A/N: All right, here goes chapter 2! Thank you to The Double-Faced Muse, TheFallenOnes, MaybetheLoch, DemyDemy and MuffinPirate for faving or alerting this story. And also to xGothicxSerenityx, MuffinPirate again, and StoryofGreen for reviewing! Reviews make my brain work faster!
Story: Six Silver Candles
Pairings: Zemyx (main), AkuRoku, SaiXem
Chapter Title: Five Flames
Word Count: 1,575
Warning, Shounen Ai, angst, self mutilation, swearing
Italics: actual diary
"Quotes": speech
'Italicized quotes': thought
2.
Tuesday the 21st 4:13 a.m.
I don't even know what I did this time. I make his dinner and do my homework, as usual. I hear things crashing around the kitchen and freeze. His voice breaks the calm that had been in the air. He stomps in, screaming, and throws a plate at me. It crashes down on my head and shatters.
Washing my hair was a chore. The cuts on my head had already formed scabs and the blood had already dried into my hair. I can't feel my fingers. I'm going to try to sleep.
Thursday the 23rd July 2008 7:09 a.m.
I sit under the tree again and read, waiting for Axel, Roxas and Demyx. My head is throbbing numbly and my entire body aches. I close my eyes and exhale deeply.
"Yo, Zexy," a voice greets me. I open one eye. It's only Axel and Demyx today. The redhead speaks again as the two of them sit down. "Are you okay?" I shake my head and close my book.
"I can't remember anything I did yesterday. Or Tuesday for that matter. And everything's achy and numb at the same time."
Demyx nods. "It's the pain killers. The amnesia wears off. Don't worry, Zex." I sigh, fiddling with the sleeves of my sweatshirt, trying to make them sit right on my arms so they don't hurt. I glance up as I feel Axel's eyes on me. His green eyes are alight with anger. I flinch and look down.
"Zexion, you didn't…" he growls, seemingly at a loss for other words.
"I… did…" I reply weakly.
"God damn it, Zex!" I shrink against the tree, feeling sicker than before. "You told me – no – you promised me that you'd stop! Damn it!" I feel a tear slide down my cheek.
"Stop it," I whisper. He continues yelling at me. "Stop it!" I raise my voice until I'm barely screaming over him. "Just shut up! Stop yelling at me! " Axel stops his ranting, still heated and glaring at me. My eyes cloud with tears. "You don't get it…" I half-sob, slumping over and burying my face in my hands. "You just don't understand…" I hold my arms around myself and stare at my book, waiting for the pain, the words, the explosion. Instead, a warm pair of arms wrap around me.
"I'm sorry, Zexion," Axel sighs. "I'm worried about you."
"You shouldn't be," I whisper. I'll be gone soon anyway.
"Don't say that!" Another voice interjects. A different pair of arms pull away from Axel and hold instead. I gasp at the sudden change and then relax and sigh. I inhale again, this time slower and more deeply. Demyx smells heavenly. It's like standing in front of the ocean with a small breeze blowing and water just barely misting you. It reminds me of eating a cucumber. That's a roundabout analogy, but it fits. He makes me feel so refreshed and clean.
I unconsciously lean into him and curl into a ball.
"How'd you do that, Dem?" I hear Axel ask, but he sounds too quiet – too far away. But I find that I don't care. I'm not in pain anymore; something about Demyx – his arms, his scent – is just so calming, so soothing, that nothing else matters.
"I didn't do a thing…" He replies airily. My tiny smile widens slightly and I close my eyes.
"He looks so happy," the redhead laughs slightly in disbelief. Suddenly the bell rings and my world comes crashing back down on me. I can't breathe and my eyes snap open. I bite my lip and cling to Demyx's sweatshirt. "Oh my…"
"Zex," Demyx begins, trying to unlatch my hands from his shirt. He speaks calmly, a slight smile in his voice. "We have first period together. You'll be okay," he reassures me and pulls me up as he stands. I nod, still leaning against him. We start walking and Axel waves a goodbye as he goes to meet with Roxas. Demyx stops me in front of the bathrooms. "Zexion. What was Axel talking about, earlier?" I feel a small twang in my chest. I take a deep breath and pull him into the bathroom. Once we're inside, I check under the stalls for people. I sigh, lock the door, then turn to Demyx.
