Chapter Two: Not the needle, nor the thread, the lost decree

She sprained her ankle her junior year of college and Chloe warned her over and over not to rush back. To take her time and deal with the crutches and let the other Bellas take up the extra slack. But she didn't listen, refusing to be hobbled just a mere week before they went for another run at the national title. There was no way that she would sit on the sidelines while they went for a three-peat, which was something that her boyfriend and his gaggle of misfits had never accomplished, and she sat through one of Chloe's frantic lectures in the wings of Lincoln Center as she taped her foot up with practically a whole roll of athletic tape and begged her not to risk it.

They won that night. She hit all of the dance moves and didn't flinch once during her solos, even when the pain was scorching through her leg like a fire. She spent the next six weeks in a cast after the strain of performing caused a hairline fracture in her ankle. But that one night of glory and the beautiful trophy? Totally worth it.

She approached dealing with her mother's death the same way. She took the three days that Residual Heat gave her, along with the tiny amount of vacation that she had managed to accrue since May, and tried her best to cry when she was alone and to remember the good times and to mostly just get her head back on her shoulders. And sure, she had also spent a few of those nights in a different room from Jesse because she couldn't stop herself from being nasty towards him and had made dark and plodding mixes all night that would have made her teenage self flush with embarrassment, but she was coping.

It had happened. Nothing could change it or bring her back or stop the world from continuing on. So she kept on going with her head hung low and her emotions shoved in her back pocket where she had grown accustomed to keeping them her entire twenty-three years on Earth.

And then one day she broke.

She had been back at work for close to two weeks when her boss showed up with a big wrapped box and his hand extended to shake hers. He hadn't made much of a habit out of speaking to her, only stopping by once after she returned to give his scripted condolences to her, but everyone had told her that it was a good sign. The less Jordan said the better and it was just proving that her work was starting to speak for itself. She had started to get bit roles on bigger projects and in one of the better evenings that she had spent with Jesse she had practically gushed over potentially getting to work on a few sessions with Drake.

He congratulated her as he gave her the package and she managed to smile back while looking down at the frame and the writing that was carefully shielded under the glass. She had known this was coming for a while now, having been asked the proper spelling of her name by Jordan's secretary, but she had completely forgotten about it in the midst of everything else that had been going on in her life.

She had planned on giving this to her mom on Christmas, to show her that this had all been worth it and to thank her for always supporting her. For never giving up on her. For being the only one sometimes that didn't believe that her dream was completely ridiculous.

She was sure that it would look nice on the wall in the hallway that led to their bedroom. She could ask Jesse to drive a nail into the plaster and to hang it up for her next to her diploma and her favorite picture of The Bellas from nationals her freshman year. It would look nice, not out of place among the other prizes of her short time on earth, and it would be something that she could always talk about.

She had just wanted to share it with her. She wanted to see the way her lips would curl into her famous grin and hear the pearls of laughter that would escape from her mouth. Her baby girl was actually a music producer now. She may not have had her name in lights, but even in that tiny script in the second to last line in the album credits she had made it. She had done something with her life.

She locked the frame up in the top drawer of her desk and ran as fast as her legs could take her, desperate to just be anywhere else in the world.

"Beca, you know you can't be here right? It's eleven and I'm in the middle of a class and you're really far away from your work." Chloe spoke gently as they stood in the parking lot of her school and placed her hands on both sides of Beca's head to squeeze her shoulders. The girl looked shaken and hadn't even bothered to mess around with catching her at lunch on her cellphone, instead choosing to call the office of her elementary school and have her paged as an emergency. And as they stood outside, with Beca looking she was on the verge of freaking out and Chloe trying hard not to panic and make it worse, maybe it was an actual emergency. "What happened today?"

"It's nothing important, I was just in the neighborhood and really wanted to see you. You should get back to work and I should actually like go back to my job before Jordan murders me. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Beca! You don't have to leave." Beca froze in her tracks as she started to make her way back to her car and slowly turned around to see her friend's pale face and concerned eyes. She shouldn't have interrupted Chloe's day and pulled her away from her kids for something so stupid. She was such a child sometimes. "I'm not entirely convinced by your story and I think that something happened today that wasn't good, but we can talk about that some other time. I'm not going to let you drive yourself back into the city though when you look as pale as you do."

