Disclaimer: I own none of either FullMetal Alchemist and the characters involved, nor the song "Hips Don't Lie", and any parties and such associated with it. I do own this random ring with a clock on it. ... I'ono, either.

(Small Edit: I bolded the lyrics. It was bothering me.)

Author's Note: Um... No comment on this one. Really. Though, by saying no comment, I'm, in effect, saying a comment. Still, this one could probably be considered an alternate universe thing, everyone's so out of whack.

Festivities

Lesson Two: Hips

It was that time of year again.

Ling surveyed the crowds in front of him, tapping his foot tirelessly against the golden floor of his throne. Men and women danced, always at a respectful distance, of course, but still… They were dancing. Men were dancing. With her.

They. Were. Dancing. With. Her.

Part of him knew that this was custom. Normal. Accepted. Expected. After all, she wasn't exactly a member of the royal family.

The other part wanted to rip those men to shreds.

And then toss 'em into a pit with Ed (who would have just been insulted about his height) for good measure.

Hell, he'd let Gluttony eat them afterwards, for even better measure.

Somehow, though, that didn't seem quite like it would be appropriate.

Shaking his head, Ling grimaced and whispered something in his royal advisor's ear. The old man nodded and headed off to the musicians, instructing them to begin playing the Royal March.

Standing up, Ling spoke, his loud, clear voice booming through the courtyard.

"Who wants to dance?"

Immediately, almost every girl within earshot began to try to attract him to them. However, his eyes sifted through the crowd, finally picking out the one girl he knew he would want to dance with. The only one he was willing to dance with.

There.

She stood off to the side, her dark eyes downcast. Her hair was loose for once, and he wished longingly that he could play with it, like he would when they were alone.

Ling bowed deeply, every movement graceful, yet gangly, careful, yet careless… He was the embodiment of perfection in men.

At least… He was until he spoke.

"So, Ranny! Wanna boogie?"

The room let out a collective snerk of barely concealed laughter.

Shaking her head morosely, Ranfan looked around at the other girls. "You've many more acceptable choices than me."

Ling shook his head quickly. Sighing, Ranfan smiled wearily and took his hand.

"Bring out the entertainment!" yelled Ling cheerfully. The musicians took their cue and stepped aside, allowing a clearly foreign band to take their place.

"Ladies up in here tonight!

No fighting! No fighting! No fighting!

Shakira, Shakira!

I never really knew that she could dance like this,

She make a man wanna speak Spanish

Como se llama, bonita, mi casa, su casa?"

Ling grinned at the crowd's stricken faces and spun Ranfan into a deep bow, leading her on in one of Amestris' traditional dances. Despite the unfamiliar steps, the young bodyguard managed to keep pace almost gracefully due to her martial arts trainings.

"Oh baby when you talk like that,

You make a woman go mad

So be wise, and keep on

Reading the signs of my body

Oh, I'm on tonight,

You know my hips don't lie and I'm starting to feel it's right

The attraction, the tension,

Don't you see baby this is perfection?"

"Young Master…"

"It's Ling, dammit."

"Young Master…"

"Nice song, huh?"

"… … No."

"Oh. Well, I like it."

Ranfan swallowed almost painfully, before she spoke up again.

"Why would you choose me?"

Ling grinned and grabbed Ranfan's hips, whirling her around and tucking her under his chin. They swayed like that for a few moments, just long enough for Ling to whisper a few words in her ear.

"Come on. You know I'd rather have no one else at my side."

"Hey girl, I can see your body moving,

And it's driving me crazy

And I didn't have the slightest idea, yeah

Until I saw you dancing!

Hey boy, I can see your body moving,

Half-animal, half-man,

I don't, don't really know what I'm doing,

But you seem to have a plan."