Chapter 1
Grieving
Three Months Earlier
"Now we carry on," Jack said after the video of their fallen comrade had ended.
"I don't think I can, not after this," Gwen said softly, through her tears.
Jack hugged her, "You can," he then hugged Ianto, "We all can. The end is where we start from," he said simply.
For a few minutes they all stood there, silent. Finally Gwen was the first to pull away.
"I'm gonna head home. I just can't be here right now," she said.
"Yeah that's fine," Jack replied.
He watched Gwen for a moment as she gathered up her things and left. He then turned around and walked to his office, leaving Ianto alone.
XX
"Hey! There you are," Rhys cried when Gwen walked through the front door.
"Hey," Gwen said softly as she pulled her bag off and kissed her husband on the cheek.
"How are Jack and Ianto?" Rhys asked.
"Coping," Gwen said softly as she sat down.
"You lot having a funeral or something?"
"Why would we?"
"Well Gwen…to honor Owen and Tosh, that's why."
"We can't have a funeral. Who would come?"
"Well their families," Rhys answered.
"Rhys…that's not how things work with fallen team members. If someone dies, their body is kept by Torchwood. All of their possessions are kept by Torchwood and locked up," Gwen finished and then thought back to a time that seemed so long ago.
"Have
I got this right? When I die, you get to keep all my possessions?"
Gwen asked. Tosh punched in a code to a lock up.
"My
whole life's gonna get stashed in a locker?" Jack nodded,
"Rules and regulations." "What if I leave all my stuff
to Rhys?" " We'll stash him away, too," Jack answered
with a cheeky grin.
"Fat chance! There's no way in hell, Captain bloody Harkness is keeping your body and things if something; God forbid, were to happen!" Rhys shouted, bringing Gwen back to the present.
"Rhys can we just not fight tonight? I'm exhausted and drained! Emotionally and physically!" Gwen asked with a sigh.
"When are we ever gonna talk? It's been two days! I know you're in pain and sad over Owen and Tosh, but now you are just…just-"
"Just what?!" Gwen shouted as she jumped up from where she was sitting.
Rhys was taken aback at first, "I don't know!" he shouted back.
"Rhys I'm going to be like this okay?! Tosh and Owen were good friends! They died saving this city, alright?! It I even began to try to seem some what happy I remember them. I can't feel happiness right now!" Gwen cried.
"Well I think that's wrong! I don't think they would want you to be so sad about it!"
Gwen let out a cry of aggravation, "You just don't get it do you?!" she cried before picking up her purse and keys.
"Where the fuck are you going?" he shouted.
"I don't know! Maybe to get pissed!" she shouted back.
Rhys stood there, and listened as the door slammed shut. He then swore under his breath and then pulled a beer out of the fridge.
Gwen wandered around Cardiff City, shedding tears but continuing to fiercely wipe them away. Then whether by fault or on purpose, she found herself standing on top of a slab of pavement. Within seconds it was lowering down into the Hub.
Jack sat up in his office; he was staring into the depths of a bottle of brandy, contemplating pouring another glass. But before he could make the decision he heard the lift coming down. Jack stood from his desk and walked over to the door of his office and saw Gwen.
"Hey," he called.
She looked up at her superior, if it were not for the fact that she knew his voice so well she would have wondered who it was, as she couldn't see due to her blurred teary vision.
"Hey Jack," she said as she wiped her tears once more.
Gwen walked off of the platform and took her bag off, she dropped it onto her desk and walked up the stairs and over to Jack. He studied her face and then pulled her into an embrace, where she collapsed and began to sob into his chest.
Jack stayed there, holding onto her, reminding him briefly of when Rhys had died and she had collapsed into his arms. Screaming and sobbing. For several minutes they stood there, allowing Gwen to get it all out.
After a few minutes she pulled away and looked up at Jack, "Thank you," she said.
"Anytime…you want a drink?" he asked.
She nodded, "Yeah…that might do me good," she answered.
Jack took her by the hand and this didn't bother her at all, in fact she was quite comfortable with her hand there. He led her over to the desk and she sat down on the seat across from his desk. He went over to a cabinet and pulled out another glass, "Brandy?"
"You have anything stronger?" Gwen asked, hopeful.
