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Hiya Journal,
Talk about exhausting! Anyway, I'm back in Lorule, the Triforce has been restored, Hyrule's hero came out on top, their world is safe, yada yada. Everything is fine. Grand, just grand. Well, my house is still a wreck, and frankly I'm unsure about my employment status. Princess Hilda didn't say anything about it; I thought I shouldn't ask while she was busy celebrating the reestablishment of her kingdom, ya know? She might need a bit of help getting everything back in order, though, especially if those chasms don't close themselves. She'll need someone to get started on bridges and roads, and she should know that if she needs something built I'm her man! Well, I guess even if she fires me I still got a sack of rupees from my little merchant stint. Maybe I can be a toy inventor, or a farmer, or well, anything. Yep, everything's fine. Welp, I'm tired, so I think I'm gonna try to get a little shut-eye in.
Ravio
Later
Aww, shucks, everything's not alright. I can't get to sleep until I get this out of my system. Everything is about as far from alright as it's ever been. Like the kingdoms are saved and that's grand and all, but I'm not okay. No, I'm not worried about my job. I already told you if I fall I can land on my feet. Nah, it's about Link. I really did him wrong, and the rupees are just the tip of the dung heap.
Okay, so I did save the guy's life. But I'm gonna be honest, when I found him in the Sanctuary of Hyrule I didn't actually give a rat's ass about him. I was just like, "Yay, I found the guy who looks like me! Time to get him to save Lorule!" So yeah, I saved him, but only so I could throw him right back into the frying pan. Look, I know saving Lorule isn't something I could have done myself, but I still can't feel at ease saying it was okay to make Link do it. And I think the biggest reason for that is that Link himself was so damn kind about it.
Journal, when I went looking for Link I expected to find a guy like me. Not just in the face, either. I mean I expected someone cynical and manipulative and cold. Except I thought they'd also be like a better version of myself, like they'd also be brave and capable to make up for it, whereas I am pretty lacking in the department of redeeming qualities. Instead, and let me be clear that I mean this in every way imaginable, I found that Link is simply beautiful.
They had my own pretty face, of course, but with blond hair and blue eyes, but that wasn't the biggest difference. It's the look in their eyes that's most different from me. When they look at you it's like you can tell they care, like they want to get to know you, and that their heart is warm, loving, and gentle. I thought it'd be a real hassle getting to freeload and set up shop in their house, but Link went and told me to make myself right at home, and was out the door to save Hyrule without a moment's hesitation!
And then they came home so tired, and I did feel just a twinge of pity for them. But they weren't the least bit grumpy with me; instead, they asked if I was settling in okay and whipped me up some dinner! I was feeling uncomfortable about this to say the least. It would have been a lot easier to take advantage of them if they at least whined a bit about it. Instead, Link did everything they could to make me feel right at home and even acted glad of my company. They're pretty shy and reserved, but also pretty perceptive and curious about people; an odd combination of traits, I have to say.
Well, even after this good treatment I had to harden up my heart and set up my merchant thing. While I was in Lorule it was a pretty easy matter to just think "Yeah, I'll help the hero by giving them my inventions, but to throw them off my scent I'll take money for it!" Oh, but of course I got worried about my "precious" inventions being lost or stolen if the hero wiped out, so I came up with the whole rental scheme. But now that I was in Hyrule, being cared for so graciously by Link, I start to think about all the rupees I was going to cost him and how it'd put him in a tight spot, having to think about whether he could financially afford to save Hyrule (and Lorule). I eased my conscience (for a little bit, anyway) by giving them a few discounts.
And then it was onto the adventure. It was four weeks of hell for Link, I could tell. Don't get me wrong- Link's spirit is strong and I never once heard a complaint- but when he came home covered in injuries, and especially this one time he almost froze to death, it really hit home what I was pushing him to do. For the sake of my own home, which Link technically shouldn't have to hold any responsibility for, Link was dancing toe to toe with death. Yep, I'm pretty sure he almost died more than once, not that he'd ever tell me. But the states Sheerow found him in, let me tell you. Would you guess that Link, the hero of Hyrule, is terrified of darkness? He didn't sleep for days while clearing the Dark Palace. I remember thinking at least that bit was over for him, and then him still twitching in his sleep, then jerking awake drenched in cold sweat. I don't think he ever knew I saw this, and I never had the courage to comfort him. I couldn't help but think of the role I had played in what he was going through.
