~Broken hearts can't mend, can they?~
Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot. I wish I did own Dan though, it would be awesome! ;)
a/n: So yeah, I'm a hopeless romantic myself and there wasn't even the slightest possibility that I would leave this story there! My…."white lie" (!) was just a motive for you to review! Thanks so much to everyone who actually made the effort; I dedicate this chapter to you! Cheers!
xxx
Dan woke with a start.
He had been dreaming of her, again.
It was the same dream every single time, only some minor details changed a bit every now and then just so he could pretend it was a different one at the beginning. In his dream, Blair would always realize her mistake and would then come to his loft to apologize. He sometimes would forgive her at once; others, he would have her on the hold for a while.
But he always did forgive her in the end. In his dreams, of course, not in reality.
Which certainly proved one thing.
He had been wrong.
So. Very. Wrong.
When he had left her penthouse that day, he had tricked himself in believing that he was going to forgive and forget eventually.
Move on, in other words.
But he hadn't; and definitely it wasn't for the lack of trying.
He wanted to move on, needed to actually, but it all came back to the question he had once directed to Serena.
How do you kill a feeling?
He didn't have an answer. Not then, not now.
Her engagement was announced to every single magazine there was, and was due to take place in the following weekend.
He just hoped it had happened already; then there would be nothing he could hold on to. Not that he really believed anything could change. No. She was determined, and once Blair Waldorf took a decision, nothing could make her change her mind.
He laughed at that statement.
She had once decided to be with him, but that didn't last long.
If he was being honest with himself, everything was better before they had officially come out as a couple. If he had to go further back, he would have stopped the entire thing before they shared their first kiss, the night Lily was arrested.
At least, he wouldn't have suffered with the afterneath, when Blair had chosen Chuck back then, and he wouldn't be suffering now, because surprise; Blair had chosen Chuck yet again.
He wished he could fall asleep that night and only wake up when everything was over. When he was over her.
xxx
It would be very difficult, nearly impossible to recover from this shitty situation, he could understand it now.
Screw his previous thoughts about being okay in the end and appreciating her "dismissal".
He hadn't only break up with the woman he had once believed that was his soul mate. He had also lost his best friend too.
He was nothing but alone to this. He couldn't turn to anyone for help, for an honest conversation. And that made it even more difficult for him.
Gossip Girl, insisted on posting Chuck and Blair's photos and news every day. It was annoying, particularly because he couldn't help but visit the damn site daily, hoping to stumble across some interesting news.
They never came, and every time a new tête à tête of the pair was posted, he would drown just that bit quicker in depression.
And he had no one to turn to for help; as he had already pointed out more than once.
Dan couldn't remember a time in his life that was more fucking twisted than this. He had been alone in the past, most of his life really, but he never had to face a situation like this on his own. He had had Jenny, his dad, or even Vanessa to turn to.
None of them was available this time around though. Rufus had his own problems with Lily, Vanessa was nowhere near- not that he really wanted her help anyway, she had been the catalyst to his relationship with Blair and he couldn't help but despise her a bit more now that it all had blown up in his face and came back to haunt him- and little Jenny was trying to survive her own reality.
He had been alone in the past, but he had never felt it so much before.
xxx
One evening, the one before the engagement night, he had a surprising visit in his loft.
He was inside, desperately searching the gossip girl site for any hint of them that might have been posted and resorting to whisky for the sixth day in a row. He was in bad mood all the week and he counted on alcohol to make him forget, since his weak self couldn't manage it.
Some lines had just started to flow into his mind and form the first sentences of what could very well be his new attempt at a novel, when someone knocked on his door.
Dan sat up closing the betraying site and headed to the door to open it.
"What are you doing here?" he muttered utterly surprised by her visit.
"I wanted to see you, can I come in? Please?" she added noticing his hesitation.
"Fine" He said and motioned for her to step in the living room.
She proceeded to the room and sat on the couch by his laptop. She noticed the whisky bottle nearby and lifted her eyes to him in question.
"How have you been?" she asked gently.
"What do you want Serena?"
"Can you stop being so defensive? It's wasn't easy for me to come here in the first place, please don't make it worse.." she pleaded.
He didn't reply, he just continued looking at her, willing her to hurry with whatever this was.
"She's getting engaged tomorrow…" she said placing the words very carefully.
"That's no news. The whole city knows, why are you telling me that?"
"You mean you don't care?" she asked in surprise.
"What are you playing at Serena? What are you really doing here?" Dan asked her back annoyed.
