Chapter 2
The visitor entered silently, unaware that anyone was even home. He removed his shoes before walking down the hallway, looking for any sign of life in the dark apartment. It was late morning and he had expected the apartment's owner to be home. He turned the corner and walked towards the bedroom. The door was shut, which was a good sign that the owner was actually here. Without knocking, he pushed the door open gently and peered inside. When he saw the lump in the bed he smiled slightly, pushing the door open a little more.
As he stepped inside the room, the light from the window cast a bright beam across the bed and it was within that beam he noticed the second lump. The man froze, his jaw dropping slightly in shock at the sight before him.
The two men lay entwined, the sheets barely covering them. A smaller blond male had his arm wrapped around the writer's chest and his head was tucked beneath his lover's chin. He was lying on his stomach while the writer was on his back. They both seemed to be sleeping quite soundly.
The visitor now felt like an intruder, but it was a feeling he never should have had upon his arrival home after being gone for a month. He could barely contain the anger and his small body trembled from the feelings rushing through him. Never had he expected to come home to find his lover in bed with Seguchi Tohma.
"Yuki! You jerk!" Shuuichi screamed at the top of his lungs.
Eiri jerked awake at that sound. He blinked several times trying to focus on the room around him. He tried to move but found he couldn't because of a weight against his chest. He turned his head just in time to see the pink haired singer flee from the room.
"Shit…" Eiri murmured as he struggled to get out from beneath the blond keyboardist. This sudden movement forced Tohma from his dreams and he sat up groggily as Eiri moved out from beneath the covers. He yawned as he watched Eiri grab his pants, pulling them on quickly as he ran from the bedroom.
The next two sounds were enough to snap Tohma into reality. "Shuuichi!" This was followed by a slammed door. Tohma's eyes widened as he looked around at his surroundings. What had he done? He quickly got out of the bed and grabbed the nearest piece of clothing he could. His own clothes were no where to be found and so the quickest thing he could wrap around himself was a navy blue robe that had to belong to Eiri because of its length.
Tohma timidly peaked out of the bedroom, afraid of what he might see. He was almost hoping for an empty hallway, but his hopes were quickly dashed. Eiri was slumped back against the wall, his hand to his face, a shocked expression clearly written across the handsome features.
"Eiri-san…"
"Not a word, Seguchi…Just…don't speak." Eiri closed his eyes, his head hurt and it wasn't because of the hangover. "What have I done?" He had possibly made the biggest mistake of his life. He hadn't expected the events of the night before to ever take place, and he hadn't expected Shuuichi to return home so soon.
Tohma looked down at the ground miserably. "This isn't your fault Eiri-san…I should have stopped you…"
"No…you can't take the blame for this. It should never have happened, and yet I made it happen."
Tohma shook his head violently as he approached his friend. "You can't blame yourself either! I was fully aware of what was going on…and I didn't stop it. In my head I knew what we were doing was wrong…but…but…" 'But I wanted it so badly that I didn't listen to the alarms going off. I wanted you more then words can say. I have for years.' But he couldn't say that. Tohma wished he could say those words but he knew they would only upset Eiri more.
"I knew too…why didn't I stop?" Eiri's voice choked with the emotion that he had fought to hide for years.
Tohma reached out to touch Eiri's arm, but the writer violently pulled away. Tohma's heart sank as he realized that the events of the night before might have just undid everything that Tohma had worked so hard for. All his years of protecting and caring for the younger man were now washed away. Eiri was hurting and it was all Tohma's fault. He started to back away, wanting to retreat into a quiet place so that he might wallow in the grief that was filling him. "I'm so sorry…I never meant to hurt you…" Tohma whimpered.
Eiri opened his eyes and looked over at his friend, the hand dropping from his face. The look in Tohma's eyes was one that Eiri hadn't seen in years. It was the same look he wore when the event of years passed had occurred. He blamed himself again. "Tohma…wait…" Eiri pushed away from the wall and took a step closer but Tohma fled just as he did so.
Running to the bedroom, Tohma made a beeline for the connecting bathroom. He slammed the door shut and locked it behind him. He wanted to keep the world from seeing him break down. The last thing he wanted was for Eiri to see this weakness. He leaned his back against the door and closed his eyes, praying that Eiri would go in search of Shuuichi and leave him in peace. But he wasn't that lucky.