Okay, I mean, I knew Yuga was going to target Hyrule and go for their Sages and Princess too. I knew that if we stole their Triforce Hyrule would up like Lorule, a crumbling world of chaos. So yes, it was very much in both mine and Link's interest, not to mention the interest of all the inhabitants of both kingdoms, for them to go on their quest. I guess what really bothered me is that while I was in Lorule I just thought of them as the "Hero," some guy who would solve all my problems because of course that's what heroes do. But when I started living with Link I think it dawned upon me that they are in fact a person with their own doubts and fears, and that they're shouldering a huge responsibility despite not being a day older than my own tender 15 years, and above all I started to notice that Link has a truly deep, pure personality.
It wasn't difficult to like them at all. I don't even know how to begin to describe Link. They're pure, kind, gentle, and sweet, to give you a list of adjectives, but there's more than that. They move with this peculiar kind of grace, they radiate an aura of comfort, and even their very voice I found produced a soothing effect on me. Link is incredibly thoughtful and observant, yet they also often had this distant look in their eyes, like their mind was on another planet. And when they talk, their speech patterns are odd and elegant, and they have a way of playing with words and producing the most beautiful, original thoughts. Okay, so maybe they're a little aloof despite their caring friendliness, maybe sometimes I couldn't keep up with what they were saying, and maybe I think they keep too much to themselves, but who am I kidding? I think they're perfect. It really didn't take me long. After an hour I felt at my core, "Oh, I like this person." I'd think about them all day, and to tell you the truth I think I was making rather a project out of trying to figure them out, something I've never really cared to do with anyone else before. Then, after a week, that "I like this person" just turned into "I love this person."
All that love nonsense Hilda likes to go on about always sounded like a load of frippery to me before. A bunch of romanticizing of what was probably a very simple feeling of attraction. After all, feelings are always changing, and there's no need to read into them more there is at the surface, right? Or at least, that's how I thought before I met Link. I didn't know the thought of a person could really make you feel dizzy, or faint, that their voice could send shocks of joy through you, that it was possible to care so much. I've never thought that just an expression on a person's face, a word, a look, or those little things romantic types likes to go on about could be so beautiful. But with Link it's like everything seems to glow; they're perfect.
I don't know, it's not like I've never loved anyone. I mean, I definitely love Princess Hilda like a sister. I've thought about taking things further than that, but it's like she's so irascible, despite her good intentions, I really don't think I'd be able to properly enjoy a relationship with her. But I definitely love her like my best friend and sister, and that's just not ever going to change. That's why I'm totally ready for her to fire me or send me to slammer for deserting; I don't really care, as long as she's learned her lesson about choosing who to place her trust in (i.e. not creeps like Yuga). But still, with Princess Hilda I've never had a problem getting irritated with her for her flaws, and she's definitely never made me feel like I was losing my head.
But with Link, it's like I know that they've got their own little quirks, but I just don't mind it a particle. If they were my princess, I sure couldn't imagine ever leaving their employment like I can totally imagine doing to Princess Hilda if she ever goofs up like that again. And then there's this way they make me feel, like they walk into the room and suddenly I can't think. I feel like Link could do anything, be anything, and whatever it is they make me feel wouldn't change a particle. I still remember the night I realized my attraction to them was more than just a physical thing or plain curiosity. It was after Link bought out my shop and I was just lounging about the house one day, and ending up falling asleep behind the table. When I woke up, Link was sitting at this vanity I thought I had stowed away, wearing this lacy white dress and putting on makeup. At first, you could imagine the shock I felt; I had just caught the Hero in the middle of cross-dressing. But then I noticed this look on their face. They looked more than just happy; that was bliss. And the sparkle in their blue eyes as they were dolling themselves up… it was appealing in a way I don't know how to describe. Link was singing a Hyrulean hymn; did I mention that they have a beautiful voice? Their voice is in the tenor range like mine, but theirs have a different quality to it. It's pure and clear, yet full, like the voice of a seraph. They were singing a song of thanks to ancient goddesses, meanwhile just radiating this pure beauty. Because let me tell you, Link looked every bit like a beautiful young woman; in fact, he's much prettier even than many girls I know. Even prettier than the Princesses Hilda and Zelda. Anyway, just seeing that look on his face and in his eyes, and listening to his voice, it hit me that in that moment Link was truly in their element.