"I'm fine, Chloe", Beca sighed while crossing her arms across her body and giving herself a little hug to get warm. Of course she had forgotten a coat. "Really, I'll be alright. I'm just gonna head over to my dad's place and hang out with him for a little bit. Work can miss me for the day and it'll be nice to catch up with him. We haven't spoken since-"

"-Please just stop and come inside with me. You and I both know that you avoid conversations with your dad like the chicken pox. Now come on; I'm a music teacher and it would be kinda kickass to have an actual music producer in one of my classes. They'll love you!"

"You guys, I want you to meet my best friend Beca." Chloe opened the door to her classroom a little wider behind her and motioned for Beca to step into the room. The girl trudged into the room, fidgeting with the visitor's badge that was clipped to one of her belt loops, and managed an awkward wave towards the group of children that were sitting in a circle watching her with interest. They each had a small, basic instrument sitting in front of them and with her pounding headache and the abysmal way that her day had gone so far, she immediately knew that this was a bad idea. Next time she had a life meltdown she was visiting Amy over at her radio station. There were less kids there. "Can we all say 'Good Morning' to Beca?"

Beca winced as at least fifteen kids yelled good morning back at her and tried not to smile as Chloe beamed at them. She looked positively in her element standing up there with these kids captivated by her presence. There was no better job for a person that loved like her and had so much patience and energy to give back. She had been an amazing captain when things had gone well for The Bellas and Beca knew that she would been even better at this. Some people were just a perfect fit.

"Beca is a real life music producer in Atlanta and she has the day off so she really wanted to see the kind of music that we work on. Maybe she can give us a few pointers on how to play our instruments better." She looked pointedly at Beca and she made a show at nodding vigorously and sinking onto the chair that sat behind Chloe's desk, getting as comfortable as she could manage and trying not to show these kids that she was freaked out at having an audience. "Who wants to tell Beca what song we were starting to learn today?" As a bunch of little hands shot up into the air Beca couldn't stop herself from melting at how cute there were and starting to feel just a little bit better. She had never had siblings and didn't care for kids all that much, but these guys were just past that annoying preschooler age and right in the middle of the age where learning anything fascinated them. "TJ?"

"Row row row your boat!"

"Exactly! Beca, do you know that one?" Beca nodded and Chloe motioned towards the piano in the middle of the room while she grabbed the guitar that was resting against her desk. Beca's eyes widened as Chloe just grinned at her and she tried to shake her head but Chloe was having none of it. "Beca is going to join us on the piano and we're going to run through it one time as a group and then work on it in teeny-tiny sections."

"But Chloe, I haven't play in a long-"

"-And I'm sure it'll come right back to you. Now come on, let's start from the top!"

"Someone looks happy", Jesse commented as Beca walked through the front door and flung her coat onto the coatrack just inside of the door. She simply smiled at him and he stood up to pull her in for a quick hug. It had been days since she hadn't shied away from a spontaneous touch like this and he wanted to enjoy the moment while it lasted because you never knew when her mood would shift. "What happened today? I got a call from your boss asking why you just disappeared this morning and I told him that you were having a bad day. Were you?"

"You could say that." Beca didn't elaborate any further and walked towards the kitchen, pulling a k-cup of chai tea out of the drawer underneath the Keurig and popping it into the machine by the time he entered the room and leaned against the doorjamb. He had been home long enough to change out of the dress shirt and tie that was required at his studio and had stripped down to his undershirt and boxer shorts. The sight of him with his tousled hair and the slight beard that he had started to grow made something funny and warm happen in her chest and she wanted to kiss him but she knew that he would only start asking her questions if she made that move. "I left work and went over to Chloe's school and hung out with her kids for a little while. Apparently it could have been a big deal to just randomly have a stranger in the classroom but she explained my situation or whatever to her principal and he let me chill for a little while. You should have seen those kids though, they were so adorable and funny. You should come next time and teach them about movie scores."

Jesse just shook his head as she pulled the freshly brewed tea from under the spout and poured a little milk in until the liquid was the color that she preferred. He slid the sugar across the counter to her and she scooped a little into the mug before taking a sip and nodding. He didn't understand how she could just tell by sight that it would taste good, but he didn't question her. To him the stuff tasted like shoving your head into a big bowl of potpourri and he'd just let her enjoy it and suffer later when her mouth would taste like it when they kissed.