"Tohma! Come out of there!" Eiri banged on the door and pulled on the knob, hoping that it would open.
"No…I've hurt you. I've done the one thing that could hurt you more then anything else. The one you love…he saw us. And it's my fault…All of it…" His voice shook and the tears came quickly as Tohma sank to the floor. He crawled away from the door and laid his head down on the toilet seat cover. He buried his face in his arms and let the tears fall freely.
"Stop blaming yourself! Damnit Tohma! Don't be so stubborn!" Eiri leaned his forehead against the door. Why was all this happening to him? Why was he so unlucky?
Even the sound of Eiri calling him by his first name didn't ease Tohma's heart. The truth was that he had wanted to sleep with Eiri and even now he didn't regret what had happened and for that he felt terrible. He was truly selfish and he hated himself. "Go after him Eiri-san…just leave me."
"Tohma…" Eiri closed his eyes, his head still against the cool wood of the door. He wasn't sure why he was still standing there. He knew he should go after his pink haired lover before he did something stupid, but he couldn't stand the thought of abandoning Tohma.
"GO!" Tohma shouted angrily. He lifted his head up and stared miserably at the light above him. "Please…please just go…" This came out more as a whimper and he wasn't sure it was even heard. His heart remembered the feeling of Eiri's embrace and the kisses that he had left across his body. He wanted to feel all that again, but he knew that it wasn't to be. Eiri loved someone else and if he didn't go after him…then that person may never forgive him. That was the last thing Tohma wanted because if Shuuichi didn't take Eiri back…then the writer might resent Tohma for the rest of his life. That was the last thing he wanted.
"Don't do anything stupid…okay?" Tohma didn't answer but the hint of concern in his friend's voice touched him. He knew that Eiri cared for him, but he also know that it would never turn into the love that Tohma had always desired. There was no other sound after that and Tohma knew that Eiri had probably gotten dressed and gone after his young lover.
Tohma curled up into a ball on the floor and just stayed there for several minutes, feeling the cool tile against his warm body. He knew he had to leave. He didn't want to be there when Eiri returned. He stood up and looked at his reflection in the mirror. He was a disgrace. His hair was tousled from the events of the night before and his face was red and puffy from the crying. He wasn't sure he had ever looked as bad as he did at that moment.
Leaving the bathroom, Tohma headed out to retrieve his clothing. It was still strewn across the floor by the couch and he made sure to find each piece before walking back to the bedroom. He wanted to leave no evidence at all of their night. He got cleaned up a little and then started to clean the bedroom and the dishes from their dinner and the glasses from their drinking. When he was done the apartment looked like it had before Tohma had arrived the day before.
Placing his hat on his head, he left the apartment, making sure to lock it with the spare key he always had in case Eiri needed it. As he walked out the front door he stopped in his tracks as he saw his wife walking up.
"Good morning Mika-san…" Tohma said hesitantly. He was sure he still didn't look all that great and hoped that she wouldn't comment on it.
"More like afternoon, Tohma. What the hell happened?" Mika put her hands on her hips and glared at her husband.
"I told you. I was coming over here to spend some time with Eiri-san." Tohma started to walk past her. "Your brother is not here right now. He and Shindou-san went out." Before Tohma could get passed Mika grabbed onto his wrist, pulling him to a stop.
"I came looking for you! I hadn't expected you to be out all night."
Tohma kept his eyes turned away from her. He was sure that if she looked at him she would know exactly what had happened. "I'm sorry. I should have called. I had a few drinks and before I knew it I was asleep. Please forgive me Mika-san."
Mika narrowed her eyes, trying to study the face that was still turned away. She released her grip on his wrist and crossed her arms over her chest. It wasn't like Tohma to lie to her, but it was hard to tell if he was lying or not. "Fine. But you better hurry and get to the office. Sakano has been calling non-stop looking for you. He's being rather annoying…more so then normal."
"Alright. I'm going to get changed and then I'll head over there. I'll call and apologize to Sakano-san on the way." Tohma walked the rest of the way to where his car was parked. He felt bad for lying to Mika but he had no choice. How do you put into words: 'I love your brother very much and last night we had passionate sex around his apartment. I have no regrets and I want nothing more then to do it again.' Tohma figured that probably wouldn't go over very well.