Yes, I think at heart they're a gentle beauty. They're courageous, but what comes to them most naturally are qualities such as kindness, compassion, and mysticism. When they finished singing and appeared done with their makeup I just had to tell them how beautiful they were, although I had a feeling what they were doing was rather private to them. I thought I had messed up bad, for a second there, they looked so l like a frightened rabbit. They almost started crying, from the shock and embarrassment I think. They called themselves all kinds of horrible things, things I felt in my heart were just untrue, like a "freak" and a "fuckup." It took some coaxing to calm them down; I don't really know how I did it. All I know is that I just wanted them to know I didn't think of them that way at all. They seemed even more surprised when I got that across to them. They looked at me with these big puppy dog eyes, like they couldn't quite believe me but desperately wanted to, and it was like in that moment my heart melted. That's another sensation I've discovered to be very, very real. I just wanted them to know there isn't a thing wrong with who they are, and that I thought the world of them. Link really opened up to me after that. They told me that they've never really felt comfortable as a boy, and had always been teased for looking girly, but in truth they really liked that femininity and in many ways felt more comfortable in a feminine role, hence why they enjoy dressing up. But they also said they've never really thought of themselves as a girl either, and instead they've always privately considered themselves just to be "Link." But this is something they've never expressed to a soul, afraid of how it could damage their relationships and reputation. Isn't that just the saddest thing you've ever heard? Could you imagine having to hide something so close to the core of your self-identity? It's cruel, and it broke my heart.
Anyway, it's things like that, getting to know Link and love him, that make me feel so regretful. I wish I could have shared more in the burden that he bore. Even all these rupees, once so coveted, feel hateful to me because I took them from Link. But the worst part of all this is that I never told them how I felt and think about them. I never properly expressed to them how I feel like they changed me. I mean I kind of did, joking around after I retired, but still not really. It's like before meeting Link I felt pretty resigned to just trying to get by in all kinds of underhanded and ignoble ways, but they made me feel like it was possible to be at least a little bit heroic. I am still a coward at heart, but I feel like I could at least try to live for others, to try to be my best self. After all, now I know what it's like to love someone, to love everything about them, to never want to leave them.
But I guess I have left them. He's in Hyrule, and I'm in Lorule, and our lives our going to go on, drifting further apart from that brief time when we knew each other… I don't want that. Fuckin' hell, I want them back. See, I really am a coward. I never fessed up my feelings. Not even when we parted that last time, and I knew that Princess Hilda was gonna have to use the last of the bracelet's power to send them back home. I couldn't even casually say, "Hey, I love you, buddy," so that even if they never knew I love them like that, they'd at least know they're loved at all. That kind of thing means a lot to Link, ya know? They really value the emotions of others, I think probably because they're someone who cares so deeply themselves. I feel sure they did care about me; they never approached me as a roommate, but as a friend. And that look in their eyes when we parted… I still don't know what this look was exactly, but I do know that they were hurt. They looked shocked and hurt. They didn't even answer me when I said my goodbyes; they just stared.
You know what? I'd do just about anything to see them again. I've been wondering if there's some way I can invent another bracelet, but with the gaps between Hyrule and Lorule closing I'll sure have to work fast. It may already be too late; the portal through the Sacred Realm may have been the last one. But no, I can't give up like that. Link taught me that you never get anything by giving up. After all, if they had given up, both Hyrule and Lorule would be doomed. So no, I just gotta get creative. I have to apply my wits to this. I don't know if I can rely on anyone to help me- maybe not even Princess Hilda- but I know I have to try. I'll figure something out. I've just got to see Link again. I might be cowardly, and conniving, and in many respects useless, but I still have the ability to be a friend. If anything, I at least want to tell Link how sorry I am, and to let them know what they mean to me. As for the love thing? Well, I guess that'd be up to Link's feelings. Wouldn't it be just wonderful, just impossibly amazing, if Link loves me too? I mean I hope they don't love me right now, because they'd be feeling pretty torn up, but it'd be great that if we met again and had time to be friends they could come to feel that way towards me. I'm pretty flawed, it's true, but I don't think I'm a bad guy, and anyway Link is the sort of person who brings out the good in others. Well anyway, it's getting pretty late, so I guess this is good night. I promise the next time I write, I'll be telling you all about mine and Link's reunion!
Ravio