It wasn't the worst tradeoff he could come up with.

"Ya know Bec, my work is only a few streets over from yours. If you ever need anything or if you're having a bad time I'm just a jog away." He stroked his fingers over her biceps and moved them to her forearms as she placed her mug onto the counter and let him pull her a little closer to his body. He placed a tender kiss on her lips as she simply nodded at him and he softly whispered "I want to be the one that takes care of you."

Beca didn't know what to say. She didn't need to be taken care of. She didn't need hugged until her heart stopped pounding and coddled until the tears didn't sting her eyes. And she loved him. She never pictured herself ever really falling in love with someone but she had and it was lovely but sometimes it was just too much. Sometimes they were just too different that she knew that it would never really last and she hated to think that way, especially when he was holding her like this, but it wasn't like her mind hadn't been constantly racing since her mom had passed. It was like living with the television on mute in the background and even though you couldn't hear it you knew it was there.

She could feel him pressing against her thigh and she groaned a little as he hugged her tighter. It had been so long since they had done anything intimate and she knew that it had to be killing him to not bring it up. It wasn't that she didn't want to or that she hadn't thought about it, it had just fallen to the wayside in favor of other more important things.

He deserved this. And maybe she did too. If anything though, it would stop this conversation from continuing into heavier and difficult to explain territory that she had no desire to get into tonight.

"Let's get you to bed."

It didn't take much to send them toppling into the bed, taking off their clothes silently before he pulled the blanket up and over their bare bodies. They had turned the air conditioner off for the fall and the weather outside was doing them no favors as her body instantly started to sweat in the muggy room. She could feel the sheets sticking to her back and she clawed them away while he placed heavy kisses in a trail from her collarbone to her breasts.

"Don't leave a hickey. I don't want to have to explain this at work on Monday."

He snickered into her ribs and as she kneed him playfully in the side he gently bit down on one of her nipples and okay. He could leave marks as long as no one could see them. It felt too good to let him stop.

"Can I…?" He trailed off while rolling her onto her back and positioning himself over her body. He was sweating and panting as he supported himself on one elbow and adjusted himself at her entrance. He didn't want to push inside unless she was completely okay with it and it took a moment for her to nod languidly. Her eyes were hooded with arousal and her fingernails felt good as they dug into his back. He couldn't stop himself from shooting her a tiny grin and he held her hand as he pushed inside of her and started to slowly thrust until she got comfortable.

"W-wait. I um…I can't remember the last time I took my pill. My mind has been all over the fucking place lately. Do you…?"

"Yeah, let me check in the bathroom." He carefully pulled out of her and bit his lip as she moaned a little at the loss of sensation. He was embarrassingly hard and glad that the lights were out as he walked into their bathroom and started to dig through the cluttered drawers beneath the sink. He hadn't really needed to have protection since she had started on the pill but he could have sworn that he had some stashed in here. He just needed to take his time and…they were expired. "Fuck."

He splashed a little cold water on his face before coming back to the bedroom and finding her sitting up and staring towards the light. He simply shrugged as she caught his eye and sighed before shifting back onto the pillows beneath her. This day had gone from bad to horrible and it wasn't even six o'clock yet.

"What are you doing?" She mumbled as he climbed back onto the bed and settled between her legs. "You don't…"

"I want to take care of you." His warm breath tickled her thighs and she squeezed them together while groaning a little. He chuckled to himself as he slowly pulled them apart and placed her knees over his shoulders while sliding into place. He could feel her clutching the sheets beneath them as his breath ghosted over her and he stroked her stomach tenderly with his free hand before surging forward and making contact with her clit.

They hadn't done this in a long time and as she started to grind against his face he told himself that they should definitely bring this back into the rotation. And sure, he was painfully turned on and this wasn't doing much to help that, but sometimes it was just nice to know that she was enjoying herself. He could wait.

After a few moments though he could feel her shaking beneath him and as he pulled away to check on her he was surprised to see that she was laughing. He frowned and propped himself up on his elbows as she sat up and pulled her knees into her chest. Had he done something wrong?

"What's wrong?" He asked while getting up onto his knees and placing a hand on her shoulder. She just shook her head as she tried to stop laughing and he started to look for his discarded boxers as he softly asked "Did I hurt you?"