Tohma got into his car and drove off, without looking back at his wife. They may have married out of convenience, but it still felt wrong to lie to her. Especially since she knew about his feelings towards Eiri better then anyone. "I'm sorry, Mika-san. I'm very sorry."
Tohma watched the cars driving down the street as he stared out the large window of his office at NG Records. He had gone home and changed and then driven straight here and now the sun was setting low in the distance casting a warm glow across the active city below. Tohma wasn't sure how long he had been standing at the window; he had only been focused on the thoughts running through his mind.
His secretary had signaled that she was leaving for the day many hours before. She had seemed concerned when Tohma had mentioned that he wanted no visitors and no calls today. He had not felt like speaking to anyone, uncertain about what he might say or do in his current state of mind.
Immense guilt was consuming him, but also a desire like none he had ever felt before. Tohma knew he was a selfish man at heart, but never had he let that get the best of him. Not like he had last night. No matter what excuse he came up with, they all seemed weak in his heart. He had wanted to be with Eiri, no matter what happened. And he wanted it even more now. But he couldn't shake off the feelings of remorse for the pain that he had caused the two lovers. This confusing mix of emotions was almost more then Tohma could handle.
The telephone on his desk started to ring and he turned away from the window to glance at the caller ID. It was his wife, but she was the last person in the world he felt he could talk to right now. He had betrayed her just as he had betrayed his best friend's trust. He wasn't sure he would be able to face her again. The phone stopped ringing finally after ten attempts.
Tohma sat down in the lush leather chair behind his desk. He closed his eyes and was content to just stay there the rest of the night. He wondered if he would be able to ever go home again. Just as he was about to drift into a fitful sleep, the door to his office was harshly slammed open.
Opening his eyes, he met the angry face of Bad Luck's guitarist. "Good evening Nakano-san. Usually people knock before entering their employer's office." Tohma's voice was cold and he tried to give off an impression of anger at being disturbed. But his heart wasn't quite in it, especially since he knew he was about to be verbally abused by the red-haired man before him.
Hiro slammed his fist down onto Tohma's desk. "You asshole! Do you realize what you've done?"
"I assume you are referring to the events of this morning." Tohma wasn't going to beat around the bush. He didn't feel it would help his situation any.
"You're damn right that is what I am referring to! What the hell were you thinking? Can you even imagine what Shuuichi is going through right now?" Hiro was trembling in his anger. Tohma could see it even from across the desk.
Tohma stood up and walked back to the window, staring out it again. "I can assume that Shindou-san is quite upset at me, with good right. But I don't believe my affairs are truly any of your concern."
"None of my concern?! You fuck with me best friend, and you fuck with me!" Hiro stormed over to Tohma and reached out, grabbing onto the front of Tohma's suit roughly. He pulled the executive around so that he was staring him in the eyes.
"If you know what is good for your future Nakano-san, I suggest you unhand me." Tohma glared at the boy before him.
"You sonofabith!" Hiro released Tohma's shirt. He reached back and without thinking, struck his fist hard into Tohma's right cheek.
Tohma stumbled back against the window and leaned against the cool glass, holding his injured cheek with his hand. It stung painfully, but he was glad that the boy had not held back. Tohma knew that he deserved it, even if he wouldn't say it. "Get out."
Hiro stood there with a shocked expression clearly written on his face. He stared down at the hand that had just struck his boss. It was obvious that the action had been so unexpected that Hiro did not know what to do next.
"Get out," Tohma repeated, his eyes boring holes into the boy.
"Seguchi-san…I…Sorry…I didn't…I mean…" Hiro looked at his boss frantically. As angry as he was, he had never meant to harm the man who held the future of his band in his hands. Suddenly the full impact of what he had done crashed down on him and he wanted nothing more then to remove that action from the past.
"Get out." Tohma could say nothing more then that. Even that was growing harder as his cheek started to swell.
Finally Hiro got his wits back and his stare turned colder again. "I'm glad I did it. Even if you kick us out of NG…You deserved it and you know it. I'll never forgive you for hurting Shuichi." Hiro turned and ran from the room.
Tohma watched him leave and then walked to the door, shutting it softly behind him. "I'm sorry…" Tohma whispered as he turned away, walking over to his mini-bar to get some ice for his injury.
