Chapter Two:
"What the hell is this crap?" She screamed with frustration. The rage filled her. She'd already woken up on the wrong side of the bed with PMS and period cramps from hell and now this. She wished she hadn't bothered coming into the office.
In the last year alone her job and the amount and level of stupid she dealt with on a daily basis aged her fifty years. At least that's what it felt like. She lit a cigarette to calm her nerves, but it didn't do much to ease her anxiety.
She summoned Randy Marsh and newly reinstated Police Chief Barbrady to her office as soon as she heard about the incident at the little league game. At first she thought George had lost his mind when he placed the call. She had no idea what he was talking about.
Then the damage reports came in and the barrage of complaints from the local community most of which were from Sheila Broflovski whose son was playing on the field when gum balls started flying.
She angrily flicked through papers and let them have it. "A baseball stadium in ruin, Batdad and several other people in hospital in critical condition, three people dead, four wrecked patrol cars and what the fuck is this I'm hearing about a tank?" Randy sniggered and didn't seem to realise that her rage was also directed at him not just Barbrady.
Barbrady removed his cap and nervously fidgeted with it. She hated it when he did that. She hated treating him like crap. She still blamed herself for firing him twice, both times were on bad advice. The guilt nagged her and she couldn't shake the monkey off her back even though George assured her he'd forgiven her for her part in the mess that lead to his second firing.
"I had to bring out the tank Mary. George explained to the floor. "He wouldn't stand down when I told him to. He fired at us and wrecked the cars."
Her gaze met Randy's. A smug satisfied smile broadened across her former friend's face. She wanted to hurt him. She wanted to make him pay for almost costing her the one good thing she had in her life other than her job.
"What's with the ridiculous get up?" She asked taking note of Randy's stupid costume. You look like an idiot. She thought bitterly. Randy hadn't said anything yet, but she was already boiling with hate.
"Just trying a new look." Randy replied while fingering the shoulder pads on his purple jumpsuit. "Bettering yourself is progressive you know. You should try it some time."
His comment increased her rage. She was already at boiling point and one more remark would send her over the edge. She was well known around town for her temper. After Barbrady returned to the Police Department she reconfigured the ranks and had the officers retrained – all of them, not just George – and the city council was next in the firing line. PC shitheads would be the first thing to go. There were plenty of people in the geology department that could do a better job.
"What's better about killing people, destroying a stadium and the squad cars and embarrassing your son?" Barbrady asked Randy with annoyance. He didn't disguise his hatred towards him.
"How dare you?" Randy clamoured with disgust. He glowered at Barbrady for suggesting such a thing. "My son loves me. I'm an awesome dad."
She suppressed laughter. Ever since he joined the PC chapter and the Ads attacked he became a power hungry asshole whose sole focus was progression and gentrification. He continued to criticise her for abandoning the progressive movement and she knew he resented her position in office when she reinstated her long time secret lover as police chief. She still had his sunglasses in her coat pocket and gave them back after their brodown during which Barbrady put Randy into the dirt.
"If you're such a great father then why does your kid hide his face whenever you do something stupid?" Barbrady fired back. He wished he used his taser instead of his knee.
"He does not. Besides, the only stupid oaf in town is you." Randy retorted feeling angrily insulted.
Barbrady's face went bright red with rage. She had to put a stop to it. She wouldn't have them brawling in her office. "Enough!" Her screeching silenced them for a moment before yelling became gibberish on both sides.
She sighed heavily and put herself between them. She was a black belt in karate and took kick boxing classes twice a week. She could and would use force if necessary. She held Barbrady protectively in her right arm and shoved Randy in the face with her left knocking him to the ground as she did so. "I said enough!"
Her aide Johnson had returned from his coffee run and saw Randy crumpled on the floor wearing a stupid costume. He struggled to maintain balance in his hysteria and almost dropped the trays.
"Drop that and you're dead Johnson!" No one messed with her coffee and lived.
"S-sorry." He was still laughing when he stepped over Randy and somehow managed not to drop the trays.
She sighed with exasperation. She didn't want to look at Randy anymore. "Lock him up George."
Barbrady gleefully rubbed his hands together. "With pleasure."
Stan didn't know what to think. He lay awake and replayed the events at the little league game over and over in his head. What the hell happened? What was up with his dad? Shelly asked their mom what was up his ass when they were on the way home.
He didn't blame his mother for not bailing Randy out. She had every right to be pissed at him because he was pissed at him too. The silence at the dinner table was tense and awkward. He wanted to talk to his mom, but she didn't want to discuss the matter. Cartman's hysteria on the ride home didn't help the situation. His mom silently seethed with rage on the way back.
He dreaded meeting his friends at Chef Gerome McElroy Memorial Park. What was he going to say to them? What was he going to do about Fat Ass if he didn't calm his shit down? His father had made a dramatic transformation overnight and he hadn't been aware of any obvious changes in Randy that would lead him to warn people that he might go rogue or cause damage. His dad was a dumb drunk idiot, but he didn't think he had it in him to intentionally hurt people without the influence of alcohol.