"No, it's just your beard. It was tickling me and I'm sorry I just couldn't…", she trailed off as he slowly nodded his head and stepped into his underwear, pulling them up and over his waist before letting the elastic snap back audibly. "Please don't be mad, it just wasn't going to happen for me."

"No, it's fine. I'm just glad I'm the only one that's trying to take this whole relationship thing seriously around here."

"Jesse!" She called after him as he shook his head and walked towards the door. "Where are you going?"

"I just need to be alone right now."

"So…did he jerk off on your couch?" Chloe asked tentatively and held onto the railing beside her as Beca glared at her and smacked her shoulder. "I sit on that couch, Beca Mitchell!"

"That's really none of your business and no, I don't think he did. I think he was too embarrassed by the whole thing to even think about doing that. I don't even know why I told you this story." Chloe just shrugged as they continued climbing the steps that were built into the rocks around them and Beca groaned at her non-committal response. "I'm never going to live this one down, am I? Just…please don't tell anyone else. This is strictly best friends only territory."

"I'm slightly offended that you'd think I'd run off and tell Aubrey and Stace about your little…mustache ride."

"Another word and I'm going to throw you off of this mountain." Chloe laughed at her weak threat and Beca joined her a moment later, letting their chuckles fill the wilderness around them before Chloe tugged her closer with a sly arm around her waist and a reassuring smile. "I can't believe you managed to get me to go hiking with you. Although I probably would have done anything to get out of that apartment today."

"I can be pretty convincing when I want to be and I'm glad to have your company. Now, shut up for a little bit and let's just enjoy this view. I took you out here to get out of your head for a little while and to get there you kinda have to enjoy…all of this." She gestured at the trees and the rocks and the waterfall that the steps crossed over and maybe it had been just what she needed in her life right now. She had never done anything like this before but she trusted Chloe enough to slip on some borrowed hiking boots and climb into a truck pointed northeast towards Amicalola Falls. "Silence is golden, my dear."

Beca had never seen anything like this before. She had never been an outdoorsy kid growing up and her parents had never taken her hiking or camping or whatever else that normal families did. And if she would have known that she'd find clarity like this just staring into oblivion, she would have begged her father to take her.

This was beautiful. She could see nothing but trees and clouds and the waterfall beneath her and it was amazing. She felt simultaneously at peace with herself and strangely in tune with everything that was going on around her all at once. It wasn't one of those moments that would change her life and turn her into a hippie, but she was finally able to breathe without everything weighing so heavily on her that she felt like she was going to break. Her mind was clear and everything hurt just a tiny bit less, which was exactly what she had needed.

Chloe always knew what she needed.

"Thank you for bringing me here", Beca whispered before pulling her a little closer and leaning her head back to tap against Chloe's chin. "How did you know that it would help?"

"Sometimes we need moments like this and incredible views to realize that we are not magnificent."

"Wow. That was incredibly cheesy." Chloe just giggled as she nudged Beca's head forward and started to lead them back down the mountain trail. Beca had loved the view and could have stayed there all day, but everything had its season and it was time for them to move along. "Did you come up with that on your own?"

"Nope, you can thank Bon Iver. Now come on, we have eight million steps to go and then a long ass drive until we can find somewhere suitable to eat – your treat." Beca just nodded while holding back her laughter and held onto the railing as they started to climb back down to reality. "And we also have to find a drug store before we get you back home."

"Why do we have to stop at a drug store? Are you sick or something?"

"Nope, I've just gotta make sure you have some condoms before you end up knocked up and miserable. You can't trust boys to do anything right, Beca." Beca shoved her against the railing again, although this time was tinged with much more playfulness than before, and Chloe just shrugged while grabbing Beca's shoulder to regain her balance. "It's the truth and you know it. Boys are dumb."

"And so are you if you keep this up. They're gonna need the park rangers to find your body."

Chloe laughed and softly said "I'm just looking out for my best girl."

"Well thank you for looking out for my sexual wellbeing then. It's creepy but coming from a good place in your heart, I guess." Chloe nodded as Beca bumped her hip against hers and mumbled "And Chlo? Thanks for all of this. This is the first time I've felt like myself since she died."

"Anytime, Mitchell. Anytime."

Chapter Title From: Holocene by Bon Iver