Just as he was filling a bag with ice, a knock came at his door. He sighed and continued to fill the bag. He hoped that if he didn't answer the person would just leave. Unfortunately the next sound he heard was the door opening. He didn't turn around, he merely stated from where he was, "I had asked to not be disturbed." Tohma silently wished he had locked the door when he had closed it.
"When have I ever listened to what you say?" A deep and familiar voice said softly.
Tohma's eyes went wide and he spun around. "Eiri-san…" He was the last person Tohma had expected to see in his office.
Eiri shut the door behind him and stuffed his hands in his pant pockets as he walked towards Tohma. "Mika called in a panic. She said you weren't answering your phone." As the writer reached Tohma he stopped and his eyes widened slightly. "What the hell happened to you?" He reached out and gently touched the bruised and swollen cheek of his friend. Worry was etched into the writer's features as he studied the wound.
Tohma flinched slightly. "Nakano-san came to express his displeasure with me." Tohma turned away and continued to prepare the ice. "Shouldn't you be apologizing to Shindou-san or something?"
A hand reached out and took the ice from Tohma's gasp, gently moving him away. Eiri finished what Tohma had started and then brought the ice up to his friend's cheek. "He won't even talk to me. He's over at Hiro's place and that bastard won't even let me in the front door."
Tohma blushed beneath the ice that was being held so carefully to his cheek. He reached up and took the ice from the writer and walked towards the couch, sitting himself down and relaxing back against it with a sigh. The ice was cold and wet against his cheek but it also helped to ease away some of the pain. He felt the couch shift under him and looked over as Eiri sat down next to him.
"Why are you here? Apologizing will mean nothing if he sees you with me again." Tohma didn't want Eiri to leave. His mere presence there was making Tohma feel significantly better and he just wanted to curl up next to the writer. But he knew that wouldn't be good for either of them.
"I told you. Mika was worried." There was a pause and then Eiri looked over at him seriously, "I was worried too. When I got back to the apartment you were gone. No note or anything, and then when Mika called…I was beginning to think the worst."
Tohma smiled, but it was shallow. "Thank you for your worry. But I am fine, you can tell Mika-san that as well."
"Why don't you tell her yourself?" Eiri shifted a little on the couch so that he was facing Tohma. "You aren't fine, Seguchi. You won't even talk to your wife."
"What am I supposed to say? I'm sorry Mika-san…but I slept with your brother." There was more anger in his voice then he had intended when he said this. He sighed and took the ice away from his cheek, as he stared at the floor. "I can't say that…"
"Then I'll say it. You know I'm not afraid to. You can't just lie to her and tell her everything is alright. She'll see right through it." Eiri pulled out his cellular phone and started to dial.
Tohma's eyes flew open wide and he reached out to grab the phone. "Eiri-san! You mustn't! That isn't something that should be said over the phone!" He lunged for the phone, grabbing onto it just as it started to dial. He hung it up quickly and breathed a sigh of relief as the screen went dark again. He put down the phone and looked up at Eiri, whose lap he was now laying across. He blushed brightly and sat up quickly. "I'm sorry…I'll..I'll talk to her I swear."
"When? Don't put this off, it will only make it harder the longer you wait." Eiri didn't look phased even a little by what had just happened. He merely pulled out a cigarette and lighter and stuck the cigarette in his mouth, getting ready to light it.
Tohma reached over and snatched the cigarette out of Eiri's mouth, "Not in my office. I don't need smoke smell embedded in my furniture. And since when are you the one to give me advice?"
Eiri sighed and took the cigarette back. "Fine. But don't change the subject. I'm giving the advice since you seem to be the one having the most difficulty dealing with this. When are you going to tell her?"
"Tonight. I'll go home after work and tell her." Tohma looked away, not wanting to meet Eiri's eyes since he had no intention of actually talking to Mika yet.
"Don't lie to me. If you don't do it by tomorrow morning then I'll do it myself." Eiri stood up and put the lighter back in his pocket. Eiri headed to the door and Tohma stood up, following him to the door.
"Leave Mika-san to me. It is something she should hear from me," Tohma said quietly, not fully sure of whether he would really be able to tell her.
"Fine. But don't think I won't check up on that." Eiri raised a hand briefly in a wave.
Tohma watched Eiri walk down the hallway, lighting his cigarette almost as soon as he was away from the door.