"Whiskey…Vodka…Gin…I can go on all day," Jack answered.
"Whiskey will be fine," Gwen replied.
Jack nodded and pulled out a bottle of Whiskey. He pulled the top off and poured some of it into Gwen's glass. He then just left the bottle and sat down. For a few minutes they sat there in silence, drinking their drinks and thinking. But they could almost feel the pain and hurt emanating off of each other.
"So…what brings you here?" Jack finally asked.
Gwen shrugged, "I don't know…I just needed to get away from Rhys," she answered.
"Why?" he inquired.
"He doesn't understand…" Gwen muttered.
"What does he not understand?"
"The pain, the loss, the emptiness…everything."
"So you came to me?"
"I didn't plan on it; my feet just brought me here. But I'm glad they did, if anyone else in Cardiff City knows how I feel it's you, Captain Jack Harkness," she answered.
Jack gave half a smile, "Good to know…" he paused then spoke again, "Did you love Owen?"
Gwen stopped mid sip, to contemplate Jack's question, "I…as a friend…yeah I did," she answered.
"I meant…the affair," he said.
Gwen felt a sting and couldn't help but turn her ring around, so her diamond was hidden from sight. She felt guilty every time she looked at her ring and thought about the biggest regret of her life. She then finally spoke, "No…that wasn't out of love. I just needed someone to share my feelings with," she answered.
"You coulda come to me," Jack said cheekily.
Gwen blushed, "I hope you mean to talk," she commented.
Jack smirked, "What ever you needed," he said.
"Jack…I think you've got to many in ya," Gwen said as she hit Jack playfully on the arm.
"I haven't had enough," Jack muttered as he poured more into his glass.
"Tell me about it," she said.
Jack looked up, "About what?"
"Gray…" Gwen answered.
Jack looked down into the beverage, "Why?" he asked.
"Because I think you need to talk about it."
"But what can I say?"
"Tell me what happened, your childhood."
Jack was silent once more as he brooded over what Gwen had said, "Creatures…horrible creatures. The worst you could imagine…they invaded. We thought they were going to pass over, they always did. This time they didn't…my dad told me to take care of Grey while he went back for my mother. We were running and at some point I lost my grip on his hand. I didn't even realize it, at least not till it was too late," Jack stopped as he quickly brushed a tear out of his eye. "I…climbed out of my hiding place and ran all the way back home. Gray was no where to be found and when I got home my father was dead. I don't even know if my mother was mad or…she was so upset. I think she was always upset with me after that, though she hid it well," he tried to let out a laugh but he managed to just smile.
Gwen took the hand of Jack's that wasn't holding his glass, "I'm sorry," she said softly.
"It was soon after that, that I joined the Time Agency. Everyone was so proud of me, and I only returned when there was a war. But I went off to try and find Grey. I searched….for years," Jack emphasized on the word 'years.' "But I never found him, and eventually I gave up and began a con man with John. We separated at some point and I wound up in London at the height of the blitz in 1941. That's where I met the Doctor and Rose. I began traveling with them and then in the long run I ended up here."
"What brought you to Cardiff?"
"I was separated from the Doctor and Rose. I came here because he has to refuel his ship everyone in awhile, and he draws his power from the Rift," Jack let out a chuckle, "In 1879 Torchwood was originally created because he stuck his nose in things and showed her Majesty, Queen Victoria that there was other things out there. Beyond Earth, and it scared her. So she created the Torchwood institute to protect Earth," he finished explaining and sighed.
For another few minutes they were silent as Jack held her hand, he looked at her wedding band and couldn't help but notice Gwen had turned the diamond around. Before he could make a comment however he was caught by Gwen in a lip lock. She had leaned across the desk and had begun to kiss him.
Jack then began to kiss back and at once it was obvious they were doing this because they were desperate. Desperate to feel something, whether it was love or just anything. They needed it and they needed it badly….
XX
A/N- Whoo hoo…getting right into it…actually it was saddening to write, I'm still mourning for Owen and Tosh…
Anywhos….review, review, review, REVIEW! Please…I need to know if this is good or not, the reviews keep me writing, and I need something to look forward to. I'm slightly depressed right now, thanks to my ass hole father…Anywhos…love you all!