He wondered if this was his dad's true personality and if he hid it behind stupidity and alcoholism as a ruse. He shook his head and sighed with exasperation. The man at the little league game wasn't his father. It didn't sound like Randy, it didn't look like Randy and nothing he did fit Randy's profile. He wasn't that smart and he wasn't that patient. His father spent most of his time spaced out of his mind because he'd had a few too many wine tastings in the middle of the day. Pulling something like this off would take year and cost money his family didn't have.
How did he do it? More importantly, why did he do it? Nothing made sense and he wondered how long this new look and personality would last.
As he struggled to sleep only one question plagued him. Why?
Randy struggled to sleep on the uncomfortable cot in his cell. He spent the last half hour staring Barbrady down. The bumbling oaf the Mayor had the nerve to call a Police Chief was next in his line of fire.
Batdad was a coincidence and he hadn't expected him at the game. He wasn't expecting to reveal the extent of his abilities so soon. It was fortunate that the Denver Dad challenged him to fight because he maintained a vendetta against him as well. A few summers ago Batdad made him feel inferior and this was his chance to get him back and this time Batdad was worse off than he was despite the fact that he was the one sitting in a dingy cell.
He got up and rattled the bars of his cell to attract the attention of a low ranking officer walking by. He was angry at Sharon for not bailing him out. He was angry at her for leaving him to rot in his cell because he had to think about the example he was setting for his children.
"Officer?" Randy shouted at the officer who ignored him the first time.
"What?" The cop tried to look formidable, but he wasn't doing a very good job of it.
"I know my rights." Randy replied while trying to maintain composure.
"Oh, I bet you do." The officer responded sarcastically. "What do you want?"
"Can I have my gum packs please?" His anger flared because asking for the basics was demeaning.
"You mean this?" The officer removed the gum packets from his front pocket and waved them in Randy's face. They were just out of reach.
When his attempts to swipe the gum packets from the officer failed he became bitter. "I know my rights. What am I gonna do with gum?"
The officer groaned and threw the gum packets at Randy's head. He collected them and spent the next several minutes lying on the uncomfortable bed chewing his gum and blowing bubbles much to the annoyance of Sergeant Yates who was seated nearby trying to concentrate on paperwork. A terrible smirk broadened across Randy's face when he realised that there was nothing the Sergeant could do about it.
She moaned as his hands gently caressed her back and explored her body. Their tongues danced in their mouths while she unbuttoned his uniform.
"You're a little frisky tonight Mary." He laughed as he removed her silk blouse and her bra. His squad car was parked by Stark's Pond. It was a clear night with the Milky Way visible overhead. She didn't seem too concerned that anyone could walk by and catch them out. In that moment he was the only one that mattered.
She giggled flirtatiously and kissed his neck. "I thought you could use a little reward for a job well done." After Randy was incarcerated she commended George for his actions and thanked God he didn't actually have to fire the tank.
She stroked his inner thigh and unbuttoned his belt buckle. She was moving in for a kiss when the radio crackled and called all available units back to the station for a code red. She tried to get him to ignore the radio, but it sounded again with more urgency.
"Barbrady!" Sergeant Yates shouted over the radio. "Get your ass back here! We need back up!"
She glowered at the radio with resentment. Why couldn't they just have some time alone without the constant emergencies? George buttoned up his uniform and re-did his belt buckle.
"Hell!" She scrambled around to find her clothes which he'd thrown all over the car when he passionately removed them.
"I don't have lipstick all over me do I?" He asked as he helped her find her bra. It was all over his face and she had a love bite on her neck.
"Goddamnit!" She sighed as she wiped his face clean. "We have to be more careful about this."
It took her a while to notice they were heading in the wrong direction. "You do realise this isn't the way to the station don't you?"
"I'm dropping you off first." Barbrady became over protective. She knew he wouldn't let her assist at the station, but that didn't stop her from trying to talk her way in.
"I can help." She began even though there was no point arguing with him on this.
"You're not a cop." He replied matter-of-factly. "And I'd never forgive myself if anything happened to you."
"You know I can use a gun if I have to." She protested futilely.
"Nuh uh!" Barbrady shook his head. He'd become more assertive since she reinstated him as Police Chief especially when it came to her security. "I'm dropping you off at City Hall and I don't want to see you at the station until we bring this under control."
He pulled to a stop outside her office building and ordered her out.
"George?" She said taken aback. She wasn't used to this side of him, yet she liked seeing him take control.
"Stay inside Mary. I'll call you when it's over."
When he returned to the station he was taken aback by the carnage. He felt the rage that resonated through the room. Marsh was still in the building. He could feel it. He approached Yates and Murphy who crouched behind a desk they were using as a shield.
"What the hell happened?" He asked as he surveyed the damage. Gumballs threatened to engulf the building, desks were cracked and tipped over, shattered glass and paperwork was strewn across the floor. High tech equipment sustained irreparable damage.
