Choosing.
"Hey." I say softly.
"Hi, Tess." He responds.
"You remember me?"
"Of course I do."
"Why did you stay?"
"Why did you?"
He's got me there. "Because I wanted to."
He smirks. "No, you didn't. You wanted to go to Erudite, I saw."
"So what? You were going to Candor."
"I stayed for the same reason you did."
"Why? I doubt it."
"Because I couldn't pick." He smiles slyly at me. "Or maybe because I didn't want to leave anyone behind."
He winked playfully at me.
"Do you want to..stay here?" I ask, ignoring him.
"No, but it's not like I have a choice." He runs a hand through his red hair. I stare at him.
"You did have a choice! Why did you choose Dauntless if you don't want to stay here?"
"One, because at least in Dauntless I know what to expect. Two, I don't want to go to any other faction, either. And three, you're in Dauntless. If I left Dauntless, I would have to leave you."
My mouth is dry. "But we haven't hung out in years!"
"And yet I've never forgotten you."