"You could say that I am looking for forgiveness, I guess…" she smiled shyly.
"Then you are in the wrong place, it's not me you should be seeking." He replied dryly.
"No, I know where I am. As I told you, I am looking for forgiveness and you are the best person for me to start, before it's too late."
"Late? What are you saying exactly? "He asked suspiciously.
"Tomorrow. The engagement party. "she pointed out as if it was really obvious.
He raised an eyebrow in question.
"We or you even better, have to crush it."
"Oh! Is that all?" he mocked.
"I'm being serious Dan."
"You are being mad that is." He accused.
"Why do you say that? Chuck had the guts to try it when she was going to marry Louis-
"And look how it ended back then! She married Louis, not him."
"But that was different!"
"How is that? No." he stopped her before she had a chance to continue. "I don't want to know. There's no point in this conversation, I'm not going to behave like Chuck did, so drop it."
"Aren't you going to fight for a chance?" she asked in disbelief.
"One must recognize when is better to retreat, and that is when the fight is lost."
"I don't believe that, you would probably be together now if it weren't for me!"
"Then, I should thank you, because sooner or later she was going to choose him again, so you saved me a lot of time, don't you think?"
She shook her head, not accepting what he was saying.
"The Dan I knew, wouldn't give up so easily."
Easily? She really thought this was him easily backing out?
He laughed with no sign of joy in it.
"That's the point. I'm not the Dan you had once met. I'm the one all of you Upper East Siders made me become."
Serena considered this for a short while.
"You are still that person I met 5 years ago, you are just too hurt to admit it. Only….Only it's her who's your princess now, not me…" she smiled sadly "Anyway, I had to try, don't you think? Here." She said and handed him something "in case you change your mind. Goodbye Dan"
He waited for her to leave and then he observed the paper she had given him.
He eyed it with resentment and anxiety.
It was an invitation.
xxx
He was tempted.
He was tempted to go and destroy their night, crushing their engagement along with his hopes.
Dan considered the situation until the next day, trying to speculate the possible outcomes.
It wasn't difficult, for there was only one.
His humiliation.
He contemplated it might deserved the effort if there was just a small sign that she may had changed her mind.
But there wasn't and therefore there wasn't any reason for him to go to the Empire tonight.
He might as well keep his pride at least.
That being established, he passed the entire afternoon drinking and looking at the invitation until he learned the thing by heart.
Charles Bass and Blair Waldorf would like to invite you to their
engagement party at 29th of July 8 pm, at the Empire.
Your presence will make us happy on this
Important day of our lives.
Formal dress required. Bring along the present invitation to enter.
Chuck and Blair
As he repeated the words for the second time aloud, something snapped inside his head.
It wasn't about keeping his pride anymore.
It was about his life, his sanity and his only chance to be happy.
So, he took a deep breath to calm his feelings and his stare fell on the clock, over the counter.
It was 7:48 pm.
Shit.
Obviously luck wasn't by his side lately.
He wouldn't be able to make it to the Empire in time on any usual day, let alone a Sunday night which happened to include a Bass-Waldorf event.
He swore.
He eyed his cell phone with anticipation then. It was the only way, the only mean he had to reach her before she entered the rest of her life with Bass by her side. Before he would lose her forever.
Could he dare? One more try, one more chance, could he grab that?
Deciding that if he thought about this any better he would never make the move, he grabbed the phone and scrolled the numbers until he found hers.
His finger hovered above the "Call" button for some minutes; he didn't even know if calling her would be enough.
Would she answer the call? What was he going to tell her? What would she respond? Would she laugh on his face? Would he be better after another rejection? What if Bass answered him instead? What if she spotted the call tomorrow, after she was already engaged?
Screw it. Let's get this over with.
He pressed the button and moved the device by his ear.
One ring.
His heart was racing against his ribcage.
Two.
His ears where muffled by the sound of his blood rushing in his veins.
Three.
He could feel the anticipation dancing in his system, cursing through his body.
Six times he heard the sound, before her voicemail came to ask him to leave a message.
Fuck.
He had lost. This was over.
xxx
a/n: End of the chapter. The next one will probably be the last of this story. I'll try to update as soon as I can! Thanks so much for the overwhelming response! I hope you liked this one as well!
I apologize for any mistakes you may find there. I'll be pleased if you let me know when you notice any, so as to fix them.
Oh! Did I mention I'm really excited when I notice a new review has been posted?So go ahead, push the blue button and give me some comments please, it takes no time at all!
Thanks for reading!
Victoria.