"Mayor's gonna pitch a fit when she sees this mess." Murphy added.
"Oh, monkey balls!" Yates clamoured fearfully. "Who's gonna take the flack from her?"
"The silly ninny who gave Randy back his bubblegum that's who." Barbrady said with annoyance.
Policeman Brown was encased in a gumball and rolled to a stop next to his superior officers. His face turned bright red with embarrassment. "A little help if it's not too much to ask... Please?"
"You fucking idiot!" Yates snapped at him. "What did you do it for?"
"He was rambling on about his rights." The panicked officer tried to explain himself. "What was I supposed to do? I didn't wanna get sued."
"We also didn't realise that the bubblegum packs have the same effect as the ones from his keytar." Yates explained.
"The keytar!" Murphy was raving like a lunatic. He wasn't making any sense.
"What are you talking about?" He asked confused.
"The fucking keytar! He's still in the building. He wants his keytar back!" Murphy shouted as he tried to shake sense into Barbrady.
Fear overwhelmed him in that moment. He couldn't let Randy get his hands on that keytar. He had to protect his fellow officers, he had to protect his town, but more than anything he had to protect Mary. That instrument had to stay in the evidence locker.
"Oh, monkey balls!" Yates exclaimed in a voice filled with dread.
Randy danced his way towards the evidence locker. He had plenty of gum sticks left in his pack and threw another at advancing police.
"I've been a baaaad boy!" He announced as he danced around them. Taunting them as he slipped by them with ease. He disarmed one cop and dropped another in a nearby trash can. He smirked at the evidence clerk and demanded his keytar.
"Flank from the left." Barbrady's bombastic voice was hard to ignore. The idiot would be gone soon enough. He would see to it, but first he needed his keytar. It took him months to track that down and he wasn't going to let it go to waste when he could put it to good use.
When the clerk refused his request again he dispatched him easily enough. He put another chewed up piece of gum in the key hole on the evidence locker cage and stood back as the gumball inflated and broke the door off its hinges.
"Felt naked there for a minute." He mumbled to himself as he retrieved it.
When he turned around to leave Barbrady, Yates, Lieutenant Dawson, Mitch and Murphy were poised to shoot him.
Smirking he angled his keytar at the Police Chief who didn't have the right to wear a uniform. "Hey Barbrady?"
"What?" Barbrady replied with annoyance. He exchanged awkward glances with Harrison Yates.
"Whattya say?" His smirk became wider when he realised that it wouldn't be much of a challenge. "Dance fight?"
"I-I" Barbrady nervously looked around for a way out. It was clear he didn't dance.
"DANCE FIGHT!" Randy screamed at Barbrady and played a rock solo on his keytar. A soundwave dispersed the officers and knocked Barbrady off his feet. He collided with the wall behind him.
Randy was focused on the moon walk and danced around the police. He jumped out of the way when Mitch made a grab for his keytar strap.
"Come on Barbrady!" He sneered at the Police Chief. "Surely you know a little dance routine?" He wiggled his pelvis at the police.
Several officers dropped their guard and vomited. "Dude!" Yates was disgusted and felt sick watching Randy.
Barbrady struggled to get up. Once on his feet he managed a few awkward dance moves. It was obvious that he had two left feet.
Randy laughed and angled his keytar at Barbrady. He struck three chords and sent him into the wall behind him knocking him out cold.
"YEAH!" Randy shouted at them. He struck two more chords that dispersed officers in his way and danced towards the window.
"You're under arrest!" Yates shouted at him. "For assault on police officers with a deadly weapon!"
Randy – while perched on the window sill – turned to face them. A terrible smile broadened across his face. "I've been a baaaad boy!"
Moments later he was gone leaving them with the mess and the Mayor's rage to contend with.
Dumbfounded they surveyed the damage. Gum engulfed most of the main office area, the evidence locker was in disarray, several officers required medical treatment for minor injuries, desks were cracked or snapped completely in half, paper, shattered glass and broken computers were strewn all over the floor. It would take weeks and cost money they didn't have in the budget to clean this shit up.
"What the fuck is this shit?" She shouted enraged. She didn't need to ask who was responsible. She already knew the answer. Randy. The bane of her life. She boiled with hate as she waited for an explanation.
"Ah, Mayor?" Yates had a worried look on his face as he pulled her aside and informed her privately on Barbrady's condition.
Her face paled and her heart sank in her stomach. She couldn't lose him. She couldn't be without him. She'd already lost her husband fifteen years earlier and she knew she couldn't take another loss. She asked about an ambulance.
"On its way. The Chief is the main priority." Mitch explained.
Before anyone could tell her more she pushed passed them and rushed to Barbrady's side. She desperately tried to wake him. Her aide Johnson tried to pull her away and console her, but she pushed him away and angrily ordered him to leave her alone. "GEORGE!"
Everything after the paramedics arrived became a blur. She didn't remember going to the hospital with George, she didn't remember being told to wait when he went into surgery. All she remembered was the fear of losing him that crippled her.