"A few years ago, I guess my parents decided they hated me. I-I got really depressed, a-and-nd – " I cut myself off as I feel another sob building up in my throat. I settle for taking a deep breath and rolling up my sleeves to reveal a wide array of angry red scars popping out against my skin, the flesh on my thin wrists appearing twisted and mangled. Three of the cuts on my left wrist are fresh scabs. Demyx runs his fingers over my skin. I watch nervously as his expression changes from confused, to shocked, to angry, to disbelieving, and, finally, to sad. He grabs my shoulders and pulls me into a hug. I sigh and relax into him, relieved that he's not going to run away. My mind slowly processes that I wouldn't have to worry about him running away if I hadn't done this in the first place. "I'm a failure." I mumble dejectedly.
"You're not, Zexion! Stop putting yourself down so much!" He pushes me forward roughly and holds me at arms length. His eyes are alight with what looks like rage or maybe passion. "Stop it. You aren't a failure, you're not a nutcase, you're not pitiful or anything that you might think you are. Zexion, I swear to God, you're perfectly fine the way you are," he finishes quietly. I nod numbly.
'If only he knew how untrue those words are.'
"C'mon, we're going to be late to English," he says calmly. He pulls my sleeves down gently and hugs me again. "You'll be okay, Zex." I wrap my arms around him and cling to him more closely. It feels like I can't let go, that if I do, I'll fall apart completely. Demyx somehow manages to remove his sweatshirt with my arms still around him. He wraps it around me and smiles that goofy grin. "There, now it's like I'm always hugging you." He's right. It isn't the exact same, but I feel calmer than usual. I smile softly and we walk to English as the halls thin out. Just before we enter the classroom, Demyx turns to me and smoothes my hair down. "It will be okay, I promise," he tells me softly, bending down and kissing my forehead. We go into the room as if nothing had happened. I walk back to my seat and sit down. For a second I'm breathless because, not only does Demyx accept me, but he kissed me. So, maybe it was only on the forehead, but Demyx kissed me.
11:37 a.m.
I'm supposed to meet Demyx at his locker so we can go to lunch together. When I get there, Axel and Roxas are waiting patiently and Demyx has all but disappeared into his locker. I send Axel a quizzical look and I see him flash a smile and release a breath. For a second, I don't understand, then, I realize that I had, in fact, betrayed myself and shown an emotion. I mold my face back to my normal, emotionless expression. Axel smirks and I glare.
"Dare I ask?" I sigh, turning my head to look at Demyx.
"Poor kid can't kind his lunch money!" Axel announces, dramatically. I roll my eyes and reach over to Demyx, pulling a green piece of paper out his back pocket. Sure enough, it's a five-dollar bill.
"Demyx, are you looking for this?" I ask with a small smile. He whirls around and grabs the bill from my hand. He grins widely and throws his arms around me.
"Thank you, thank you, thank you, that you, thank you, Zexy!" He exclaims, bouncing up and down with me still in his arms. I hear a sound come out of my mouth that I haven't heard since I was a little kid. I had laughed. Demyx stops bouncing and holds me at arms length. Behind him, Axel is awe-struck and grinning like a fool. "You just…. Did you…. OhmyGodyoujustlaughed!" He exclaims happily. I grin, the feeling foreign to me, but nice at the same time. Demyx's smile falters and his eyes look almost pained. I crease my eyebrows as my smile drops and look at him, worried.
"What? What's wrong? What did I do?" I ask hurriedly. Demyx takes my face in his hands. They're the rough, calloused hands of a musician, but they're heaven against my skin. I rest my hand on one of his and nuzzle my cheek against it. His scent brainwashes me and I find myself smiling again.
"You didn't do anything wrong, Zexy. Your smile is beautiful," he says quietly, smiling at me once again. I feel my face heat up. I look down, though I haven't removed my hand from his. Demyx tilts my head back up with his free hand and smiles at me wider than before. It's contagious; I can't help but smile back. He kisses my forehead and takes a hold on the hand that's holding his to my face. "Let's go to lunch." I nod and lean against him as we walk, not even bothering to catch up to Axel and Roxas.