Forgetting Queen Susan
Disclaimer: All Characters belong to the C.S. Lewis estate. I'm just borrowing them.
A/N: Thanks to everyone who reviewed; I really do appreciate your views: D. I'm not sure if Peter's part is slightly rambling or not, please let me know and I'll change it. And, as always, review, review, review!
Peter
She thinks I'm insane. She never says it but she doesn't have to. I can see it in her eyes every time she looks at me. I can see the pity in her gaze and it makes me feel sick. Where did the loving sister I used to know go? The one who rightly and justly deserved the title given to her by our sire; Aslan the Lion. What happened to her?
Queen Susan the Gentle. I miss her; I miss the sister I could have shared just about anything with. I missed the person she was when we ruled, the confidence that radiated from her, without being over-powering. Now all she shows me is that one emotion she knows I detest the most. Pity. She knows I hate it, everything it stands for makes me loathe her for feeling it towards me, though I suppose I should be grateful that she still feels something at least.
Queen Susan the Gentle. Hah! Oh, Aslan, if you could see her now, then you might reconsider the title you gave her. Mind you, I hardly deserve mine. But let's not go into that now.
Where is my sister? Who is this bitter stranger in her stead? I want back the woman who had suitors from all over the world clamouring for her affections. Be gone, painted queen who has replaced the sister whom I went to for council.
Tank God for Edmund and Lucy, for without them I would have lost my sanity long ago – either that or I would have found myself doubting my own memories. I have tried to remind Susan who she is and was – I have left subtle hints for her, but either they are too subtle for her to notice or (more likely) she is simply ignoring everything and anything Narnian.
I'd hoped Edmund's suggestion that she enter an archery competition would strike a spark in her. It certainly seemed to be the case when she actually entered and took first place, but all hopes of remembrance were quickly dashed when Lucy told me Susan had locked away the trophy. The news saddened me – was she hoping to lock away that part of herself as well? Up till now there had been slim hopes of Susan – the real Susan – returning to us; but not now – no message had ever been clearer, least not in my mind.
There is no escaping it: - Queen Susan the Gentle was well and truly gone. Perhaps it's time I accepted it, and made Lucy and Ed do the same. Maybe Susan is happy repressing her past – maybe it helps her deal with the anger I know we all feel being expelled from Narnia, by having to 'grow up' once more – even if we're all wiser for it - … and if that is the case then she is much stronger than I could ever be, for if it were me in her place I would be dying inside.